I’ve always thought of you as my brother. You’ve all been that to me, and not just because I married one of you. I cherish your unique perspective on life and how you face it head on. Mostly, I admire how fearless you are. I’ve never seen you worry or scared, just entirely brave and ready to take on the world.
Your only weakness is your love for one girl, and that’s the best weakness there is. I have no doubt you and Ivy will find your way. Someday, you’ll start your forever, and it’s going to be spectacular — one for the books.
Just remember to always be fearless, and to face your challenges head on, even when it comes to her. Fiercely protect what you have like you do everything else you hold close. Let that determination and desire for the next thrill fill your relationship. That’s how you will always find each other.
Remember, no matter the challenges before you, you, Dace, can move mountains. Be fearless as you do it, and you’ll always get exactly where you are supposed to be.
Don’t forget to enjoy the ride, dear brother. We only get one chance at this, make it unforgettable.
I imagine you’re rolling your eyes and shaking your head at this… Get over yourself, boyo!
I love you dearly, and can’t wait to see the life you make for yourself and that special girl…
With all my heart…
Love, Cass
Dear Liam…
I love how you always know just what I need, when I need it. You are a gift, a treasure, and I’ll always cherish you.
It’s your favorite day, Fourth of July. I imagine you’re all gathering at the rooftop, making ice cream (I hope it’s strawberry) and waiting for the sky to sparkle. This day, each year, is among my fondest memories. Mostly because of you.
I see that same excitement in our daughter when the sky lights up and goes for miles. You share something so special. It’s a tradition I’ll miss, but hope you’ll continue to cling to. Some things may be different now, but there’s so much that can stay the same, and I hope it does.
We’ve built so many incredible memories, talk about them. They are what make the time apart more bearable. They’re how you’ll know I’m there with you always. If not for yourself, please do it for our girl. Help her remember how much we loved to celebrate this day and everything important in it.
This is a special day. Enjoy it. Love it for all the reasons you always have. I’m never far, Liam. You’re always in my heart, and I in yours.
I’ll love you forever…
Love, Cass
My sweet Reagan…
Tonight is the night the sky sparkles! My favorite part of this day each year is watching you and daddy get so excited. You are two peas in a pod. That means you two are just alike.
I know it’s another special day without me, and that might be hard for you, honey. Just think of all the special days we did have, and I think it will make things easier. We are so lucky to have all those memories. It makes it seem like we’re always together, kiddo.
You know the drill, right? Barbecue, ice cream, counting the boats on the river, and seeing how far the sky goes when all the sparkles fly.
Have a special day and make new memories with daddy and everyone else. Talk about all your favorite things about today and make sure you hug everyone at least once. That’s how we make more memories, sweet girl.
Do you feel that thing in your heart right now? Maybe a little pinch? Maybe a warm twinkle? That’s me, baby. I’m always with you.
Tonight, I’ll watch the sky sparkle too, right along with you…
I love you more than ice cream, to the moon and back…
Love, Mama
- 12 -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
“Oh my God!” I shouted when Liam walked in the bedroom unexpectedly. “Go! Or…turn around!”
Liam stared at me with a puzzled look.
“Turn around!” I shouted, scrambling to grab the scarf on my nightstand.
Liam did as I asked. “Are you okay? What’s going on, Cass?”
I struggled to wrap my head in the scarf, and in the process, knocked everything off my nightstand with one quick sweep of the elbow.
Hearing the commotion, Liam quickly turned back to face me. “Are you okay?”
“Liam!” I shouted again, grabbing a pillow to shield my face. “No, I’m not okay. I mean, yes, but no.”
Liam approached the bed and took a seat next me. “Cass?”
He tried to pull down the pillow. “Stop. Turn the other way.”
“Cassidy,” he pled, “you’re starting to worry me. Do I need to call the nurse or Doc Mendoza?”
“No. Just…turn away, please?” My voice cracked. I was begging.
