by Anuj Tiwari
‘Are you okay?’ he asks her again.
‘Yeah, I am fine.’
Ved drives the car and the moment she gets in, she start crying. She was the one who fell in love with a jerk and now she has to face the consequences. She can’t even discuss this with Anushka because she will be asked to come back to Delhi to avoid what she went through earlier.
‘What happened, Angira?’ Ved senses something’s wrong and stops the car.
‘Can you please drop me home and cut the crap,’ Angira says angrily.
She is in a solitary place of hopelessness, of a profound sadness and loss. Everything seems out of reach and she just is; she just exists. She feels a deep ache within that can’t be shared with anyone.
‘What happened?’ he asks as if nothing happened a few minutes ago.
Ved realizes something serious has happened and this realisation is visible on his face. He still believes that he can make everything okay but she has already seen him betraying her.
‘Ved, can you give me your phone?’ she says rudely, looking outside the window.
She can’t even look into his eyes anymore. There are moments when you know the person is guilty but you feel reluctant and avoid looking at them. Regret is the biggest teacher. She will make him regret what he has done.
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Can you please give me your phone?’ she says again, seething with rage.
‘No, first tell me what happened,’ Ved still tries to normalize the situation.
‘Then who was in your car? Tell me,’ she shouts.
‘Angira, calm down. We are on the road. Why are you making a scene over here?’ he tries to placate her.
‘Who was in the car?’ she repeats, coming close to him like she is about to slap him.
‘Nobody was there, Angira. Please listen to me. Let’s go home and then we can talk,’ Ved repeats.
He feels helpless. Angira walks out of the car and slams the door.
‘Ved, I am not a roadside bitch. Never show me your face again. I am a Punjabi girl and I’ll fuck you for your deeds, okay,’ Angira kicks the car.
Ved tries to stop her, but she isn’t in the mood to listen to anything. She calls Anushka and tells her that Ved is drunk and cannot drive her home. Then she switches off her phone and takes an autorickshaw home.
It’s early morning. Birds aren’t chattering and the sun hasn’t shown itself yet when Anushka leaves for Delhi.
After months Angira has woken up so early without an alarm. She feels numb and a strange unease has engulfed her. She comes out of her room and opens the window. She still feels suffocated. The air is heavy with gloom. She finds it difficult to breathe.
But why did he do something like this to me?
Was he with Charu? she starts thinking of every possibility.
Is this true?
Was it Charu in the car?
Angira goes into Charu’s room, but she is fast asleep. She takes her cellphone and tries a few patterns to unlock her phone. She’s successful in unlocking it, but she finds nothing related to Ved. Just a few old WhatsApp messages about her birthday.
She decides to confront Ved about his actions last night.
Is this the only way to know the truth about him? Or is there another way to find out who the girl is and ask her the truth?
She opens her Facebook account and searches for Ved’s profile to check comments or likes on his photographs. Maybe she can get to know who that girl might be. She is not able to find anything and when she tries to find other pictures of Ved, she realizes that he has blocked her.
What the fuck has this bastard done?
She knows the username and password of Anushka’s Facebook account. Everything is fair when you are in deep trouble. She logs in and goes through each and every picture that Ved has posted. It is almost impossible to check every profile of those who have liked and commented on his posts and pictures as there are thousands of them. Ved has numerous friends because of his game.
The gamer. The bastard. The cheater.
Is this love? Do I deserve this? Why the hell did I trust him? He just sleeps with every girl and spends his nights fucking around.
Before she does anything, she wants to call Ved and ask him why he cheated on her but his number is unavailable.
Has he blocked my number? she thinks and dials his number again but nothing changes. Then she realizes that either Ved must have left for Kolkata for his team selection process or he has blocked her.
Has he really gone for a stupid team selection process or to fuck around with more girls?
An intense pain and fear fills her as she is not ready to accept that Ved has cheated on her and left her all alone. There are pop ups of unread emails from last night on her phone. She opens her Gmail account and her eyes directly go to the email that Ved sent three hours after their fight.
She opens the email and starts reading. It says:
Hi Angira,
Please read this email patiently. I know, it’s cowardly of me to send you an email rather than calling or meeting you to say what I have wanted to say since the last few days.
You are the kind of girl that any guy would go for, but I want to say something that I have felt over the last few months with you. You loved me truly and I always tried to love you back, but I just enjoyed your presence when you were physically close to me. Physical closeness is important in any relationship and you were the best at it, but I always felt the need to be alone after coming close physically rather than holding you in my arms and felt guilty having you around for just this purpose.
Angira, I may look happy but I am not really happy within. I have a family that is suffering. I have to do something for them. I know you won’t forgive me for this, but our relationship was just an infatuation.
What if we wouldn’t find happiness after years of being together?
I wanted to share lots of things with you but every time things happened and we just ended up getting physically intimate. The nights we spent together left me deeply unhappy because I have someone else in my life. I know this will hurt you and it hurts me to even say it, but it’s better to make things clear.
