Lauren nodded, feeling more clear-headed and happy than she had since she returned. “Yes, that would be nice.”
Svala smiled. “Excellent, I will go let her know to plan it.”
Plan it? As if she hadn’t already? Lauren tried to stop her, not wanting to inconvenience anyone, but it was too late. Svala was gone.
Tait grinned and shrugged when she looked his way. “There is no stopping my cousin when she is determined to celebrate.”
“What are we celebrating, though?” Lauren said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, surprised to find herself in her matching pajama set.
“Your return,” he said softly. “And your perseverance.”
“Perseverance?” she whispered as she stood. Within a blink of an eye, he was there keeping her steady. Her eyes rose to his and that same hitch to her breath returned. She had the uncanny feeling that no matter how long she knew him, he would always invoke this response. This flutter of her heart. Her struggle for breath. “If I remember correctly, begging Samantha to return me here was more like cowardice. Avoidance…escape.”
“You are very hard on yourself, Lauren,” he murmured, stepping so close her skin began to overheat. “Something happened between our dragons that was unexplainable. Intense.” He tilted her chin so her eyes couldn’t avoid his. “You had every right to be afraid. Every right to run.”
“No,” she whispered. “I did not.” Her eyes searched his. “I have been running since I first shifted. Afraid. Repressing and locking away everything. Since I met you, I have been letting that go. Bit by bit, I have been. Then that happened.” She swallowed. “We were intimate then I had that vision and shifted. I lost control. I cannot control myself after all…”
“It is over now,” he said softly. “And you never really ran because you were willing to let me follow. You were only trying to return to something that might seem normal. Something that remained the same.”
“Not Charles,” she said vehemently because she meant it.
“No, not him,” he agreed, gratefulness in his eyes. “Just normalcy.” He gestured around the room. “The twenty-first century. The possibility you could step outside and be somewhere you understood. Around things that made sense.”
“Yet they do not.” Lauren closed her eyes and said more than intended. “Nothing made sense when you did not return with me.” She opened her eyes and faced it…him. “I was not good at being here without you.” Lauren stepped away, bothered by her behavior, how she seemed to be latching onto him. “Yes, I think I fled here for the reasons you said, but I also came to escape heartache.” Her eyes met his as she frowned. “You died Tait. I killed you. It might not have been in this life, but it happened.” She pressed her hand against his chest and fought back tears. More stupid tears. “I have that in me. The ability to hurt you. Kill you.”
She was about to say more but had no chance before he pulled her against him, cupped one hand around the back of her neck and closed his lips over hers. While she stiffened initially, still worried about how her dragon might react if their previous life resurfaced, her resistance did not last long. It had been nearly six weeks since she felt this. The feelings he ignited. Or should she say the feelings he ignited beyond the scope of her imagination?
So though she should probably keep him at arm’s length for his own safety and everyone else’s in the house, she just couldn’t do it. She was too desperate. Impatient. Needy. She knew it had something to do with her previous life merging with this one. How strongly they had felt about each other. It fueled her as she pulled his head down, deepened the kiss and angled to get him onto the bed. Just as eager, he was about to scoop her up when Emily yelled, “Hey, everyone, all hands on deck, Uncle Sean is getting lobstah!”
Though tempted to keep kissing Tait, Lauren knew staying in here with him would be in poor form. These people had done so much for her.
“You need to shower and dress first, though, yes?” Tait whispered against her ear, evidently following her every thought.
“Yes, I suppose,” she murmured then gasped as he scooped her up and headed to the adjoining bathroom where he kicked the door shut behind them.
“What are you doing?” she tried to say, but he cut her off with another deep kiss as he set her down. She was vaguely aware of the shower starting as he tore off his shirt then kissed her again.
Lauren groaned, “No, we should not,” she said even as she tore off her top instead of unbuttoning it. She couldn’t wait. Not one more second. She wanted him. Needed him. Tait growled with approval, dropped to his knees and yanked down her pajama bottoms.
Then he was tasting her again as though he hadn’t in ages.
“No,” she gasped even though she didn’t want it to end. “I might shift again. I might get…”
She had no chance to say more before he stood, turned her, pressed her hands against the mirror over the sink and came behind her. Steam billowed around them as his eyes met hers and he moved against her. “You will not shift.” He peppered kisses along her jawline and the side of her neck. “Not here.” The sight of his hands exploring her was unbelievably erotic. “Your dragon will not allow it.”
How could he know that when she didn’t?
“You do not know that,” she managed as he chanted and his pants vanished. “I clearly have no control over it.”
“I think you do,” he murmured as his lips ran back up the side of her neck and his hands continued to stroke her in ways that made it difficult to comprehend much of anything. “And I think you need to realize that you do.”
“How can you be so confident?” she whispered as she closed her eyes and melted beneath his touch. “I could hurt everyone.”
“But you will not,” he growled as he spun, lifted her until she straddled his waist and walked her into the shower. “And I will prove it to you.”
