I will not let a nameless stranger break me—not ever.
Once I reach my apartment door, I guide my key inside of the lock and turn it, before slipping into the one-bedroom home. Once again, Holden and I are sharing a room, except it’s in our own place. We have a living room, a dining room, a shared bedroom, and a complete kitchen to call our own.
My mother lifts her head from her needlework on the couch. Wrinkling my nose, I look down at what she’s doing as I make my way toward her.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s Holden’s Christmas stocking,” she explains.
“The one you started when I was pregnant?” I ask.
Her lips press together as her eyes narrow. “How did it go? We’re just not going to talk about it?”
My lips slowly curve up into a smile. “I didn’t get the job,” I say softly. It isn’t a lie, either. I didn’t get the job, at least not the one that I applied for.
“You didn’t? Then why are you smiling?” she asks as she narrows her eyes on me.
Licking my lips, they turn up into an even bigger grin. “I got a better one. I’m going to be Mr. Astor’s personal assistant. I did all the HR paperwork and I start on Monday.”
“You’re going to be Landry’s assistant?” she asks, arching a brow.
She doesn’t look like the happy mother that I expected. Instead, she frowns slightly as she watches me.
“It’s sixty thousand dollars a year,” I explain. “The childcare is only two hundred dollars a month, and that includes meals. Mom, it’s almost too good to be true, but it is, it’s true.”
I’m excited, or at least I was, until my mother’s reaction and now I just feel… deflated.
“Mom?”
She clears her throat, giving me a hesitant smile. “I’m sure it’s going to work out wonderfully,” she offers.
“Mom?” I say, my tone more of a warning.
She shakes her head once. “It’s just. You have no experience as an assistant, not like he would need. Now you’re going to be one to the owner of the company? A huge company? I’m sorry, but you’re young and beautiful, I can’t help but wonder if he has ulterior motives in his reason for hiring you for that particular position.”
“He’s married to your friend. He has grown children. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think he’s doing an old friend a favor and I am not going to question it. Not when I have a mouth to feed and no other prospects.”
My mom reaches out, patting my hand. “Okay, Tenny. Okay.”
I don’t believe her words, except I can’t help that they creep into the back of my head. They sit there, lying in wait, and the rest of the weekend it’s all I can think about.
Even as my mother leaves on Sunday evening, they’re there. Even when I lie in bed, my son in his toddler bed in the corner of the room. They are there, swimming, moving, shifting to the front of my mind, then to the back, then to the front again.
Chapter Six
TENNESSEE
Before my mom left, she had gone and bought a bunch of work clothes for me, without my knowledge, along with actual high-heeled shoes. She told me it was from the money that she’d been saving, that was mine, but I think she bought it with her own.
My mother, she and I are so different. She prefers tight, bright, and flashy, and I am more of a comfortable with a neutral color scheme. Thankfully, she took my personal preferences into consideration, at least with my clothes, my shoes, on the other hand, are a different story.
“Woo wee, girl,” Bethie calls out softly as I make my way toward her counter.
Monday morning. First day on the job. I’m wearing a black pencil skirt, with a tight deep teal blouse, and a snug black cardigan. On my feet, however, are my most subdued new shoes. A pair of hot pink, sky-high heels with rhinestones wrapped around the back of the heel and the actual stems.
My feet are already aching after the several city blocks that I walked to get here, I can’t imagine how they’re going to feel tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter, because the adrenaline flowing through my system is enough to keep the pain at bay.
“I feel like it’s too much,” I admit as I reach her counter.
Bethie shakes her head from side to side as she reaches a paper cup of coffee in my direction. “Nope, it’s fierce and perfect for your new position. This must be Holden?” she asks, dipping her chin to him as I take the cup from her hand.
“It is. Say hello, Holden,” I instruct softly.
Holden lifts up his hand, his palm facing her as he gives her a big toothy grin. “Hi,” he cries out. He hasn’t really learned volume control yet, and I feel my face heat from his sheer volume.
