He allows me to pull him a few feet away before turning his full attention to me and trying to light me up with that megawatt smile of his. The smile he used to get his way with me for years. Little does he know his smile dimmed a long time ago and has no effect on me any longer.
"Wow! You look gorgeous."
"Leave. Now."
Bailey cocks his head to the side and gives me the once over with heat in his eyes. "I miss you, Allie."
"I don't miss you." I poke my finger into his chest. "And I want you to leave."
"Not before we talk," he says, taking my hand and pulling me into him.
"We have nothing to talk about," I push out of his grasp. "Just go away and forget me."
"I can't. I love you, Allie."
"If you really love me, you'll leave."
"How can I leave you?" he asks, cupping my face.
"Touch me again and I'm going to kick you so hard you'll be burping on your balls."
"We need to talk and since your new mama invited me over for dinner, I'm not going anywhere."
"Why? Why would she do that?"
"When I came looking for you earlier, she thought this would be the perfect venue for us to spend some time together. I agreed since you've been ignoring my calls and I can't talk to you any other way."
"Fuck." I wring my hands. Beverly doesn't know. She doesn't have a clue. I need to get Bailey the hell out of here before Jagger arrives. "Look, I'm sorry you wasted your time. She made a mistake. Now turn your sorry ass around and get out of here."
"Seeing you is never a waste of time," he says, extending his hand and stroking my hair while leaning in and whispering in my ear. "Come on, give me another chance."
I don't hear him enter the room. I don't need to. My body is so in tune with Jagger, I feel him. I smell him as the scent of his spicy cologne wafts over to me. To make matters worse, Bailey's looking behind me with a shit-eating grin on his face. Asshole apparently got the effect he was looking for.
I push Bailey away. "I said don't touch me!" Gathering up the courage to face Jagger, I turn slowly.
My heart stutters when I see him standing inside the front door in jeans and a black, short-sleeved button down shirt, holding a bouquet of flowers. His hair is still damp. He must have gone back to his apartment to shower and change. As if I didn't already know how much this meant to him.
A stone cold look masks Jagger's face. His eyes hold no emotion. It's like the warm, loving man I've come to know has disintegrated and this empty vessel has been left in his place. A chill spreads through me when I realize he won't even look at me. He's looking above me, beyond me, but not at me.
"Jagger!" Beverly calls out before I can make a move or say anything. "You're here!"
With Mia in her arms, she has all the excitement of a mother who hasn't seen her son in weeks or months instead of a few hours. Beverly rushes over, places Mia on the ground, and throws her arms around Jagger the way I want to. He doesn't move. He barely acknowledges his mother's presence.
My throat is closing. It's hard to breathe.
Bailey slips his arm around my shoulder and speaks to me, but I'm not listening. I'm paralyzed by Jagger's reaction or lack thereof. My stomach churns. I have no idea how to make this better.
"So, where is she?" Troy teases, joining the welcoming committee. "Did she come to her senses and stand you up?"
"Yeah. Pretty much." Jagger answers, his voice flat.
Tears sting my eyes as I shake my head. No, Jagger, I'm right here. Don't do this.
"Oh fuck. I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean it."
Jagger nods, and for the first time, his eyes meet mine. "What can I say? This whole family thing must've scared her off. I guess the feelings were one-sided."
"No," I whisper. "Bailey, get off me!" I slink away from him.
"Here, Mom," he kisses her on the cheek and hands her the flowers. "These are for you."
Oh. Hell. No! I'm not letting this simmer and burn inside him. He's the best thing to ever happen to me, and I'm not about to let him slip through my fingers. I move to approach Jagger, but Bailey positions himself between us. He's using his body to block me.
"Jagger," I say, clearing my throat. "Can I speak to you in the kitchen?"
"No." His tone is short. Clipped. Something sharp twists in my chest, like a knife through my heart.
"I only need a minute." He ignores me.
