Damn you, Bracken Casey, for giving me everything I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl and showing me that you can make me happy. Damn you, for not making me any promises, confusing the shit out of me, and leaving me in the dark.
* * *
“I’m trying to act as normal as possible right now, but it’s challenging,” Bracken says, quietly. He falls down next to me on the metal bench while I start to untie my skates.
I pull my left skate off. “Tell me about it,” I say, with a sigh. “I feel so paranoid, like he expects something when he probably has no idea.”
So far, ice-skating has been an interesting event. We went to dinner first. Pizza. I wanted to strangle Macy the entire time. She was trying her damnedest to make everything uncomfortable as hell.
When we got to the pizzeria, she squeezed into the booth next to Simon before he could stop her, resulting in Bracken having to sit next to me. I can’t be mad at her, though. She might have a sucky way of doing it, but I know she’s only trying to help. She was the one who kept the conversation flowing. It wasn’t necessarily good conversation, considering it consisted of her mainly talking about the parties we’ve gone to since arriving at KU, but it erased the awkward silence. Her and Simon spent the rest of the time arguing about stupid shit while Bracken and I sat quietly.
Bracken gets down on one knee and helps me take off my other skate. My heart skips a beat. The last time he’d done this was in his bedroom our first night – our first time.
“I know,” he says. “This whole sneaking around shit isn’t fun.”
I look down at him. “Then maybe we should stop,” I reply. I’m shocked at myself for even suggesting it, but I think Macy is getting to me. I need to find out where Bracken’s head is. We either need to move forward or move on.
His face pales. He grabs the bottom of the bench to bring himself up and sits back down. “Stop hooking up?”
I take a calming breath. “Or stop hiding.”
He takes off his black beanie to run his hands through his thick hair. “You know that isn’t an option.”
“And why not?” I let out an aggravated huff. “Are you really that terrified of my brother?” Simon is built and all, but Bracken has at least fifteen pounds on him. “Yeah, he’ll probably be pissed in the beginning, but he’ll get over it. It won’t kill him.”
“It has nothing to do with me being afraid of Simon. It’s not that. It’s just …”
“It’s what?” I cut off his bullshit reply because I know it’s going to piss me off. Whenever we attempt to have a conversation with our clothes on it always turns ugly.
“Why can’t we wait a little longer? Let’s see how this break plays out before we tell him, okay?”
I scoot away as nausea builds up in my stomach. “I get it,” I say, through clenched teeth. “You don’t want to tell him because it would be a waste, right?”
He looks at me in confusion. “What?”
“I’m not dumb. You’re not actually planning on being with me. You want to fuck me, but not date me. You’ll never change. So let’s end it now. It’s better this way.”
He’s shaking his head with his eyes down to the ground. “That’s not what I meant. Those aren’t my intentions.”
“Then explain to me what I got wrong.” I’m on the verge of tears. Breathe … breathe … don’t let him know he’s hurting you.
“It’s just …”
“Are you guys already done?” Simon asks, coming up and interrupting us. Him and Macy stayed on the ice when I told them I wanted to take a break, and Bracken offered to come back with me. “Dude, I planned on showing your ass up.” He looks over at Bracken with a competitive smile.
Bad fucking timing, brother.
“Let’s see what you got then, asshole,” Bracken says, bringing himself up. He doesn’t look at me once as he walks away with him towards the ice.
“Something just happened,” Macy says, taking his spot. “I’m pretty sure we walked in on something, and from the looks of it, it wasn’t something pretty.” She stares at me, her eyebrows drawn together, while she waits for me to tell her the scoop.
I scrub my hands over my face and release a heavy sigh. “I’m wasting my time with him,” I tell her. My voice loses power at the end. I want to fade in the background and disappear from here.
She releases a heavy sigh. “I was afraid of that, but at least we know his intentions now.” Her shoulder bumps into mine. “Do you want to know the best thing to do now is?”
