Macy’s grip loosened, and one of her arms slipped away. Her palm smoothed down his shoulder to settle over the center of his chest. She curled her fingers, brushing one back and forth over his skin.
He held his breath; would she realize, soon, the way they were touching? Would she fight out of his grasp? She viewed him as her captor, and her feelings on the situation weren’t likely to have changed so suddenly.
“Do you have a family?” she asked softly.
Jax knew what family was, what it meant, but he’d never thought much about it. “I had a mother. I do not know my father’s name, or if he spawned other young.”
“Did your father leave you and your mother?”
“Leave? He was a hunter and would have served our people until his death. I likely swam with him when I was old enough to hunt.”
Her finger stilled. “So…he never knew of you?”
“Why do you sound so sad when you ask that?” Jax glanced down at her; despite the angle, her downturned lips and creased brow were clear.
“You grew up never knowing your father. Haven’t you ever wondered who he was? What it would have been like to be raised by him?”
“I was raised by all the males. That is how I learned to hunt, scavenge, and survive. If my father lived, he took part in it. I see nothing sad in that.”
“And your mother?”
“Females… They have their own matters to attend. I knew her. Our lives rarely met while she lived.”
Macy raised her head and looked up at him. The whites of her eyes had reddened, making her irises brighter in comparison. “I don’t understand. She didn’t raise you? Only the…males? Did you have a home?”
“I remained with her until I could be taught by the hunters. Then, I sheltered in various dens until I was old enough to claim my own. How are human children raised, if our ways are so strange to you?”
“By our mother and father, in one home. We stay until we’re joined…and, a lot of times, even after.”
Jax couldn’t imagine three or four kraken sharing a den; they’d tear one another apart after a few days.
“What do you mean by joined? Join a hunt, or…do you mean mated?”
Macy’s cheeks darkened. She dropped her eyes and pulled her hand away from his chest as though it burned. “Would you… Put me down, please.”
He frowned; she felt so good against him, fit so perfectly. Water sloshed around him as he swam back to the island. Reluctantly, he lowered her onto the ground and released his hold, the tip of a tentacle lingering briefly on at her back.
“Thank you.” She stepped back and tugged the fabric of her covering, pulling it down so it didn’t cling to her body, and crossed her arms over her chest.
“It is the same as mating?” he asked.
“No. I mean…it’s not just sex. When two humans decide they want to join, it usually means…forever. Until one of them dies.”
“Why make such a bond?”
“Why wouldn’t we? If you love someone, and can’t stand the thought of being apart from them…” She paused; her expression became drawn, and when she spoke again, there was sadness in her voice. “Why wouldn’t you join your life with theirs? Why not build a home together, a family?”
It was a concept wholly alien compared to ways of the kraken. Mating had little to do with emotion; the kraken needed to reproduce to survive, and the females would choose the males they thought most likely to father strong children.
His thoughts turned to Macy’s loneliness — to his own loneliness. To the man on the beach, calling Macy’s name.
“I saw a male on the beach yesterday. He was in your boat, calling for you. Are you joined with him?” His chest burned at the thought of her with another male; the feeling was both unfamiliar and startling in its intensity.
Macy met his gaze. She took a step closer, eyes wide and full of hope. “He’s alive? You saw Camrin?”
Her expression strengthened the flaring emotion inside Jax. He remembered the terms for what he felt — possessiveness. Jealousy. He’d never cared about what other kraken had, never felt hurt when females left him for another male. But Macy being mated to Camrin was too much to bear.
And he had to know for sure.
“Are you joined with him?” he repeated.
The light in her eyes dimmed, and she looked away. For a moment, she was silent, staring aside with a deep frown.
“Macy—”
“We were on our way to join.”
Jax clenched his fists, and his entire body tensed. Beneath the water, his tentacles thrashed restlessly. “Until the storm. Until me.”
She looked at him. “Yes.”
Everything inside him halted, and searing heat flooded his veins. Jax had saved her life and taken it in the same action. He’d caused her sorrow, and he was the reason it continued. But he would not relent, could not; she was his, now, just as much as any of the objects he’d found in the sea and brought to this place.
Macy dropped her gaze, fingers restless along the bottom of her covering. “Everyone knew he was going to ask. I knew, too. My mom and dad were hoping for it. We’ve been friends for so long, and he’s always cared about me… He never kept that a secret. He waited, gave me plenty of time, but I think he knew he had to be the one to make the move because I…just couldn’t.”
Jax eased slightly, unclenching his fists.
“He wanted it to be a surprise, so he was taking me somewhere special. A place we could join, become husband and wife, without anyone else around. And I was going to.” Her lip quivered, and a sheen of water filled her eyes. “It was wrong. I should have told him, years ago. He deserved to know. But I felt so guilty, and I didn’t want to break his heart. I thought my feelings would change, that I would grow to love him. I mean…I do love him. As a friend. A brother.”
The water fell from her eyes as she met Jax’s gaze. “I would’ve gone through with it and lived a lie. Now, he probably thinks I’m dead, and…and I… I never told him.”
