Shenin looked somber. “Because I know what happens when people get too far down with no one to break their fall…” she said, turning her arm over, exposing the scars on her wrists from a suicide attempt.
Jazmine looked at the scars and widened her eyes, shocked. Shenin had always seemed so strong. She was married to Tyler and they seemed to be so in love, it didn’t make any sense. Her eyes searched Shenin’s.
Shenin smiled. “Are you looking for what caused this?” she asked, nodding at her wrists. “Trauma,” she said simply. “Undealt with trauma.”
Jazmine drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly, nodding her head.
“You think I’d do that?” Jazmine asked her voice holding no derision or judgment.
“I don’t know,” Shenin said, “But I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes we don’t ask the questions we need to ask to make sure people we care about are okay.”
Jazmine nodded slowly. “Well, I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay.”
“Okay,” Shenin said, nodding. “Did you want to ask me anything?”
Jazmine’s look flickered, and Shenin knew that she’d hit on Jazmine’s reason for accepting the invitation.
“Ask,” Shenin said simply.
“What is she like?”
Shenin smiled. “Gray asked me the same question about you.”
“She did?” Jazmine asked, looking shocked.
“She’s just as curious about you, as you are about her.”
“Why? She’s got Rayden, she wins,” Jazmine said, sounding defeated.
Shenin winced at not only Jazmine’s words but her tone as well.
“Jazmine, you have to see it from her side. She’s been gone for a year, ‘dead’ as far as Rayden knew. Now she shows up here in LA, Rayden has moved on with a beautiful dancer, how do you think she’s going to feel?”
Jazmine looked back at Shenin for a long moment. “Rayden loves her, she never stopped loving her,” she said, her tone flabbergasted. “How can she not see that?”
Shenin smiled sadly. “We women can’t always see what’s right in front of our faces. We look at ourselves and tell ourselves all kinds of crazy shit to justify our feelings of insecurity. It’s a birthright of women.”
“So you think she’s telling herself that Rayden really loved me?” Jazmine asked.
“I think it’s in her head, yes,” Shenin said.
“That’s crazy,” Jazmine said, shaking her head.
“Is it?” Shenin asked. “You and Rayden were together before, right?”
“Right,” Jazmine said.
“Here in LA,” Shenin said.
“Yeah,” Jazmine replied.
“They lived in D.C., Grayson ‘dies’ and Rayden moves all the way across the country, and ends up with you again. What do you think Grayson is thinking?” Shenin asked.
“But Ray didn’t move here to be with me, she moved here for a job.”
“Right,” Shenin said. “But she’s with you. What part do you think Grayson is seeing?”
Jazmine blew her breath out, shaking her head. “Jesus, we women are fucked up messes aren’t we?”
Shenin laughed, nodding her head. “Yes, we are.”
“So maybe I should talk to Grayson.”
Shenin looked pensive. “That would be up to you.”
“Do you think she’d talk to me?” Jazmine asked.
“We can ask.”
“We?”
“I can text her right now, if you want me to.”
“You’d do this with me?”
“If you want me to, yes.”
“Text her,” Jazmine said, wanting to get things resolved.
To Shenin’s surprise, not only was Grayson willing to talk to Jazmine, she wanted to do so as soon as possible.
“Do you want me to invite her down here?” Shenin asked Jazmine.
“Yeah, do it.”
In Rayden’s office, Grayson was surprised when she got the text from Shenin asking if she would meet her and Jazmine for lunch.
“What?” Rayden asked seeing the surprise on her wife’s face.
“Uh,” Grayson stammered.
“Who is that?”
“Shenin,” Grayson said. “She’s having lunch with Jazmine and they want me to come down there.”
“Aww…” Rayden stammered, looking like she thought it wasn’t a good idea.
“What?” Grayson asked.
“Why would you go down there?”
“Because Jazmine and I need to talk, Ray.”
“Why?”
Grayson stared back at her, a little surprised Rayden didn’t understand why. “If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want to talk to the person I’d been spending time with?”