"Sorry. If you'll all excuse me, I need to go take care of something." My heart sinks like a lead boulder as he heads toward the guest room. The room he's made his over the last three weeks. The room I won't be able to even look at if he doesn't give me a chance to explain.
"Bailey, get the fuck out of here. Now!" I whisper yell.
"See, I knew you weren't desperate enough to fuck your brother," he says it low enough so I don't think anyone heard him. But instead of hauling my hand back and smacking him across the face, I look around in horror, waiting for the gasps and the chest clutching. No one's flinching. Not one little bit. They didn't hear. Thank God. Maybe Jagger and I still have a chance to come clean with some dignity.
"I'll tell you this, I am glad he was sniffing around you long enough to find out Talia snuck out and slashed your tires. That led to one hell of a confrontation and confession. Turns out the spawn that crazy bitch is carrying isn't even mine."
"The woman you cheated on me with slashed my tires? Are you kidding me?" I'm not even trying to keep my voice down.
"Why do you look surprised? Didn't he tell you? He found out days ago."
"No. I didn't know, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."
"Of course it changes things. Didn't you hear what I said? The kid isn't mine. I broke up with her. Sent her packing."
I can't help myself. I can't just walk away. I'm compelled to engage. The nerve of this piece of shit. Coming here and acting like we can just pick up where we left off and move on.
"So that makes it okay? The fact that you cheated and it wasn't your rocket that caught fire but someone else's, that makes everything better?"
"I'm not saying that. I know I have a lot to make up for. But you know how good we were together." His hands find my hips. "We were perfect. You don't love him. He's your brother for fuck's sake. Now we can pick up the pieces and have it all back."
I shake my head. Bailey's not worth my time. Like Jagger said, not even a minute of it. So why am I wasting it with Bailey when I should be making things right with Jagger?
"No." I don't care that my voice is raised. I don't care that I just caught everyone's attention. Let them look. Let them listen. I don't care as long as Bailey and Jagger hear what I have to say. "We're done. End of story. We both moved on. I'm happy now. Happier than I ever was with you. Beverly made a colossal mistake inviting you here tonight, so please, leave. And don't come back."
I don't wait to see what he does or give him a chance to answer. I head straight for Jagger. I'm almost there when he steps back out into the hall, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
"Please, we have to talk," I say, reaching out for his hand and tugging it to get him back into the bedroom.
Jagger pulls away from my touch. "I have nothing to say to you."
"Really? I'd think you have a lot to say considering you never bothered to tell me you found out who slashed my tires."
"It doesn't make a difference now."
"Yes. It does."
"Get out of my way."
"I had no idea he was coming. I went outside to get my father. When I came back in the house, he was here."
Jagger doesn't answer, doesn't acknowledge that he heard a word I said. He moves to the side and takes a step forward before I jump in front of him.
A deadly mixture of silence and anger swirl around Jagger. The air around us, between us, is different. It's dark and oppressive. It's suffocating. Something changed. Snapped inside him. He's single-minded and focused on leaving. On getting away from me. It's like he doesn't hear me, Doesn't se
e me. It's like I don't exist.
"Didn't you hear what I said?"
He's not acknowledging me. That is, until he does and I wish he didn't. My teeth chatter as he turns his heartless glare on me and it's so damn cold, I wish I could go back to being invisible.
"Just because you didn't invite him doesn't mean you didn't want him here."
"I didn't."
"Bullshit!" His voice booms through the hall and bounces off the walls around me. "I know you, Allie. You wanted to hear him out, see what he had to say. If you didn't want him here, he would've been gone."
"I told him to leave."
"I guess you just weren't convincing enough. Now get out of my way."
"No."
"Get out of my way before I pick you up and move you."
"Go ahead, because I'm not moving. I'm not letting you run away from me."