He considered her words, thrusting aside his own roiling emotions. She was not joined with Camrin. Jax had prevented that from happening when he rescued her.
“Isn’t that better for him?” His voice was cold, even to himself, but it was the only way to keep some distance between them. The only way to fight the urge to take her into another soothing embrace.
He guessed she wouldn’t be so accepting of his touch, now.
Macy flinched. “I…don’t know. I know what it’s like to hold onto something and not let it go. You just…stop living.”
Though he didn’t want to talk about her almost-mate anymore, Jax sensed that Macy needed to. She needed to sort through her feelings.
“You think he will hold on to you that way…and you feel guilt for it?” he asked.
She nodded.
“You are not responsible for what he does with himself, Macy.”
“I will be responsible for his guilt, though. If I’d told him sooner, told him no, we would never have gotten on that boat. If I had told him years ago, he’d probably already have a family of his own by now. But I didn’t. I was too scared, and he’d always been so kind, and after all this time, I felt like…I owed him. And now…now he’ll blame himself for my death.
“If you’d just take me ho—”
He raised a hand, and she snapped her mouth shut.
“There is a rule my people follow; hunters eat first. Do you know why?”
She swallowed and brushed the moisture off her cheeks. “Because without the hunters, there would be no food.”
“Yes.” Something new flared within him — pride. There were fully grown kraken who still didn’t seem to understand the rule. “You have not been feeding yourself, Macy.”
Her brow lowered. “I-I don’t understand.”
Jax brought his fists to his chest and swept them outward, throwing his fingers open. “You give of yourself. To your people, to your parents, to Camrin. You worry for them; you concern yourself wi
th how they will feel. You speak as though you only worked to accomplish what they expected.”
She turned her face away.
He pulled himself up onto the island and approached her. “Look at me, Macy.”
Swallowing again, she obeyed, her lips pressed into a tight line.
“What have you done for yourself? If you do not feed yourself, you will not have anything to give to the others. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Her response sounded forced.
“If I followed the wishes of some of the kraken, my every moment would be spent obtaining food for them. Even some who are capable of hunting for themselves. I would never be able to explore, would never enjoy new places, because there would be nothing left for me. That is like dying inside.
“Let your people think you died in the storm. You already let them kill you within.”
A crease appeared between her brows, and she stood in silence for a time.
“And you?” Macy finally asked, looking at him.
“What of me?”
“How much do you intend to take? I’m your damned prisoner here; it’s not like I have a choice in…feeding myself, or whatever you want to call it. I can’t explore and enjoy new places. I’m trapped here.”
Jax’s nostrils flared; there was still sorrow in her tone, but it was reinforced by an undercurrent of anger. She was right. How could he speak to her of such things when he was the obstacle preventing her from controlling her own life?
I’m trapped here.
Those words echoed in his mind, resonated to his core. He understood her pain — he’d felt it himself, time after time. Since he’d come of age and claimed his den, he had spent his time running from that feeling, seeking his own life, his own places.
He’d told her many times that he’d not risk his people’s safety by letting her return to her home, and he nearly said it again. He clenched his jaw to keep the words from escaping; they’d begun to sound hollow, even to him.
Chapter 7
They spoke little through the rest of the day and into the next morning. Thick, palpable tension filled the air between them. Macy knew Jax wanted to talk, but he’d kept his distance. He’d meant well in his attempts to comfort her; there’d been truth in his words, but hers held truth, too. Guilt was clear in his eyes when he looked at her, and she hardened herself against it. Even if she knew his reasons, even if she understood them, keeping her here wasn’t right.
Still…he’d saved her. He’d saved a human he knew nothing about when he could easily have let her drown.
Despite the words they’d exchanged, Jax had only left Macy when she said she was hungry. With little to occupy her apart from her own thoughts while he was gone, Macy found her eyes wandering to the vegetation on the cliffside repeatedly.
Camrin is alive.
Her heart had soared at the news. He’d be frantic, heartbroken, desperate, but he was alive, and she could find him.
If Macy owed Camrin anything, it was closure. The truth of her feelings would cause him pain, but she couldn’t allow him to spend the rest of his life believing himself responsible for her death, longing for they might’ve had…
She stared at the cliffside until Jax returned. She needed to try — for herself.
There would only be one chance.
Around midday, she crawled out of the shelter and stood up. Jax was drifting in the shadowed water, barely moving, his eyes fixed on nothing.
“Jax?”
He lifted his head and swung his gaze to her.
A pang of guilt constricted Macy’s chest; the eagerness and anticipation in his expression suggested he’d been waiting for her to speak to him for a long while.
“Would you…” She bit her lip and shifted her weight. “I’m hungry.”
He brightened slightly. She couldn’t be sure if it was because she’d spoken, or because she’d given him an excuse to leave this awkward silence behind.
“I will bring you something to eat.”
“Thank you.”
Jax seemed torn as he left, hesitating and glancing over his shoulder.
Fear gripped Macy’s insides; did he suspect her true motive?
His pupils expanded, his siphons widened, and he disappeared under the surface.
