It was a different story, however, when it was time to do the actual jumping part. I did the wrong thing. I did what everyone tells you not to do. I looked down. My feet locked up, instantly changing their mind about sending my body tumbling down a cliff and to its doom. Tanner ended up having to carry me back down.
My eyes squeezed shut. Why were my memories of him so bittersweet? I wanted to bear hug them, but strangle those bitches at the same time. They gave me instant gratification, but also broke me down.
Needing to get my mind on something else, I fetched my backpack underneath my seat and pulled out my iPod. Music seemed to be my coping mechanism lately. My foot tapped gently against the ground as I unwrapped my headphones, sticking one in each ear. Just as my finger was ready to tap the play button, a stern voice stopped me.
“Excuse me, miss.” I looked up to see an older flight attendant giving me a generic smile. “All electronic devices need to be shut off at this time,” she instructed, in a robotic voice. I nodded in response, dragging the headphones out of my ear. So much for that idea.
They’d completely shut down our school as a crime scene the day after the shooting, giving us summer break to mourn, and then transferred us into neighboring schools across the county. Everyone knew what happened to me at my new school. The hushed whispers and pity stares following me down every hallway drove me senseless. But they were nowhere near the humiliation of breaking down in full panic attack mode during class in front of everyone. Multiple times. One second I’d be calculating an Algebra problem, and the next I’d be a sobbing mess cradled into a ball in my chair. After the fifth attack, the whispers turned into insults. Freak, weirdo, crazy. I’d heard them all.
Somehow, I’d managed to survive two long, excruciating weeks before I refused to go back. In actuality, I refused to do almost anything. I wasn’t eating regularly, and had become a recluse on autopilot.
Every person in my life had gotten cut out while I spent my days hidden away in my bedroom. Phone calls and texts went unanswered, even Tessa’s. I tried to keep my promise of being a strong shoulder for her to lean on, but I couldn’t stand to be around her. She was a constant reminder of what I’d lost, and every time she was around the knife lodged into my heart would twist another inch deeper.
And my poor parents, they’d tried everything. They sent me to the local therapist in town who attempted to get me to open up and allow myself to heal. I wasn’t ready to do either of those things. What Tanner and I had together was something special that belonged to the two of us. If I told other people, that’d be like handing over another piece of him, and those pieces were already dwindling down day by day. I didn’t want to be the person dragging my family down the road of depression with me, but I wasn’t sure how to hit the brakes and heal.
Four nights ago, my dad called me down to the living room. A trace of nervousness followed me down each stair. I spotted my mom first. Tears were pouring down her porcelain face. Her hands were latched into my dad’s, whose face was void of any emotion.
Uh oh. Not good.
He motioned to the chair across from them, and I took that as my cue to sit down.
He cleared this throat and leaned forward, planting his elbows on his kneecaps. “Your mother and I have been talking,” he said, using a voice he only used when he was sporting his Sheriff uniform, letting me know he was serious. “We think it might be a good idea for you to get away from here for awhile.”
Whoa. My head shot up and I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the gut. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate before I started screaming out my refusal.
“We’ve also talked to your therapist and she agrees with us,” he added, like that was supposed to make me feel better.
A disgusting taste of bile slithered its way up my throat, and I quickly swallowed it back down. Tears started flowing as their intentions began to sink in.
“I can’t just leave here!” I shouted. “Tanner is here!” Blinking, I tried to stop the imminent tears, but failed.
My parents grew blurry through my vision. I watched the hazy silhouette of my mom rise from the couch and take the few steps towards me. “Daisy,” she rasped out, kneeling down onto her knees and grabbing my hand. “Please listen to me. You’ve got to move on. I’m not telling you to quit grieving or forget about him because no one will ever forget about Tanner. We all loved him.” I let out a low whimper at the sound of his name, sinking deeper into my chair. “He’ll always be in our thoughts. In our hearts. But you need to close that chapter and start turning the pages.” The pleading in her voice was going to break me. “Do it for yourself. Do it for Tanner. Live for Tanner.”
