“Does…seeing me get scared make you second-guess our relationship? Even a little?”
She closed her eyes as he turned his body fully toward her. He cupped her cheeks in his hands.
“Please open your eyes.”
She did, and they were so full of worry it nearly killed him.
“If I suddenly couldn’t read, would your feelings for me change?”
“Of course not,” she said quietly.
He pulled Sweets into his lap and kissed her on her snout. “Sweets is a bloodhound who can’t smell. Not much of a hunting dog, can’t help track a damn thing. She’d rather kiss than bark, and some days she’s about as energetic as a sloth. And I love her so much, that if she hurts, I hurt.” He drew his eyes back to Callie. “And you? After a few weeks of counting the hours until it was Thursday again, so I could see you without feeling like a stalker, a few days of the most intense feelings I’ve ever felt, and coming together on every level, Cal, I know without a doubt that whether you can climb a mountain or go white-water rafting doesn’t have any bearing on my feelings for you.” He ran the back of his hand down her cheek. “Okay? Have a little faith in me as a person. Trust that I wouldn’t let you or your friends get hurt.”
She nodded. “You’re so confident and so honest with your feelings.”
The side of his mouth curved up. “Yeah, that’s all new. It’s all you. I don’t know where all this is coming from. It’s crazy. I get that, and I’ve never been a…this type of guy. But I feel it.” He shrugged. “I know it’s usually the woman who says that stuff, right?” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m probably really freaking you out, aren’t I?”
She shook her head without saying a word.
He fell back on the grass and closed his eyes. “Shit.” He glanced at the girls lying in the sun with their eyes closed, blissfully unaware that he was spewing his feelings like a waterfall and probably making Callie’s world spin on its axis.
Callie draped her arm across his stomach, laid her cheek on his chest, and closed her eyes.
“I love you, Cal.” He couldn’t stop the sappy truth from leaving his lips again.
Using his shoulders for leverage, he felt her pull herself up and kiss his lips.
“You don’t freak me out. I believe what you say to me, and I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you, too. But I’m a little worried about when we go back home. I mean, I see you in the library each week, and those really pretty women practically invite you into their bedrooms with the way they look at you. I can see it, and you’re…flirty, which is totally normal, but I don’t know if you hook up with them, or—”
Wes bolted upright. “Callie, you think I’ve slept with the women who talk to me at the library?”
She shrugged. “Some of them are gorgeous.”
He racked his mind, trying to figure out who she was talking about.
“I might be a little naive, Wes, but I’m not blind. Tiffany Dempsey comes in every week on Thursdays just to fawn over you, and I don’t blame her. And I wouldn’t blame you. She’s impossibly gorgeous.”
Wes rubbed his temples. He’d thought this relationship had come together too easily. She lived in Trusty. There was no way he could shield her from his past or the way it infiltrated his present, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to be honest and do everything within his power to ensure the women who vied for his attention knew he was unequivocally off the market. “Cal.”
“It’s okay. I mean, if all those things you said were just, you know, because we’re here and the moment felt right.” She looked away but not before he saw the hurt in her eyes.
“Callie, everything I say to you is real. I’ll never lie to you.”
She clenched her eyes shut, sending his gut into a tizzy. How the hell was he supposed to navigate this? He stole another glance at her friends. They hadn’t moved. This wasn’t the time or place to say what he needed to say, but he knew waiting until after the hike would be torturous for both of them. He moved closer to her, shoulder to shoulder.
“Cal.” He held her hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “Babe, I grew up in Trusty. I’ve lived there forever, except during college. I went to school with everyone my age, so yeah, I’ve dated a lot of women who live there. If you can call it dating.”
She tried to pull her hand from his, and he held tight. “Please try to hear what I have to say. I know it’s not easy. It’s not easy for me either. I’m thirty-two, and I’m not a saint. I’ve never claimed to be. I went out with Tiffany once, when I was home from college on a break. Jesus, I haven’t thought about it in years. We didn’t even go out. We were at a party, and we were both drunk. We made out. We were kids, Cal. You know, drunken kissing, groping, not sex.”