I say it with as much strength and confidence as I can piece together, reminding myself that no matter what's going on right now, Jagger cares about me. Jagger won't hurt me. His fingers clench around my hips and dig into my flesh. He doesn't hesitate, doesn't take a moment to look into my eyes and think about what he's doing. Like a robot, he lifts me and moves me to the other side.
I thought once we touched, the usual electricity would spark and flame. I thought once he held me, I'd lean in and meet his lips, remind him of what we have, of what we are together. But his movements are hard and fast, and before I have a chance to do anything, I'm on the ground and the connection is broken. I didn't gain the upper hand. All that happened is Jagger removed me, his only obstacle, from his path to the front door.
"Fine. Go cool off. We'll talk when you get back," I say as he turns his back to me, not allowing myself to fall apart at his feet.
"I'm not coming back," he says, taking a step forward.
"Then we'll talk about it tomorrow."
"I mean ever. Goodbye, Allie."
There's a hardness to his voice I dare not challenge. A matter-of-factness I can't help but believe. My heavy heart pounds with fury against my chest, and I think my lungs are collapsing.
"You don't mean that."
He shoots one last glare in my direction. "Try me."
He can't mean that. He can't. I refuse to believe it. He just needs to cool down. He has to give me a chance to get through to him. He has to.
With my feet glued to the floor beneath them, I watch his back in silence as he does what he promised and leaves, taking my heart and dreams of a future together with him.
Chapter 19
Jagger
"Jagger, wait!"
I don't stop. I keep moving, keep forging forward. It's the only way I can get through this. The only way I can walk away from her is if I don't look back. If I never look back. Ever.
"Jagger!" Troy calls, chasing after me.
I ignore him and toss my bag into the cab of the truck. My foot is on the running board by the time my brother catches up. "Wait," he says, breathing hard. "What the fuck just happened in there?"
"Nothing. I have to go."
"We were supposed to meet this girl you're crazy about and now you're just taking off? Why, because Allie..." It hits him. Like a punch to the nose. "Allie," he says, catching on. I don't answer. I look away. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I should've known. It was right in front of me."
"Great. You can lecture me about how fucked in the head I am some other time. Right now I need to get the fuck out of here."
"And go where? You’re running away again?"
"I didn't run away. You think living in that hell was an escape? That I somehow took the easy road by serving?"
He shakes his head. "No, man. I just want you to stay. Mia's crazy about you. I've seen a different side of you with her."
"No, you haven't. I don't have a clue how to handle the little twerp. It's all Allie."
"Allie doesn't fly Mia around on her stomach like an airplane, or spin her around and flip her over until just before she throws her guts up. It's Uncle Jagger that Mia doesn't stop talking about."
Troy reaches out and places his hand on my shoulder. It's awkward and feels forced, and really I just want to knock it away and get the fuck out of here.
"Stay for me. I finally have my brother back. I like having you around. Please don't leave like this. At the very least have a few beers with me and tell me what the hell went down here."
"You need me to explain the birds and the bees to you?"
"Don't do that, man. Allie means something to you, she has to or you wouldn't be this pissed. And if all you were looking for was someone to wet your whistle, you could've found someone to fuck and move on. You wouldn't have gone there with our stepsister."
Even though I'm pissed at her, I hate that my brother has to use this opportunity to remind me that Allie's our stepsister. "Like I said, looks like the feelings were one-sided."
"I call bullshit. From the minutes she saw Bailey, she tried to get him to leave. Now come on, one drink. Anywhere you want. Just you and me. Right now. I won't even go back in the house."
"Won't Marlena have a hissy fit if you leave her like that?"
Troy shrugs. "Probably. But she'll get over it. I'll text her, let her know I'm leaving with you and I'll meet her back home later."
"That sounds like more than one drink."
"Let's start with one and see where that takes us."
*
Shayla, one of the bartenders at the Tavern, the one I planned on getting to know a whole lot better a few months ago, delivers a big smile and an in-my-face view of her perky tits along with our drinks.
