I moan and slide down on the bed, pulling him with me so our mouths won't separate. I feel my body tremble as every hard muscle of Jagger's covers me, pinning me between him and the mattress. I realize his muscles aren't all that's hard. My legs open and my knees bend, making room for him, welcoming him like a guest.
I feel safe. Warm. Wanted.
His hands cup my cheeks, and his hips press into me. I don't remember the last time I felt this desired. By Bailey. By anyone.
My breaths come quicker, faster. I'm gasping for air every time his mouth leaves mine and drops to my neck or the spot behind my ear.
Jagger reaches a hand under my neck, and the other slides down my face, my side, down to my hip, then back up. I'm waiting for him to make the next move, for his hand to slip under my shirt or down my pants, for him to start to undress me, for him to move us into the next phase of this intense pleasure, but it isn't happening. He starts the pattern of holding, of grasping, of touching all over again.
Jagger's fingers swirl through my hair and massage my head before he drags his hand down my side again. His thumb barely brushes against the side of my breast on its journey, this time continuing downward until his hand stops on my hip. His fingers grip me, biting through the clothes and holding me tight so I can no longer tilt my hips up to rub against or meet him.
He's controlling this...whatever it is happening between us. He not only rules it, but at the moment me as well. I'm Jagger's to do with what he wants. I just wish he'd do more, take it further.
Normally, even thinking a guy wanted to take charge of me, of a situation like this, I'd be insulted. Indignant. I'm no one's toy. Right now I'm happy to relinquish control and let Jagger lead. So far the ride has been the best of my life.
His mouth moves to my neck and the gruffness of his stubbly shadow scratches against me. I squirm beneath him until he brings his lips to the corners of my mouth. I gasp for breath and hold on tight, hoping to center myself and slow my breathing before the next onslaught of pleasure steals me away. It's no use. Once his mouth seizes mine, I'm lost again.
I don't know how long we continue like this, kissing and groping each other with a fierceness and urgency I've never experienced before. As amazing as it is, I want more. My body aches to feel him, to be filled by him. I slip my hands down his corded back and stop for a moment at the waistband of his shorts.
I think I'm going to explode if he doesn't strip me down and fuck me, Before I can overthink what I'm doing and stop myself, I slip my fingers beneath the band and inch them down. Jagger's hands seize mine and lift them over my head, away from my destination, perking my breasts up so they are on full display. Calling out to him.
He doesn't speak, but the message is received. Jagger doesn't want me taking things into my own hands. He pulls back and looks me over while sucking in a deep breath and then meets my eyes again. I'm surprised by the emotion I find in his. Of all the things I expected to see right now, like passion, lust, or even desire, emotion never made the list.
"Not tonight, sunshine. Not tonight," he brings his mouth to my ear and whispers. His warm breath tickles, sending pulses of pleasure through my body.
A moan escapes my lips. A moan of longing and need.
"Oh, baby, one of these days you're going to moan like that for me, with my name spilling out of your mouth, and it's going to send me over the edge."
"Why not now?" I ask, hoping I can change his mind.
His tongue swirls, making tiny circles between my neck and shoulder, driving me insane. I don't care what he wants to do to me right now, I'll say yes.
"Another time," he says, running his thumb over my bottom lip and lightly pressing the tip into my mouth, where I caress it between the roof of my mouth and my tongue. "I promise."
And then, with one last long look into my eyes, it's over.
"That's it?" I ask, stunned.
I won't admit it, but I'm secretly happy that aside from some hot and heavy kissing, really hot and heavy kissing, Jagger isn't pushing for more. Not that he'd have to push, all he'd have to do is suggest it and I'd agree enthusiastically. Hot and sweaty, Jagger rolls off me, one hand still under my neck.
"For tonight, baby. I probably shouldn't have let things go this far, but damn, tasting that sweet mouth of yours was just too tempting."
I want to pull him back on top of me. His words are doing nothing to cool my overheated body and overactive libido. Maybe I should ignore what he just said and climb on top of him. I doubt he'll complain if I straddle him. And I bet his mind will change in no time with me grinding against him.
