He hung his head. “If you knew…”
“I do know.” I smacked him in the arm.
“Ouch! What the hell, Vi?”
“Listen, I’m serious here, Breaker. I know what happened, I was there! But if I can move on, so should you. So what, you couldn’t protect me one time? Your job on this earth isn’t to be the bulletproof glass. Most days, I’d just prefer the ride or die.”
He smirked. “Ride or die? You mean that as in—”
I rolled my eyes. “Men are impossible.”
“We really are, you should know this by now, Abandonato.”
I poked him in the chest. “Look, thanks for the great sex, but you know there’s more here, and I’m not stupid, so if you want to start not being a giant asshole… I’ll be in my room tonight, the code’s 666.”
He groaned into his hands. “Great, so your father’s going to kill me after I type in the devil’s numbers? The hell, Vi!”
I just shrugged. “Grow a pair, Campisi, or I’ll find someone else who can.”
He grabbed me by the arm and spun me around, pinning me against the stall again. “Do it, and I’ll chop his balls off and feed them to Sergio’s cow.”
“Sergio still has that thing?”
“I’m glad that’s what you’re concerned about, the grandma cow that literally sleeps standing up and has been on her last leg for about a decade.”
“She’s sweet!”
“She chased me last year and made King cry!”
I laughed. “Weird, he’s terrifying, and yet cows make him run.”
“According to him, the mooing is a satanic chant.”
I threw my arms around Breaker’s neck, earning a smirk from him, one that I felt all the way down to my tall black heels. “Tonight?”
He grumbled a curse. “If he has me at gunpoint, I expect you to explain to the senator that I was only answering a siren’s call, okay?”
I frowned. “He would never believe it.”
Breaker eyed me up and down. “You know? I wish you could see yourself how I see you, all innocent, wicked perfection wrapped up in a package that I just want to rip open with my teeth and pleasure you inside out and then do it again. Then maybe you’d understand why your dad’s been so fucking territorial and protective of you.”
My cheeks heated. “It’s because of his reputation—”
“No.” He put a finger to my lips. “It’s because you’re irresistible and every sane man’s kryptonite, hell, even the crazy ones.”
“I don’t want crazy, I just want you…”
“I’m not… good.” He frowned and looked away.
“Holy shit, did you just quote Jacob from Twilight?”
He glared. “Speak of this again, and I’m choking you.”
I rolled my eyes again. “Please, you’d probably like that too.”
“Son of a bitch.” He wiped down his face. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you?”
“Welllll…” I checked my watch and winked. “You have exactly three hours to figure that out, don’t you?”
He blew out an exasperated breath. “Not sure if I should spank you or thank you.”
“You can do both…” I blew him an air kiss. “You have three hours to decide.” I reached to open the stall door just as he put a hand over my fingertips. “Yes?”
“Does this offer have an expiration date?”
“What a great idea.” I jerked away from his hand. “It does now.”
“But—”
“Hey, we gotta go; we only had fifteen minutes.”
“Vi, I don’t think—”
“See ya!”
I adjusted my dress as I stepped out of the stall and nearly had a heart attack when Breaker’s hand snaked out to snatch mine. He turned me around and pressed a heated kiss to my mouth that I hope translated into the word “tonight.”
He pulled away abruptly with a smile on his face.
One I hadn’t been privy to since last Christmas.
My first real Breaker smile.
His smile was bright like the sun, and beneath it, I felt nothing but warmth and security as he slowly started buttoning his shirt back up.
Movement caught out of the corner of my eyes. I whipped my head to the right just in time to see Junior wrap his arm around Ash and lead him into the church.
I exhaled in relief.
“You ready, Abandonato?” Breaker offered his arm.
I swallowed the ever-present ball in my throat. “Not ever.”
“Shall I distract you?”
I snorted. “Watch it, or I’m going to start calling you Cocky Campisi.”
His dark chuckle wrapped around me even though he was barely touching me as we walked arm in arm into the church to join the Families.
“Admit it.” His voice lowered to a whisper. “It does have a ring to it. Plus, better you think about tonight than right now.”
“Impossible.” My eyes welled with tears. “Look at us.”
He followed the direction of my stare.
Ash was trembling next to Junior, who was trying his best to keep his expression neutral, but every time Serena glanced at him, you could practically see the guy grab a knife, cut open his own chest, and offer his heart to her, with every stolen glance, every breath, and then there was my little sister, Izzy as she stole looks at Maksim, who was doing his best to burn a hole through the back of the church pew while his dad sat next to him.
“Shit, we’re a mess.” Breaker agreed. “Maybe this isn’t—”
“Finish that sentence, and I’m going to find the first random stranger who smiles at me and invite him into my bed.”
Suddenly Breaker’s hand gripped my arm, tight enough to cause a stinging pain as we stopped walking. “One day, you’ll realize how dangerous your threats are… one day, I may not stop myself.” He released my arm, his eyes burned with fury as he waited for me to say something.
