I feel like a fucking jackass. “You’re not stupid. I’m the dumbass one for leading you on.”
Her face turns red with fury. “Yes, I am stupid. I thought maybe, just maybe, you might see me as more than your best friend’s little sister. But, of course, I was wrong. You’ll never see me like that. You only touched me because I was convenient, and you were horny. I’m like all of those other girls, the ones you hook up with but get freaked out when they want a commitment.”
I shake my head violently. “That’s not true. Don’t compare yourself to those chicks. You know you’re fucking different. You’re so much more.”
I should’ve never brought this up. Keeping my mouth shut is the smartest thing I could’ve done. Now, she pretty much hates my guts because I can’t explain to her how I really feel.
“I’m different for the fact that you have to see me again. I bet you won’t even tell Simon. You’re too much of a coward to tell him you screwed his sister.”
“You’re damn straight I don’t want him to know, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your mouth shut. You know I’m attracted to you. You’re sexy, smart, and a giant pain in my ass, but I enjoy hanging out with you. Sure, there might be something more with us, but we can’t explore that. We know it won’t go anywhere, and you know I don’t date.”
“Alright then,” she says, with a glare. “We got each other out of our systems. Now we can move on to bigger and better things.”
I let out a growl. I’m not okay with other motherfuckers putting their hands, mouth, or cock anywhere near here. There is no bigger or better than me. I don’t want anyone else to have her, but I can’t cross that line, either. I’m a selfish man.
“You were right. It’s not a good idea to talk about this shit,” I fire back.
I turn up the volume on the radio and concentrate on the road. She pulls out a book and the ride goes eerily quiet. It’s another four hours until we make it home. Four long as hell hours.
The sound of her moaning my name is much more gratifying than her silence.
* * *
“Do you want me to help with your bags?” I offer, pulling into her driveway. I don’t want us to end on bad terms.
“Nope,” she snaps, her first word in hours.
I jump out of my truck, ignoring her answer, and walk around to meet her. I open up the back door and capture her bag. She throws her purse over her shoulder and snatches it from me.
“Thanks for the ride,” she says, her skin bunching up around her eyes.
“Nautica.” I need to say something, to apologize.
Her hand flies up in my face to stop me, and she gives me a cold glare. “Don’t. Just don’t.”
She whips around and heads up the porch steps. I lean back against my truck and wait until she goes in before leaving.
I feel like an asshole the entire three-minute drive to my house.
It’s for the best, right?
chapter nine
nautica
I toss my bag onto the entryway floor and head into the kitchen to find my mom unloading groceries.
“Hi sweetie,” she greets, a bright smile on her face. She scurries around the island in her black flats to wrap me in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been counting down the days until I had both you and Simon home.” She takes a step back to hold me at arm’s length. “You look good. So much older.”
I kiss her on the cheek and pull away. “Mom,” I say, around a laugh. “I’ve only been gone a few months. Not that much has changed.”
She squeezes my arm gently. “From a mother’s standpoint you have.” She looks over my shoulder. “Did Bracken not come in?”
I’m unable to look her in the eyes. I feel like she’ll know what we’ve done. “No, he needed to get home.”
Her ruby-colored lips turn into a frown. “That’s too bad. I baked some cookies to thank him for giving you a ride. I haven’t seen him in so long.”
“I’m sure he’ll be here sometime during the break.” I give her a forced smile, hoping I’m wrong, but know I’m probably right. He hangs out at our house more than he does his own.
I grab a cookie on the way to help her unpack the groceries, but she waves me away and tells me to sit down.
My mother is a beautiful woman. Her sandy brown hair is flowing in loose spiral curls. I can see a hint of mascara along her eyelashes. She takes care of herself well, but there’s no mistaking that the loss of my father has taken a toll on her.
They were high school sweethearts. She got pregnant with Simon during their senior year. She dropped out to take care of him while my dad graduated and joined the military. Being a military wife was difficult, but she engrossed her life on being a good mother.
But being a good mother doesn’t pay the bills. When he died, everything changed. Simon was fourteen. I was ten. She had no job, no work experience, or education, so it was hard for her to support us. Bracken’s dad hired her at his dealership doing secretarial work, and she cleaned their house on the side for extra cash. He also worked around her school schedule when she decided to get her GED and then enroll in community college to get a degree in medical coding. If it weren’t for Bracken’s family, our lives would’ve been much harder.
I head up to my room after catching up with her for a bit. I toss my bag onto my bed and start to unpack when my phone rings.
“Hello,” I say, answering Macy’s call.
“Hey girl,” she sings out on the other line. “Did you make it home okay?”
“Yeah, Bracken dropped me off about an hour ago. We had to stay at a hotel last night because the roads were so bad.”
She gasps dramatically. “You and him stayed in a hotel room alone together?” Her words come out slow.
“We did.” I sit down and wait for the Macy freak out.
“Did you fuck him again?” I stay silent. I don’t want to go there right now. I’m still licking my wounds and pissed off. “Holy shit, you did. I don’t know whether to cheer for you, or tell you you’re an idiot for it.”
