I saw that Vicky had cleaned up a little when I got home. The kitchen looked tidy, and she had even washed the plate that had held the cake. I hoped she had taken it with her as a desert for lunch, and not eaten it exclusively for breakfast. I set to work making a good, big breakfast for myself, and ate it while I put my thoughts in order. Once done, I pulled out the notepad and began writing notes on everything I had discovered up to that point.
Josie was interested in delete-man, message on roof, and Sewerbird’s art
Claude Packard told Sewerbird about the delete-man, who then told Josie
Delete-man could be linked to djinn mumbo-jumbo
Josie was seeing a psychiatrist
Claude Packard killed himself
I stared at it for a while, trying to think of anything I missed. With some degree of hesitation I then wrote:
Monika mimicked Josie (????)
Writing it all out made me realise just how little I had actually found out, and how far I had become side-tracked from the question of Josie’s death. I picked up the phone, and dialled Bianca’s number. It rang through to the answering machine and I slammed the phone back down. I picked up the pen and wrote:
Bianca loved Josie
For some reason, writing it down felt like uncovering a truth. I tried to consider it from all angles, to find some logical step between any of the things I had written, and what I was trying to discover. I tore the sheet off the pad and laid it to the side. On a new sheet I wrote:
Why did Josie kill herself?
Who killed Josie?
Despite my efforts to be pragmatic, I began to feel light-headed and emotional, so decided to take a break. I left the notepad and went to the bathroom to attempt shaving. After managing to half-decently shave without scarring myself further, I applied plasters to the wound, and treated my knee with the cream I had bought before slipping the knee support on.
I began to work out, and felt the deterioration in my fitness over the past week immediately. I pushed myself harder than usual to compensate, but my knee stopped me from gaining any sense of completion. I tried putting some pressure on it, but the pain was immediate, and I avoided doing anything to further aggravate it. I pushed and pulled and lifted and held until my body was incapable of doing anything more. Through the tiredness and heat I felt better than I had done in a long time. I stepped into the shower and stayed there for what felt like hours.
I dried off and put some clean clothes on. I settled down again in front of the notepad. Then there was a knock at the door.
Chapter 9
I checked the time—it was nearly midday. As I walked to the door (pleased to notice the pain in my knee was somewhat soothed, and my limp was fading), I tried to think of who would visit me at that time. I hoped it wasn’t Monika.
I opened the door to a tall, imposing man with meticulously trimmed stubble and an expensive haircut. He wore a nice suit informally and stood with the gait and the grin of a salesman or a girl hound.
“Joseph?”
“Yeah.”
He offered his right hand; I offered my left.
“Oh, of course. I forgot, how rude of me.”
“Who are you?”
“You don’t remember me?”
I looked at him. Just before his name sprung to mind he told me.
“Sebastien Baird. I’m Josephine’s brother.”
“Right. I remember.”
“We’ve met once before at her birthday party.”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“So…”
“So, what?”
“Are you in the middle of something?”
“Yeah.”
“I see. Actually I’m here because I wanted to discuss something with you. It’s fairly important.”
“Guess you want to come in then.”
“It would help. Yes.”
I reluctantly moved aside and gestured him in towards the living room. He gazed at the couch for a few seconds before sitting on it, then proceeded to scan the living room thoroughly.
“Oh yes, I forgot. You have a baby, don’t you?”
“No, I just like finger painting and dolls.”
“Ha! Funny.”
“Do you want a beer?”
“It’s fairly early to be drinking, don’t you think? Is that all you have, I suppose you don’t have any juice?”
“I’ve got plenty of juice.”
I poured out a couple of glasses and handed one to him before sitting across from him on a chair. He held the glass with the pads of his fingers, as if it was dirty, and after a small sip put it down on the table softly. He smiled.
“So, Joseph, how are you?”
“I’m doing brilliant.”
“I sense a little sarcasm there. I meant, how are you coping with regards to Josephine’s passing?”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know, hence why I ask. Have you come to terms with it?”
“Is that what you came here to ask?”
“I’m sensing some animosity towards me, Joseph. I just want to assure you I don’t bear you any ill-will.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m being unfair. I’ll wait until you get to the point before I start hating you then.”
“Ha! Come now, Joseph. Don’t be a prickly pear!”
“Prickly pear? No wonder I forgot you.”
“Ha! Very good. May I use your bathroom?”
“It’s that door on the right of the entrance.”
“Wonderful.”
He left for the bathroom and I put the notes I had taken in the morning away, in case he would see them. I got the impression he wasn’t respectful enough to ignore them. He came out of the bathroom brushing himself off as if he had walked through a dust cloud, and sat down with the same tentative nature he had done previously. Every gesture he made was imbued with a sly sense of superior disgust.
“Is your baby asleep?”
“Ok, look. Firstly, she’s not my daughter, she’s my little sister. Secondly, she’s not a baby, she’s ten. Thirdly, she’s in school, otherwise you would still be standing at the door. And lastly, don’t mention her again, for your sake as well as mine, because you’re getting on my nerves, and I know it’s deliberate. Josie told you about her many times I’m sure.”