I felt the bed move and peeked around the pillow to see Liam’s head turned away as he stretched out his legs in front of him and clasped his hands like he was staying. Of course he was. I’d worried him; I wasn’t getting rid of him anytime soon.
I scrambled to sort through the mess I’d made on the floor and found my eyeliner. It would have to do. I unwrapped the mess of a scarf from my head and rewrapped it properly.
“Cass?” Liam began to fidget.
“Don’t look!” I scolded.
Using the camera from my phone stretched in front of me like a mirror, I used the eyeliner to fill in what was left of my eyebrows and line my lids as if that was all it would take to look fresh and new. Just past the arch on the second eyebrow, Liam turned to me, forcing me to rush that final sweep of the liner.
“What are you doing?” He chuckled. “You don’t need to wear makeup around me. In fact, when did you start wearing so much?”
“When I started to look like this,” I said, pointing back at myself. I couldn’t help the tears rimming my lids.
“Like what?”
“Like…like I’m sick.” The tears broke free, and I imagined the eyeliner went with them. “This is where my eyebrows used to be,” I pointed to my brow, “and this is where my lashes used to be long and thick, now both are barely there. And don’t get me started on how pale I am, and the grey hue I’ve gained.”
“Cassy…” There was sympathy in his voice, as he faced me straight on.
“Should I tell you about my hair? I’ve never been a hat person, and now that’s all I wear — a scarf if I’m dressing up.”
Liam reached for me, cradling my face in his hands, letting his thumbs swipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop. “What’s really going on?”
“This,” I said, pointing to my face, “and alllll this,” I swept my hands down the length of me, indicating my whole body.
Liam grabbed my hands and held them in his. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I see is you. Beautiful you.”
“That’s what nice people say to sick people to make them feel better.” I was in full blown tears, followed by sobs. “I’m petty and vain. I’m dying, and I’m upset about eyebrows and boney hips.”
Liam chuckled softly as he took the blanket I’d been holding from my hands and gently wiped away my freshly applied eyebrows. “You don’t need any of this. Besides, the left one was crooked.”
I laughed a snotty, tear-filled laugh and looked up from my hands, meeting his stare.
“I don’t see any of those things, darlin’. I just see you. Beautiful as always, Cassidy.” Liam smiled. “We all do, baby.”
I shook my head in disagreement. If I saw it, surely everyone else had. But when I really took him in and read his expression, I realized he was looking at me as he always had. He didn’t see the barely-there brows or boney hips. He saw me. So, either he was full of crap and I’d always looked this worn down, or he really saw something beautiful despite the brows and hips.
Liam leaned back against the pillows and pulled me into him. I rested my head on his chest and began to cry. This was one of those rare moments where I gave in and felt sorry for myself. And he let me. He knew I needed to let out the bad days with a few tears in order to have the better days. Liam was so
good to me that way.
“You’ll always be beautiful to me, sweetheart. Always.” He kissed the top of my head and that was all I remembered. I’d cried myself right into an unintentional nap. Feeling sorry for myself was exhausting.
I woke up some time later to Felicity sitting in the chair next to my bed, Liam no longer at my side.
“Finally!” she said, jumping from her seat. “It’s time to get you ready! You feel okay?”
“I mean, yeah?” I replied, confused. How long had I been sleeping?
I looked around the room, then back to Felicity. “Why are you here again?” My hand stroked the side of the bed where Liam had been. It was cold. He’d been gone for a while. “Did something happen? Where’s Liam?”
“Liam is busy, just like you’re about to be. Get up, sunshine, it’s your special day! I’ll go let everyone know you’re awake and bring in the team.”
“Everyone? Team? Felicity, seriously, what’s going on? Who are you bringing into my bedroom? Is this a prank? Oh my God, is this one of those lucid dream things?”
Felicity laughed. “Hair and makeup. They’ve been waiting patiently.”