“I’d want to kill the person you’d been spending time with,” Rayden said her dark eyes glittering with malice.
Grayson laughed softly at that. “Okay, but, in this case…”
Rayden looked pensive, then shook her head. “I don’t like it,” she said simply.
“Why?”
Rayden’s eyes searched hers. Grayson could see she was conflicted. “Tell me why, Ray,” she said softly.
Rayden blew her breath out, shaking her head. “I guess I’m afraid you’ll be too hard on her, or she’ll be too hard on you, or both.”
Grayson tilted her head slightly. “Why don’t you trust that the two women you love can be adults about things?”
Rayden narrowed her eyes, not liking that Grayson had just referred to Jazmine as one of the women she “loved.” But the fact was, she did love Jazmine, she just wasn’t in love with her, not the way she was with Grayson. The fact that Grayson had put them together in that category bothered her. It also told her that there was something that Grayson needed to work through and she needed to let her do that her way.
Finally, she nodded. “Okay, go,” she said. “But if I have to send armed agents down there to break up a fight, I’m not bailing either of you out.”
Grayson laughed, standing up as she sent Shenin a text accepting the offer. Then she leaned down to kiss Rayden’s lips.
“I’ll try not to get into trouble,” she said, smiling.
“Uh-huh,” Rayden said, shaking her head ruefully.
Ten minutes later, Grayson was walking into the restaurant and out onto the patio where Jazmine and Shenin sat. The very first impression Grayson had of Jazmine was, Oh my god she’s hot! Jazmine wore an emerald-green lace up off the shoulder blouse that exposed her perfectly smooth and tanned leanly muscled shoulders. The blouse exposed the slight rounding of breasts, cleavage that Grayson only ever dreamed of having. The color of the blouse set Jazmine’s rich auburn hair off perfectly. Her hair cascaded in waves halfway down her chest. She had a brilliant white smile with perfect makeup that complimented her eyes. She looked like a goddamned Victoria Secret model!
Jazmine saw in Grayson an athletic, leanly muscled woman with beautiful slate-blue eyes and honey-blond hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. Grayson had the sporty, sexy look that Jazmine had always envied. She was slim, but Jazmine could see from her arms, exposed by her blue Air Force tank top, that she was strong. She suspected Grayson was the type of woman that had perfect abs, and not an ounce of fat on her. She had very little makeup on, but was beautiful all the same.
“Hi,” Grayson said, looking at Jazmine, and extending her hand to the other woman. “I’m Grayson.”
Jazmine took Grayson’s hand. “I’m Jazmine,” she said, knowing it was unnecessary.
She appreciated that Grayson hadn’t used her last name Black Wolf. She felt it indicated that Grayson wasn’t trying to shove it in her face that she was Rayden’s wife. Jazmine knew full well that Grayson could have used it like a weapon. The fact that she didn’t put Jazmine at ease.
Grayson sat down in a chair, glancing up as the waitress came over.
“Can I get a beer?” Grayson asked, then grinned at Shenin and Jazmine “And I don’t know about you two, but
I need a shot of something, what do you say?”
“Love it,” Jazmine said, grinning. “Just not tequila please…”
Shenin chuckled. “How about Jack? That’s always safe.”
Grayson glanced at Jazmine, who nodded agreement. “Three shots of Jack, and if you have Shocktop that’d be great.”
“We have it on tap,” the waitress said, winking at Grayson flirtatiously.
“Perfect,” Grayson said, grinning engagingly.
When the waitress walked away and Grayson turned back to the other two women. “You get that a lot here?” Grayson asked, looking surprised.
Shenin laughed. “Not here. But I guess we’re just not her type,” she said, winking at Grayson.
“Oh, God, stop it,” Grayson said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
“Gray, that was a definite ‘call me’ wink,” Shenin said, grinning delightedly.
“It was a flirt, I’ll give you that,” Grayson said, looking amused.
“I bet you get that kind of thing a lot,” Jazmine said, smiling at Grayson.
“Why do you say that?” Grayson asked, looking surprised but smiling.