I had told you about my previous relationship. She was my best friend. We became close again and realized that we still loved each other. I haven’t cheated on you. Trust me, I was in love with you. I always pushed this relationship towards a good future, but now I find it is a hopeless cause.
I don’t blame you in any manner and consider myself the culprit. I did try my best to love you but failed.
I respect that you have changed a lot for me. But we can’t be with each other because I can’t play with your feelings. I can only request you to go away from my life. There are some things I want to do with my life and I don’t want to be distracted.
I know it’s tough for you, please know that it’s not easy for me either. But we need to accept that we can’t be with each other. We follow different religions and it is something your family won’t agree with. So rather than crying later, let’s accept this fact today.
I am leaving for Kolkata in the morning. I’m very close to fulfilling my dream and I hope things will turn out okay after this.
Take care of yourself. You are a nice girl; you will get many great guys in the future.
Please don’t contact me in any way. I have blocked you from everywhere: WhatsApp, Facebook and everywhere else. There is no future for us. We need to accept that.
Good luck to you.
Warm regards,
Ved Gulati
Angira is in tears. She doesn’t know what to do now or how to react to this. She wants to call Ved and beg him not to leave her when everything around seems to be collapsing. Life comes full circle, as everything she faced in the past when her ex guy left her is happening to her all over again.
She dials his number but he is not reachable. Her lips are quivering as she feels numbness take over her body. She starts crying in her room and screams till her lu
ngs hurt. She kneels on the floor and pleads, ‘Please don’t go away, please…I love you truly. Please don’t go away…How can you do this to me?’
There is no one in the room to listen to her cries. She tries some numbers but nobody answers her calls. She holds both her hands as if in prayer and bangs her own head on the side of the bed.
Why? I never did anything wrong to anybody, then why am I suffering?
She cries uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face. Angira is beyond repair as her heart is breaking for the second time.
She dials Arjun’s number and then stops. What will she tell him? He doesn’t know anything about them. She decides against calling him.
She assumed that Charu was the culprit, but after reading the email it is clear that Charu was not with him. Then who was?
The birds are chattering now and the sun has risen but everything is gloomy in her life now. She cries for so long that she doesn’t realize when she falls asleep. She wakes up after an hour and goes downstairs to get a cigarette. She gave up the things Ved did not like about her. Today she needs something to bust her stress.
There Can Never Be Another You
Angira has known that the first love is always about emotions and feelings. The second love is about maturity, and if love is found a third time, it is about compromises. Falling in love felt right to her, but it was a mistake she made twice and has to suffer for it. She has been lying in bed since morning. Charu tries to wake her up but she looks unwell, so she lets her sleep.
It is 8.15 p.m. when Angira wakes up. She feels the darkness around her and fears that it will soon swallow her. Sitting with her head buried in her hands, she rocks back and forth, sobbing inconsolably. She wraps her arms tightly around herself in a hug, hoping to comfort herself and puts her head on her knees. Her cheeks are stained with the endless stream of tears. She closes her eyes tightly and feels as if she’s choking.
Standing at the window of her room, she remembers everything and lights the last cigarette.
‘Angira, what the hell are you doing? Are you smoking?’ Charu takes the cigarette from her hand and throws it out the balcony.
‘You had quit, right?’ Charu is seeing her smoking after many years. She senses that something is wrong.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asks.
Angira hugs her tightly and starts crying.
‘Don’t cry…don’t cry. What is it? I am here, tell me what happened,’ she hugs her tightly and pats her back.
‘I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m really sorry,’ Angira begs her.
‘That’s okay. But what happened, baby?’
She holds her chin, pulls it up a bit and looks into her bloodshot eyes. Charu asks her again and Angira tells her everything that happened since yesterday, including the email she read this morning. Charu calls Ved from her phone but it’s still unreachable.
‘I can’t live without him. What did I do wrong? I can’t live like this, please…’ Angira cries her heart out. ‘I will change myself if I have to. I was going to tell Anushka about him and…’
‘You have to get a grip over yourself. He is not worth it. If he behaves like this, he is not the right guy for you. Why punish yourself ? You have to come out of it, Angira. Everything will be fine, don’t worry. Don’t cry, my bachcha.’
Charu hugs her tightly in her arms and consoles her. She is the source of courage and support when Angira is completely shattered.
They both sit on the sofa. Charu hugs her and wipes her tears. Angira doesn’t say a word. She releases herself from the hug and looks around. Every little place in the apartment has a memory of Ved that hurts her even more.
Charu makes her rest for some time. Without it, Angira might fall ill.
After an hour Charu comes in her room. She is still trying Ved’s number to clear things out between them. She cannot believe that a guy like Ved can do this to Angira. He is just like all the other guys who go away, leaving someone behind with a broken heart.
‘Angira, let’s go and have dinner,’ Charu insists.
‘You eat. I am not hungry. I will eat after some time,’ Angira says, ending the conversation.
She checks his WhatsApp profile and finds a display picture of him in Kolkata. She blocks him on WhatsApp.