Bethie laughs softly. “He is so sweet,” she gushes as she reaches out and touches her palm to his in a mini-high five.
“Thank you so much for the coffee,” I say. She smiles, flicking her gaze from Holden to mine. “Anytime. You better get him all settled, come see me before you head upstairs?”
Nodding my head, I give her a smile and walk past her desk, toward the back of the hallway. It’s so bright in here that I don’t feel even an ounce of trepidation. Reaching for the door, I hold my key card against the panel and wait to hear the small buzz that unlocks the door.
Tugging it open, I hitch my diaper bag higher on my shoulder as I head toward the daycare front desk. Tawny is standing right at the check-in, where she was when I toured here last week. She greets me with the same bright smile that she did a few days ago.
“Is this him?” she coos.
“It is,” I say softly.
Now that I’m here, now that it’s time, I’m wondering if I really have to leave him here. This is what I wanted. This is what I signed up for, but it’s really here, it’s real and I’m not sure I want it anymore.
I’ve worked for three years for this moment, and now, I don’t want to let him go. Inhaling a deep breath, I take a step forward. Tawny, if she notices my hesitancy, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she starts to talk about all of the things he’ll be doing today.
She shows me where to put his things, and then she guides me into the playroom where the rest of the children are in little groups playing with toys.
“You downloaded the app?” she asks.
Nodding, I lick my lips. The first thing I did was download the parental portal viewing app on my phone. I can check on him every minute of every single day. He wiggles, pointing to the big oversized LEGO blocks and repeats the single word, down, over and over.
Kissing his cheek, I bend slightly, and I let him down. I don’t want to. I don’t want to walk away from him. I want to stand right here and watch him, make sure that he’s safe, that he’s happy.
“If there’s any problem at all, we’ll call you.”
“Right,” I murmur, my eyes never leaving him. He walks over to the blocks, plopping his booty down, and starts to play with a little brown-haired girl.
“It’s hard, right? I remember all too clearly.”
Shifting my gaze over to her, I nod as my eyes fill with unshed tears. “I’ve never…”
My words trail off because I don’t know how to finish the sentence. I don’t like to tell people a lot of my personal business, but it seems like admitting that I’ve never left Holden anywhere but in my mom’s care, seems really, really personal right now.
“You can come down here any time you like during the day. It’s open for you, any time at all.”
Gulping, I take a step backward, then nod. “Okay,” I manage to get out.
I don’t turn my back, I can’t. Instead, I back away, my eyes on Holden the entire time. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t even try to find me. I wonder what he’s going to do when he realizes that I’m gone.
My heart cracks at the thought of him crying out for me. I can’t do it. Once I’m out of his view, Tawny reaches for me, wraps her hand around my arm and gives me a gentle squeeze.
“Any time you want to come down here, even if it is just to wat
ch him. Please, just pop in. He’s going to have fun though, I promise.”
Dipping my chin, I swallow the tears and shake my head. “I know that he will, thank you so much.”
She smiles softly. “I was a single mother, my babies, I had to leave them quite a bit. I remember how hard it was, you don’t ever forget the feeling, not ever.”
My lips turn up into a shaky smile as I nod. “Thank you,” I say through trembling lips. “Thank you.”
She smiles kindly and only then do I turn and leave the room.
I’m only going to be a few floors away, not too far, and close enough to see him on the phone app. I can do this. I will do this. I am going to do this, for him—for us. Lifting the blonde latte to my lips, I take a deep drink as I make my way back toward Bethie’s counter.
Laurent is standing there, leaning forward. I watch as he tucks a piece of Bethie’s hair behind her ear. She’s smiling up at him and my steps falter. I don’t like him, not at all, but she’d just warned me off of him. Biting the inside of my cheek, I get it now. She wants him instead. He’s a player, but she wants him to play her.