“You’ve got that sexy sporty thing going on,” Jazmine said, waving her hand in Grayson’s direction.
“I’ve got that, I don’t have any clothes anymore thing going on,” Grayson said, laughing.
“Ouch,” Shenin said. “That would be the worst part for me…” she said, shaking her head.
“Bullshit,” Grayson said, her look serious. “The worst part for you would be the same as it is for me, thinking that you’d fucked Ty up forever.”
“No, I did that a whole other way,” Shenin said, rolling her eyes as she grimaced.
Grayson canted her head. “What happened, Shen?” she asked, her voice concerned.
“Gave in to the demons,” Shenin said, looking pained.
“Oh God…” Grayson said, reaching out to take Shenin’s hand. “Are you okay now?”
Shenin nodded. “But we’re not here to talk about me,” she said, looking over at Jazmine.
Jazmine had watched the two women talk, and knew that they’d been good friends for a while. She missed that closeness with someone. She never had good friends for long, there was always some jealous crap over a guy or a job, and the friendship ended.
“You’re right,” Grayson said, “but you and I need to talk later,” she said, giving Shenin a pointed look.
“Okay, okay,” Shenin said, waving her hand in surrender.
The three were silent for a moment, and the waitress arrived with the beer and the shots.
“To Girl Power,” Shenin said, grinning.
“Here, here,” Grayson said.
“Amen!” Jazmine said.
They clinked glasses and did the shot, grinning at each other afterwards.
“So, Grayson,” Jazmine said.
“Call me Gray,” she said. “Grayson always sounds so snobby.”
Jazmine smiled. “I think it sounds sophisticated.”
“I’m not that either,” Grayson said, grinning.
“Okay,” Jazmine said, chuckling. “Gray,” she began again, “Shenin said that she thinks you might think that Ray is in love with me.”
Grayson looked surprised, but then nodded. “She’s right.”
Jazmine grimaced. “Gray, I don’t know how much you know about Rayden’s past,” she said, “but if you know anything about her from before, you’d know that she doesn’t commit to just anyone.”
Grayson looked back at Jazmine, her look speculative, but then she nodded. “You’re right about that.”
“So if you know that, you should know that Rayden is in love with you, and she has been, even when she thought you were dead.”
Grayson blinked a couple of times. It was obvious she was almost afraid to accept that answer.
“But what about you?” Grayson asked then.
“What about me?” Jazmine asked, her tone somewhat caustic. “Rayden was rescuing me yet again, it doesn’t mean she was in love with me.”
“Rescuing you again?” Grayson asked. “I know Ray said that she had stopped some guys from hurting you when you met again, but there was another time?”
“Yeah,” Jazmine said, grinning. “The first time I met Ray she rescued me from some guy I was dating who was getting rough with me.”
Grayson laughed. “Yeah, that sounds like Ray. That’s how I met her too.”
“Seriously?” Jazmine asked her eyes wide like her grin.
“Yep,” Grayson said, smiling.
“She does have an MO doesn’t she?”
“That she does,” Grayson said, nodding.
“Well, she knocked my guy out with one punch, what did she do to yours?”
“Picked him up by the throat and slammed him into a building,” Grayson said, grinning.
“Wow,” Jazmine said, looking surprised.
“Yeah,” Grayson said, her eyes shining with remembered awe. “She was all bad assed Navy SEAL… It was so hot.”
Jazmine laughed out loud, nodding as she did. “Yeah, that was this time too.”
“Gotta love her for her chivalry,” Grayson said.
“Oh yes,” Jazmine said, nodding. Then she looked serious. “Don’t get me wrong, Gray, I love Ray, I really do, and your sudden appearance definitely put me into a tailspin. But I knew in my heart of hearts that she was never going to love me, not like she loved you.”
Grayson looked back at Jazmine. She could see nothing but open sincerity in the other woman’s eyes. A visible weight lifted off her as she finally let herself believe what Rayden had been telling her all along. She’d never stopped loving her.
“Thank you,” Grayson said. “It’s really hard to think that the person you love desperately might not love you the same anymore.”