“It was an accident. It wasn’t supposed to happen,” I say.
“Yet, it continues to.”
“I don’t know what to do. It’s not good for us, but it’s like we can’t stop now that we’ve started.”
“Did you guys talk about it?”
“Not really. When he told me it wasn’t going anywhere, I pretty much shut the conversation down. I wasn’t in the mood to hear him say he basically used me. I might’ve punch him in the face or something.”
“That’s bullshit.” She blows out a breath. “God, I could kick his arrogant little ass right now. You wait until I get home. If I see him, I swear to God.”
“Don’t say anything to him, please. It’s done. It’s not happening again. Now, tell me what’s going on with you?” I make myself comfortable. I’m exhausted from being worked out by Bracken last night.
She tells me about her parents and how unreasonable they’re acting. Her mom has spent the entire time she’s been there bitching about her dad and his new girlfriend. She feels like they were living a lie for so long she doesn’t want to be around either one of them.
“So when are you coming home?” I ask.
“In a few days.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
“You too. Figure shit out with Bracken before I come home or I’m kicking his ass.”
chapter ten
bracken
Two. That’s how many days I’ve been home. Two slow, long, and rough as hell days since I dropped off Nautica.
Three. That’s how many days it’s been since I was last inside of her, and it’s fucking torturing me. I’m going crazy. She’s taken me over like an illness I can’t be cured of, and I’m not sure if I want to be.
She hasn’t called or texted, but I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve picked up the phone to do it for her – only to chicken out each time. If she’s not calling, I’m not calling. It’s killing me, but it’s f
or the best.
Distance is key for our situation. I need to find a way to get my mind off her. I jacked off this morning thinking about how soft her skin felt against mine, and her angelic, begging moans haunted me last night. I feel like a damn high school kid again who just got laid for the first time.
I hate that she compared herself to those other nameless chicks I’ve stuck my cock into. That’s not true. Being with her is the best fuck I’ve ever had.
Simon sent me a text telling me he’d gotten in this morning. Relief washed through me, but tension built up in my muscles at the same time. I know hanging out with him will most likely cut away at my hunger of wanting to fuck his little sister every second of the damn day, but I’m nervous he’ll find out what I’ve done.
I throw on a shirt before grabbing my phone to send him a text letting him know I’m on my way to pick him up for drinks. I’ve missed my best friend like fucking crazy, but guilt still consumes me.
What if Nautica told him about us? What if I pissed her off so bad that she wanted revenge, and she knew the best way was to make me lose my best friend? I never put anything passed pissed-off females. I’ve had my fair share of them doing crazy shit to get back at me, mostly along the lines of fucking with my truck.
I snag my coat from my closet and head out of my bedroom. The house is quiet, but I know it isn’t empty. I pass my parent’s bedroom on the way to the stairs and stop abruptly when I see my mom sitting on the edge of their bed, tears falling from her eyes. Seeing her this way isn’t anything new, but it still hurts every time.
“You alright, ma?” I ask. I’ve only seen her once since I’ve gotten home. She came downstairs to tell me hi, gave me a hug, ordered me some food, and then went back up to her bedroom. She’s been caved up in there ever since.
Sniffles escape her throat as she nods and wipes her eyes. “You know I am, honey,” she lies.
I slide my hands into my pockets and rock back and forth on my heels. It’s getting worse with each passing year, and I’m sure my absence is only making it harder on her; making her lonelier.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
Another sniffle. “No, I’ll feel better after a nap.” She opens her nightstand drawer and the sound of pills rolling from a bottle rings through our silence. I’m not sure how many she swallows down before giving me a fake smile and waving me out. “Please shut my door.”
I take a step back and do as I’m told without another word. It’s what I always do. I learned years ago to stop asking questions and let her make the rules. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, there is no talking about it. My mom is as stubborn headed as I am. So I keep letting her pretend, which most likely makes me a shitty ass son, but there is nothing more I can do. You can’t force someone who doesn’t believe they have a problem to get help.
I tiptoe down the stairs and go out into the garage. I jump into my truck and head towards Simon’s place. I definitely need that drink to clear my head. I actually need a few of ‘em.
I wait in my truck for Simon to come outside instead of going in. I can’t risk seeing Nautica yet. I need to get my head straight first before I can face her in front of him.
“Bracken, dude I’ve fucking missed you,” Simon shouts as the passenger door opens and he gets in. “It’s been too long.”
I step on the gas pedal. “You have no fucking idea,” I say.
We bullshit with each other on the drive to the bar, and I hope they have something strong – strong enough to make me forget about her.
* * *
“It feels good to have a drink,” Simon says. He grabs the beer from the bartender and takes a long swig. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and grins. “Damn, I missed this shit.”
I lead him to a table, and he sits down across from me. He’s changed. The color of his hair still matches Nautica’s, dark as the night, but the curls that once hit the bottom of his ears are shaved off, along with the rest of his head. He’s in the best shape that I’ve ever seen him in. The military is doing him good.
