by Quil Carter
“Why doesn’t he just come home then?” Jobe asked, his eyes glancing up at Lex’s closed door. There was hope that it would open and Lex would come walking out, fresh out of the shower with a confident smile on his face… but that was so much of a pipedream that Sasha walking through those doors seemed more plausible.
“I don’t know,” Nate said honestly. “He got in trouble with someone I believe, but the details of it… who knows.” He saw Jobe looking up at the second floor and his eyes rose as well. “You check on Lex… I’ll order some dinner. If you really want to go to Courtenay, I can visit the house of that person I contacted… maybe we’ll luck out.”
Jobe liked the sound of that idea. Anything, fucking anything to make them not just sitting ducks. The prospect of finding Kheva’s home, and the nightcrawler himself may be terrifying, but jesus fucking christ, they had to do something.
Jobe climbed the stairs and stood in front of Lex’s closed door. He knocked on it lightly, and when he glanced down he saw no light seeping through the crack of the door; Lex was hiding in darkness, again. In a way, it was like he’d switched places with his nephew, now Lex was the one dwelling in the dark, and Sasha was outside.
“Lex?” Jobe said quietly. “Are you still alive in there?”
Jobe craned his ears to listen, and several moments later, he heard a rather despondent Yeah.
Jobe opened the door and walked in, Lex’s scent hitting him like an invisible wall. It wasn’t a bad smell, just the smell all men’s rooms got when the man in question had been spending a lot of time in there, and hadn’t really been keeping up with the cleaning.
Jobe made a motion to flick on the light switch but decided against it since he didn’t want to hurt Lex’s eyes. He instead stepped over clothes and made his way towards the dark lump in the middle of the bed, smaller lumps clinging to the mound like fuzzy tumors.
Or cats, as some people called them.
“Hey,” Jobe whispered. “I’m going to turn the table lamp on, so you might want to hide under the covers to prevent blindness and all.”
“No light,” Lex said in a whimper.
“Aw, Lexy,” Jobe murmured. He kneeled down in front of Lex, and though he couldn’t make out any defined facial features, the misery was pouring off of him. “Baby, please don’t be like this. You’re breaking my heart.”
Lex sniffed, and a small whine was released. Jobe put his hand on top of Lex’s unwashed hair and petted it back, knowing full well that Lex was trying to hold back breaking down.
“Lexy baby…” Jobe said quietly. “It’s––”
“You don’t understand,” Lex cried, his tone almost pleading, like he wanted Jobe to realize the extent of what he was going through. “I fucking saw what they’re doing to him, Jobe. It was like I was right there. I was right there, seeing it through his fucking eyes. Fucking christ. Oh, fucking christ.” As Lex began to lose the flimsy remains of his composure, Jobe got into the bed too and put his arms around him. “Rob, that fucking… Kel… Kel was raping him. He was raping him and I couldn’t do anything to help him.” With his eyes stinging, Jobe drew Lex as tightly to him as he could, and then shut his own eyes.
He didn’t want to hear this, any of this. Jobe didn’t want those images put into his head, but the memories were eating Lex from the inside out, and there was absolutely nothing that he could do.
“Maybe… maybe he just made up the memories?” Jobe asked as Lex trembled in his arms. “Nate says he can do all of this shit… maybe Kheva just made up those memories to torture you?”
“There were too many similarities,” Lex sniffed. “You can’t make up what I saw… it was Sasha, Sasha’s body language, his facial expressions. It was a memory, all of it.”
Jobe buried his face into the nape of Lex’s neck. “We’ll find him,” he whispered. “I have… I was thinking of taking the truck to the backroads of Courtenay, and Nate has that nightcrawler friend he mentioned. Why don’t we take a trip tomorrow and check out the town again?”
Lex didn’t respond for a moment, and Jobe sensed hesitation.
There was no reason to ask the source of Lex’s hesitation, Jobe knew.
Lex was scared of Kheva––and Jobe was too.
Jobe’s eyes closed, and inside those dark lids he saw Kheva standing in the parking lot with Lariat behind him. The smile on that monster’s face, the cold grin and those unnatural eyes that Jobe swore he could see them gleam. When you looked upon any normal person, they mixed in with their environment, but with Kheva… it was like the man was glowing.
