by J. D. Brown
“Hold your hand here,” he instructed. Jesu and Brinnon switched places. Brinnon knelt at Maria’s side and pressed a towel to the wound to stop the bleeding. Jesu stood and faced me. “Ema—”
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and shook my head. “This stone is bad, Jesu. We shouldn’t have made it. It’s too powerful.”
His gaze lowered to my fist, where I clutched the gem so tightly, my knuckles turned white.
“I can feel its power. It’s too much. No one should have this much power. What if I can’t control it?”
“The circle,” Maria coughed. “She never left the circle.”
Jesu pursed his lips and glanced at Hesiodos’ lifeless body. The vampire lay just outside the circle of candles, well within reach of the crest. “Maria’s right. You have not stepped foot outside the symbols yet. Hesiodos said the spell would end when you leave the circle, so it must still be active. The stone is still charging.” Jesu faced me and extended both hands. “Ema, you need to come out of that circle right now. Come to me, muru.”
What did he call me?
I wanted to ask, but my thoughts were tied to the gem, so muddled by its power that I quickly forgot everything else. I clasped the stone to my chest, feeling it pulse as though it had a life of its own. Then I remembered another life, another heartbeat. The one growing in my womb. Was I harming my baby? What effect would all this magic coursing through me have on my little raspberry bubbles?
I sucked in a deep breath and then marched straight into Jesu’s arms. The moment my feet left the circle, the energy stopped pouring into me. The sapphire’s buzzing slowed to a gentle twitch, and the crest on the floor dulled, reverting to inanimate chalk drawings.
Jesu wrapped his arms across my back, hugging me to his warm, strong chest. He pulled me several feet away from the circle. I pressed my face against his shirt and inhaled his scent, feeling my worries melt away. I missed being in his arms more than I realized. I missed his heat and his nearness. I missed the feel of his heart beating against mine in perfect sync. I missed his lips and his taste, and the way he looked at me like I was all that mattered in the universe. I breathed easier in his embrace. Everyone in the room seemed to breathe a little easier.
Well, everyone except Hesiodos.
That was going to haunt me forever.
Chapter 23
I tossed the lab equipment and leftover ingredients in the trash while Brinnon and Jesu rolled Hesiodos’ body in a hotel bed sheet. Maria had slit his throat in the bathroom to make sure he didn’t heal and wake up. Since she could phase the body, Maria and Brinnon would take him back to Lycaon and explain that he was killed in self-defense. Brinnon insisted on going. As the Alpan prince, he had the proper authority to deal with Lycaon. Plus, after a phone call to his father, Brinnon had convinced Nikolas to add an extra five-million euros to the five we already owed him as a replacement fee since Lycaon would have to hire a new magician for his circus.
I watched from the kitchenette while they finished wrapping the body. Maria placed one hand on the sheet, the other on Brinnon’s arm. The three of them dissolved into an invisible mist and were off. I went to the sink and filled a bucket with warm water and soap. Jesu came into the kitchenette, but didn’t say anything.
“Take this and scrub the floors,” I said, before the silence became awkward.
While Jesu scrubbed chalk and bloodstains off the wooden floorboards, I wiped the counters, mopped the tile, and moved the trash bag near the door. When that was done, I joined Jesu in the living area and gathered the candles together. I tossed them in the trash too. Then I handed the mop to Jesu so he could sop up the excess water. He dried the floorboards, poured the dirty water down the bath drain, and then helped unroll the many hotel room rugs. Remembering their exact placement was a bit of a challenge.
Finally, all that remained was to set the furniture back. I wondered if Jesu would let me help as I eyed the coffee table. His glare said no. I scoffed and crossed my arms, moving aside as he lifted the table over his head. It’d been awhile since his biceps flexed that way, and I took advantage, staring like a schoolgirl.
Jesu set the coffee table down in its rightful spot and then came back for an end piece. “How are you feeling?”
I took a moment to consider it. “Depends.”
“On?” He gripped the end table and lifted it.
