“You needed to know. I’d say it’s no big deal, but, well…it is. Hopefully now you can go home and start your healing process.”
Home. He wants me to go home.
She ran her hand through her hair. She was suddenly disappointed. She’d wanted him to ask her to stay for a while longer, not because he reminded her of Joel, but because she liked who Austin was.
Austin started to pull ingredients out of the cupboards and got to work on dinner. He drizzled oil into a large pain and broke up mince-meat in his hands. He added chopped garlic and a dash of chilli. Then he boiled water and put a pack of spaghetti on the counter to put into the water when it finished boiling.
“I’ll look at flights tonight. I’ll leave as soon as possible.”
He nodded and kept his eyes fixed on the chopped tomatoes he carefully scooped up with his hands and tossed into the sizzling pan.
She wanted to say what she was thinking and opened her mouth, but Austin moved away from her and headed to the door, calling Jake to come down from his room.
During dinner, the silence was filled with Jake telling Austin and Mimi all about his day. Mimi attempted to twist the spaghetti with her fork onto the spoon.
“How is your wrist?” Austin asked.
“It’s okay. I’m sad I won’t be able to ride again before I go home.”
“You’re leaving?” Jake shrilled.
Austin lifted his gaze, looked at Mimi, and then turned to Jake.
“Mimi needs to go home to her family in England. They miss her and want to see her.”
Jake’s eyes were wide and filled with tears. “But I like having you here, Mimi.”
She cupped his sweet face and held his chin. “I have sure loved visiting, but your daddy’s right. My family misses me.”
“You’ll come back, right?”
She wanted to say yes so badly, but this child didn’t deserve any more lies to be woven into his young life.
“No, Jake, I won’t be back.”
She looked at Austin, hoping that he would cut across her and say that she was welcome to come back to the ranch whenever she wanted, but he avoided her gaze and said nothing. She knew she needed to leave.
Later that evening, Austin gave Mimi the key to his study so she could use his computer to look up flights. He always kept the door locked so Jake wouldn’t run in and mess up his paperwork.
She slid the key into the bulky lock and opened the door, revealing a classical and old-fashioned study. There was a bookcase mounted against the far wall with too many books to count. The large polished oak desk dominated the room. The shiny Mac almost looked out of place.
She switched the computer on and carefully typed in the login details Austin scribbled on the back of a magazine. A photo of Jake with Austin appeared. They were next to Troy, the black stallion, on a perfect summer’s day.
As she went into the American Airlines website, she felt her breath shorten. She didn’t want to go, but she had no reason to stay. She stopped, trying to process the last few weeks, which had been a whirlwind of grief, pain, shock, and now disbelief.
The creak of the door interrupted her thoughts. It was Austin. He looked tired. He was dressed in a pair of ripped, faded blue jeans and a light blue t-shirt. Her heart quickened. He sat on the edge of the desk. She waited for him to speak, but for the second time that night he said nothing.
“What is it?” Mimi asked.
His jaw tightened. “Nothing.”
Mimi rested her head on her hand. She wanted to get inside his head and let it all out. She thought back to how Joel used to look faraway in thought, but at the time she had ignored it, thinking it was something to do with memories he would rather not share about the war. She had never pressed him further, but now she wished she had.
When she met Joel, he was ridiculously charming and confident. He made her laugh and he’d interested her with his tales of the Corps, foreign places he travelled to, different cultures he’d experienced, and the friendship of his military brothers. But now she wondered if that had all been true or if he lied about so much more with only threads of the truth. She wondered if Joel had ever thought, I must tell her the truth. She needs to know.
Mimi loved Joel. There was never a question or a doubt in her mind he had been anything less than honest with her. He made a stupid teenage mistake that could be forgiven. He betrayed his brother. That was tough to swallow, but she still would have stayed with him. But turning his back on an innocent child was harder to get past and deceiving her was unforgiveable. He wasn’t here to tell his side of the story, but even if he was, she didn’t know if his words would have any bearing. After all, if you lie before and after you marry somebody, what right do they have to ever win your trust back again?
“What is it you want to say to me, Austin?”
He inhaled and a let out a long, deep sigh. “This is so wrong of me, but…”
He paused once more. Mimi wanted to drag the words out of his mouth.
“I’d like you to stay for a while longer. I mean, you at least should take with you some nice memories rather than coming here to find out you’ve been deceived and breaking your wrist.” He let out an awkward laugh.
Mimi’s cheeks suddenly grew from cold to hot. Her stomach flipped. She felt something, although she couldn’t quite identify if it was happiness or nervousness.
“For how much longer?” she asked.
“As long as you want to. I know you have a life to go back to—a job, your family—but, well, Jake likes having you around.”
“And you? Do you like having me around?” she asked.