Macy held her breath, counting the seconds to ensure he was gone. He hadn’t been gone for long the last two times he’d hunted for her. There was only a tiny window of opportunity.
She used some scraps of cloth to tie her wrapped knife to her thigh and ran across the island, leaping into the pool. The chill only pushed her to the ledge faster. Hauling herself up beside the waterfall, she tipped her head back.
The cliff was higher than anything she’d ever climbed, a sheer wall of rock and vines. This wouldn’t be like climbing a tree. But the vegetation was secure, and this was her only shot. Jax wasn’t going to take her home. If she wanted to ease her loved ones’ grief, to confess everything to Camrin, she had to climb.
Taking a deep breath, she reached up as high as she could and slipped her fingers into the mess of vines, wrapping the loose ends around her hand. She tugged and then leaned back with her full weight.
The vines held.
She released a tremulous breath and jumped, grabbing another handful of vegetation. Pressing her feet to the rock, she found whatever purchase she could with her toes, and climbed. She held her gaze on the top as she moved higher and higher.
Time was limited — Jax could return at any moment — but she kept her pace slow and steady. There were only three possible outcomes for this. He’d come back to find her part way up the cliff, he’d come back and find her missing…
Or he’d find her broken body floating in the pool below.
The thought made her dizzy. She pressed her forehead against the vegetation and closed her eyes.
Focus. Just keep looking up.
Perspiration beaded on her skin, and her muscles screamed with exertion. Long hours of labor in the fields had kept her fit, but she was unused to these motions. She was lifting her own bodyweight each time she moved higher.
By the halfway point, her limbs were trembling, and doubt had infested her mind. She halted, clinging to the cliffside, and forced herself to take deep, even breaths.
Let your people think you died in the storm.
“No.”
You already let them kill you within.
“I didn’t,” she rasped.
Her denial didn’t make Jax’s words less true.
Think of Camrin. Of Aymee. Of mom and dad, and how they must feel. First Sarina, and now me…
But mom has always blamed me for Sarina’s death.
“Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry.” She squeezed the vines, hands aching, and looked up. “Almost there.”
Bracing her feet against the rock, she stretched one arm, reaching high above her head to resume her climb. She’d made it another meter when dead vegetation crumbled beneath her foot; she slipped and clutched the vines desperately. The sweat on her palms made her hands slick.
Macy dropped, stomach lurching, and clawed for a handhold. A scream caught in her throat, frozen by fear.
She came to a jolting halt when she caught a thick, tangled mass of vegetation, and her arm felt as though it would be torn off. She wound the vines around her hands and wrists and closed her eyes, trying to calm her pounding heart and slow her frantic breaths.
It was a close call, but she had to press on, had to fight through her fear. Time was running out.
She moved her feet carefully, securing one before seeking a spot to brace the other. She needed to relieve some of the strain on her arms.
The vines loosened. She slipped a few centimeters.
Her heart stopped.
Jax was uneasy, leaving Macy alone; there was a sinking feeling in his gut, and his throat was tight. He couldn’t shake the sense of blind, nervous anticipation. Something was going to happen.
He kept his hunt short, gathering a few of the hard-she
lled bottom-dwellers scuttling amidst the rocks and vegetation below the tunnel opening. He slid a claw between the armor segments behind their eyes to kill them; their underbellies were unprotected, the meat sweet and easy to access. Hopefully, humans could eat them without getting sick.
Though collecting his prey was a simple task, his hearts were racing by the time he finished. He hurried to the tunnel and dragged himself through rapidly. Perhaps she’d talk to him again, as the food cooked, and he’d be granted another glimpse of the female behind the sorrow and anger.
I am the reason she is sad, the reason she is angry.
The truth was unavoidable. He was keeping Macy against her will. It was just as damaging as her need to give everything to the other humans without leaving anything for herself, if not more so.
Arkon had a word that seemed fitting now; Jax was a hypocrite.
Though he railed against being contained, though he resisted the commands of others and sought his own path, he’d stolen Macy’s freedom without a second thought. What did it matter that she was a human, or that their peoples shared a violent history? She was a thinking being, an emotional being, and seemed to possess many of the same yearnings as Jax himself.
He emerged from the tunnel, lifted his head over the surface, and swam to the island. As he laid the hard-shells on the ground, he glanced at her shelter. Even through her anger, she’d cast appreciative glances at him each time he’d returned with fresh food; he longed to see that expression now.
She wasn’t there.
Jax pulled himself onto the island and moved to its center. She wasn’t looking through the containers, and he didn’t see her in the water. It was only when his hearts resumed their pounding that he heard a rustling of leaves.
He turned to the waterfall just as a small rock fell from the cliffside. It clacked noisily on the ledge and rolled into the water.
Jax tilted his head back. The breath fled his lungs when he saw Macy clutching the vines, halfway up the cliff face.
Surging forward, he plunged into the pool and called her name as soon as he had air enough to make the sound. Though he spent little time outside the water, he knew things worked differently in the air. Things fell differently.
Treasure of the Abyss (The Kraken Book 1) Page 7