Caring for Citrine (The Red Petticoat Saloon)

by Alta Hensley

  Della sat in silence, doing her best to grasp at the words swirling around her crazed head and make sense of what Jewel said.

  “He’s going to be stopping by soon to see you and to discuss this with you. I want to make sure you understand that if you truly want to be with the doctor, or even to see if there is something between the two of you, that you have my and Gabriel’s blessing fully—not that you need it. What you do is up to you.”

  “What did he say about me?” She shook her head as if she could shake away all the confusion. “You must be mistaken. He’s a good doctor, and I am his patient. Maybe he was implying staying on to oversee my medical needs? He is pretty determined to take my cough away.”

  Jewel smiled and looked up at Nettie who was hovering over them with the biggest grin on her face that Della had ever seen. It made the wrinkles of her coffee-colored skin bunch up around her eyes, and her white teeth shone bright. “He sees what we see. He sees how special you are. He fancies you something awful. That is for sure. But I will let him tell you that for himself.”

  “And who wouldn’t?” Nettie added. “I think it is high time our Della girl finds a good man she deserves.”

  Della looked up at Nettie dumbfounded and then back at Jewel with the same expression. “Are you telling me that the doctor of Culpepper is interested in me beyond just paying for a little fun?”

  Jewel reached out and held Della’s hand. “He is, and I can’t tell you what your next step should be. Only you can. But I will tell you that I don’t want you for one second to consider saying no to him just because you feel you owe something to me and Gabe. We didn’t lock you up at The Red Petticoat and throw away the key.”

  “And you can keep cooking with me while you figure it out,” Nettie added.

  Jewel nodded in agreement. “I agree with Nettie. I don’t think you acting as a gem right now will make the good doctor happy. But again—that is up to you entirely.”

  “But The Red Petticoat is my home. Being a gem is all I know.”

  “And it will always be your home so long as you choose it,” Jewel reassured her. “But it is all right to dream a little, Della. It’s all right to let that heart open up and live a bit. If your heart wants to remain a gem and you want to refuse Dr. Norwood’s advances, that is all right as well. But as your friend, I am telling you that I think you owe it to yourself to at least be open to his offer.”

  Nettie slapped her hand against her thigh. “And as your friend, child, I’m telling you you’d be a fool not to. That man can see the sparkle in your soul. Not much more you can ask for.”

  Della didn’t have time to retort before a knock at the kitchen door had them all turning their attention to Nettie as she let Anson into the room. He greeted them all in his usual good-mannered way, but his eyes rested heavily on Della. Even though he was the politest man she had ever encountered, she could see that he wasn’t really paying attention to Nettie and Jewel, but rather focusing entirely on her.

  “How are you feeling today, Della?” he asked as he walked over and placed the back of his hand to her forehead without asking permission to do so. Not that Della minded.

  “I feel the best I have ever felt.” Which was the truth. She hadn’t woken with her usual morning cough or aches and pains like usual… well, except for the ache in her bottom that he’d made sure she’d feel with his spanking.

  “Did you take any of the medicine today?”

  She shook her head. “No, I haven’t needed to yet.”

  He smiled and took a step away and studied her from head to toe. “Well if you feel up to it, I was hoping you may want to go for a little walk with me. The weather is warm, and there is only a slight breeze. I would really enjoy your company.”

  Della cast a glance at Jewel and Nettie who both nodded in approval. “Yes, Anson. I would like to take a walk with you very much.”

  Chapter Nine

  As soon as Anson closed the door behind them, stepping out into the morning sun, he reached for her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. She could feel the heat of his skin penetrating through the cotton of his shirt. The simple contact sent a tingle from her palm to the center of her core. Not only could she feel him, she could smell him. The scent of a doctor: clean, crisp, fresh. She could see him in the corner of her eye, resisting the urge to stare at him full on. The outline of his jaw pulled her in as she followed the line and made her way to his lips. His lips that only a few hours before were pressed to hers. She remembered the taste; licking her lips, she attempted to find any lasting remnant of the kiss from last night. All her senses were on high alert being so close to him. The power, the connection—all of it engulfed Della as she struggled to walk casually next to a man who effortlessly took her breath away far worse than any cough she’d ever had.