The tension in her hand eased a little.
He debated taking the explanation further, and one look at her brought his heart to the forefront. “Callie, I might as well get it all out on the table. I’ve slept with…plenty of women. I don’t know how many, and to be honest, I don’t care. It’s who I was, not who I am, and I always used a condom, so it’s not like I was totally irresponsible. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve never loved a woman before, and I’ve never, not once, felt anything close to what I feel for you.” His chest constricted at the thought that he could lose her over what he’d done in his past. It was the one thing he couldn’t change. He let go of her hand and rubbed the tight muscles at the back of his neck.
She opened her eyes and slid her hand onto his thigh. “I don’t need to hear more. I just wanted to know if you thought that when we went home you’d feel the same way as you do here. You know, when we’re out of the moment and back to real life. When I’m just the girl at the library.”
Her words pierced his heart. “Callie, you were never just the girl at the library. You want honesty? Here you go. The first week you worked there, I came into the library on a fluke looking for some book. I can’t even remember which one.”
“The Colorado Guide to Birds of Prey. You said you and your partner were battling over the flight patterns of birds.”
“Holy Christ. You remember that?”
She nodded. “And I remember that you were wearing those faded jeans with the hole just above your left knee and you had a bandage on your hand that you said you got roping steer. You were wearing a green button-down shirt, and…” She lowered her eyes. “Now I sound like I’m a stalker.”
“No, babe. Not unless I sound like one because I remember you were wearing the sweetest navy blue dress that zipped all the way up your back like a second spine.” He’d thought about her in that dress night and day until he went back to retrieve the books she said she’d pull for him the following Thursday. He ran his fingers through her hair, remembering how he had wondered what her hair would feel like tangled around his fingers. “And it was the only Thursday when you didn’t have your hair up in a bun. You had it pinned back with a…a….”
“Barrette.”
“Yes, that’s it. You asked me if I needed anything else, and you asked all sorts of questions about my reading interests. I remember thinking that you didn’t look at me like everyone else did. You were interested in, I don’t know, what I was interested in rather than my looks or who I was.” He looked away again. “Loser, right? What kind of man says these things?”
She slid her hand onto his forearm and held on tight.
“The good kind.” She smiled, and the tenderness he’d seen in her eyes so often lately returned.
“So I asked you to pick out books for me, and I was blown away when you agreed. Cal, I haven’t been with another woman since the day I set eyes on you. I’ve been like a damn kid, getting turned on just thinking about seeing you, and then you showed up here, and…” He shrugged, but what he felt was so much bigger than a shrug. “When we get back to Trusty, I’m not going to feel any differently than I do now.”
She nodded.
“Hey, I mean it.”
“I believe you.”
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Her words should have reassured him, but he felt her holding back, and he heard the others moving around behind them.
“Ready to roll, Cal?” Bonnie crouched beside her.
“How far is it to the top?” Callie asked Wes.
“Another half hour, maybe a little less.” Wes stood and patted his thigh. He had a nervous feeling in his stomach. Sweets stretched her front paws out in front of her and stuck her rear up in the air.
“Do you guys mind if I sit and read while you hike the rest of the way?” Callie shielded her eyes from the sun and squinted up at Bonnie.
“We can turn back if you’re tired,” Bonnie said.
“No. Don’t be silly. You guys go. You’ll get great pictures. I’m comfortable here, and I would really like to sit in the sun and read.”
Wes knelt beside her, wishing her friends weren’t standing so close so he could ask her what was really going on. “Are you sure you want to sit this part out?” Shit. This could only mean that she was upset. Maybe he’d been too honest.
She nodded and reached for her backpack. “Yeah. I made it pretty far, and I’ll just freak out the higher we get. I’m fine right here. Do you mind?”
Hell yes. He wanted to stay right there with her. Damn it. How was he supposed to leave her by herself?
Kathie moved in front of Callie, casting a shadow over her face. “You sure, Cal?”
“Yeah. Go. Have fun. Besides, it’s not like it’s all day. Half hour up, a few minutes to jump on rocks and take pictures, and then you’ll be back. I can read a lot in an hour.”