“You do not know what you are doing.” She released a ragged breath of anticipation as her back met the wall. “You risk too much.”
“Focus on how I feel against you,” he murmured near her ear before he nibbled at the tender flesh just beneath. “If you see flashes of anything else unsavory put them in here.”
Lauren’s eyes widened as a doorway filled her vision. It seemed forged of pure steel. “What it that?”
“My door in my mind.” His lips brushed hers before their eyes met. “I built it for you. For us. If your previous life, our life, haunts you again, put those memories in here.” Before she could speak, he put a finger to her lips. “This is a strong door. One we will reopen when the time is right. We will face what we put behind it then we will destroy the door altogether, yes?”
Lauren could not respond she was so touched. He built a door in his mind to help her? To help them? She nodded in agreement, not sure what to say, unable to find the words.
It seemed Tait was just fine with that because he made her forget all about mental doors as their lips met. Psychological issues or lack thereof were the furthest thing from her mind as his kiss deepened and every moment became made of pure sensation.
The way the water pounded down.
The slippery, strong, hot texture of his body against hers.
Nothing but the way he made her feel got through, especially when he hoisted her higher and began entering her. She pressed her mouth against his shoulder to keep from crying out. To keep from sharing just how wonderful he felt.
“Lauren,” he groaned as he worked his way into her.
She dug her fingers into his hair, closed her eyes and held on tight as their passion only grew. There was nothing like this. Nothing comparable to the way her body and mind seemed to curl around him and pull him closer. She was discovering a level of pleasure so great it was indescribable.
Ankles wrapped around him, she dug her heels into his backside as he began to move faster and pleasure coiled round and round where he had twirled his fingers on her stomach the last time they were together. She chased it, eager to catch whatever it was leading
her to. A greatness she knew would be hard to come back from.
“Loki’s cock,” Tait groaned as he moved faster, thrusting hard enough that she held on even tighter. Their breathing became so heavy, she was convinced they must be making steam of their own.
“What are you doing to me?” Tait managed, his voice gruff, raspy, passionate.
She had no idea because as far as she could tell he was doing everything to her.
Then it started again.
Flashes of something else.
Him. Her. Another place. Mindless passion. An area she didn’t know made of corners she didn’t recognize. Danger. Death. Then the Nidstang.
Her dragon came screaming up.
“No,” he growled into her ear and thrust harder. “Let it go. Get rid of your anger and confusion. Use my door.”
Suddenly, they were back in the hallway in her mind where they first kissed. She still felt the power of their lovemaking. Only now his door was in her hallway. A means to get rid of the past, their previous life.
Lauren stared at it, tempted, but the more they moved together, the closer they became, the more she realized it could not happen this way. Though his intentions were good and noble, she would not let him go down the same path as her.
She would not let Tait start building hallways and doors full of denial and fear.
“No,” she cried as they moved desperately against each other, needing something she had no control over.
Control.
That was it. That had always been it. If she didn’t control things, everything would go wrong. Nothing would go right. It could only be a complete disaster.
But what if she was wrong?
What if she relinquished control and tried to work through it in her mind? She couldn’t erase what happened in the past under the ash tree the first time she shifted. That life-altering moment that changed who she was. Who she would become. The moment that made her control everything in an unhealthy way. A way that kept her from truly living. From confronting and working through things not locking them away, never to be faced again.
It was time for that to end.
It was time to release some of the control and let go. That meant she had to tear down all the hallways and the doors. And let her dragon help her at last.
She might not be able to tackle everything in one fell swoop, but she could face her memories right now. All the hard issues. What she thought were insurmountable problems in her life. Fear. Loneliness. Anger. Sadness. There was so much denial. Yet she started to face it, to confront everything. And as she did that, she grew stronger. She held onto Tait and roared against all the memories flashing in her mind. She and her dragon faced and accepted everything that came her way.
She didn’t use his door.
She didn’t use any door.
Instead, she buried her face in the crook of his neck, dug her nails into his back, and let whatever memories wanted to surface, come. She challenged them to try to control her. To see if the past would take over. Because she refused to fear this every time she was with him.
She would not let it rule her.
And it seemed they didn’t because so much was drifting away. So much was being released.
As it did, as her mind became more free, she could better focus on Tait. On how supportive he was. How he was there for her right now. Then his movements intensified and her focus was no longer on her mind but entirely on her body. The joining of their flesh.
What he was making her feel.
How high he was pushing her.
Every last thought she had dwindled down to one as the water poured over them and he moved against her.
The way this felt. Him. Her.
Right here.
Right now.
Nothing else.
The pressure within her grew so intense that she started to release a long, low moan. Whatever was happening was far beyond understanding. Profound in a way she could never replicate. It rushed up inside her so quickly that not only the door he had provided but nearly all the hallways and doors she had built started exploding.