  They walked through town in silence, but Della could almost swear she heard both their hearts beat with the same staccato rhythm as their footsteps. She didn’t experience things of this nature with men. Simple. Innocent. Pure of intention. For the first time in her life, she truly felt like a lady. A dignified, respected and sought after lady. Wouldn’t her mother be proud? Della—the town whore—being escorted and possibly courted by the distinguished and respected town doctor.

  “You look lovely today,” Anson said, not much louder than a whisper. “I can see the color of health on your soft complexion.” He smiled but continued to stare ahead, leading her toward the woods. “It’s nice to see.”

  “Thank you. I actually can’t remember the last time I have felt so well. My chest feels lighter, not so muddled.”

  “Well I think we can rule out consumption, which is good news. I think at times your airway closes up due to illness, or conditions such as dust or pollen. Everything stems from your lungs. I do think your condition is chronic yet treatable.” He paused and looked down into her eyes. “I’m sorry if I’m sounding like a doctor. Maybe this is all very boring to you.”

  Della shook her head. “Oh no, I find it fascinating. I’ve always wondered what is wrong with me. I’ve been thought of as sickly all my life.” She took a big breath in and let it out slowly, loving the fact that her chest never rumbled once. “I rarely get to feel this way. To breathe. To really breathe. My pa always hated my mother for giving him a sickly child. He blamed her for what was wrong with me.”

  “Nothing is wrong with you, Della. Nothing at all.” He pulled her hand off of the crook of his arm and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. “It sounds as if your pa was one son of a bitch.”

  “He was.” She stared ahead, and tried not to notice how some of the towns people were paying attention to how the doctor of Culpepper escorted a Petticoat gem through town. She had no doubt the tongues would be in full wag in no time. Della didn’t mind what any old bat said about her, but she did worry what Dr. Norwood would think when the rumor mill began. “He wasn’t much of a pa. That much is for sure.”

  Anson nodded. “I hope to be a good pa to Stone. It isn’t always easy since we don’t have a proper home life with a ma and family structure. But I try to make sure he knows he is loved, never judged, and never thought of as less just because he has Indian in his blood.”

  “Did you love his mother?” She wasn’t sure if she should ask, but she had to know.

  He sighed loudly. “No. I had a moment of weakness that I am not proud of, and it wasn’t the first time. My intentions were selfish and only about pleasure for the moment. I wish I had been a better man, a stronger man. But the day I looked into the brown eyes of Stone, I knew that God gave me him for a reason. That little boy opened my eyes to what could be for me. I knew I wanted more than just being the town doctor.” His pace seemed to slow as he spoke, as if the words weighed heavily on him. “My whole life had been about saving others. But Stone made me realize that I need to save myself too. I needed to be the better man that boy deserved. I’m not sure I’m all the way there yet, but I’m trying.”

  “I think you are a very good man, Anso
n. I haven’t met a man like you before.”

  He glanced over at her and gave a warm smile but didn’t say another word. They both walked in silence for several more moments. The quiet space between them wasn’t awkward in the slightest, but actually soothing and eased her mind and soul.

  “I asked one of your fellow gems, Jade, to help me locate some plants and herbs that I believe can help. I think if we give you a breathing treatment when you feel these attacks coming on, we can stop it head on,” Anson finally said, breaking the calm peace between them.

  “Breathing treatments? Jade?” Jade was a Chinese woman who also worked at The Red Petticoat. Della instantly had taken a liking to her, but didn’t see how a gem could help the doctor.

