“I understand that, but, Lindy, I can’t erase what happened just because you didn’t mean for it to happen.”
Lindy scowled. “I know that but people make mistakes, okay? If we own up to our mistakes, it shows that we’re willing to learn from them, right? And, if I were a parent, I’d want my kid to soak up that lesson instead of some hypocritical hogwash that kids see right through.”
“Well, it sounds good in theory, but when you’re an actual parent, you’ll have a different perspective.”
She bristled. “Oh, because I don’t have kids, my point is invalid?”
“No, I didn’t say that,” he said.
“Sounded like it to me.”
Their stares collided and locked. Lindy couldn’t believe what a narrow-minded jerk he was being. By his expression, he was irritated, as well. Great way to patch things up, Lindy. She might as well throw kerosene on this blaze because her good intentions were already going up in smoke.
“I think we’re done here,” he said.
Oh, hell no. “Not yet,” she retorted stubbornly. “I get that you’re the boss of your company and you’re accustomed to getting your way and calling the shots but you’re going to have to remember that you’re not always right and in this instance, I think it would be a big mistake for you and Carys to leave.”
“You’ve made your point. I disagree.”
“Well, if you weren’t being such a pigheaded tool, you’d see that I was right,” she spat, half wondering why she wasn’t simply throwing her hands in the air and declaring the situation beyond her control. That was her usual MO for dealing with difficult situations. She wasn’t a fixer. Never had been, and frankly, the idea had never appealed but even as the impulse was strong to quit, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was going to make him see reason even if she had to conk him over the head with the fruit bowl and tie him to a chair until he saw things her way. She squared her shoulders. Let’s try this again. “So, let me get this straight... You never make mistakes?”
He scowled in open annoyance at her direct query. “Of course I make mistakes.”
“Well, then why is it so hard to let me have a do-over in this instance?”
“Because I don’t allow do-overs with my kid,” he shot back. “She’s all I’ve got and I’m doing my damnedest to see that she has a childhood that isn’t spoiled and ruined by the bad choices of the adults in her life.”
“I hate to break it to you but in case you haven’t noticed, Carys knows more about life than you do at this point. She’s a savvy kid, almost precocious, if you ask me. She doesn’t need you treating her like a baby. She just needs you to listen to her and what she’s saying to you in the plainest terms is that she doesn’t want to leave.”
Gabe stopped short and glared. The heat between them fairly snapped with sparks and electric energy. Lindy could tell he was struggling with her statement. Something must’ve hit a chord. Either he was going to flat-out ignore what she was saying, or he’d let it sink in. She held her breath as she waited. He didn’t look ready to concede his point. He grudgingly shook his head and said, “I know she doesn’t want to leave but I have to do what’s right for her, even if it’s not the popular choice. I just don’t know how admitting to an eleven-year-old girl that you got slobbering drunk because you were disappointed is a good lesson. Certainly not the one I’m comfortable teaching on vacation.”
Lindy’s cheeks burned. “All I can say is I’m sorry,” she said from between gritted teeth. “It won’t happen again.”
“I know it won’t,” he said. “Because we’re still leaving.”
“Are you always this difficult?” she asked. He was being deliberately pigheaded. Something else was happening here, too. She could feel it. “Don’t bother answering that. I have a better question for you. Is there something else that’s eating at you? Take Carys out of the equation because honestly, let’s get real. If you think she’s never seen someone she knows drunk, you’re living in a fantasyland. What else is happening that’s got your towel all twisted up?”
He stiffened. “This is about me trying to protect my daughter.”
She narrowed her stare at him in open speculation and then when she still didn’t buy it, she called him on it. “Bullshit.”
“Nice language,” he said caustically. “You see? This is what I’m talking about.”
“What? Carys isn’t here and we’re two adults having an adult conversation. Is that too much for you?”
“No.”
“Well, then as my ex-therapist would say, stop deflecting for a damn minute and just tell me what the hell is really upsetting you.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GABE DIDN’T KNOW why he wasn’t telling Lindy to mind her own business. He didn’t have to answer to her, or anyone. He was the CEO of a highly successful corporate raiding company that he started from the ground and turned into a fierce, hard-to-evade force in his field. He made lesser men quail and women were constantly making themselves available to him even when he didn’t give off any (known) signals that he was available or interested.
And yet...two females, an eleven-year-old and a—hell, he didn’t even know how old Lindy was—grown woman were chopping him off at the knees at every turn.
If he hadn’t acknowledged it before this moment, there was no denying it now. Lindy was the exact opposite of Charlotte.
Charlotte had been sweetly supportive, that quiet guiding force that had always been his moral compass when he wavered. He could always count on her to be the calm in the storm of his complicated life.
And, at times, it was a bit boring. His cheeks colored at the shameful private admission and he realized his mind had wandered. He rubbed at his forehead as he stood conflicted, buffeted by thoughts from the past that seemed to have awfully inconvenient timing. Maybe this was a latent form of grieving he hadn’t yet experienced. Hell, it didn’t matter, either way. Lindy was right. He was dealing with more than just parental concern for his impressionable daughter. He leaned against the counter and looked away when he couldn’t hold Lindy’s gaze any longer for fear she’d see right through him.