“It’s been five months!” I screamed, letting out a sharp breath. “Both of you act like I’m some eighty year old cat lady who’s been pining over her first love for decades.” My fingers clenched into my palms and I could feel the skin breaking. “Give me some fucking time to grieve!”
My mom quickly went back to my dad’s side. Panic filled my veins waiting for what was coming next. “We talked to your Aunt Jamie,” my dad said, grabbing her hand. “She’s agreed to let you come stay with her and your Uncle Tommy to finish out the remainder of your senior year.”
“You’re trying to send me to Georgia?” I spat out, my heart racing.
My Aunt Jamie was my father’s younger sister. While my dad decided to stay in Indiana and become the town Sheriff, my Aunt studied interior design, and moved to Atlanta.
I brought myself to my feet abruptly, crossing my arms across my chest. “You might as well forget it,” I told them. “I’m not leaving.”
The loud bang of my dad slamming his fist down onto the coffee table caused me to jump. “I will not have my daughter wasting away in her room day after day over some boy who’s never coming back!” he yelled. “Over something that’s never going to change.” He stood up, raising his voice. “He’s gone, honey. You need to come to terms with that, and then get your ass back on track.”
“And what if I refuse to go?” I asked.
“Then you better get your butt ready to go back to school tomorrow.”
“When do I leave?”
And that’s how I ended up on a plane to Atlanta. I blew out a sigh of relief when the pilot confirmed our landing. Standing up too quickly, I whacked my head on the ceiling. “Jesus,” I cried out, wincing.
I gripped my bag against my chest as I walked out of the terminal and weaved through the traffic in search of a bathroom. Washing my hands, I glanced up at the mirror to see what I’d been avoiding at all costs. The reflection of the girl in front of me was almost unrecognizable.
My dark eyes had puffy circles underneath them, making me look almost lifeless. My tongue dipped out, running along my chapped lips that were beginning to crack along the edges. I swiftly pulled the elastic from my hair and watched the dull, dark waves cascade around my shoulders. My hair looked even darker against my pale skin. I cringed at the extra pudginess around my cheeks from my lack of attendance to the gym. With a shake of my head, I ignored my new insecurities and left the bathroom.
***
I heard my name before the tiny creature ambushed me and attached itself to my waist like a spider monkey. I looked down and spotted my tiny cousin grinning up at me with bright, eager eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re here to live with me!” Her grin showed off a smile missing a few teeth. A giant, pink bow was attached to her brown hair that was braided along the hairline.
“Hi Sophia, I’m glad to be here, too,” I lied, giving her an out-of-practice smile. I couldn’t exactly tell a five-year old that I was only here because I was forced. Her small hand grabbed mine, and she struggled to pull me through the crowd.
“We’re going to have sooo much fun! My mommy and daddy got me some new Barbies, and you look just like one of them! I will let you play with her and …”
“Sophia, sweetie, why don’t you let Daisy get her bags and then you can tell her all about your Barbie
s,” my Aunt said, cutting her off, and pulling her into her arms. “As you can tell, all of us are excited for you to be here.”
Any and all awkwardness I was afraid would happen during our short ride to my new home was washed away by my pint-sized cousin. I managed to get the full scoop on every Barbie she owned, the mansions they lived in, and the cars they drove. It was like Real Housewives: Doll Edition.
My jaw practically dropped into my lap as I glanced out the window when my Aunt pulled into the driveway of a huge, brick house.
“Nice house,” I complimented, unbuckling my seatbelt. I opened the door and a rush of warm, sticky air smacked me in the face. Hello humidity, you’d be giving my hair one hell of a stay.
“Thank you,” she answered, turning off the ignition. Her smile dropped a hint. “I only wish it wasn’t so far away from the family. It’d be nice to have them come visit and see the place I’ve spent so much time putting together.”