I give her a sideways glance. “What?”
“Show him he’s not the only guy you can get.” She points to the crowd of guys a few feet away from us. “Look at all of them. If the jackass doesn’t claim you publically, show him he has no claim over you, period. Make him aware that you’ll do whatever you want until he pulls his head out of his ass and mans up.”
“That’s the thing, though. He’s never going to pull his head out of his ass because he doesn’t want a commitment.”
“Then that’s another issue. Do you know what the only solution to the problem of a man who’s afraid to commit is?” I look at her but don’t answer. “Moving on. Forget about him. You might love him now, but you don’t have to always love him. You’re not Whitney Houston.”
That’s easier said than done. I’ve been in love with Bracken for so long I’m not sure I can move on without hating him.
chapter seventeen
bracken
“So who’s the lucky lady?” the woman behind the counter asks. Her red fingernails slide open another glass showcase filled with sparkling diamonds and gold necklaces.
I went to high school with her, but I can’t remember her name. I honestly don’t give a shit what it is, either. The only reason she’s asking for details is so she can run off and tell her friends about what I’m up to. That’s the last damn thing I need getting back to Simon. I already have Nautica pissed off at me. I need to make shit right one person at a time.
“Someone special,” is all I answer, with a shrug.
She leans forward, her elbows hitting the glass, and gives me a good view of her tits. “Do I know her?” she pushes.
“Nope.”
I look down at the thin, gold chain wrapped around my fingers. I’ve been in this jewelry store for almost an hour trying to find the perfect Christmas present for Nautica. I want to get her something she’ll love, but I’ve never bought jewelry for a chick – other than my mom. I decided to go with a necklace after this no-name woman asked me if I was positive I didn’t want to go with a ring fifteen times.
I haven’t talked to Nautica since the whole ice-skating disaster. I acted like an idiot. She put me on the spot, drilling me with questions I wasn’t prepared to answer, so I stuck my foot in my mouth. My silence basically told her we’re only fuck buddies and that’s it. I’ve never been good with words.
“Can I get this engraved?” I ask.
“Sure,” she answers, with a smile. “It may take a few days, but we can get it done for you.”
“By Christmas?”
“By Christmas,” she verifies, with a nod.
I set the necklace down and pull out my wallet. “Sold.”
* * *
“Do you have a minute to talk?” I ask, sending a text to Nautica.
My phone beeps with a message. “Nope.”
Fuck. She’s still pissed, but I got a response. That gives me some hope. I was scared I wouldn’t even get that. An answer is something I can work with.
“Please. I’m sorry. Let me explain myself. Fix this.”
“Fine. I’m at home. You can come over.”
“To your house?”
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
She’s testing me to see if I’m okay with possibly having to face Simon. I’m not about to fail.
I start to type out, “Is Simon there?” but backspace. That will only piss her off more. I retype, “I’ll be there in ten.”
A sense of relief hits me
when I see the driveway clear of Simon’s car. I tuck the necklace receipt into my glove compartment and get out. The front door is unlocked, and I walk into the quiet house.
“Asshole.” I look up to see a full-of-attitude Macy shaking her head and stomping down the stairs with a grimace on her face. Her purse and keys are in her hand.
“It’s a pleasure seeing you too,” I reply.
She snorts and shoves past me. “She’s upstairs. You better get up there and say the right thing or she’s pretty much done with you.” She smacks my shoulder on her way out the door.
“Great,” I mutter. I head upstairs and knock on Nautica’s bedroom door before opening it. She’s laying on her stomach in bed and watching TV. She glances over and frowns when she sees me.
I lean back against the wall and shove my hands into my pockets. “Hey,” I say.
“Hi,” she replies, softly. Her tangled hair is pulled away from her face and in a messy ponytail. She’s wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Even dressed down like she doesn’t give a care in the world, she still looks breathtaking. “You wanted to talk?”
