Marian was having her hair done again so Billy had come by himself to be sure the house was staked out correctly. Billy went back to the car, pulled a folding chair out of the trunk, and grabbed his lunch from the front seat. He placed the chair near where their front door would be after construction. After numerous discussions and actual arguments over every aspect of the proposed house, they were nearing a consensus.
The mansion Marian had envisioned had been scaled back considerably, much to Billy’s relief. Still, by any standard, it would not be a small house. A sprawling ranch with two decks and a screened in porch had been included in the plans. Marian had fought for a huge two story, but Billy prevailed because he felt at their age, a two story was impractical.
Billy pulled a Lion’s Choice roast beef sandwich out of the bag along with a container of French fries. He usually watched his diet very carefully, but sometimes you just had to have some good junk food. Billy had totally rejected the herbal medicines Marian had pushed early in the marriage. After his hospitalization, Billy had stood his ground. Marian’s pouting over the issue had lasted several weeks until she finally relented.
Unfortunately, they just seemed to move from one issue to the next, leaving Billy to seriously question his hasty marriage. Marian wanted to know every detail of Billy’s finances, which Billy had been resisting. On the one hand, he understood her curiosity. He also knew she wouldn’t be pleased with the current setup and would continue to demand changes that Billy had no intention of making.
Marian’s recent tactic had been pouting and withholding sex. Billy had countered with if there isn’t going to be any sex, there’s no need for us to be married. In Billy’s mind it represented sort of a variation of the whole free milk thing. In other words, I bought the cow, give me the milk.
Finished with his sandwich, Billy liked the way the house was staked out and was sure Marian would be pleased, at least about the house. Everything else was going to be a challenge, and Billy wasn’t sure how it would all play out in the end.
One thing was crystal clear, at least to Billy. Roni and his grandchildren were more important to him than Marian. If Marian kept up the pressure and wouldn’t relent, he wasn’t sure there was much hope for the marriage.
Billy still felt bad about telling Roni and Kitty to back off. He realized they had only been concerned about his welfare. Part of him wanted to meet with Roni and confide in her, but as long as his marriage had a chance, he didn’t want to confess his doubts to Roni.
A box of his own making, Billy thought as he stood, gathered his trash, and grabbed his folding chair. Billy threw everything in the trunk and climbed back in the car, reaching for his cell phone so he could call the contractor. Instead, he found Roni’s number and pressed her name.
“Hey, Dad,” Roni said. “How are you?”
“I’m good. I haven’t seen you in a few weeks. I’m here at the lot.”
“How’s it going?” Roni asked.
“Good. They’re getting ready to pour the foundation. I’m checking out the stakes to make sure it’s right. I was hoping we could do lunch soon.”
“Will Marian be joining us?” Roni asked.
“Well, I was thinking about just you and I.”
“Is everything OK, Dad?” Roni asked. “You sound kind of tentative.”
“Yeah, it’s OK. We can talk about it when we get together.”
“I’m kind of busy,” Roni said. “There are a few things I need to finish up. I need to talk to you about some things, too. Could I call you next week and set up a time?”
“Sure, that sounds fine.”
“Dad, is everything OK with you and Marian?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Just wondering. I’m sorry. I guess I was jumping to conclusions.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Gloom and doom were like real passengers in the car with me as I drove to the hospital to see Meadow. I knew her well enough to identify the obvious distress in her voice and then there was the simple, plaintive plea that had sent me scurrying. I tried to reach my contact, Barbara Talbot, but she had left for the day.
I parked on the surface lot, grabbing my jacket because the cool temperature hinted that Fall was around the corner despite the brilliant sunshine. The pleasant weather seemed at odds with the emotional turmoil going on inside the hospital. A driving wind and unrelenting rainstorm seemed like it would be a lot more fitting.
The elevator was crowded; a little boy pressed all 16 floors buttons before his mother could stop him so the trip seemed interminable. Thankfully, the burn unit was on the seventh floor, sparing me the rest of the stops. The door opened, and I was surprised to see Meadow standing in the waiting area by a door that led to a small courtyard. When she spotted me, a look of relief and then pain marched across her face. By the time I reached her, the tears were flowing.
“Lets go outside,” I said as I grabbed her and led her through the door. We ended up by the exterior wall, which was as much privacy as we were going to get.
“Oh, Kitty,” Meadow said. “Her kidneys are failing. They’re going to start dialysis tomorrow. That’s really bad, right?”
“It’s not a good sign,” I said as Meadow started sobbing. I hugged her until the worst of the torrent had passed.
“I want the absolute truth,” she said as she stepped back a little. “The doctors keep treating me like I’m some fragile little girl they have to protect. I have siblings I have to take care of and plans to make.”
“I haven’t seen your mother’s labs,” I said as she started to protest. “Hear me out, OK? The fact they are recommending dialysis means her kidneys are not functioning properly. One of two things is going to happen. Your mother gets dialysis and her kidneys start functioning again or they don’t.”
“If they don’t,” Meadow said.
“There is a complication in burn patients called DIC. Because of the trauma, small blood clots develop throughout the body. As those blood clots consume proteins and platelets, normal coagulation is disrupted and abnormal bleeding occurs. The clots can disrupt normal blood flow to organs.”