If it weren’t for her dark, curly hair, you’d think my grandma had an affair with the milkman. My dad either spent his time in his police uniform or old flannels. My aunt, on the other hand, was dressed flawlessly in a violet blouse and a pencil skirt.
“Just wait until you see the pretty room we made for you!” Sophia screeched from the backseat, unsnapping her seatbelt and then barreling out of the car. “I helped Mommy do it, too!” Her tiny legs skipped up the front walk as her hair swung in the wind.
A new room? “You really didn’t have to do all that,” I said.
She gave me a warm smile. Leaning over, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it in hers. “It wasn’t a problem. I want you to feel at home here.” Her smile grew. “Plus, decorating is my passion. You only gave me another reason to do what I love.”
Chapter Three – Daisy
I rubbed the back of my neck, allowing my brain to take in everything that had happened in just one day. Before I had the chance to do anything, Sophia had grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to see my new room.
It was beautiful. I loved it.
The large room was painted a light grey, giving it a relaxing vibe against the white windows. A huge, white headboard was perched behind a full sized bed with a bright coral-colored comforter. A long, matching dresser ran across the wall across from my bed, and a flat screen TV hung above it. There was a desk sitting on the right corner with a coral lounge chair scooted underneath it. My favorite part of the room, though, was the over-sized French doors that led out to a private balcony that was all mine.
I slid my now-empty suitcase underneath the bed. My Aunt and Uncle had informed me during dinner that I’d be starting my new school, Atlanta Valley High tomorrow morning. I collapsed onto my bed at the same time my phone rang. I glanced down at the screen and saw Tessa’s name lighting up. I hit the ignore button, and snuggled closer into Tanner’s sweatshirt I’d thrown on earlier.
I didn’t tell her I was leaving, which most likely nominated me for the worst best friend ever award, if we were still even best friends. I wasn’t sure. I was sure, however, that if I did tell her, she’d try to convince me to stay. So I persuaded myself that I was too busy trying to get everything in order before leaving to call her. Truth was, I couldn’t pick her up when I didn’t even have the strength to carry my own weight.
I pulled myself out of bed, mentally cursing myself, as I went straight for the album in my nightstand drawer. Grabbing my phone, I opened up the doors to the balcony and stepped out into the dry, sticky air. I headed over to the ledge and took in the dark night. I arched up on my tiptoes to look over the railing, and saw nothing but darkness underneath me. The same way I felt inside.
Turning around, I walked over to the tiny area my aunt had furnished. A small, red loveseat was up against the blocked-off ledge with an ottoman sitting to the side. A coffee table sat in front of the couch with candles sprawled out. I slowly crept to the couch, fell down, and stretched my legs out. I opened up the album, hitting the music icon on my phone.
My head raced when I opened up the first page of the album. Photography, and Tanner had always been my two obsessions. My parents had surprised me with a new Canon Rebel for my sixteenth birthday. Most kids would’ve wanted a car, but not me. From the moment I got it, it’d been plastered to my hand.
I took a sad trip down nostalgia lane as I flipped through photo after photo. Every reminder of my old happiness had been captured and stored in there. My attention was caught up in the book until a high-pitched moan shrieked through the air. What the? Shutting the album, I turned down my music and twisted around in my seat.
A second later, another moan rang out, louder this time. It sounded like someone had porn playing with the volume set too high. I stood up quickly, on a mission to find where the obnoxious noise was coming from. I walked back to the edge of the balcony and looked over the ledge, but still saw nothing.
Another moan came, and I turned my head the opposite way, spotting a balcony slightly adjacent to mine. A dim light was shining above it, giving me a full view of where the noise was coming from.
Holy shit!
It definitely wasn’t porn on someone’s TV, but instead a live show. My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets as I watched what was happening across the yard.