“Hair and what?” I patted my face to make sure I was awake and felt my forehead to find there was no fever. “Oh my God. Did I…die?”
Grabbing my hands, Felicity gently pulled me up from my bed. “You’re fine, and it isn’t a dream. Although, it is pretty dreamy. Just get up. I promise you’ll love this. It’s your special day!”
Before I could protest, there was a swarm of people in my room, surrounding me. Colleen was in the background, arms full of flowers, while someone trailed behind her with arms full of garment bags. I was seated in the middle of my room, no idea where the salon worthy chair came from, while people went to work stroking my face with various brushes and sponges and dragging combs and brushes through what was left of my hair.
I couldn’t say exactly how much time had passed, but it wasn’t long before I was in my bathroom, stripped down to barely anything, stepping into various dresses — the most beautiful dresses I’d seen. Somehow, each fit like a glove. It felt nice to wear something that actually fit me — especially something this glamourous.
“That’s the one,” Colleen said, prompting the small cast of a glam squad to shuffle me back into my room.
My bed was made. There were beautiful new throw pillows and luxe blankets draped from the corner. Floral arrangements filled every worthy surface, along with beautifully lit candles. Even my bedside chair had been replaced with something more regal. Not only had I received a full makeover, but so had my bedroom.
Colleen stood by a full-length mirror that hadn’t been there before. “Come here, sweetheart. Just look at yourself.”
Nervous at first, I followed her instructions and stood before her, staring back at my reflection. What I saw took my breath away. I turned from one side to the other, spun a time or two, taking it all in. I was overwhelmed by what I saw. The clicking behind me brought me back from my brief escape to somewhere where I didn’t look or feel sick.
It was a photographer, capturing my reaction. She asked me to pose here and there. From the chair, to the window, to the edge of my bed, surrounded by the beauty these people, mostly strangers, had showered me with.
Felicity sniffled, and wiped a stray tear. “It’s about time to wrap things up, honey. We need to get you upstairs. Everyone is waiting.”
“Everyone? Waiting for what? I’ll just go get out of this dress, and—”
“Don’t you dare,” Colleen scolded. “You’ll leave that on and get your behind up to the rooftop.”
As everyone filed out of the space, one by one, Felicity extended a hooked arm. “Come with me and find out.”
We rode the elevator to the top of the building while butterflies danced in my belly. I didn’t know what was going on or what I’d done to deserve this, but I was having a hell of a time enjoying it. It felt normal…well, sort of, and I felt normal. It was a nice change from the typical day in and day out of the past handful of months.
When the elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened, everyone quickly moved along and exited. I stepped out alone to the sound of soft music and the light hum of chatter. There were candle lit lanterns hanging from the pergolas and lining the ground with flower petals sprinkled about. It was dreamy. It was moody. It was romantic.
- 13 -
I still do…
“Are you ready?”
I looked up to see Luke standing there, hand extended. “For what? What is all this?”
“This would be your wedding,” Luke said, escorting me to the end of the walkway. “That would be your groom, and I get the pleasure of walking you down the aisle.”
As we turned the corner, there was a long aisle lined with mismatched chairs filled with our family and a few close friends on each side. This certainly wasn’t how I expected my day to end, but it was perfect.
“Did you draw the short straw and get stuck with me?” I teased.
Luke guffawed. “Hardly, I won. We fought over you, and it’s my pleasure.”
“This is pretty impromptu. I gather my parents couldn’t make it? Hence you stepping in?”
Luke laughed. “Nope, they’re up there in the front row somewhere. Your dad lost. Pretty pissed about it at first, but then he went on about how he got to do it first and that’s what mattered.”
I laughed at the scene brewing in my head, until I saw something rather odd. “What’s Dace doing? Is he…the flower girl?”
“That he is. He drew the short straw.” Luke waggled his brow. “He sucks at being a flower girl. He’s just making a mess.”