“Like the kidneys?” Meadow asked as I grabbed her hand.
“Yes, if that’s what’s happening, your mother’s kidney function will not improve and she will start to require blood transfusions.”
“Then what?” she asked though I could tell she knew the answer.
“It will lead to multi-organ failure. There is no coming back from that scenario.”
“OK, at least I know what this means,” Meadow said. “You know, I remember when you told me I would be on the rollercoaster from hell. I didn’t get it at first but I do now. One day, the news is good and the next, it’s bad. You have this little flame of hope and you’re not sure whether to keep it alive or let it go out.”
“At this point, I’d keep it going. There’s still a chance.”
“Prepare for the worst and hope for the best,” she said sarcastically.
“There’s a reason for every hokey platitude. What else can I do to help you, Meadow?”
“Do you think I should talk to the adjuster again about what happens if Mom dies?”
“Absolutely. I’ll call her in the morning and explain the situation and have her call you. She can explain the benefits you and your siblings are entitled to under the comp law. Are your brothers and sisters here? I’d like to meet them.”
“My fiancé took them down to get something to eat,” Meadow said. “I didn’t want them to see me like this.”
“Anytime you need to talk, call my cell,” I said as Meadow’s brothers, sisters, and fiancé came out into the courtyard. We visited for several minutes as Meadow’s carefully constructed, adult mask slipped back into place. Teasing banter replaced any serious discussion as I watched Meadow interact with her family. I left, vowing to stop by every day and feeling despondent myself. I made it to the car and started crying until I had the worst of it out of my system. Sometimes you jus
t have to have a good cry. On a whim, I picked up my cell phone and selected the person I wanted to talk to.
“Lionel,” I said when he answered. “I was hoping I could see you tonight.”
“I was just grilling some burgers and dogs for the girls,” he said. “Come on over. I’ll throw a few more on. I’d like to see you, too. I want you to meet Sophie and Bella.”
I entered the address into the navigation system and settled in for the short ride. I tried not to think of all the reasons this might be a bad idea, and just let my impulse rule. I parked in front and started walking toward the front door just as two adorable blond girls with ponytails opened the door and came bounding down the walk.
“Are you Kitty?” one of the blond beauties asked.
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“I’m Sophie,” she said. “I don’t wear glasses so you can tell me apart from Bella here.”
“Hello, Sophie and Bella,” I said as they each took a hand and led me up the walk.
“My Dad says you work with him and you’re friends,” Bella said as we walked into the house.
“That’s right,” I said as Lionel came in from the patio carrying a plate of burgers and hot dogs.
“Good timing; let’s eat,” he said as he smiled and waved toward the table.
The girls talked non-stop about school, dance glasses, friends, and threw in a flurry of questions for Lionel and me about our friendship. Our answers seemed to satisfy them.
I was totally enamored of both of them by the time we finished dinner. I volunteered to get them ready for bed and read them a story while Lionel cleaned up the kitchen. Lionel came upstairs just as the story was ending. I got kisses and hugs from both girls and followed Lionel down the stairs.
“I think they like you,” Lionel said as we walked back into the kitchen.
“The feeling is mutual,” I said as he washed several bowls that didn’t fit into the dishwasher.
“I’ll dry,” I said as I grabbed a towel. “I gotta say, they more or less had me on the front walk when they took my hands. They’re adorable, Lionel.”
“They’re on their best behavior,” he said. “I’m glad you called. You seemed upset. Is everything OK?”
“I have a catastrophic case. She’s a burn victim who is in a coma. I’ve gotten close to her daughter, Meadow. I was at the hospital because her mom has kidney failure. I was upset because I don’t think her mom is going to make it.”
“I’m sorry, Kitty,” Lionel said as he leaned over, kissed me, and smiled.
I kissed him back and suddenly our hands were everywhere, touching, probing, removing clothing, but always returning to a deeper kiss.
Lionel groaned loudly and broke contact. “OK, let’s sneak upstairs and make sure they’re asleep.”
Half dressed, we creeped up the stairs. Lionel stopped at the girl’s door and peered in. Satisfied the coast was clear, he took my hand and led me to the door of the master bedroom.
“Last chance to escape,” he whispered in the dark hallway.
A kiss served as my response as he opened the door and locked it behind us. Three hours later, I was sneaking down the stairs to make my exit. Lionel kissed me one last time at the door. I heard him lock the door as I headed for my car. On this ride, I made gloom and doom sit in the back, with hope riding shotgun.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Cindy was sorting mail when I arrived at my office the next morning. We exchanged greetings at which point she glanced at me. She seemed to be lost in thought as she returned to her task, and then began staring at me intently. I ignored her, walked over to the coffee maker, and poured a steaming mug. Eyes seemed to be burning a hole in my back as I tried to escape to my office, but Cindy ducked through the opening before I could manage to get the door closed.
“So, you look tired,” she said, studying my face as she sat down, signaling her intent to have a conversation. “Yet at the same time, you look strangely content. Usually, I get this restless vibe from you. This aura is very different.”
“My aura is off?”