“Are you talking about the fact that I possess and control a very powerful, very rare weapon, or the fact that I killed a man this morning?”
“I see.” Jesu set the table on the floor. “Let’s start with you. How are you, Ema?”
“Fine, thanks, how are you?”
He shrugged and glanced to the side. “To be honest, my mind keeps reeling back to that kiss earlier, and what you said after.” He adjusted the table an inch to the left. “You know… loving me with all your heart.”
My fingers picked at each other. “Yeah, about that—”
“Did you mean it? Do you really love me, or did you just say that because you wanted the stone?”
My heart felt heavy and I lifted a hand to my chest. “Of course I meant it, Jesu. I would never use you to get what I want. You have to know that.”
“Do I?” He faced me, his brow raised. “You resisted me for a while in the beginning, and you have been pushing me away these last few days. I am not a yo-yo.”
“Seriously? Don’t you remember who threw herself at you in Finland? This dork right here.” I pointed to myself.
“Only when you were drunk from the bloodlust.”
“Well I…” My brow furrowed as I came up short. “Okay, point taken.”
“I want to trust you, Ema. I want to be honest with you, and for you to be honest with me, but it is so clear that you do not feel the same.”
“I already trust you more than anyone, it’s just…”
Jesu waited for me to finish. When I lowered my gaze and didn’t continue, he crossed the room and closed the distance between us. He kept going, his long gait forcing me back until my spine hit a wall. Jesu lifted both his hands and planted them against the plaster on either side, entrapping me. His scent, like spring rain and freshly cut grass, filled my lungs as he leaned in close. His sweet, hot breath pooled against my lips and a spasm tightened in my groin.
“Say it, Ema. ‘It’s just’ what?”
I drew a shaky breath, knowing it was time for the truth. I loved Jesu, so I had to be honest with him. “I… I thought you only loved me because you thought I was the girl from your premonition.”
Jesu blinked. “Why would you think that?”
I winced and then lowered my gaze. “Bridget, mostly, but also Jalmari. They both made you sound like this robot completely under your mother’s control. When you said you never loved Bridget, I thought it was because you couldn’t. You said it was always me, even then, hundreds of years before I was born. I figured you must have meant the girl in your vision; that you always loved her. After all, how could you love me when I didn’t exist yet? Bridget said you were obsessed. That not completing your mother’s last command drove you insane. That you fooled yourself into believing I was the one, despite the evidence against it.”
“You believed her?” Jesu’s gaze darkened to murky green as he pushed away from the wall.
Shame burned my cheeks. “At first, I didn’t know what to believe. That’s why I wanted to confirm the pregnancy. When that premonition proved correct, I realized Bridget was right about one thing at least; your other premonition was about a human, so I couldn’t be the one.”
“And when you realized the premonition was not about you—”
“I pushed you away. I didn’t know that you knew, too. I thought eventually you would figure it out, and then you would leave, and I would end up like Bridget. Broken-hearted and jealous. I never wanted to hurt you, Jesu. I should have said something. I’m sorry I led you on. That wasn’t right, and I apologize. It’s just… it was so hard to find to the words. I didn’t want to
say goodbye to you.”
Hurt narrowed his gaze and his mouth thinned as he tilted his head to the side. I rushed to say the rest.
“When you and Maria went to the butcher shop, I had a conversation with Hesiodos. He admitted that Lycaon commanded him to memorize the spell so he could duplicate it later. He told me he might hurt Maria to get information from the missing page. Hesiodos made me promise not to let him succeed. He told me he hated Lycaon, and he hated his life with him. He begged me to kill him. That’s when I realized what the sire curse really meant. Your actions might be compelled, but your feelings, your sense of right and wrong, your guilt. All of that is still intact. Your mother compelled you to protect the girl in your vision, but she didn’t compel you to love her. That’s when I knew your feelings were real—that you love me for me. Even better, you knew I wasn’t the one this entire time and you didn’t leave. You didn’t go to find her. You stayed for me.”