“Hel,” Tait half growled, half gasped as he pressed her tighter against the wall, and drove faster, deeper.
Lauren struggled to breathe as her mind snapped shut and her body opened up wide. A whole new type of explosion was taking over. Her eyes rounded, and she tried to cry out but everything locked up tight. Tait thrust one last time and seemed as much in limbo as her as he released a strangled groan.
Yet he wasn’t in limbo.
And neither was she.
Rather, she felt amazing. As if her entire body was morphing into something so much better. Huge. Glorious. Expanding. Far beyond the scope of a hallway, doorway or anything even remotely confined.
She released a hearty sob and held on as the world dwindled down to her and Tait and everything they felt. Because she could feel what he did. How identical it was to what she was experiencing. The intensity. The way it consumed them.
How life-altering.
Though he still held her, Tait fell to his knees, braced his forehead against the shower wall and breathed harshly. Her jaw quivered as she leaned her head back, closed her eyes and relished the feel of them together. She had never felt anything like it. Nothing so wonderful yet simple at the same time. Something she didn’t have to worry about controlling but could just let be.
The water poured down as they stayed that way.
Holding each other.
Being together.
Only when Tait whispered, “I have never felt anything like that,” did Lauren realize he had at some point pulled her onto his lap. Her eyes went to his hand as he trailed a bar of soap up her arm. As he bathed her. She could smell its scent in a whole new way. Every single ingredient it contained. How those ingredients would interact with her skin. How it would make her smell ten hours from now.
She had embraced her dragon rather than it taking over her.
She had done it by sharing these moments with him.
By confronting so much of her past.
“Tait,” she said softly and met his eyes, eager to share, to better understand, but he shook his head and put a finger to her lips.
“You didn’t shift, Lauren,” he said. “You fought it by embracing it.” He cupped her cheek and held her eyes. “You overcame it by accepting it.” A soft smile curved his lips. “You were very strong.”
“Thanks to you,” she murmured. She felt so much better. Connected to everything in a way she hadn’t been for a long time. She had a new clarity that made the world look different. She wasn’t entirely fixed yet, but close. So much closer.
“I had nothing to do with it.” His grin broadened. “Well, I might have put you in a position that forced you to face it. That forced you to have faith in yourself.”
A small smile curved her lips as well. “I am sure more women would like to be forced to overcome their mental issues that way.” Her eyes drifted to his broad shoulders, his strong chest. “With a man like you.”
He chuckled. “No other will get too, though.”
She could tell by the look on his face that he hadn’t intended to say that. Because it sounded like he meant to commit even more than his soul. Perhaps his heart. Uncomfortable, clearly confused, he began to elaborate further on that, but she stopped him.
“No, Tait, you do not need to say another word.” Her eyes held his. “You already saved my life and gave up a piece of your soul for me. I do not expect any more.” And she didn’t. He had already done so much for her. “I really only want one more thing from you.”
When his brows perked in question, she said, “Something I have never had with a man. Something I haven’t had with any women outside my sisters, for that matter.” She offered a shy smile. “I could really use a friend. Someone who understands everything I’ve been through…maybe even everything I’m getting ready to go through.”
A warm smile came to his face and perhaps a flash of relief mixed with more confu
sion. “My friendship is already yours, Lauren.”
She nodded as their eyes held. “Thank you.”
Tait wanted to elaborate. She knew it. He was caught somewhere between needing to offer her more but not sure if he was capable. And he felt that way because they were already friends and he didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to risk that friendship.
“We should finish bathing,” she murmured, determined to move past the uncomfortable silence.
“Yes,” he agreed, lust flaring in his eyes as he continued running the soap over her.
“I think we should bathe ourselves,” she said softly, knowing full well what direction things were heading if he kept looking at her like that. “This is a big bath with two shower heads.”
“It is.” He sighed. “And you’re probably right.” A frown settled on his face as he stood and set her down. “Though this does not sound nearly as enjoyable.”
“No.” Her eyes dropped to his renewed erection. “But likely the best way to keep our friendship intact…”
She cleared her throat and ignored her own arousal as she started to rinse off. As she kept her eyes off of him. She should have known he wasn’t doing the same.
“You are very beautiful, Lauren,” he murmured. “I am sorry someone made you feel otherwise.”
When she turned, it was to find him standing beneath his shower eying her over with appreciation. She gave him a pointed look. “I think maybe you do not understand what I expect from you when I say friendship.”
The corner of his mouth inched up. “Was that not a friendly thing to say?”
“Yes,” she conceded. “If you were not looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” he asked innocently. “I am just one friend complimenting another.”
She was about to respond when a knock came at the door. “Lauren dear, you will want to come down soon. Shannon is on her way back.” Lauren was about to respond to Mema Angie, but her words trailed off as Angie finished her sentence. “And you’ll never believe who’s with her. Your sister, Erica.”
Soul of a Viking (The MacLomain Series: Viking Ancestors' Kin Book 3) Page 18