I take a long drawl from my beer. “I bet. I can’t imagine being stuck trudging through the damn snow while some drill sergeant screams at me for not making my damn bed right.”
“I’m not going to lie, it’s not fucking easy. But if my dad did it for our family, so can I. Plus, I feel like I’m doing something good, you know?”
I nod. Ever since their dad died, he’s been trying to do everything to follow in his footsteps. “Do you have any idea when they’re shipping you overseas?”
“I’m supposed to be leaving for my tour next month.”
I suck in my cheeks and rub the back of my neck. “Shit, that’s too soon. Be careful, man. Please be careful.”
“You know I will. I’ve got to be here for my family.” He leans back in his seat and sets his hands behind his head. “How’s my little sister? Is she going wild out there?”
I suck down the remainder of my beer and signal to our waitress for another. “Eh, she hasn’t been too bad. It’s her freshman year, so you can expect her to get a little crazy, but she’s called me anytime she needed a ride or anything.” I grab the beer as soon as she hands it to me and take a drink to swallow down my bullshit.
He leans forward and slaps me on the back. “Thank you. I really appreciate it, bro. I don’t know what I’d do if she was out there alone. Thank fuck I can trust you with her. You know how college guys can be. They’ll try to get in her panties and then never talk to her again.”
He lifts his beer up to cheers with me. I oblige, and feel like a complete asshole when my beer taps his.
* * *
I find my dad sitting in the kitchen with a drink in his hand when I get home from dropping Simon off. He holds up an expensive bottle of whiskey when he notices me standing in the dim light.
“You want a drink?” he asks. I take a step forward. His eyes are glossy, letting me know this isn’t his first glass.
I came in here for some water to help drown out my buzz, but the taste of liquor sounds more appetizing. Whiskey is just what the doctor ordered to wash Nautica from my thoughts because the beer is doing a pretty shitty job. Nothing has changed.
“Sure,” I answer. I grab a glass from a cabinet, and he fills it up when I hand it to him.
I sit down a few stools away from him and sip on my drink. He plays with the glass in his hand. “It’s nice to have you home,” he says. “I’ve missed you.”
He’s still in his work suit. His black hair, peppered with a little grey, is freshly cut and swept back with gel – the same hairstyle he’s had for years. The gold, diamond watch I bought him for his birthday last year is wrapped around his wrist. He’s missing his wedding ring.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I say.
“Have you talked to your mother? Has she even left her bedroom today?”
I blow out a breath. I don’t want to venture into this conversation. “She was down here when I got home, but she hasn’t been out since.”
He shakes his head in disapproval. “Shit,” he hisses. “We have a dinner tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she’ll be back to her old self by then.” She always is. She can pull herself together in minutes if it’s for business or money. I don’t know how the hell she does it.
“Temporarily.” I can see the pain in his eyes. The subject makes him just as uncomfortable as it does me. “How’s school going?”
“Good. I can’t wait to graduate. One more semester to go.”
“I can’t wait for you to be back here. You’re the perfect man to take over the lot when I’m ready to retire.” He downs his glass and pours another. “We do have some work to do.”
“Work?”
He swallows down another drink and nods. “Yes, work. You need to start settling down. We need to find you a wife.” I almost drop my glass at his words. That’s not happening. “It looks better,” he goes on. “Family men get more business. People like to buy shit from people with stability.�
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I shake my head. “A wife isn’t in the cards for me anytime soon. I enjoy my freedom too much.” I chuckle. “I haven’t even graduated college yet.”
He holds up his hand. “I get it, I get it. It was hard for me to settle down, but your shit has to be together to run a successful business. You don’t need money-hungry floozies using you.”
“Yeah, I’ll think about it,” I lie.
I stumble up the stairs to my bedroom after we’ve both passed the line of being tipsy. My dad heads towards the guest bedroom. I shut my door, strip off my clothes, and fall face first onto my bed. I eventually gain the strength to flip myself over when I hear my phone go off on my nightstand. I snag it and see a message from Kelly.
Kelly is a girl I occasionally fuck around with when I’m home. Her text tells me she’s fully aware I’m here and wants to get together tomorrow night for a drink and a fuck.
I ignore her message and scroll through my contacts. Only one name is on my mind. It’s the one that shouldn’t be. Ringing comes alive on the other end when I hit it.
Voicemail.
She either hit the ignore button or is asleep. I hope for the latter. I decide to leave her a message.
“Hey babe, it’s me. Bracken.” I hope my words aren’t too slurred. “But I’m sure you know that since it says my name. Anyways, I want to apologize. I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t want you to hate me. I was … shit … I am an idiot. I should’ve never allowed myself to touch you like that. I should’ve never fucking caved. The truth is, I’ve wanted you for so long. That night, it was like nothing else mattered but the two of us, and there were no consequences. I want it to happen again. I wish I could touch you … fuck you … again.”
I hang up.
Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) Page 6