‘Angira, don’t behave like this. You’re the one who says that things change with time, even people do. So just forget whatever happened. You left everything you thought he won’t like, but now you have started smoking. Are you not being selfish? Do you know how much Aunty and Anushka suffered because of you?’ Charu tries to reason with her.
‘Charu, can we talk sometime later? I really don’t want to talk right now,’ Angira gets up and goes to the other room, closing the door behind her.
‘And what is this?’ Charu shows her the packet of condoms that she found yesterday while putting her bag inside the cupboard.
She stops, suddenly realizing that she shouldn’t interfere too much in Angira’s personal life. But Charu also knows that it is a serious matter and she has to do something about it.
‘Angira, did you tell Anushka about it?’ Charu knocks the door and opens it.
Angira is frustrated that Charu won’t stop talking.
‘Please shut the fuck up! I am not hungry, why don’t you understand? If you are hungry then go eat, but leave me alone for some time please,’ Angira shouts at her.
Throwing herself on the bed she puts a pillow on her head.
Charu angrily shuts the door in the same way Angira did. She is hurt by the way Angira spoke to her.
‘Fine, do whatever you want but remember, whatever you are doing is not right. You won’t accept that you are doing anything wrong because the situation is not in your favour. Just think once before you do something stupid. There are lots of guys around, so it all depends on how you deal with it. There is food in the kitchen, have if you feel like, otherwise leave it for tomorrow. Please inform me beforehand, so I won’t cook for you.’
Charu is aware that Angira is hurting but she is deeply hurt by Angira’s words. She knows that Angira discusses everything with her but recent events have brought a sense of negativity and distance between them. She is concerned about Angira and wants to tell Anushka everything but doesn’t. If they come to know, they won’t trust Angira anymore. Angira has promised her family that she will not create any more problem for them, especially while she is in Mumbai.
Angira has hardly eaten since yesterday and cried throughout the day and the whole night. She has noticed that when Angira gets hungry, she goes to the kitchen in the middle of the night, takes a bite of food, and just chews on it for a long time sitting in the hall. When Charu opens the door of her room, she pretends that she’s asleep and cries as soon as the door closes.
Is this the life I deserve? What did I do wrong in my life? Angira continues to question herself. She keeps checking her phone though there are no calls or messages on it. It seems everything has vanished— her dreams, her happiness, the future she had imagined with Ved. She is not talking to Charu and she has told her that she needs time and does not want anyone to interfere. She has started isolating herself. When her college friends call to know why she is not coming to college, she does not answer their calls. Moreover, Charu has to pretend that Angira has gone back to Delhi for few days and will be back next week. She repeats the same when they call again the next day. Angira looks weak and tired. Initially she ignored people; now people have started ignoring her. Nobody likes to sit with her or talk to her. One can look so different in the matter of a few days, Charu observes. Angira was on medication, but she has stopped taking them now. It seems she is going further into depression.
Angira listens to Arjun and respects his advice. Hoping that he can help her, Charu calls him one evening without telling Angira because she cannot stand Angira’s negativity at home.
‘Hi, who’s this?’ Arjun enquires.
‘Hey Arjun, this is Charu. Where are you?’
‘Hi Charu, ho
w are you? I am in Mumbai. Tell me,’ Arjun says, but he guesses that something serious must’ve happened as Charu has never called him before.
‘Is Ved around?’ Charu asks him.
‘You know him?’ Arjun asks her.
‘Angira told me about him,’ Charu says and asks, ‘Is he there?’
‘No, he has gone to Kolkata,’ he says and enquires, ‘Why? What happened?’
‘Nothing. I want to talk to you.’
‘Yes, what happened? Is everything fine?’
‘No, nothing is fine. Did Angira tell you anything?’
‘No, what happened? She used to send me jokes on WhatsApp, but she has not said anything since the last few days, so I figured she might be busy with work,’ Arjun is perceptive.
The first thought that comes in his mind is that her mom was unwell since last few weeks.
‘Ved cheated on her and now she is not her senses anymore. She is going into depression. She has stopped eating,’ Charu tells him everything she knows and asks him come home and talk to Angira.
Initially, he finds it hard to comprehend as he still doesn’t know much about the equation between Ved and Angira. He is surprised but also hurt that neither Ved nor Angira discussed anything with him. However, this is not the time to react.
‘Where is she now?’ he enquires. ‘Does Anushka know about this?’
‘She is home. She doesn’t know that I have called you. No, Anushka doesn’t know about this. She didn’t tell anybody. She is completely broken right now. If possible, come soon and try to make her understand. She listens to you,’ Charu says.
‘Don’t worry, I will reach there in some time. Just text me the address,’ Arjun says.
It’s 9.30 p.m. and Arjun rushes off in his car. He thinks for a moment. He wants to call Ved but doesn’t because Angira needs him more right now. Though Ved has never wronged Arjun, he is suddenly reminded of the time during their college days when Ved was accused of attempting rape. Arjun connects the dots and vows to make Ved suffer for his mistakes. The guy who used to love her more than anything, left her alone crying all night. Arjun is worried sick about Angira.