Jobe was… terrified of him, and that fear was all-consuming. But even though the fears were heavy boulders stacking up on his back, and the guilt over what had happened to Lariat was crushing, his mind kept bringing up Sasha’s face.
“We have to do this for Sasha,” Jobe said quietly.
Lex’s body tightened. “I want to say something but…” He tried to laugh dryly but it just ended up coming out a weak cough. “Fuck, I don’t want you to think I’m some fucking pussy.”
Jobe opened his eyes. He saw nothing but darkness, but every sense was filled with Lex, his voice, his scent, his aura. Without realizing it, Jobe had come to rely on Lex. Not for strength or anything like that, but to rely on him as someone he could take care of, nurture and love. “I’d never think of you as something like that,” he said honestly, and Jobe raised a hand and stroked back Lex’s hair. “Tell me. You know me enough by now to know I’m not going to judge you.”
Lex blew air out of his nose like he wasn’t happy, but Jobe could feel his body begin to relax under the touch. “Promise?” Then he dropped his tone. “Fuck, I feel even more of a wuss making you promise… What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with me?”
Jobe smiled sadly. “Just tell me.”
There was a sigh. “I’m a fucking man in his thirties… who has seen a lot of shit, and I’m… Jobe, I’m fucking scared of that guy. I never thought I’d feel it, but I’m scared of Kheva and it’s throwing me for a loop.” He turned onto his back, and locked eyes with Jobe. “I can’t – I can’t fucking see that shit he made me see, Jobe. I can’t see him hurt Sasha like that again. You saw what it did to me, I wasn’t in control at all. I lost myself and here I am terrified that he’ll make it happen again.”
“I understand––”
“No, you don’t understand, Jobe, you didn’t see what I saw,” Lex said, a bolt of anger suddenly taking him. “He was inside of my fucking head. And you know what? He’s still inside of my fucking head because now I’m terrified of that asshole.”
Jobe’s eyes deflected. He didn’t want to say the words crawling up his throat, but found himself speaking them before he could stop himself.
“I’m scared of him too.” Jobe shifted until he was sitting up, then he leaned over and turned on the side table lamp. The light washed over the dirty clothes, making shadows around them that would make any overactive imagination come to life. “There’s something I left out. Nate doesn’t know and he can’t know…”
Lex turned, confusion apparent on his face. He looked horrible, thick black circles cradling sad green eyes, his hair sticking in all directions; he was missing an earring too and hadn’t shaved in three days. “What is it?” he asked cautiously.
Jobe’s lips disappeared into his mouth. “It was my fault Kheva killed Lariat.”
“What?” Lex sat up on the bed, the fatigue and defeat now gone from his face, but what replaced it wasn’t any better. “What are you talking about? You said Kheva made him do it.”
Jobe glanced towards the closed bedroom door, and made sure Nate wasn’t listening. It wasn’t in his nature to snoop or be nosey, but Jobe couldn’t chance it. “You were too out of it to remember but… after you told me that Kheva had been letting Kel rape him, I punched Kheva in the face.” Lex’s eyes enlarged, each ring of green holding a captured spark from the dim lighting around them. “He made Lariat walk in the middle of the road after that. It was to fucki
ng… punish me. He killed Lariat to teach me a lesson.”
Lex buried his face into his hands and moaned; Jobe reached a hand out and placed it on Lex’s shoulder. “But I’m still going to go with Nate and fucking find Sasha. Lex, we have to fucking be brave and just do it. No matter what we see, no matter what Kheva threatens. We just have to dig deep and be brave.”
Lex’s head shook back and forth, still being cradled by his hands. “I know, Jobe,” he said, and slowly his head rose. “I know we have to do it. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for it. I just… I just can’t get those images out of my head. I can’t stop seeing that fucking maniac hurting Sasha. You didn’t see what I saw, you don’t know, and I hope you never know.” He laid back down on the bed, his eyes becoming distant. “The last thing I want to do is face Kheva again, but I know, I fucking know we don’t have a choice.”