  He continued to lead her into the thick of the pines, but this time held onto her hand with his, clutching it tight. “The Chinese are known to believe in using herbs to help the disease of the lung. I spoke with Jade, and she feels she knows what will help. We’ll boil them up and have you breathe in the fumes, filling your lungs with their healing properties. I think it may help. You won’t have to do it all the time. But when you feel like breathing is becoming a challenge, we can pull out the herbs and have you breathe the fumes. Hopefully with time, we will understand how to manage your condition effectively.”

  She remained quiet, taking all the information in and having a hard time not being distracted by the way his hand felt against hers. She also found it odd how he spoke as if he would be there every single time she had a breathing attack.

  “Does that scare you?”

  She looked up at him surprised. “Not at all. I trust you completely.”

  He smiled warmly and squeezed her hand. “Good. I hope you will always trust me. Your health will always be my concern.” He stopped and turned her to face him square on. “You, Della, will always be my concern.”

  Her breath hitched and her heart beat so hard against her chest that she wondered if she would have another coughing attack from all of the excitement. She could do nothing more but to stare into his eyes, feeling lost in their sincerity.

  “I care for you very much. There is something about you that I can’t keep off of my mind. You’re a little gem that I just have to possess.”

  “I-I… that’s just it. I am a gem. I’m a whore. How could you possibly—”

  “Don’t,” he ordered, with firmness set in his jaw. “Do not ever talk that way about yourself. I won’t tolerate it. You are beautiful, Della, but even more stunning on the inside. Your heart, your soul, your entire being is consuming me. I want you to be mine.” He reached out and grabbed both of her hands with his. “Mine, and only mine.”

  “But as a gem, I don’t belong to just one man,” she pointed out.

  He studied her for several moments before asking, “Do you like being a gem?”

  She shrugged, not sure if she could fully voice her feelings on being one. “I like being a gem, but not necessarily a whore. Before I met Madame Jewel, I was nothing but a dirty whore, and I hated everything about my life. But Jewel and The Red Petticoat have given me a sense of power. A sense of control. I am my own person and can decide my future. I feel stronger since I have become a gem. Much stronger than I have been in my entire life.”

  “If your story had been different. If you grew up with a ma and a pa—”

  “But my story wasn’t different,” she interrupted. “I had a dead ma and a pa who I wish were dead.”

  “Where is he now?”

  Della stared off into the distance and sighed. “In Hell I hope. But I’m sure he is still alive making someone else miserable. I try not to hate him. I try to let that part of my past go, but if I saw him today—now that I am not a scared little girl—I think I would kill him. I would shoot a bullet between his eyes and not even flinch at the sight of his blood oozing out.” She turned to look at Anson. “Does that make me a bad person? Am I a bad person because deep down I want to kill my pa? Am I a bad person because I let men have their way with me for money? Is it possible to break free from that scared, dirty, hungry girl who barely survived on her own?”

  “You already have,” he replied softly.

  She smiled and looked deeply into his eyes. “I wish I could see myself through your eyes.”

  “So do I. If you could, you would see a beautiful woman who has captured my heart.”

  Without waiting for a response, he pulled her in and engulfed her small frame in his arms. Lightning struck through her as his lips plummeted to hers. He captured her mouth, demanding full submission as he thrust his tongue past her lips. His body, his mouth, his breath—everything merged with all she had. A soft moan escaped his lips and entered her as he kissed with an intensity greater than any mountain storm. This man, this moment, this very second seemed to take everything she once knew, once felt, all away—leaving only a shell of a girl hungry for more. Hungry for passion, hungry for love, hungry for a future with a man who truly did care about her.

  “Anson?” she whispered against the kiss. “Anson, what is it you want from me?”

  “I want you.”

  She froze, panic setting in. She had never been with a man before because of love. She had given her body many times, but never her heart. Did Anson just want her as all the men had wanted her in the past? Or did he want her heart? The second one she wasn’t sure she knew how to give.

  “I don’t understand. Do you want my… do you want to have sex?”