“Relax! As I said before, I’m not here seeking any sort of confrontation, Joe. Although you’re right, Josephine told me quite a lot about your familial situation, forgive me for not being au fait with every detail.”
“Don’t call me Joe.”
“Oh dear. You really do have a primitive temper, don’t you?”
“I’ve got a good memory, that’s what I’ve got. You’re acting like I forgave you, but I haven’t.”
“Are you honestly telling me that you bear a grudge for an incident that occurred over three years ago?”
“As far as I can tell you’re still the same bastard you was then. So why not?”
He leaned over and took another sip of juice. His hand shook slightly, and I could tell I was beginning to scare him. But he retained his smug expression and superior demeanour.
“Just spit it out, what did you come here for?”
“Well, it’s a rather sensitive issue.”
“Go on.”
“Were you aware that Josephine’s funeral is being held soon?”
“This Sunday. Yeah.”
“I see… Do you know the location?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Ah, I see.”
“What do you see?”
“Well, Joe—sorry, Joseph—you see, the funeral will be predominantly a family affair.”
“So I heard.”
“It’s mainly for those who were the closest to Josephine.”
“Of course.”
“It’s a very important ceremony for a lot of us, and it’s imperative that it goes well.”
“Sure, I totally understand. So you came by to invite me.”
“Ha! Well done. I sim
ply came by to ensure that we were all on the same page.”
“Yeah.”
“So, you understand then, that you’re not to attend. Neither the service nor the burial. You can assure me of that?”
“I’m not assuring you of anything.”
“I’m sorry?”
“If I wake up on Sunday and I feel like coming, then I’m gonna come. And how fucking arrogant of you to tell me I wasn’t close to Josie. You’re an idiot.”
“Oh dear. Somehow I predicted you would make this unnecessarily difficult.”
He closed his eyes and rubbed his brow theatrically, sighing and shaking his head as if I were an unruly child and he the headmaster.
“Let me speak frankly with you, Joseph. Man to man.”
“Sure. I’m all ears, Seb.”
“Ha! Indeed. Seriously though, I want to confide something, that I think will help you understand.”
“Please, help me understand.”
“You see, Joseph, I know my status impresses you, deep down. But I was not always as respected as I am now. I run an incredibly lucrative business that has been an emblem of our family for generations. I take an active part in local politics, and along with other youthful, driven members of our institution we’re hoping to make a positive difference to this country. I’m also married to a woman of equally pure and respected lineage. I am proud to say now, that I’m an extremely integral and important member of our family, which has an incredible amount of heritage and influence. Ours is a family which prides itself on producing and associating with the very cream of the crop in every aspect of society.”
“I’m very happy for you. Do you want me to clap?”
“Please Joseph. I’m trying to explain something.”
“Go on.”
“Well, even though I can say with pride that I’ve earned my position. I, too, experienced some lapses in judgment. You see—and it’s actually rather funny now, looking back—when I was about twenty, I was a fairly naïve and rebellious young man. For a brief period—and I’m sure you’ll find some amusement in this—I developed a certain… fascination with black girls.”
He opened his hands and looked at me, waiting for my reaction.
“So?”
“Well, I developed a fascination with one black girl in particular, and this lasted for far too long, almost a year. But you see, Joseph, it was an irrational and temporal thing. When you live, as I did, and indeed still do, amongst people of the highest calibre and values, the alternative is sometimes alluring; simply because it is the alternative.”
I took a sip of juice. I felt a little tired. Listening to him talk was like a late-night news hour.
“Do you understand how this is pertinent to the present situation? How it reflects the situation now?”
“Sure.”
“Josephine was just like me. We’re cut from the same cloth. I’m sure you learnt a lot from her, and that she had a fun time with you. Ultimately, however, she was a member of our family, and her future as an enterprising, important person was inevitable. I sincerely hope you understand that your relationship was simply a product of her coming to terms with that. Four years is a long time, longer than my own misjudgements, but then again, Josephine was always a lot more esoteric than I. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t deny that at the time she was intrigued by you, but it would be remiss of me to let you misconstrue that.”
He took a brief sip of juice and sat back unanimously; pleased with his own eloquence and high from the sound of his own voice. I suppressed the urge to pick up the weight by my side and pummel him with it, to smash my glass on the table and stab him with it. I thought about opening the balcony door, then dragging him over the side.
“One thing though, Seb. Josephine was never going back to your family. She hated all of you as much as I do. Unlike the black girl you dated, I didn’t dump Josie, and I wasn’t going to either.”
The smugness in his face seeped away as he processed what I had said.
“What made you assume that she dumped me?”
“It’s pretty obvious. You fell for a black girl, your family disowned you, and when she ended it you pretended you didn’t like black girls anymore to get back in with the family. That’s probably why you’re so fanatical about ‘the family’ now.”
“Ha! You’re cunning, Joe. But completely wrong.”