Kathie shrugged. “If you say so.”
Wes dug through his backpack and handed her the two-way radio. “This goes directly to the lodge. If you have any trouble, use it.” He showed her how to use it. “I’m going to leave Sweets with you, too. Are you sure you want to stay? I’d really prefer not to leave you alone.”
Callie pulled Sweets against her. “I won’t be alone. I’m fine, really. It’s a little breezy with the hill, though. I didn’t bring a jacket. Do you have one?”
“Always.” He dug in his pack and handed her a Woodlands zip-up hoodie.
“Thank you. Go, have fun, and don’t let them drive you crazy.”
Every fiber of his being told him not to go, but this was his job, and Callie’s friends were already heading back toward the trail.
He watched Callie slip on the hoodie, then leaned in close and lowered his voice. “Cal, are you staying because of what I said?”
She touched his hand, and her eyes softened. “No. Please don’t worry. You were honest, and I appreciate that. I believe everything you said to me, Wes. I know myself well enough to realize that when I stand up and look over that slope, or when we’re on the trail and Kathie or Christine do something that’s totally fun for them, it’ll petrify me. The last thing I want to do is ruin everyone’s fun. Go. Let them have fun. I’ve got my book. I’m totally fine.”
She was so damn thoughtful. Wes didn’t think he knew of another person who was as selfless, except maybe his mother, who had raised him and his siblings on her own and devoted herself to them for so many years that now, as she climbed toward sixty, he wished she had someone who loved her the way he loved Callie.
“Okay. Use the radio if you need it, and keep Sweets with you.” He looked at the surroundings. She was out in the open, far enough from the edge that if she really just sat and read, she should be perfectly fine. Sweets would keep her safe from snakes and small animals, which he knew better than to mention to Callie. He folded her into his arms one last time. “I love you, Callie, and I’m sorry we didn’t have more time to talk.”
“Don’t worry. We talked enough. I’ll be fine, here and in Trusty.”
How could she possibly know that he needed to hear that?
On the trail, he took one last look at Callie. She had one arm over Sweets’s back, the other held her book, and he felt like he was leaving two-thirds of himself behind.
“She’ll be fine.” Bonnie clicked a picture of Callie and Sweets. “She did great, don’t you think?”
“She’s nothing short of amazing.” And I hope to hell I don’t lose her.
Chapter Eighteen
CALLIE WAS STILL reeling from her conversation with Wes when they disappeared up the mountain. She hadn’t realized she was even worried about what would happen when they returned to Trusty or what it might be like to watch Tiffany pawing at him now that they’d become so close. But now that it was out in the open, it buzzed around her head like a horsefly waiting to sting. She trusted Wes, and she’d seen the honesty in his eyes and heard it in his voice. He hadn’t tried to deny his past, and for that she was thankful. She hadn’t expected him to be a saint. What she needed, he’d given her. Honest assurance. She knew he would do everything in his power to make sure she was comfortable, but she’d never been in love before, and she sure as heck had never been jealous before. She could only hope that she’d be able to handle it.
Her stomach twisted as she thought about Tiffany Dempsey trying to entice him into a date, or her bed, or whatever she had in mind each week. Heck, her stomach had done the same thing when Wes had been just a guy she was drooling over. That hadn’t changed. What had changed was that now her heart was involved, and whether she wanted to think about it or not, Wes held her fragile heart in his very capable hands.
Callie sighed and set her book on her lap. “What do you think, Sweets? You know him. My heart is perfectly safe, right?”
Sweets opened one eye and blinked up at her.
“Not even worth opening both eyes? Good to know.”
She heard a rustling just over the crest of the hill. Sweets’s ears perked up. She stood on all fours with a low growl. Callie’s pulse quickened.
“What is it?”
Sweets barked and darted over the hill and out of sight.
“Sweets!” Callie rose to her feet and got a little dizzy at the change in perspective. She sat back on her heels. “Sweets!”
Sweets barked a blue streak, but her barks were getting farther away.