  Anson’s expression changed. She couldn’t read him. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t confusion. It was almost as if her words hurt him. Did she just cause him pain?

  “I want so much more,” he answered. “I want everything. I want you. I want to sit by a fire and read books together and then discuss them as I admire your intellect. I want to wake up to your sweet face. I want to hear your voice say my name over and over for the rest of my life. I’ve watched you. I’ve studied you. I’ve cared for you, and I now know I have fallen in love with you. Miners work to the bone every day to find that precious gem, and I have one standing right in front of me.” He paused and ran his fingertips up along the side of her arm until they worked their way up and touched her face. He cupped her chin with his hand so she had no choice but to stare directly in his eyes and added, “Yes, I want your body. But not until I have all of you first. Your body will be the last thing I make mine.”

  “Careful there, Dr. Norwood,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Her body nearly shook with nervousness as she took a few steps back, hoping the distance would cool the flames that burned inside of her. “You are starting to sound like you are proposing.”

  “Would that be so awful?” He stepped toward her, closing the distance between them. “Folks in these part get married much quicker and for a lot less reasons. You and I have connected. Tell me I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

  Everything inside of her wanted to gush her hopes, her dreams and her desire to be with Anson too. But this was not her story. Her fate was not to be the wife of a doctor. She was a whore who had to fight for every penny, fight for every scrap, fight for everything. Saying yes to him was too easy. Easy was not possible for Della. There was no such thing as easy in her world.

  “I work at The Red Petticoat. I’m a gem.”

  “You don’t have to, and you know it.”

  “What if I told you I want to?”

  “Do you?”

  She paused, and turned her back to him. She watched the way the sunlight peeked through the leaves of the trees, casting long sunrays to the pine needle-covered ground. Could it be this simple? Say yes. But say yes to what?

  Without turning, she asked, “Do you want a wife, or do you want a whore?”

  “I want you,” he answered firmly and simply.

  “You don’t even know me.”

  He reached for her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. “I know you. I may not know all the details of your past, or what led you here. But I know you now. I know the woman who stands before m
e. I have seen you vulnerable. I have seen your self-reliant strength, your wisdom, and your whimsical charm. And what I don’t know about you, I plan to learn. And I am a very fast learner. But the question is if you feel the same. Do you see a possible future with me?”

  Della cast her eyes to the ground, wishing they could just kiss so no words need be spoken. She could feel the burn from Anson’s gaze as he waited. She remembered the words of Nettie and Jewel, and tried so hard to believe them, but demons in her head were screaming.

  “What about your son?”

  “What about Stone?”

  “Are you wanting a ma for him?”

  Anson nodded. “Yes, of course I would want that for him.”

  “And you think that I could be that ma? I’m a gem at The Red Petticoat! Don’t you see how absurd the idea that I could be your wife and a ma is?”

  “Why? I don’t think it is absurd at all. Stone would be a very lucky boy to be raised by a woman as genuine and good as you.”

  She remained silent. Even though her mind screamed she wasn’t worthy, the rest of her demanded she follow her heart and give herself over to Anson. To be that woman he saw. To be that woman she always wanted to be. A wife, a mother, loved.

  “So the questions still remains on how do you feel about me? Could you see me as your husband? Could you vow to love me forever?”

  “I do have feelings for you,” she whispered, still not looking up to him. She couldn’t. “Maybe even love you. But I don’t know what being in love means. I don’t know what to do.”

  A soft chuckle came from Anson as he pulled her into his embrace. “I am a man who analyzes and thinks about everything. It is the doctor in me. But when it comes to love, I don’t think we need to think. We just need to feel.” He kissed the top of her head. “We let our hearts tell us what to do.”

  “And what does your heart tell you to do?” she asked with her face pressed into his chest.

  “To kiss you again.”

  She looked up into his eyes and smiled. Licking her lips, she whispered, “That is what my heart tells me to do as well.”