“Hey,” I call out as I approach.
Laurent’s head turns to the side and I watch as his eyes drag the length of my body before stopping on my face. “Good morning, Tennessee,” he purrs.
Taking a step backward, I don’t let his reach touch me as he extends his hand. His arm falls to the side and he tilts his head as he watches me. He is looking at me as if he’s trying to figure me out. He won’t. Not in a million years and I’m okay with that because I really don’t want him to.
“I should head upstairs,” I announce.
“Lunch?” Bethie asks, feigning innocence.
Shifting my gaze from Laurent to her, I give her a bright smile. “I’ll try?” I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to lunch with her, not when Holden is this close. Not when I can possibly sneak down to see him instead.
“Okay,” she chirps.
“Thank you for the coffee, I really appreciate it.”
Bethie winks, giving me an even brighter smile as she lifts her hand and waves. Turning my back to them, I walk toward the elevators. There are only two and I wonder why they don’t have more for such a large building?
When the elevator door opens, I step inside. I suck in a deep breath as I push the button. Pressing my lips together, I breathe through my nose as I watch the numbers rise, until I’m at the top of the building.
The doors ding and slowly slide open. My future waits for me, just a few feet away. I take a step, then another and another until I’m in the large open space of Mr. Astor’s floor.
There is a desk in front of his office, it’s occupied now where it wasn’t when I interviewed. A woman who appears a few years older than my mother sits behind the gleaming cherrywood desk.
Slowly, steadily, I make my way toward her. When I stop in front of the cherrywood, she doesn’t even flinch. She doesn’t move. Her eyes are focused on her computer for what feels like a lifetime, then slowly she shifts her gaze toward me.
“May I help you? Are you lost? The mailroom is downstairs, not up,” she practically snaps.
“Ummm.”
LANDRY
“Julie,” I warn when I hear the way she’s talking to Tennessee from across my office. “That’s Tennessee, my new assistant.”
Julie’s spine straightens, it’s visible, she is not happy. I don’t know why she gives a fuck, it’s not like I’m replacing her, I never would. Julie is my right hand, my lifesaver, she’s in it for life here. She makes more money than most of the other employees, she’s a fixture and an asset that I could never get rid of.
Standing from behind my desk, I pray to fuck that my cock stays down as I walk toward Tennessee. Flicking my eyes down the length of her body, I let out a grunt. There is no fucking way I can work closely with her, not without having a permanent goddamn hard-on.
Christ.
If I thought that she was a knockout before, I was mistaken. Her outfit today hugs all of her curves perfectly. Her shoes are about three inches taller than the ones she wore for her interview, and goddamn, she looks like she was carved from stone, fucking perfection. And fucking young.
“Mr. Astor,” she says cheerily.
Her voice, the happiness it holds, it reminds me of her age. She hasn’t lived, yet. She hasn’t felt the disappointments and stresses that life has to offer, yet. I have no doubt that she will, and something about that doesn’t sit well with me.
I don’t want her to be dragged down, just by the way she is looking at me, the way hope is alive in her gaze, she’s far too soft for the world we live in. She is far too young for me, this moment, the look in her eyes, all the proof that I need.
My cock may need the reminder though, because it is willing and ready to teach her everything it knows. I grunt, giving her a frown before I force myself to smile in her direction. She takes a step toward me, her eyes bright, so fucking bright and excited.
Julie clears her throat and the staring contest between us ends. “Julie, this is Tennessee Bradley, my new assistant. She will be helping me with things that you don’t have the time or inclination to do. Hopefully, it will free up some of your workload,” I explain.
Expressionless, Julie watches me. She’s trying to figure out exactly what I’m up to. Good luck to her, because even I haven’t figured it out yet. Ignoring my body’s desire for Tennessee is going to be difficult, but she’s my employee, she’s young, and I need to repeat to myself that she is far too young.