“Well, I think you can rest assured that Rayden does,” Jazmine said.
Grayson looked back at Jazmine, astounded by the empathy she saw in Jazmine’s eyes. She couldn’t say that she’d be so gracious if the roles had been reversed.
“So what happens now?” Grayson asked, her look sympathetic. “For you, I mean?”
“Well,” Jazmine said, her look contemplative. “The one thing that I’ve kind of figured out from being with Ray again is that I really need to stop dating men altogether.”
“Amen!” Shenin said, grinning.
The three laughed.
“Is Ray really different from the other women you’ve dated?” Grayson asked.
“That’s the thing,” Jazmine said. “Ray is the only woman I’ve ever dated.”
“Wow, really?” Shenin asked, grinning. “Ty’s the only one I ever dated too.”
“Really?” Jazmine asked. “You two are so perfect together, that’s really amazing.”
“Oh, trust me, it took a lot of convincing on my part,” Shenin said, rolling her eyes.
“Convincing Ty? Of what?” Jazmine asked.
“That I really wanted to be with her,” Shenin said. “This was during Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and we were both Air Force.”
“Oh,” Jazmine said, curling her lips in derision. “Another great idea of men, huh?”
“Tell me about it!” Grayson said, shaking her head.
“Well, for me, it was Ray that told me I should try out more women.”
“She told you that?” Grayson said, her look deadpan. “While you were dating her?”
Jazmine laughed, nodding her head. “Yeah, I think she really knew that I was going to get hurt dating her again, and she was trying to get me to find someone else.”
Grayson shook her head, rolling her eyes. “How’d that go over?” “I wasn’t really happy with her when she said it, trust me,” Jazmine said.
“I would say not,” Grayson said, thinking her wife needed to learn a thing or two about how to deal gently with hearts. Although she’d never had that problem.
It was one more thing that solidified what Jazmine had told her about
Rayden not being in love with her. Rayden was a very possessive person, she would never have told someone she was in love with to go out looking for other women.
“So, is that what you’re going to do?” Shenin asked.
“Well, I kind of did already,” Jazmine said, biting her lip and grimacing.
“What! When?” Shenin asked.
“Like almost a couple of weeks ago…” Jazmine said looking embarrassed.
“With who?” Shenin asked, but then she knew. “It was Dakota wasn’t it?”
Jazmine’s mouth dropped open. “How the hell…?”
“Dakota’s the one that found you a few nights back,” Shenin said. “And you said that you were at the studio, and she’s the one doing the work there…”
Jazmine pressed her lips together. “You’re too damned smart, Shen,” she said, grinning then.
Shenin waggled her eyebrows. “Well, was she as awesome as everyone thinks she is?”
“Oh yeah,” Jazmine said, her look radiant.
Shenin wrinkled up her nose in excitement. “So… then…”
“No,” Jazmine said, shaking her head. “Dakota’s so much worse than Rayden, Sorry Gray, I mean the old Rayden.”
“No worries, I know what you meant,” Grayson said, smiling. “But just like I was for Ray, maybe you’re the exception for Dakota…”
Jazmine made a face. “I don’t think so,” she said, shaking her head.
“Why not?” Grayson asked. “You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re sexy as hell,”
“Really now?” Jazmine asked, grinning at Grayson.
“Don’t tell Ray I said that,” Grayson said, grimacing as she grinned.
“Well, what happened when she found you the other night?” Shenin asked.
“She was a complete gentleman,” Jazmine said.
“Well, but that’s different for her, isn’t it?” Shenin asked. “I mean after the Natalia thing we all know she’s a major player.”
“Natalia thing?” Grayson asked.
“Long story, I’ll tell ya later,” Shenin said, smiling.
“Well, we’re kind of friends,” Jazmine said. “So it makes sense that she was respectful, and maybe says that that’s all she wants to be now, you know?”
“Or it means that she respects you too much to take advantage of you when you’re vulnerable,” Grayson said.
Gray Skies (WeHo Book 8) Page 19