But I had nothing.
Because I liked the darkness that swirled behind his emerald eyes.
And one day, I would do more than push him over the edge.
I’d give him a shove and jump after him into the oblivion—and I’d worship at the feet of the fallen.
Chapter Four
The fault must partly have been in me.
The bird was not to blame for his key. —Robert Frost
Breaker
Claire’s funeral was heavy with a sadness felt in the soul—it hurt to breathe, my lungs burned with the need to inhale more air, but every single time I tried, I imagined myself in Ash’s position.
Standing up at that pulpit.
Destroyed.
Lost.
Un-fucking-repairable.
How easily our spots could have been switched. And the only people who knew were the ones who kept my secrets safe.
Phoenix Nicolasi, who was currently watching me like a hawk—for good reason.
And Andrei Sinacore-Petrov, who cheerfully sat directly to my left with his wife and Maksim. Every few seconds, I saw the glint of the knife shoved down around his ankle as he purposely crossed his legs.
Message received, dick.
Ash’s voice rasped as he continued the Eulogy. “All it takes is one second, and life can get ripped from you. I actually had a fight with Claire that morning. She wanted to go shopping, and I wanted to send security with her. She finally…”
His voice trailed off as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think about anything but that night.
“You have a choice,” Andrei whispered as I watched the leering fifty-year-old looking man shrug out of his black leather jacket and grin at one of the idiots spouting off insults in Russian about how tight her body would be, how it was an honor…
“I don’t,” I hissed through my teeth.
“We always do. The choice will always be yours.” Andrei put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“And her?” I grit my teeth as her body slumped against one of the Russians. He was petting her h
air, and I was seconds away from cutting every single one of his fingers off. “What about her choice?”
“Who do you think she would prefer, that piece of shit, or someone she sometimes tolerates?”
I snorted and felt my entire body go rigid. “I don’t know how to do this, Andrei, I can’t separate the man I am, and the man you need me to become to make this choice.”
“I never said you had to pick one or the other—you’ve always been both.”
“It’s heavy, that moment when you realize your life isn’t ever going to be the same,” Ash continued. “When you realize your love created a life you’ll never get the chance to see.” A hush fell over the room. “She was pregnant. And we were still trying to figure out how to navigate this world, we were shaken with the brutal truth that bringing up kids in this atmosphere is anything but easy, anything but innocent, and we were broken with the absolutely horrifying idea that we would fail, but she reminded me, in a time when I desperately needed it, that our parents succeeded. They raised up a generation of warriors, of mafia royalty that would forever protect their blood until their last breath. She reminded me who I was.”
My heart hammered against my chest; could they see? Could they tell? Could they smell my blood in the air? All of the mafia royalty around me with their perfect bloodlines? Resentment started to ooze into every pore of my body. Resentment for who they were, who she was, and who I was.
I didn’t belong in this seat.
I didn’t belong in this world.
I was meant to rule another.
And yet, there I sat.
With the Italian family I loved.
And another family I swore to die for.
I lowered my head as cold fury pulsed through my veins, because tonight I wouldn’t be able to help myself, would I?
And eventually, they would all know my sins.
I’d have no choice but to confess them and do what my namesake said… Break her.
Break them all.
I was the snake in the garden.
I should have never dangled the apple.
Because now the one responsible was as equally damned.
“Blood in. No out… except death,” Ash said.
It reverberated in my soul as my very short life flashed before my eyes, and then I saw Violet turn around and look at me as I whispered back with the congregation. “Blood in.” I licked my lips and watched her eyes fill with tears. “No out.”
One spilled over Violet’s cheek.
I gripped the pew in front of me to keep myself from jumping over all the rows between us and pulling her into my arms—a liar’s arms.
But a rustle of whispers interrupted what would be my own suicide as I frowned and looked around.
Andrei gripped me by the wrist like he knew I would come to Junior’s defense as he very slowly moved toward Serena and rather than sit with his own family—something that even the most rebellious of us never even attempted—nodded his chin down at Nixon in pure defiance, moved down the pew grabbed Serena’s hand, kissed it, and sat down.
He’d boldly just chosen the Abandonato heir in front of the Five Families, in front of our enemies, the De Langes.
But most importantly, she’d chosen him.
And they had done it on holy ground.
In front of the priest.
In front of God.
Junior, one of my best friends, had singlehandedly signed his own death sentence, and I’d never seen him look so relieved.
I was sick with jealousy over his boldness.
King tensed on the other side of me and whispered under his breath, “We have to do something.”
“Shh!” Dad snapped from his other side. “He’s made his choice. Now, he deals with the consequences.”
I let out a snort. “Yes, God forbid we actually have hearts that can’t help but beat for each other—even in death, his choice was still his.” I stood and walked past Andrei and was glad when I saw Ash get up and do the same thing until all the kids exited the church, together, united.
A family within a Family.
“I’m gonna take Serena home,” Junior said once we were all on the church steps staring at him like he was already dead like we were already planning his funeral after finishing this one.