“I’ll listen,” she said, losing some of her edge. The sincerity in her voice loosened his lips when he otherwise would’ve remained stubbornly silent.
“I’m trying to be both mother and father to a child I don’t even know anymore,” he said softly, hating the honesty of his admission. “When Charlotte died, Carys changed. She turned into...a little spoiled brat. I can’t tell you how many nannies and tutors and maids we’ve gone through in the last year. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t get any of the referral agencies to take my calls. No one wants to be around her. That’s why we came here. I’d hoped a change in scenery would help things. That maybe she’d work through this stage and we’d get back to normal when we returned.”
“What’s normal?” Lindy asked, mildly baffled by the term. “The kid lost her mom. There’s nothing normal about that, and you shouldn’t expect things to return to the way they were because they won’t ever be without Charlotte.”
“What am I supposed to do? I can’t bring her mother back from the dead.”
“You find a new normal.”
“I’ve been trying,” he said. “Every attempt has blown up in my face.”
Lindy took a deep breath as if considering her next comment carefully, then said, “Gabe...she doesn’t need nannies or tutors or fancy vacations. She needs her dad. That’s all she wants. Ask yourself how many times you’ve blown her off for work?”
“I have to make a living,” he said stiffly. “She has to understand I can’t be at her beck and call whenever she snaps her fingers.”
“Of course not. But my grams used to say you have to have balance in life. All work and no play makes Gabe a dull boy, you know? I’ve only known you a s
hort while but it seems to me that you’re way out of balance. Plainly speaking, you’re a workaholic.”
“Yes, I work hard and I’ve got a thriving company to show for it.”
“And a daughter who’s miserable and doing everything she can to get your damn attention,” Lindy countered, exasperated. “Even I can see that. Surely you can’t be that blind?”
“What about you? Where’s the balance in your life?” he asked, throwing an emotional mirror in her face. “From what I can see, you’re a party girl who’s no stranger to the L.A. club scene. Play all night and sleep all day, just to get up and do it again the next night. Do you call that balance?” She stared at him in wounded, surprised silence for his sudden attack. He didn’t want to admit he’d looked her up on Google and found some tabloid pictures of her with a few well-known celebrity hard-core partiers. He’d planned to keep that information to himself—because frankly, he’d been embarrassed that he’d even gone looking—but it seemed a valid point to make seeing as she was pulling no punches herself. “Forgive me if I find your stance just a little hypocritical.”
She swallowed and seemed to pale a bit but she rallied quickly, saying, “My choices are not affecting anyone but myself. If I had a kid, it’d be different. I’m trying to help you salvage your relationship with your daughter before it’s too late, but if you’d rather throw stones at me for my choices, then I’ll help you pack myself.” Heavy silence settled between them as Gabe wrestled with the demon snarling inside him and the voice that fairly screamed at him to heed this woman’s advice. The thing was, he knew Lindy was right but his ego was demanding a chunk of her hide for daring to hold his feet to the fire. God bless her, Charlotte had never been so blunt in her attempts to get him to see reason. He supposed he’d gotten accustomed to her gentle manner, not that he hadn’t flat-out dismissed her advice at times. Lindy made a sound of disgust and said, “Forget it. I’m done. Do what you want and have a good life.”
“Lindy, wait,” he called out, but she’d already slammed the door behind her.
He was two seconds from running after her but he stayed instead. What could he say? Her points had been valid but his pride hadn’t allowed his mouth to admit it.
He tried to remember a time when Charlotte had called him out on anything but he came up empty. Surely, there’d been instances, but his memories of Charlotte were becoming tangled with his grief. He didn’t want to remember Charlotte as anything but the loving wife and wonderful mother she’d been. Maybe that’s why he shied away from talking about her too much. He didn’t want to risk tarnishing the memories, even if they were beginning to morph into an amalgam of what was true and what he wanted to be true.
Charlotte had been a good mother. He wasn’t disputing that, ever. She’d been a good wife, almost too good. She’d put up no resistance when he’d pushed. He’d told himself he appreciated that quality in a woman, that it’d given him the freedom to be the man he needed to be in his type of business.
But at its core, it was bullshit.
Lindy had hit the nail on the head.
The fact was, if Charlotte hadn’t gotten sick...he might’ve left her eventually. It’d been getting to that point. His heart ached to admit it. His stomach twisted in knots at the painful realization that his wife getting sick had saved him the heartache of a lengthy, drawn-out divorce.
Tears sprang to his eyes and he wiped them away. “I’m sorry, Charlotte,” he whispered, hating himself for admitting this ugly fact about himself. He’d loved Charlotte, but he may have fallen out of love with her some time ago. He didn’t know anymore. Everything was a jumbled mess in his head. All he knew was that Lindy excited him in a way that Charlotte never had and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his distance. The pressure of being the perfect parent to a grieving, demanding child was too great a responsibility to allow a wild card like Lindy into the mix. How was he supposed to instill good values and strong morals in his daughter when the woman Gabe most desperately wanted to feel beneath him was the worst kind of example he’d ever want to give his daughter?