“Oh, yeah,” Cindy said. “Big time.”
“So, you’re like a fortune teller only you don’t use a crystal ball or read palms. I don’t get it. What do you mean by aura? What do you see?”
“Well, I don’t really like to talk about it,” she said.
“Too late. You want some quid pro quo, you go first.”
“OK, I see colors around people,” she said. “Usually, it’s blue or red or a combination of both.”
“So, my aura is usually what?”
“Well, most of the time it’s red,” she said. “That means you’re kind of anxious or restless. At least that’s my interpretation. Today, I see a lot more blue.”
“What does blue mean?”
“Peace or acceptance,” she said. “What happened last night? How did it go with Meadow?”
“Not good. Her mom is in kidney failure. I don’t think she’s going to make it.”
“That’s tough,” she said. “Something else happened though. You saw Lionel last night, didn’t you?”
“Good grief. I find it kind of scary you can figure that out from my aura.”
“So, I’m right?” she asked. “Quid pro quo, remember?”
“Yeah, I left the hospital and I was really down. I called Lionel and went over to his house. I met his 5 year old twin daughters. They are just amazing. My God, Cindy it freaked me out. I instantly felt like I belonged there.”
“That explains the aura,” Cindy said. “That’s good, right?”
“I thought so at the time. This morning, I started worrying that maybe they don’t feel the same way.”
“You’re going to lose your blue aura if you keep worrying,” Cindy said.
“You’re right. We can keep talking about it on our way to Thomas Sloan’s house. We’re doing surveillance today. Roni is on her way to Cape Girardeau to interview husband number three. We figured this would be better. If Sloan goes to a doctor, you’ll have to go in to the office after him. We were afraid he would recognize us. Let’s hit the road.”
“What about Ho?” she asked.
“The adjuster called late yesterday and told me to put her file on hold for a few days. Ho quit therapy so she cut off her check. She’ll let us know if she wants us to resume our surveillance.”
The red Silverado was still sitting in the driveway when we drove by. We parked a block over, where I could watch my rear view mirror in case Thomas Sloan left the house. Mocha lattes and donuts from a Dunkin Donuts kept us busy for the first few minutes. Our sugar high was fully engaged when we spotted Thomas Sloan getting into his red truck. I followed at a discreet distance, once again aware he didn’t seem to check his mirrors.
“So, if we end up at a doctor’s office, you want me to follow him in, right?” Cindy asked.
“Only if it’s a different doctor. We have three aliases right now. We’re trying to figure out how many he’s using. All you have to do is follow him in and then wait and see what name he responds to. That’s all we need.”
“That’s easy,” she said. “Do you think we’ll be going back to Ho’s restaurant?”
“Probably. She’s been cut off before. It’s kind of her pattern. She quits therapy, they stop her check, and then she starts going again. It’s a good thing because we wouldn’t have been able to accommodate Mr. Rizzo otherwise. You know, I’m still kind of blown away by this whole aura thing you have going. What kind of aura do kids have?”
“Bright blue,” Cindy said. “Generally, they haven’t been exposed to that much stress. There are exceptions, of course.”
“So, all you can really tell is if someone is anxious or laid back or at peace? You can’t tell if they are good or bad or mean?”
“Well, some people have some black mixed in with their aura,” she said. “Over time, I’ve figured out that means they’ve done bad things, or been violent, or are very angry. I try to stay away from people like that.”
“OK, well how about boy Thomas here. What’s his aura look like?”
“There’s a little black there,” she said. “He’s got a lot of red, too. Just so you know, Lionel has a blue aura. He would be perfect for you. He would help you get rid of the red. It’s already working.”
Chapter Forty
Thomas Sloan got off Highway 64 and proceeded to another West County Hospital, where he pulled into the doctors’ parking lot. Since I was several minutes behind, I dropped Cindy off at the front and she was right behind Sloan as he entered the elevator. I parked in the lot several rows over from the Silverado.
I thought about Cindy and her aura proclamations, wondering if they were possible, or if Cindy was just a whole other level of crazy. Her observation about my aura was certainly true. I have been restless and anxious most of my life. The night before had felt so right, an immediate connection I couldn’t resist. It also scared the hell out of me.
Most of my life had been spent as part of a family. First, there was my large, sprawling birth family, and then my core family with James and Ethan. Somehow, the concept of “me” got lost in the mix. I think people who are whole and complete figure out who they are, and want to be, as a singular enterprise. Sometimes, it happens later in life, like it did with me in Alaska. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen at all. I’m not sure it’s possible to have a truly successful “we” when one is unsure and conflicted.
I feel like I’m a rookie who just stumbled upon this information and wonder why it has taken me so long to figure so much out. I’m afraid it’s too soon to be part of a couple again. Cindy saved me from further introspection when she exited the office building and spotted my car.
“Hey,” she said as she climbed in the passenger seat. “When the nurse called Ken pulled out Nortin, Sloan got up and went back to see the doctor. While we were on the elevator, he a sling and slipped his left arm in it. After he went back, I checked the sign in sheet to be sure of the spelling. It’s Nortin instead of Norton. Is that a new name?”
Worse Than Being Alone Page 16