Oh boy. What if Sweets didn’t come back?
“Sweets! Here, Sweets! Come on, girl.”
Sweets’s barks sounded even more distant. Callie sank to her butt. What could she do? She could call her again. That didn’t seem to help. What would Wes do? Darn it. She had never had a dog, much less been responsible for a dog in the wilderness. Sweets stayed so close to Wes, she doubted that she’d have left his side if he were the one reading on the hill.
Sweets began barking again. Callie scanned the area to her right, following the distant trail of Sweets’s barks until they silenced. Callie’s heart leaped to her throat. Oh no. Please come back. Sweets howled, then yelped—loudly—followed by a mix of yelping, howling, and whining that tore at Callie’s heart. Oh no, no, no. Please come back.
She pushed to her feet, leaving her book on the ground, and took a few tentative steps forward. Wes’s hoodie hung to her thighs. She thought about the radio in Wes’s backpack, but that only communicated with the lodge, and she couldn’t just leave Sweets down there and wait for who knows how long for someone to get there.
“Sweets?”
Sweets continued yelping. Callie forced her trembling legs to carry her forward. Oh God. The ground fell away at a steep angle. Her stomach lurched. She crouched a few feet from the edge, breathing heavily and shaking like she’d seen a ghost. Sweets yelped again, and her yelps morphed into painful cries. Callie clenched her eyes shut. I have to do this. Go. Just go look. Find her. She crawled on all fours almost to the edge of the mountain.
“Sweets?” The late-afternoon breeze swept the word away. Callie forced herself to look down the treacherous mountainside. Low brush, dirt, grass, big, craggy rocks, and—oh God—the sight of the rushing river below sent her crawling backward.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
She slammed her eyes shut and sucked in a breath.
Sweets yelped, and Callie forced herse
lf to crawl forward again. Fisting her hands in the tall grass, she peered over the edge and scanned the brush for Sweets. Blood rushed in her ears, and her heart hammered against her chest. Sweets cried out again, and Callie forced herself to follow the sound. She spotted Sweets lying on the ground beside a rock, off to her right about twenty feet below. Callie’s stomach lurched again.
“No. Oh God, no.” She clenched her teeth together and crept along the ground until Sweets was directly below her. “I’m coming, Sweets,” she said more to herself than to Sweets. “I can do this. It’s just a hill. It’s just a hill.” The first step down made her dizzy. She plastered herself against the side of the mountain. How the hell did people do this every day? She lowered one foot, then the other, silently making deals with herself. Do this and you can skip everything else. Save Sweets and you never have to see a mountain again. She lowered her hand to a rut in the dirt and dug her nails into the earth. Another step down, followed by another grip of the ground. She didn’t dare look down. The sound of rushing water broke through her thoughts. She clenched her eyes shut and forced herself to continue.
Sweets’s whimpers were getting closer. Not once did she wonder what had caused Sweets to run. She was a dog. Dogs ran. Now, as she climbed down what felt like Mount Everest, she began to wonder. What if it was a snake? What if Sweets had gotten bitten? What if she got bitten? Oh God. She pushed away the thought as she lost her footing, slid down several feet, scraping her stomach against stones and grass, and cried out. Her hands grasped for purchase; she dug the toes of her boots into the dirt. Please, please don’t let me die. Her foot hit something hard, and she clutched the closest thing she could reach—a prickly branch of a bush.
“Ouch!” Tears filled her eyes. She clenched them shut and took several sharp breaths.
Sweets yelped and whimpered again. Callie heard her moving around below.
“Stay, Sweets. I’m coming.” With several loud grunts, or maybe whimpers or groans—she wasn’t sure what sound was accompanying her shaking body as she continued blindly searching for footholds, taking one backward step after another. Sweets came into view to her left, and thankfully, she seemed to have tucked herself onto a level ridge beside big rocks a foot or so from where Callie was clinging to the mountainside. Callie reached her left hand over and grabbed a thick root that stuck out from the ground. Then she slid her foot along the mountainside until the ball of her foot hit the ridge beside Sweets.
Fated for Love Page 17