I push myself off the wall. “I do, but I want to apologize first.” I sit down on the edge of her bed. “I’m a dumbass. I messed up. The situation we’re in is complicated, but that’s not an excuse for me to act like a jackass. I don’t want to hide anymore, and I don’t want you to think of yourself as a secret. I’m going to talk to Simon about us.”
She lifts up from her stomach and looks at me in shock. “Don’t bullshit me, Bracken Casey.”
I hold up my hands in surrender. “No bullshitting, I swear. I’m going to tell him before we head back to school. I plan on taking him out and breaking the news. He deserves to know. We deserve to not be sneaking around. I’ll explain that we’ve hung out a few times and clicked. I am going to leave out the part where we’ve started fucking, and that we still are – for obvious reasons.”
She nods in agreement. I get excited when I notice the bright smile on her face. “Although I’m sure he’ll figure that out sooner or later. My brother isn’t an idiot.” Her grin grows wider. “Do you promise?”
I lean forward and twirl a loose strand of her hair around my finger. “I promise. I’ll make this right.”
I’ve never done commitment, but if I’m going to try it, it might as well be with someone I really care about, whose company I enjoy, and who is amazing in bed. If commitment is what she wants for me to keep having her, I’ll try my best to give it to her.
She leans forward, grabs my head, and kisses me. “Thank you.”
“Do I get a reward for my efforts?” I ask, against her lips.
“Mmm, I think that can be arranged.” I bite into her lip as she grips my cock through my jeans. “What did you have in mind?”
I run my hands down her back and grab a handful of her ass. Fuck, her ass is perfect. “I’m sure whatever you give me is going to be amazing, baby.”
“I like that answer.”
“Probably not as much as I’m going to like the reward.”
My dick springs out from my jeans. She wastes no time before wrapping her slick, thick lips around it. I grip her hair to control her pace. It feels so good, but I can’t lose my shit yet. I need to fuck her.
“Bend over,” I say, panting. She looks up at me with her mouth still full of my cock. “Quit sucking my dick, take off your panties, and bend over for me.”
I hiss when she releases my dick. I glance down at my throbbing erection as she pushes herself off the bed and stands up. My eyes stay glued to her every move. She slowly strips off her shirt and tosses it on the floor with a girlish smile.
“Keep going,” I say. I wrap my fist around my cock and start to pump up and down. “Don’t stop.”
Her bra is the next to go. She slides each strap off her shoulders before unclasping it and letting it fall to the floor. I lick my lips, my mouth salivating as I eye her hard nipples.
“You wanted me to bend over?” she asks, innocently. She twirls a dark strand of hair around her finger playfully. “Why Bracken, do you want me to bend over for you?”
“You know why,” I grunt. My hand is moving faster on my cock. “I’m not in the mood to play games.”
“Then what are you in the mood for?”
“To fuck you.” My answer comes out sounding like a growl.
I jump up from the bed, wrap my arms around her waist, and push her against the front of her desk. I rub my hard cock along her ass. She doesn’t fight me as I tug down her pants, along with her panties. She lets out a moan, her ass pushing against me, when I plunge into her.
“Oh god, yes,” she cries out.
“This is exactly what I was in the mood for,” I whisper into her ear. She shivers as I drop soft kisses along the nape of her neck. “This is what I’m always in the mood for.”
Her head falls back along my shoulder, and I brush my lips against hers before sliding my tongue in her mouth. “Don’t stop,” she begs, meeting my pace. Her hips slam back against me with every thrust. I inch my hand up her chest, playing with her tits. “God … I’m close.”
“Me too. Fuck, your pussy feels so good.”
“What the fuck is going on here?”
She jumps forward. I jump back. My dick falls out of her. Fuck, this isn’t good. I grab a blanket from the bed and throw it over her naked body before turning around and facing him – with my dick still in its full glory.
Oh shit.
Simon is standing in the doorway with his legs planted wide, his arms crossed, and his nostrils flaring. This definitely isn’t how I wanted it to go down. I can hear his breathing from across the room.