Jesu worked his jaw, his gaze still dark. “I am glad you understand that now.”
I lowered my gaze and stared at my feet. “It doesn’t make a difference, does it? You’re still mad.”
He hesitated. “I just need to know… did all this start before or after you signed the contract with Nikolas?”
I bit my lip. That was like asking which came first, the chicken or the egg. “I told you, I always suspected I wasn’t the one. That’s why I asked Maria to help negotiate the contract in the first place.”
“I thought the contract was Nikolas’ idea.”
“It was,” I nodded. “Initially.”
“Ema, I cannot understand why you would agree to such a thing. Do you not realize the sacrifice you are making?”
Tears prickled behind my eyes and I bit back a sob. “I’m making a sacrifice for my child. I’m making sure it has a future where it doesn’t have to live in fear of Apollyon.”
“You think I don’t understand that?” Jesu growled. “I do, Ema. I get it. I just wish you talked to me about it first. About all of it. Bridget, the premonition, everything.”
I tossed my hands into the air and scoffed. “Why? All you would have done is try to talk me out of it. Who knows where we would be then? Not with Nikolas’ support, I know that much.”
“Yes, Ema, I would have tried to talk you out of it, despite the fact I knew you would do what you want anyway. So what? I would have been upset for a little while, and then I would have gotten over it and seen things your way. I have no desire to control you. I only wanted you to feel like you could confide in me so you wouldn’t have to bear the weight of these decisions on your own. I thought you could at least trust me that much.” Jesu raked his fingers through his hair and looked away.
I didn’t know what to say, so neither of us said anything for a long moment.
Jesu studied me from the corner of his vision and his lip slowly curled. “You still want to break up.”
“What?”
“You realize my feelings are true, but you are not rushing to reassure me. It is not enough, is it? I am not enough.”
“Jesu—”
He shook his head and chuckled. “I am not enough. I am not rich enough, or powerful enough. You want security.”
My blood boiled and my hands fisted at my sides. “If you think I’m after money and power, then you’re an asshole.”
“Prove me wrong. Call off the contract.”
“I-I can’t. I already signed it.”
“Not all of Nikolas’ kin have. You can still back out. Let me be the one to take care of you, Ema.” His gaze went to my stomach. “Both of you.”
I opened my mouth, but no words came out, so I closed it and shook my head.
Jesu furrowed his brow. “Then what am I to you, Ema? What is the point in all this? You swear that you love me, yet you keep my heart at arm’s length. What am I missing?”
I sucked in a deep breath and silently prayed he would understand. “I do love you, Jesu, so very much. I wish we could build a life together and be a family, but…”
“But?” he growled.
“But… you are cursed. And I’m not the prophesized one. Safety from Apollyon is only one reason why I signed the contract with Nikolas. Your curse is the other.”
His gaze narrowed. “What do you mean?”
Biting my lip, I looked into his eyes and saw the pain there. I knew it was about to get worse, and my chest ached with the weight of it all. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to be honest. That was all Jesu asked of me. Honesty and trust. So here I was, trusting him with the truth.
“I know you would love this child as your own, Jesu, and I’m so very glad for that. If Apollyon was my only concern, I would have considered other means of protecting us all from him. But the truth is I signed that contract so my child would have a backup family in the event the girl from your premonition makes herself known. Please try to understand, Jesu. I don’t doubt your love. But even if you always love me and the baby, if that girl comes into your life one day, then you will have no choice but to protect her first. If anything were to happen where you had to decide between us and her, you would have no choice but to save her. Always. Every time. Even if you hate it. Just like Hesiodos had to get the rest of the spell from Maria.”
Jesu sucked a sharp breath through his teeth and winced. His shoulders curled forward and he lowered his head, causing his long hair to fall over his face. His chest deflated, and he clawed at his heart as though trying to dig out the pieces.
“No,” he whispered. “No, no.”