I couldn’t help but giggle, especially when Dace heard Luke and flipped him the bird. “Why didn’t Reagan do it?”
“She had…other plans. You’ll see.” Luke nodded to his right where Reagan popped out from behind Liam.
She twirled in fluffy pink dress as she held her daddy’s hand, a Hello Kitty pillow tucked under her arm. “What’s with the pillow?”
“She taped the rings to it. Well, the bracelets,” Luke said as we began to walk.
“Bracelets?”
“Just roll with it. She’s five, Cass,” Luke scolded in jest. “It’s not too late, you know.”
“Too late for what?”
“Ditching my nerd bro and marrying me instead,” Luke teased.
Laughter escaped me. These guys always kept it interesting. “Technically, I’m already married to that adorable nerd. But you’d be a close second if I wasn’t already head over heels for your twin.”
“The geeks always win the girl,” he joked.
“You’ll find your special someone, and she’ll be the luckiest girl in the world.” My voice cracked, overcome with emotion from the day my husband quickly threw together and knowing I wouldn’t be there to see the day Luke’s special girl entered his life.
“Hey,” he whispered, “none of that. Today is all about you…and the nerd.”
“I really don’t understand why he did all this. It’s lovely, but I just don’t…”
“He’ll fill you in,” Luke said as we approached the makeshift altar. With a sweet kiss to my hand, Luke passed me along to Liam.
“We were going to do this at ten years, but I didn’t want to wait,” Liam said with a smile.
I knew the real reason — we weren’t going to make it to ten years. My husband was kind and thoughtful, even very romantic at times…like this day.
“You look stunning,” he said.
“Can I say it now, Daddy?” Reagan interrupted.
“Not yet, baby. I’ll tell you when.”
I offered a confused look, and whispered, “When to do what?”
“You’ll see,” Liam said, holding my hands in his.
That’s when I noticed. He had hot pink fingernails. My surprise must have been obvious as he lifted a hand to show me up-close what had been done.
“Your daughter,” he said. “While you were gettin
g ready, she got all of us ready.”
Liam’s brothers all held up their hands, as did both of our fathers. Hot pink fingernails all around.
“Oh my…” I laughed. “They’re so…”
“Fabulous!” Reagan finished for me.
“They are indeed. I bet you had a lot of fun.” I couldn’t stop giggling at the vision that must’ve been.
“We did, Mama. We all made these for you and Daddy!” Reagan held up her Hello Kitty pillow to show me the two very large bracelets she’d taped to it. “The rings!”
“Oh? They’re rings?” I asked.
“Yup!” she deadpanned. “But they’re kind of big, so you can put it on your wrist instead.”
“I think that’s a lovely idea. You did a great job, honey.”
“Oh, I didn’t make them. I was the one in charge.” Reagan didn’t finish her thought, just went back to twirling, enjoying her fluffy dress.
“Yeah,” Declan said. He stood at the head of the altar with Dace and Wylie. “Apparently, when you draw the short straw, you go to work for the squirt. She’s kind of bossy.”
The brothers nodded.
At that very moment, I had no doubt my daughter would be just fine. She had all the men in her life wrapped tightly around her little finger and wasn’t ashamed. Good for her.
“And you three are up here because…”
“There wasn’t time to get a real officiant,” Wylie started. “So, whoever did the quick online certificate to become ordained first got to do it.”
“And you all finished...at the same time?” I asked.
“Not exactly, but everyone kept trying to pull rank,” Wylie explained. “Dec said he was the oldest so it should be him, but I’m the youngest, and it only makes sense if I do it.”
I looked to the front row where Dace stood with his flower basket in his lap. “How’d he end up…with the basket?”
Wylie laughed. “He said since he’s the prettiest, he gets to stand up here, and we decided the prettiest gets to be the flower girl.”
“Was their wrestling involved?” I cringed.
“He lost,” Liam whispered, and we both laughed.
Love, Cass Page 10