“Nice to meet you, Tennessee,” she says, her voice wary and unsure. I feel the same.
Clearing my throat, I stand to the side, extending my arm toward my office. “I have a few things for you to do this morning. Julie can set you to filing after lunch. I know she always has filing that she needs help with,” I say, giving her a grin.
Julie rolls her eyes. She knows that she does have filing and I know she despises it and often requests a filing clerk just for herself. Tennessee continues to keep her bright smile as she walks toward my office.
Unable to stop myself, I tilt my head to the side at the sight of her gorgeous ass as she walks away from me.
“Landry,” Julie hisses.
With a jerk, I straighten, turning to look over to Julie who has her gaze narrowed and focused on me, her lips pinched together tightly.
“What are you doing?” she snaps.
“She applied for an intern position. I knew she wouldn’t get it. She’s the daughter of a childhood friend of Susan’s. It was a final favor.”
Julie doesn’t say anything right away. She knows that the attorney’s papers were drawn, signed, and delivered. Considering she’s the one who sent the go-ahead to have Susan served.
As my secretary and office manager, she oversees every aspect of my business and personal life. In fact, I think that Julie knows more about me than Susan ever has. She lifts a brow, her eyes focused on me.
“Just… be careful, Landry,” she warns.
Giving her a small smile, I nod my head once, then turn away from her and head into my office where I’ll be as careful as I possibly can. Also, where I know it is going to take all of the restraint in the world to keep from wanting this girl, craving her—taking her.
Chapter Seven
TENNESSEE
Mr. Astor walks past me as he makes his way toward his desk. I try really hard not to sniff the air as he breezes past my body. I try really hard and I fail. He smells so good, like cedarwood and something spicy.
Crossing my legs, I squeeze my thighs together as I wonder why I feel this attraction toward him. It’s weird, I don’t understand it at all. Not only have I not felt attraction toward a man in years, but why would I feel it for someone who is his age?
It must be that whole daddy issue thing. I don’t know my father, never have. So maybe because this is someone in a position of power, someone who I can look up to, I have an attraction toward him?
But if
that’s the case, wouldn’t I have felt anything over the dozens of male professors I’ve had throughout the years?
I’ve never felt anything for any of them, for any man, not until I walked into this office last week and laid eyes on Landry Astor. Even his name sends a thrill of desire up my spine. It’s hot, just like he is.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I wonder if he looks as good as I think he does beneath his clothes or if I would be greatly disappointed? I’m never going to find out, it’s silly to even think the thoughts, it feels wrong, forbidden—taboo.
“Here, I have an iPad for you and a new laptop will be arriving today. Also, this is your phone.”
He slides the items across the desk. I stand and make my way toward them, taking them in my hands before I turn and walk back over to the chair. Sinking down in the seat, I look at the brand new, in the box, Apple devices.
Lifting my eyes, I blink, then shake my head. “These are new,” I whisper.
His lips turn up into a small smile. “They are. So is the MacBook. As my assistant, I need you to be available at all times. I also need you to be able to have access to my calendar. This way, I know that you have the tools I need. Now the phone has unlimited data, and if you don’t have internet access at your home, you can just use its hotspot.”
“I have internet,” I say, interrupting him.
His smile widens, my heart hammers against my chest. He’s so handsome. Shifting in my seat, I uncross, and switch legs, crossing them. I don’t miss the way his gaze flicks to my legs, then quickly shifts back up to meet my own.
He clears his throat, shifting in his seat as well. I don’t know if it’s possible, but maybe he’s attracted to me as well? Biting on the inside of my cheek, I try not to think about it. I can’t. He’s married, with children my age. He’s very married and he’s my new boss.
I do not want to jeopardize my position here. This is my shot, my big chance, and no way am I going to screw this up by coming on to my new boss. Not that I would. Honestly, I don’t even think I would know how anymore.
Hypocritically Yours: A Standalone Age-Gap Romance Page 5