I'm too busy thinking instead of acting, and I lose my chance to tempt him further. Jagger pulls his hand out from behind my back and rolls toward the other end of the bed. He's going to get up as if the last few minutes didn't happen. As if my body isn't screaming out for him, isn't craving to feel every inch of him.
I don't want him to leave my side. Something happened when he looked into my eyes. We communicated without words. At least I think we did. Maybe it was something more. A connection woven between us with thick, rich threads. Threads that can't separate or unravel unless they're sliced apart with a sharp blade.
"Don't leave." I stretch my hand out to him.
"I'm just going back to my sleeping bag because if I stay in this bed with you--"
"Please. I like the way I feel wrapped up in your arms."
"Me too," he says, his voice thick with emotion. The same overwhelming emotion I thought I saw in his eyes a few minutes ago. "That's the problem."
"I promise I'll be on my best behavior."
"For the record, guys never want to hear that. We want to hear promises of how naughty and filthy you plan to get," he says, sliding up against me.
I don't know if he can see the smile on my face as I turn onto my side, giving him my back, but it's there, and it's all because of him. Jagger's arms slip under and over my waist, pulling me up against his chest. He's spooning me. It's sweet and decadent at the same time, and I'm amazed at how perfect this feels.
I've been attracted to Jagger since Lexi and I picked him up at the airport, so I'm not surprised his lips hold magic for me. But this simple action...lying with me like this, Bailey hated it. He'd only do it in an attempt to get laid. Only when he thought sex was his reward did he give me what I yearned for.
"You're very quiet, sunshine."
"Why do you call me that? Are you making fun of me because I'm from California?"
"Hell no." He runs a hand over my hair and nibbles on my earlobe, sending shivers through my body yet again. His mouth has me so distracted I forget I asked him a question. "When you walk into a room, the whole place lights up, like someone drew the blinds wide open and lets in the most brilliant, the most dazzling sunlight ever."
His arms pull me tighter against him. He's hugging me from behind, and my arms resting on top of his squeeze back. We spend a few minutes in warm, comfortable silence before he speaks again.
"I'm sorry, I have to ask. Why were you with such a narcissistic prick for so long?"
I wish he didn't bring Bailey up. My ex is my Achilles heel. He knew how to play me, how to manipulate me in ways no one else in my life did. He's my biggest embarrassment and greatest regret.
I wanted so bad to believe in him, in us, that I buried my head in the sand. I didn't want to see it at the time, but the moment he'd told me Talia was pregnant, I realized I’d known he'd been fucking her all along. I just couldn’t, or didn’t want to find physical proof to back up my suspicions.
I understand why Jagger asked. Seeing her bulging belly earlier in the night shouldn't have set me off, but it did. I wanted the storybook ending to my relationship with Bailey, and she ruined it. She stole it away for herself.
It doesn't matter that I never felt the unyielding passion for Bailey I've read about in books. It doesn't matter that he never felt the need to rip my clothes off the second we got home drunk from a party like I'd seen in movies and heard about
firsthand from Lexi. Or that we never had a make-out session that set me ablaze the way the one with Jagger just did. I thought we worked.
"I wanted us to work."
We were friends and we loved each other. We were compatible. He knew all my secrets, and I thought I knew his. We wanted the same things in life, so it seemed, and understood we sometimes had to sacrifice time together to achieve them.
When Bailey couldn't come to Lexi's wedding because he had to go away for work that weekend, I didn't sweat it. When he occasionally didn't show up to special dinners that we planned because a client had a problem that needed his immediate attention, I didn't think twice. Even when we went a full month without having sex at the end, I let him convince me he was just physically exhausted from working so hard.
I'll admit I'd been tempted to stray, to test the waters with Jagger before I knew his mother was marrying my father and that Bailey knocked up that piece of trash that followed him around everywhere. There was a point where Bailey was so preoccupied I don't think he would've noticed. Not even if he came home and found Jagger passed out in our bed. That's how bad things had gotten.