They both looked towards the door when there was a knock. Lex began to sit up. “Yeah?” he called.
The door opened, and Nate stood in the entry way, Lex’s portable phone clenched hard in his hand. “That was him, the nightcrawler,” Nate said, looking both terrified and exhilarated. “Tomorrow at three…we’re meeting him tomorrow at three.”
“Tomorrow at three,” Jobe repeated. He turned to Lex, who was now sitting up and looking all the more unkempt, both mentally and physically. “Can you do it, Lex? Tomorrow?”
Lex, looking off into nothing, nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said, his hands twisting the blanket he had over himself. “I can do it––We’ll do it.”
Jobe never slept through the night anymore. Even if he took half of one of Sasha’s old Xanax or had more than an acceptable number of drinks, he always woke up at least twice.
Tonight was no exception. At three in the morning Jobe was awake and rooting through the refrigerator. It was a scientifically proven fact that food tasted better at night, and the Chinese food that Nate ordered for the three of them was hitting the spot just fine.
As usual, Jobe looked out the picture windows in the dining room, a heavy blanket of stars covering the sleeping town, and somewhere beyond the trees, the moon.
Jobe often wondered if Sasha was looking up at those stars, maybe even at the same time. It was oddly comforting knowing that they were still under the same sky. The distance between them didn’t seem that vast.
Did Sasha wonder why they hadn’t brought him home yet?
In the darkness, Jobe could find his bravery easier, and he promised himself as he put his plate in the dishwasher, that he would find Sasha no matter his fear towards Kheva. Like Lex had said, even if Kheva was a nightcrawler, he wasn’t immune to bullets. Then if the cops came and asked questions, Sasha could do his head trick on them like Kheva did to any witnesses he came across.
Jobe liked this idea, even though deep down he knew it was the night that was filling him with a new sense of determination. Once morning came, that gnawing worry would be back, biting away at any faith he had until only ribbons and shreds remained. But it was better than nothing; it was better than always just being afraid.
Even though he knew he had every reason to be afraid.
Jobe sighed, his thoughts now going to that sunny afternoon in the back-loading dock of the Walmart. He tried, oh did he ever try, to fight the poisoned thoughts leaking through the barriers he’d put up, but with a throb from his heart… he thought of Lariat.
It was his fault Lariat was dead. A man who’d just wanted to help them, and help his brother, had been dead because of Jobe’s inability to control himself.
“I’m fucking sorry, man,” Jobe whispered. He shut his eyes tight and took in a breath through locked teeth. Ian Lariat didn’t deserve to go out like that. Fuck, that poor bastard.
With his bravery vanishing as quickly as it had appeared, Jobe began to climb the stairs to the second level, his own thoughts now eating the faith and determination. It wasn’t just a gnawing worry anymore, but a strong sense of doubt that he knew would only amplify when he laid his head down to sleep.
Jobe’s attention turned when he heard a noise coming from Lex’s room. It was a whimpering noise, the sound of someone having a restless sleep. Sasha used to have nights like this all the time.
And when he did… Jobe would crawl into bed with him, take Sasha into his arms, and he’d immediately quiet down. Sometimes he’d leave before morning so Sasha didn’t even know he was there, other times, he’d wake up to Sasha clinging on him.
Those mornings… they were wonderful.
Jobe’s eyes began to burn. He wiped the corners and found himself walking into Lex’s room, then tiptoeing towards the bed as Lex made another restless noise, a hand by his face twitching lightly.
Jobe didn’t know what got into him, or maybe he did and just no longer cared. Either way, he crawled into bed with Lex, and put an arm over him.
There was a snort and a sniff as Lex woke up. “Mm? Jobe?” he mumbled.
“Yeah,” Jobe whispered, then he tentatively lifted his arm that he’d laid over Lex’s side. “You were having a rough sleep. I can – I can leave if you want.”
Lex was quiet, Jobe could see that his eyes were open. “No,” he said eventually. “I’m not feeling too good either. When am I not though, right?” He shifted over on the bed until he was facing Jobe. “You know, I wouldn’t know what the fuck to do if it wasn’t for you being here with me during this. So… thanks.”