“No, I’m pretty sure. I wouldn’t be surprised if you still think about black girls when you try to have sex with your wife. Josie told me what a pain your family are, and I saw it for myself, remember?”
“I suppose you’re just not smart enough to understand anything I’ve just said.”
“I’m smart enough to see it for the big stream of crap that it is. The only reason you’re so tight knit with your family and have such an elite lifestyle is that you realised you couldn’t function anywhere else for more than ten minutes. You’d get eaten alive in the real world, so would the rest of your family. You tried it and failed already. You know it, Josephine knows it, and I know it. The big difference is Josie was capable of breaking away.”
“Ha! Come now, Joe. That’s fairly ridiculous, don’t you think? That Josephine would choose a dysfunctional, baggage-ridden life with you, than all the freedom and opportunity she would gain from us? Yes, I’m sure she found it beguiling and challenging, and she no doubt impressed you and was successful in her endeavours—it’s in her genes. But it was no more than a holiday. Time spent in a quaint situation with a quaint person in order to enrich oneself.”
“Is it cheating if you think about someone else in bed? I’ll ask your wife at the funeral perhaps.”
Sebastien rubbed his brow again. Less theatrically and more flustered this time.
“I suppose it is cheating though if you still love someone else. Watch out you don’t scream the wrong name.”
He glared at me from under his hand. I was flustered myself, but far better at hiding it.
“Shall I tell you what the grand irony of this is, Joseph?”
“Go on, Shaft.”
“I’m the one who is the most lenient to you, in my family. You’re in a very very dangerous position, Joseph. There are powerful and influential people who believe that Josephine’s death wasn’t suicide.”
“I happen to be one of those powerful and influential people.”
“With your brutal, dysfunctional, common, belligerent and working class character, you are so obviously the criminal type. The kind of person who can’t help but destroy things of beauty. An irrational, unreasonable thug. You, dear boy, are the problem with this country.”
“Are you flirting with me?”
“And the only reason I maintain that you are incapable of her murder, is that you’re also far too stupid and incapable of making it look like suicide. You would be the kind of murderer who leaves fingerprints and blood everywhere. Who would murder someone over a stupid argument and not think it through. I doubt there is any structure at all in that Neanderthal mind of yours.”
I smiled at him. He was red in the face and pointing.
“Will there be snacks at the funeral? Sausages on sticks? Or is that too low-brow?”
“I can see, though, that you did kill her. In a sense, the worst kind of murder. She might have done it herself, but living with such an ugly, mutated monster like you would drive even the most amiable of people to that. We know more about you than you think. Watch your back, Joseph. Watch your back.”
“Are you finished?”
“Evidently not.”
“Don’t start throwing accusations around. I’m making a list, and your family right now is top of it. You’re the one who has something to prove, not me.”
“Ha! That’s preposterous!”
“Is it? I saw for myself how much your family couldn’t handle the idea she was seeing a ‘mutated monster’ who has a baby daughter—apparently. Maybe the society gossip got a bit too much for you.”
“Indeed, indeed. But you’re the one our hatred is
directed towards. Not Josephine.”
“But she was the one arrested for protesting. Anti-fur, anti-hunting, pro workers’ rights, and wasn’t she in a lesbian relationship before me? Can’t imagine that went down well with your uptight, inbred circle.”
“Very smart, Joe. I refer you back to my own story of childish divergence.”
“No, it’s a bit more than that though. Your family isn’t exactly the most spotless, is it?”
“Be careful, Joseph.”
“How many allegations have been made against you? Corruption, bribery, sleaze, exploitation, nepotism, links to all kinds of bad people. Josie told me quite a lot, too. You should remember that. Maybe you were all getting a little worried that she knew a little too much. She could have torn your family to shreds.”
“Ridiculous.”
“She was going to. Maybe she’d already started.”
“Enough.”
“Must be very scary for you when someone can’t be bought.”
Sebastien stuttered a bit and gave up with a sigh. Whether I had touched a sore spot, or he had simply had run out of steam, I couldn’t tell. I had surprised myself with the logic of my accusation, it was something I hadn’t considered previously, but seemed utterly plausible.
“Joseph, I came here to discuss a simple matter with you in a mature and honest manner. It would have been nice to resolve this as adults, but I obviously over-estimated you. I would advise you to be very cautious with your words. I can see them for the angry and uninformed accusations of someone who doesn’t understand what they are talking about. Others might not be so lenient.”
“Whatever you say, Seb. If your family did have anything to do with Josie’s death, though; I will fucking tear you all to pieces.”
He looked at me, and I caught a glimmer of fear in his eyes.
“Ha! You’re a funny little man. Well, this has taken far longer than I had hoped, and I do have other engagements to attend to. It’s a shame we’ve reached this point, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Allow me to be frank; you have obvious needs, and I have obvious resources. How about in exchange for a simple promise—and I would need a signed agreement—that you will refrain from crashing the funeral, I give you a healthy sum? Think about it, I’m sure it would make this Christmas a happy one for your little sister.”
Delete-Man: A Psychological Thriller Page 9