By the time I realized what was right under my nose, it was too late.
Jagger and I were stepsiblings and Bailey had shattered me to bits.
"I thought he loved me." A tear slips out of the corner of my eye when I hear how ridiculous and weak I sound. Did I really let him humiliate me because I needed to feel loved? "Bet that's the most pathetic thing you ever heard."
"Hey, no tears over him," Jagger coos, kissing the top of my head.
"My tears aren't over him. They're over me. I didn't realize it until right now. I'm disappointed in myself that I needed to feel loved so badly I let him hurt me. I'm an idiot."
"C'mon, sunshine. Stop putting the blame on yourself. All you did was trust in the wrong person."
"Yeah." No big deal. Suddenly I wish Jagger's arms weren't around me. I don't think I'll ever let myself love or trust anyone again. Not the way I trusted Bailey. Jagger threatens that resolve. Hell, he threatens any resolve I have. I want to push him away, keep him at a distance, so I don't fall for him any further. As is, I'm already splattered on the pavement. I don't think there's anything left of me for Jagger to break.
"Hey, never doubt yourself. The right guy will appreciate how smart and beautiful you are. And fierce. You are most definitely fierce, with a fire and spirit I've never seen before. At least when you're standing up to me."
"Except when I saw them together, I crumbled at your feet."
"You're not giving yourself enough credit. You didn't crumble, you stumbled. Then you switched gears, pulled yourself together, and made it clear you don't want or need him in your life. And hell, was it sexy to watch." Jagger's tone is firm, yet comforting. "In fact, I thought you handled the whole situation with grace and class. I worried when you were in the bathroom with her that it would lead to an all-out catfight, but when you came out, it didn't look like you even flinched."
"What are you talking about? I was alone in the bathroom."
"Maybe you were busy in a stall when his baby mama came in and didn't realize she was there."
I turn in his arms so that I'm facing him and shake my head back and forth.
"No way. All I did in there was stand at the sink and stare in the mirror, giving myself a pep talk. I would've known if anyone walked through the door."
"Then where the hell did she disappear to? Because she wasn't at the table when you were in there."
"You don't think she could've been the one to slash my tires, do you?"
Jagger rubs his cheek against my hair. "I sincerely hope not. That would mean she's completely unhinged to do that while people were around and anyone could see."
"I don't put it past that bitch!"
"I still think it's a hell of a lot more likely that Bailey did it because seeing us together pissed him off."
"No. It's just not him. Besides, don't you see? I didn't mean that much to him."
"That's not what I saw at all. And it's his loss, baby, not yours." Jagger rests his chin on top of my head and rubs small circles on my back. "Now close those beautiful eyes and get some rest."
I snuggle up in the crook of Jagger's neck, taking every bit of warmth and affection he's offering. I breathe him in, losing myself further to the intimacy of the moment. The scent of pine and the outdoors lingers on his skin. It's the first time I've been this physically close to Jagger, and I'm suddenly overcome with the thirst to know everything about him.
"Were you scared when you were deployed?" I ask.
His whole body goes rigid next to mine as he sucks in a few long, deep breaths. I don't think he's going to answer me as silence wraps around him like a protective barrier. A ball of anxiety grows in my stomach. Did I say something wrong? Why is it okay for him to ask about my relationship with Bailey but wrong for me to ask about his time served?
"There were times I was terrified." The deep timbre of his voice slices through the silence.
My arms tighten around him.
"But those aren't things we should talk about before bed. I wouldn't want to give you nightmares when I promised sweet dreams."
I feel him pulling away emotionally, and I don't like how it feels. He's been so different tonight, so warm and engaged. At times it even looked like he wore his emotions on his sleeve. I've never seen him like this before, like someone I can fall in love with, and now he's shutting down right before my eyes.
I decide not to push him. I like the Jagger I've glimpsed tonight. I want to get to know him better, and I'm afraid if I pursue this, he'll slam the door shut and keep me locked out in the cold.