I placed my hand on his arm. He recoiled, and I drew my hand back. A lump welled in my throat and I struggled to swallow.
“I wish you were enough, Jesu, but you’re right. You’re not. I can’t depend on you to take care of us. I can’t risk this baby being second to a stranger. When the contract becomes official, my first request will be for the care and safety of my child, then you, then Naamah and Maria. Maybe you’ll never find the girl in your vision, and we can start over when I get back from training, but if not…” My voice broke, and I inhaled a deep breath. “At least you won’t have anything to feel guilty about. All of you will be cared for. Even if it means I end up alone. That’s okay. I’ve always been alone. I’m used to that.”
“Oh, Ema.” Jesu covered his face with his hands and sank low, crouching on his toes. I stroked his hair, trying to offer him some small token of comfort. I thought I would be the one to curl in heartbreak, but somehow I was the one standing. A heavy weight sat where my heart once beat, filling my chest with a numb hollowness. I felt like a monster for hurting him. I suddenly wanted to take it all back, but it was too late.
“Am I wrong?” I whispered, hoping against hope. “Jesu, am I wrong?”
He lowered his hands and looked away. “No. You are absolutely right. You cannot count on me to always be around.”
I tensed. Jesu spoke those exact words countless times in Finland when I complained about learning to be a vampyre. You must learn to take care of yourself. I will not always be around.
Jesu scoffed and shook his head. “You have always been right not to trust me. What a fool I am.”
I knelt beside him. “I still love you, Jesu. That will never change.”
He slowly nodded. I hoped he would say the same—that he still loved me, too—but he didn’t say anything.
The hotel door opened. Jesu stood and went to the balcony window, turning his back to the room. Maria and Brinnon entered. I pushed to my feet and quietly cleared my throat.
“Boy, that was rough,” said Brinnon. “Lycaon is the most unpleasant being I have ever met. No wonder he was overthrown.”
Brinnon waited for us to add our two-cents to the conversation, but I didn’t say anything. I watched Jesu while he gazed unseeingly at the canal scene. The curtains were drawn to block the sunlight, but a thin sliver of gold filtered through the center, where the thick fabric didn’t quite meet. The light streaked a portion of his face, setting his skin aglow, as though he were on fire.
I wanted to say something, but I had said everything there was to say. We both knew this could never work.
Jesu faced the prince and forced a tight smile. “I take it Lycaon was not happy about the state of his protégé.”
“Try livid. Good thing I talked Dad into tacking on an extra five mil.”
Maria came to my side and whispered. “Ema, darling, are you all right?”
I nodded.
Maria cast a quick glance at Jesu. He looked away. Brinnon’s gaze also darted between us, and he quieted, catching on to the mood of the room. Maria smiled and took my arm in hers. “How about if I help you pack?” She gently coaxed me toward the door. I leaned against her shoulder for support, worried I might shatter into a million pieces if I let go. There was definitely a big crack in my heart.
Bridget
Ciaran’s loft looked like an assassin’s dream. Firearms, swords, daggers, and crossbows lined the walls of his urban-chic bachelor pad. No one ever guessed upon meeting him that Ciaran was a high-ranking Elite. His warm gaze was a touch too innocent, except to the few who truly knew him. I had that honor, having trained and partnered with him on a number of cases in the past. He handed me a warm mug of AB positive, his brow turned up at my earlier request to borrow a few items.
“That’s a new one,” he said, “borrowing my weapons. What happened to yours?”
“Nothing.” I sipped the drink, pausing to revel in its healing effects. “I just can’t go back home at zee moment.”
Ciaran furrowed his thick brow and scratched the back of his neck, causing the tips of his dark wavy hair to fan over his knuckles. He wore a white T-shirt and jeans. Very American. In truth, Ciaran was Irish—or at least he was before he became a vampire—but he looked more like a beach bum straight out of a Californian surf shop. I never understood why he stuck to the American motif. It wasn’t exactly tactful in Europe.
Cairan put his hands on his hips. “Are you in trouble?”