He might as well have been a ghost.
A walking corpse.
And Serena along with him.
“We can fix this,” was my answer as my brain tried to conjure up every different scenario that led back to the house, back to the reckoning both Junior and Serena would face for breaking the one rule we had sworn in blood we would never break. Hooking up with each other. No messing around within the Five Families; it caused too much drama, too much jealousy, too much distraction. “Right? We can do something.”
Ash’s expression was hollow, his skin tone pale. “I’ll think…”
“Oh good, Ash is going to think!” I roared. “Thinking isn’t going to save his ass!”
Maksim’s sharp blue eyes narrowed in on me. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re more freaked out than Junior. Any reason for that?”
Brilliant bastard. I hated him for seeing everything. “No,” I lied. “But I kind of want to avoid more bloodshed. It is a Sunday.”
“Actually, it’s Monday,” Maksim corrected with an arrogant tilt of his lips. He was lucky we were on holy ground—I was seconds away from aiming my gun at his kneecap and pulling the trigger.
“I’m hungry.” King kicked one of the steps and yawned like we weren’t in yet another life and death scenario.
I shot him an incredulous look. “Are you serious right now? Junior’s about to drive his own funeral procession toward the house, and you’re worried about your stomach?”
He just shrugged. “It’ll work out.”
Naive. Sometimes he was so naive.
I ran my hands through my hair and threw my arms up at Ash. “So, anything?”
His eyes narrowed. “Yeah, Maksim’s right… what are you hiding?”
“How the hell is this about me now?” I wondered out loud while Junior jerked his head for me to follow them.
He’d driven to the church in his black Maserati; it was parked near a tree I used to climb in the park next door to the church.
Hell, was I ever that young?
“I’ll wait in the car.” Serena swiped at the moisture beneath her eyes and flashed us both a confident smile that I wish I could believe.
Once the door slammed behind her, Junior’s teal-colored gaze locked with mine.
I lifted my chin and stared right back.
“You’re shaking,” he pointed out.
I noticed the tremble in his right hand. “So are you.”
“So either we’re both addicts…” He released a hollow-sounding laugh.
And then I cracked, lunging at him, ready to fight because it felt so much better than this sick feeling in my soul that told me everything was about to come crashing down around us.
Because I was the spare.
And if something happened to Junior—the spare would be needed.
Since I was adopted, I was the Capo’s spare.
I would take his place.
A place I didn’t deserve.
A place I didn’t want.
A place that would expose every sin committed before I was ever even able to ask for forgiveness or to confess to the one girl who held my heart.
He let me hit him in the chin, then ducked my next sloppy blow and pulled me against his chest. “It’s going to be okay.”
I hugged him back, not sure if I wanted to beat the shit out of him or cry. “You don’t know that.”
“This isn’t about me… is it?”
“I—”
We released each other.
He loosened his tie and pulled it off, then leaned against the car, not making eye contact as he asked, “Is it love?”
I squeezed my eyes shut as the feel of her mouth against mine, my hands in her hair filled m
y head until I couldn’t even think straight.
Junior just patted me on the shoulder, then pulled open his car door and got in.
“So, that’s it?” I asked once the window came down. “You just get in the car and drive toward certain doom?”
“You forget one small detail,” He reached over and grabbed Serena’s hand. “Sometimes, all you can do is drive, Breaker, even if all roads lead to hell, I have my heaven, my heart, right by my side… the question is, do you?”
He pulled off, then, leaving me in a cloud of dust.
More confused than ever as I slowly walked back toward the waiting SUV, with the Abandonato princess inside.
Taking a calming breath, I crawled in and rasped, “Drive.”
“Ash will figure it out,” Violet said as she wrung her hands together in her lap. “He always does.”
Ash, our leader of the younger generation, was my king, and I was more peasant than prince.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “He’ll figure it out.”
The drive back to the house was as silent as looming death. And when we finally made it there, most of the bosses were outside waiting, my dad included.
I helped Violet out of the SUV and escorted her past her father.
“Violet, go inside. Breaker, a word,” Chase said through clenched teeth.
I could tell Violet was ready to defy him, so I gave her a little shove past him in hopes she’d get the message. The last thing we needed was for them to find out we had sex minutes before the funeral—in the church restroom.
Or that I still had his daughter’s flavor on my tongue and wanted nothing more than to tell him how good it tasted when his daughter came undone just so I could pick a fight, just so he could hit the fear out of me, the pain, and the looming dread of losing her before I even had her.
Shit.
Did he know?
I stopped and crossed my arms.
“Give me your eyes,” he snapped in a harsh voice that demanded respect even though I wanted to knee him in the balls and hold a knife to his throat.
Slowly, I pulled off my Ray-Bans and gave him a cold, unfeeling stare back, one I’d never given any of the bosses because it required something Breaker’d never had.
Defiance.
Arrogance.
Emptiness.
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