I grab my shorts from the bed and battle with myself on what the next words that come out of my mouth are going to be as I pull them on. Whatever I come up with better be good. It also needs to be smart enough that he doesn’t hate my ass or try to kill me.
“It’s not what it looks like,” sounds like a pretty good option, but it also sounds like a stupid as fuck response. I’m so fucked.
“Simon! Get out!” Nautica yells. She wraps the blanket tighter around her and sits down on the edge of the bed.
He puts his hand up, stopping her. “Don’t you fucking say a word.”
“We need to talk. Let’s go to the other room,” I finally say, my voice cool and controlled.
“You’re damn straight we need to,” he says. He charges towards me. “You’re my best friend. The only guy I’ve ever trusted with her, and you do this to me? You were like my brother, man.” His tone is a mixture of anger and hurt, which makes me feel even more like an asshole.
His fist is hard against my cheek. I allow him one punch.
Just one.
I deserve it. My head flies back against the wall, and I gain control of myself before he tries to throw another one. He stumbles back when my palms connect with his chest.
“Calm your ass down, Simon!” I yell.
Nautica frantically gets dressed underneath the blanket. “Simon, don’t be mad at him,” she begs. “It’s both of our faults.”
He spins around and points at her. “You shut the fuck up. I’ll deal with you later.”
“Dude, don’t talk to her like that,” I warn. “You can be pissed off at me all you fucking want, but don’t take it out on her.”
Nautica doesn’t deserve this shit. If he wants to punch someone, if he wants to cuss someone out, he needs to do it to me.
“Don’t tell me how to talk to my damn sister,” he spats, spit flying from his lips. “Get the hell out of my house. You stay the fuck away from her or I will kill you.”
“I’m in love with him,” Nautica blurts out. I stumble back against the wall. Oh fuck. This is definitely the wrong time to start making love devotions. I’m trying to keep my ass from getting kicked.
Simon laughs, mockingly. “That’s sweet little sister, but you can’t honestly believes he feels the same way.” He swings around to look directly at her. “This bastard doesn
’t love anyone but himself. He used you, just like he does with every other girl he’s fucked. And trust me, there’s been a shit ton of them.” He turns to look back at me. “Which is exactly why I told you to stay the fuck away from her!”
I drag a hand through my hair and pull at the ends. “I tried. I really did, but it was impossible,” I say.
I have feelings for her. I want to tell him that, but now isn’t the time, especially after she just said the four letter word. I can’t compete with that, so I’m not even going to try.
I don’t see it coming until his fist connects with my jaw again. I shuffle back into the wall, knocking down a few pictures, and a chair. Damn, he knows how to catch a man off guard.
“I deserved that.” I wipe the blood off my lip. “I’ll let you have those two, but that’s it.”
He takes another swing, but I move too quickly. His fist goes through the wall behind me.
“Mother fucker!” he grunts, and inspects his now-bloody fist. We are both dripping blood on the carpet. Their mom is going to have a fit.
“Simon, stop!” Nautica jumps up from the bed. She rushes over and tries to grab him, but goes stumbling back when his arm flies out and accidently hits her in the stomach.
I shoot toward them and push him out of the way to help her up. “You need to calm the fuck down,” I yell, easing her down on the bed. I shift around to look at him, creating a wall in between her and him.
He spits at my feet. “Fuck you. Get the hell out of my house.”
“I will when you calm your ass down and talk to me.”
I’ve never seen him like this. I knew the reaction I’d get from him when he found out wouldn’t be pretty, but I didn’t think it’d be this bad.
“Fuck you,” he repeats. “Fuck the both of you. I’m out.”
He storms out of her bedroom, pushing away everything in his path, and stomps down the stairs. Nautica falls down on her back at the same time the front door slams shut.
“That definitely didn’t go as planned,” she says, hugging herself. She covers her face, trying to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) Page 10