“Aw.” Jobe smiled, and as if it was contagious, for the first time in what seemed like years, Lex smiled too. “You two are more like my family than my actual blood family. I really would be lost if I didn’t have you two. Not only to take care of, but, you know, be my friends.”
“It’s a nice win-win,” Lex said with a light chuckle, then his smile faded. “Jobe…” His eyes filled with worry, and Jobe’s own smile dripped off of his face. “I think I’m going to ask you to… remain home tomorrow. Let me go alone with Nate.”
“What!” Jobe said, anger and annoyance drawing swords with one another, fighting over which emotion would gain control. “Don’t give me that shit! You know that’s not going to happen, and I’d skin you alive if you made me.”
“I can’t risk losing you too…”
“Then why do I have to fucking risk losing you?” Jobe said. “No, we’re in this together, and fuck you for thinking that.”
Lex stared at him, Jobe half-hoping he would get angry back, but then he saw Lex’s lips tighten. He sighed. “Don’t be sad, baby.” Jobe raised a hand and rested it on Lex’s cheek. “It’s starting to break my heart when I see you sad.” And as he said this, his thumb began to caress Lex’s rough skin.
Jobe could feel the skin begin to relax, and then Lex’s eyes slowly closed. Jobe’s gentle fingers drew themselves up and down the line of Lex’s jaw, and with every soft stroke, Jobe realized something else was happening.
He didn’t entirely want to stop.
There was something… calming about this, something that felt right. Jobe didn’t want to try to justify it, with everything happening around them, the chaos, sadness, confusion, he only wanted to grab onto these good feelings, and more––encourage them.
No…
Jobe’s heart suddenly tightened, and every cell in his body told him to pull away. That this was Lex, and he was about to cross a line, but, fuck, it felt – it felt good to be close to someone.
To be close to Lex.
“What if Kheva goes after you next?” Lex asked. He raised a hand and rested in against Jobe’s, the one that was on his cheek. “I’m at the end of my rope, Jo. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I just crack.”
“We’ll crack together, baby,” Jobe said with a sad smile. He shifted over, then planted a kiss on Lex’s forehead. “Even if we have to go buy a gun to shoot Kheva right between the eyes… you’re not leaving me.”
When Jobe pulled his lips away and laid back down, he saw a look come across Lex’s face. Though what that look meant, Jobe didn’t know
, and maybe he didn’t want to know, for better or for worse.
Besides a brief exchange of good night, no words were spoken. The two of them fell asleep, side by side with each other, and let their own individual nightmares consume them whole.
The next morning and early into the afternoon, Jobe’s stomach was in twisted tight knots. It was a raw gnawing that was with him from the moment he woke up, through breakfast, and was only getting worse as Lex drove the three of them to Courtenay.
“I think I’m getting an ulcer from this,” Jobe said with a grimace. He tossed two Tums into his mouth and began to chew. “If I do, you’re stealing me meds to take care of it.”
“I’ll agree with that,” Lex said quietly, the mood in the truck tense and heavy. Nate had been quiet the entire ride, both arms wrapped around his waist with his body pressed up against the passenger side door. He looked scared, and those feelings were actively being shared between the three of them.
Fear… fear was a canvas coating the truck, encasing each of them tight enough to blind them to all views of silver linings. Even the hope of meeting that other nightcrawler wasn’t enough to break the tension amongst them, and only Jobe so far had attempted to make conversation.
“Want to… stop off at a liquor store before we do this?” Lex asked. “A shot isn’t going to disable me, and it sounds like you and Nate need it.” He glanced at the dark-haired boy in the rear-view mirror. “What say you, bud?”
Nate’s green eyes stared out the window without a flicker of recognition, Jobe thought for a moment he didn’t know Lex was talking to him, until he said with his gaze still fixed forward, “I could use a drink.” And with a low breath exhaled, Nate sighed.
Jobe didn’t know what to do when it came to Nate. Not only was he trying to get Rob back, but he also had to deal with the death of Lariat. Jobe didn’t know the kid long enough to have an idea what was appropriate when it came to comforting him. If it was Sasha or Lex, he’d know, but Nate? They barely knew each other.