The answer was staring him in the face but he hated it.
He wanted Lindy. It wouldn’t really matter if he left the island and went home. She was under his skin. And Carys adored her, which was a different type of complication.
Even worse, Carys had attached herself to Larimar in general. She already had free rein of the place as if she’d been adopted by the Bells and he knew that wasn’t a good sign.
There was one thing that stuck in Gabe’s mind that rang truer than anything else.
He had one shot to fix this situation with Carys, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d blow it.
True, he’d always been a workaholic, but he’d always had Charlotte there to smooth over the rough patches. He’d been there for birthdays and holidays, some weekends and late nights, but Charlotte had always been the solid, dependable parent in their household. She’d excelled as a stay-at-home mom and had made his home an oasis where he was proud to hold dinners and gatherings without reservation. That had all been Charlotte’s doing.
And he’d been happy to let her do it. But now that she was gone, he didn’t know how to be a full-time dad when he’d barely been a full-time husband. Charlotte had given him a lot of rope. It was a damn miracle he hadn’t hanged himself with it.
A memory stirred, an echo from the past that only served to drive the miserable point home.
It’d been a phone call from Charlotte on one of the many nights he’d stayed late at the office.
“Hi, honey.” Her voice had sounded soft on the other end of the line. He’d taken the call, but only grudgingly. His head was on facts and figures, strategy and cunning, not the worries and cares of his wife. “It’s getting late.... Are you coming home anytime soon?”
“I might just crash here,” he’d answered, anxious to end the conversation so he could get back to work. He’d been single-minded in his focus to succeed. He had a wife and child to care for and a company to run. There was no end to the workday, and Charlotte knew it. Though it had seemed she’d forgotten that fact as of late. “Don’t wait up.”
“You’ve been sleeping a lot at the office.” The reproach in Charlotte’s voice had been hard to miss. “Your family misses you. I miss you.”
He’d sighed in irritation, chafing at the neediness he heard in his wife’s voice. “Sacrifices have to be made, Charlotte,” he’d reminded her. “On everyone’s part.”
“I know,” she’d said. “I just thought... Well, I didn’t feel good tonight and wondered if you could come home.”
Charlotte’s voice faded in his memory but the sick feeling lodged in his gut remained. He hadn’t gone home. He’d snapped at her and she’d backed down.
They hadn’t known then but Charlotte had been riddled with cancer by that point. She’d been so busy being the best wife and mother, she’d pushed aside her own aches and pains and growing fatigue.
He wished he hadn’t been such a dick at times. She’d been such a good woman. He certainly hadn’t deserved her love.
Funny how things got twisted and relationships changed the longer couples stayed together. At one time, he’d wanted to give Charlotte the world. It wasn’t until she was gone that he’d realized she’d been his world. Several tears had fallen before he realized he was actually crying.
“Charlotte...you were better than I ever deserved. I’m trying to do you proud but I’m failing miserably. What am I doing wrong? I’m a damn mess.”
Great. Now he was talking to an empty room. He wiped at his eyes and blew out a short breath to collect himself. The bottom line, as he was fond of saying to his employees, was this: he didn’t know how to be different but he had to learn.
He’d do anything for his little girl, even if it meant doing a better job of keeping his priorities straight.
If Carys felt more secure here at Larimar, he wouldn’t force her to leave. He’d find a way to deal with his feelings for Lindy without penalizing Carys in the process. He just had to keep his hands to himself and his thoughts on the straight and narrow. Besides, before long they would leave and Lindy and Larimar would become a memory.
Feeling somewhat more secure in his footing than he was only moments ago, he splashed some water on his face and then struck out to find Carys and Lindy, but as luck would have it, Lindy had returned for, judging by the determined look on her face, round two.
* * *
LINDY INTERCEPTED GABE just as he was leaving the bungalow and pushed on his chest. “Not so fast,” she said, propelling him clear of the door and kicking it shut with her foot. “You had me ready to give up but I’m not about to do that to Carys—”
“We’re staying,” Gabe cut in, surprising her into silence for a moment. He took advantage and continued, “You were right. I was being hardheaded about it. I’m sorry for coming down so hard on you. All I can say in my defense is that I’m flying solo when I’m accustomed to sitting in first class sipping champagne while someone else does the flying. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, but I’m just trying to do what’s right.”
Lindy’s steam evaporated at his honest admission. She’d been prepared to bury him with her conviction that she was right and he was wrong. She wasn’t prepared for the white flag. “Oh...” she said, pursing her lips as she processed. “Okay. This is good news.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, a faint smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “You don’t seem so sure.”
“No, no, it is.... I was just prepared to really lay into you,” she said sheepishly. “Now, I feel as if the wind has been sucked from my sails.”
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