The first thing I noticed, (besides the ridiculous moaning), was the bare-chested guy sitting upright in a chair. His head was rolled back to the sky in pleasure while a naked, skinny blonde straddled his lap. Her hips moved up and down as she rode him. He let out a loud, deep grunt as he gripped her thin waist. Her pace quickened while the cries grew louder. Jesus, the girl had some lungs.
The two were so wrapped up in each other, and completely oblivious to the fact that they were putting on an XXX rated show for the entire neighborhood to see.
I let out a sharp breath, but kept my eyes on them. It was like they were glued to the two figures grinding against each other. Her sleek body continued her rhythm until they both finally groaned out their release, and she fell limp against him.
I stood there, completely frozen. I couldn’t wrap my mind around someone having sex in the open like that. Wait, who watched people have sex in the open? I was just as messed up as they were, if not worse.
At the same time I was getting ready to turn around and go back inside, the guy’s head raised up and he looked directly at my balcony. At me. Dark eyes smoldered straight into mine as I watched his mouth form a slow, sly grin.
Shit! I was busted!
Embarrassment flushed through me, and I swiftly covered my face with both of my hands. Fumbling around in panic, I ducked under the balcony ledge and crawled on the ground until I reached the doors to go back to my bedroom. I slithered into the room and kicked the door shut behind me. My crawling didn’t stop until I landed in my bed and pulled the large comforter over my body. I closed my eyes, begging my body to shut down and sleep.
That night, I prayed to God, Buddha, Obama, and everyone else that came to mind that I’d imagined the entire thing. I wanted to believe it was my messed up imagination, and lack of intimacy that had conjured a mental image of seeing my neighbors have hot, passionate sex in front of me.
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Excerpt from Stepbrother Aflame
1. ADDISON
“Does that feel good, baby?” Cam asks, his words broken up by labored pants.
The moan slipping through my lips in response sounds phony, but Cam doesn’t catch on. Or he doesn’t care. He only grunts in approval while I lay here in boredom as his sweaty body slams into mine roughly. I shiver at the feel of his hot, wet lips grazing along my skin, curving up the arch of my neck, and his tongue stops to sliver in my ear lobe.
My body should be exploding with excitement. I should be pleading for my own orgasm, begging him for more. Instead, I’m wondering what genius invented the Internet, and the books I still need to order before leaving in the fall.
Welcome to the mundane sex life of Addison Andrews.
I’ve been screwin
g my boyfriend, Cam, for over a year now. It’s boredom city each and every time. It’s monotonous. It’s routine. I have more enjoyment reading random Wikipedia pages. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t enjoy sex, it’s that my boyfriend doesn’t put in any effort towards it. He sucks in the sack.
“Spread your legs wider, babe,” he croaks out.
I wiggle around on the couch, trying to find space to adjust myself, but his body is too heavy above me.
“Yeah, babe, spread those pretty little legs wider so he can get in that pussy,” a graveling voice calls out.
A voice that definitely doesn’t belong to my boyfriend.
A voice I’ve never heard before.
Cam stops. It’s like time has frozen. He looks down at me, wide-eyed, and in just as much shock as I’m in. We’re supposed to be home alone. No one can know I’m screwing my boyfriend on the regular because I’m supposed to be a virgin.
My heart starts beating wildly. I’m positive it’s about to give out. I slam my eyes shut as fear starts to coil in my stomach. I struggle to breathe and jerk up in horror, terrified to know whom I'm about to face. Pain courses through my skull and I cry out in pain when my forehead collides with Cam’s temple.
We look like a hot mess.
“Mother fucker!” he yells out, palming his forehead.
I cross my arms over my bare chest, pressing my elbows tight to my sides as I rise up and focus on the stranger standing across the room. He’s tall, definitely over six feet. A black duffel bag is casually thrown over his shoulder, and his lips are pulled into an arrogant smirk. Elation is clear on his face.
“Oh no, you two lovebirds don’t quit on my account,” the stranger says, waving his hand through the air. “Do continue. I’m headed over to my new bedroom and you can spread those legs so he can fuck you better, princess.”
Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) Page 19