"I know better than to argue," I start, letting him know he's off the hook. "I understand how seriously you take your promises. But the thing is, I don't remember you making this one."
"That's because I'm making it now. I promise from here on out, if you sleep in my arms, I'll chase away the bogeyman and guarantee you'll have sweet dreams."
"That's a heavy load to carry," I tease.
"Good thing I'm built like steel. Now close those eyes, I don't want to tell you again."
I smile and do as he says. I shouldn't enjoy him being a bossy, controlling ass, but I do. Far more than I'd ever admit to him or anyone else. I start to drift off with thoughts of me and Jagger and that hot, raging kiss.
Maybe this isn't so crazy after all.
*
What the hell? I feel movement next to me and my heart sprints off fifteen feet in front of me. I open my eyes to the dark room and realize I'm not in my bed. The click of a door closing tells me I'm not alone either. Fuck.
My head aches and pounds. I try to sit up, and the room moves around me like I'm the middle of a spin cycle inside a washing machine. What the hell happened?
Drinks. Lots of drinks.
A flood of memories crashes over me. I release the breath caught in the back of my throat as it all comes back to me. Jagger. I'm in Jagger's bed. Alone in Jagger's bed. He must have gone to use the bathroom or get a drink. The movement of him getting up is what stirred me from my sleep.
I touch my pointer and middle fingers to my still-swollen lips as I replay the memories of Jagger's mouth crushing mine. What a night. I don't know what to make of it. There are so many emotions and sensations to muddle through.
I hear Jagger's voice in the other room. It's late for him to have company, isn't it? Maybe he's on the phone with his mother? Oh my God, what if something happened to my father? I jump out of bed and stumble to the door. I pull it open and freeze when I hear the words he's speaking with clarity and close the door so it's only open a crack. This way I can listen without being detected.
"No. Now." There's a short pause before he speaks again. "I don't give a fuck if Noah's right next to you, go find somewhere you can speak in private."
My heart crash-lands at my feet. Lexi. Why the fuck is he calling Lexi in the middle of the night? Okay, middle of the night on
the East Coast, but still, it's got to be close to midnight in California. He speaks again, and these words hurt far more than they should.
"Phone sex, what do you think?"
He lied to me. It's all I can think as I shut the door and stagger back to bed. Why did I open up to him? Why did I let him in? I know better than to trust Jagger. And Lexi? She's supposed to be my best friend.
She's been hiding one hell of a secret acting like a lovesick puppy over Noah while she's screwing around with his friend's brother. All she ever does is complain about how Jagger won't leave her alone, and it's pissing Noah off. She claims Noah is her everything, and she wishes Jagger would go fall off a cliff.
No wonder why. He can torpedo her marriage in the blink of an eye. What did he say when I asked him about her? "It's complicated." Yeah, fucking a married woman usually is complicated.
If only he would've told me the truth. I wouldn't have thrown myself at him. We only shared a few kisses, but still I wouldn't have confessed how much I wanted to kiss him. What a minute ago was a beautiful memory is now tainted and meaningless.
I still can't wrap my head around Jagger and Lexi. Especially not tonight of all nights, when he knew how much seeing Bailey and the bitch got to me. This is why he was able to control himself. He knew he'd be looking for a release with her once I drifted off to sleep.
I know he's not mine, I have no claim on him, but still I thought what we shared tonight was real. Sincere. Instead I feel betrayed.
More so than I felt with Bailey because Jagger saw how much that hurt me. And because like it or not, Jagger and I will be connected for the rest of our lives. So much for Jagger's promises of no regrets and sweet dreams.
If only I had my car here, I'd walk out and leave. But I can't. I'm at his fucking mercy. Sure I could walk out, but I don't much feel like roaming the streets for hours alone in the middle of the night.
Shit head.
I lie down and close my eyes tight, fighting the tears pricking the back of my eyes. I need to pull myself together and find a way to go back to sleep before he gets back in here. If I'm awake he might try to explain, and the last thing I want to hear tonight are more lies, more bullshit spilling from his lips.
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