"Haven't seen you in a while," she says, lighting up as she places our drinks on the tall, round table. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. Fine," I answer dismissively. The lasso Allie used to capture my heart tightens around it, cutting off its air supply, killing it by strangulation. I hope it's going to be a quick death because this bottomless pit of pain feels like I'm being sliced by a thousand blades.
Shayla's arm rests on my shoulder "If you're not busy later, maybe we can grab a bite and catch up after my shift."
The sweet scent of her perfume assaults me. She's sexy as hell, and she's definitely interested, but I'm not. At all.
"Sorry darlin', not up for it tonight. I need to hit the hay early. I'm heading out in the morning."
"Going to be gone long? Maybe I can give you a going away present," she winks.
"Depends," I lie, forcing a smile. I plan on putting this place in my rear view mirror and never looking back. "Depends on what's here waiting for me to come back."
Shayla takes my hand, pulls a pen from her pocket, and touches it to my palm. I haven't gotten a girl’s number like this since middle school. The trail of the ballpoint on my skin tickles.
"Call me," she scrolls under her number. I don't react at all. Shayla's pretty, and her body is rocking, but she's not Allie. While part of me knows the best way to get over a broken heart is to fuck my way back to life, I don't want to be with anyone else. Not tonight.
"Wow," my brother says as Shayla saunters away, shaking her ass like a runway model. "She just made you one hell of an offer, and you didn't give her a second look. Don't tell me you've sworn off women."
"Funny, smartass."
"Do you love her?"
"Hell no." I look down at my drink.
"You sure about that?"
The answer is no. I'm not sure about it. And there's a difference between loving someone and being "in love" with someone. Am I in love? Maybe. But I'm not ready for Troy or anyone else to know it. "I don't know what the fuck I feel for her," I confess before downing half my glass.
Seven beers and three shots of tequila later, I have no choice but to allow my brother to run his hands all over my car. I can't drive and can barely walk, but I can still feel the massive hole in my chest and the emptiness inside me. It's better this way. I'm way too attached to Allie.
"Don't forget to use that number," Shayla sidles up next to me as we'
re walking out. I slip my arm around her waist for support so I don't fall on my face, and she gives me a kiss on the cheek.
"Sure thing, babe."
"C'mon, lover boy," Troy calls. "Let's go."
*
I wake in the morning with one hell of a hangover. Fuck Troy. Why'd I let him stop me? I should've packed my shit and taken off last night. Now I feel too shitty to move, let alone pack up and drive somewhere.
I reach for my phone. I'll take Ox up on his offer to go work for him. He has more work than he can handle and already took on another assignment. Can't blame him. Once he caught Bailey's girlfriend puncturing the mistress' tires, things started coming to a head. I couldn't ask for better timing either.
Everything happened in the same week. I knew for sure where the threat to Allie was coming from. We were going public as a couple. And I planned to announce yesterday was my last day as an active Marine. I finally signed the damn discharge papers. For what? For all my plans to go to shit?
At least working security detail for Ox will give me something to do and somewhere to be. Plus it'll get me the hell out of here and keep me stateside. It's the best of both worlds. Besides, I owe Ox big time for all that he's done for me over the last month.
I have a shitload of missed calls and messages. It's not like I don't know where they came from. I scroll through them with a heavy heart. I know Allie called three times before I passed out for the night. Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie, Mom, Allie. I don't need to see anymore. I already feel like shit. I squeeze my eyes shut. Did I overreact? Am I just being a dick?
Troy insisted she was trying to get Bailey to leave the whole time he was there. Why didn't I listen to her, why didn't I hear her out?
I should never have left like that. What I should've done is stand by her and help Bailey to the door. But seeing him in the middle of my mother's living room acting like he belonged there, touching Allie, gutted me. Especially when it was supposed to be a special night for Allie and me.
Seeing it opened my eyes. It was like standing in front of a see-through mirror and being shown what I could lose. It showed me how easily I could lose everything.
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