She watched his face flush. She had never seen him nervous. He tilted his head and fixed his gaze on her.
“I do.”
There was an unspoken attraction between them. It had been born out of the most tragic and unexpected circumstance, but it was there.
Chapter 14
The weekend finally came. Austin took Mimi to a bar. It was filled with smiling faces and loud music. A few people curiously looked at the long-haired English girl Austin walked in with. Mimi couldn’t remember the last time she went out and had fun. This was exactly the kind of joint she’d expected to find in Texas. The smell of stale beer hung in the air and her feet almost stuck to the worn floor. There was a pool table tucked in the corner and a jukebox playing old country classics. It looked like a big party that everybody was invited to.
“What can I get ya?” The barman yelled over the thumping music.
“Just an orange juice,” Mimi shouted. The barman frowned and his forehead creased together like folds of paper.
“Orange juice and what? We like to give our customers a good time here. Now, what else can I get ya?”
Mimi smiled and decided to have something stronger after all. She ordered a vodka and orange. As she took the first sip, the taste made her remember the night on her honeymoon, when she and Joel had spent the night drinking and dancing.
Just as quickly as her mind flashed back, she knocked back another swig. Tonight she was choosing not to remember. Just for one night, she wanted to be free of all the heavy baggage she had been carrying on her weak shoulders.
They took a seat on a stool and hung out at the edge of the bar. She heard an old Dolly Parton song on the jukebox. She remembered singing “Here You Come Again” in the back of her parents’ old Vauxhall Caviller with Larna.
For a fleeting moment, she had an urge to dance and just be in the moment, but she stopped, reminding herself that she was with Austin, not Joel.
Austin bought her several more vodkas and oranges. The barman looked across and raised a glass to her. A large flat screen TV was above their heads. Mimi glanced up, watching heavyset American footballers thrash into each other.
“Do you play sports?” she asked.
“Used to. Back in high school, I played basketball.”
“Ah, interesting. To be honest, I can’t see you playing. You’re not quite tall enough,” she teased.
“I like my horses. I’m a cowboy at heart.” He winked at her.
A slow song came on and couples moved their bodies to embrace the harmony of the music.
Austin stood up and held his hand out to Mimi. “Shall we?” he asked.
“I want to, but…”
She left him hanging for a moment longer than he could handle.
“It’s fine. I need some air.” He turned his back to her and left the bar.
Mimi put her head in her hands and then jumped to her feet to follow him. She pushed herself through the sweaty crowd, trying to find her way to the exit.
When she stepped outside, the cool air hit her in the face and suddenly she realised how drunk she was. She tried to steady her feet. Her eyes frantically searched for Austin, but she couldn’t see him among the smokers gathering round, laughing loudly and fooling around.
She walked to the parking lot and stumbled to his truck, but he wasn’t there. She leaned against the shiny black exterior and suddenly felt nauseous. She looked up into the night’s sky. There were a thousand twinkling stars above her.
Where are you, Joel?
Although she knew he had deceived her, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for being here like this with his brother. This journey had all started so she could feel closer to her husband. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe she was finally seeing things clearly for the first time, but she had never felt as sad as she did in that very moment. It dawned on her that Joel was really gone. Finding out about Jake and feeling so angry at her husband had distracted her from accepting that he was gone. Somebody in a foreign land had captured, possibly tortured, her husband and then taken him to his death.
A sound escaped from her mouth that she didn’t quite recognise. She turned and let her body fall to the arch of the wheel and sobbed.
A few moments later, the shadow of a man stood over her.
“Ma’am, are you all right?”
Mimi looked up at an older man, his wife standing a few feet away from him, their faces full of concern.
Mimi quickly wiped her face with her sleeve and cleared her throat. “I’m fine,” she managed to say.
“You sure don’t look okay, miss. Has somebody hurt you?” The man reached his hand out to her and she reluctantly took it.
Austin walked into view. The couple turned to look at him in an accusing way.
“Mimi?” Austin said.
“I’m sorry. I’m all right. Just having a moment,” she slurred.
“Let’s get you in the car.”
“Why is she upset?” the woman demanded.
Austin felt irritated at the couple hanging around. However, he kept calm and turned to face them. “Her husband was killed in Afghanistan.”
He left them gobsmacked, steadied Mimi to her feet, and put her in the car, leaning across her and strapping her in safely. He turned the key and the truck roared to life.
“Can you drive?” Mimi asked, her eyes half closed.
“I didn’t drink, remember?”
“Ahh, yes…I remember.” Her head slumped forward and she fell asleep.
Rain lashed against the windscreen as the truck sped along the road. Austin looked at Mimi. He knew he was wrong for having feelings for her. He knew that nothing good could come of this, but he still found it difficult to let go of her. There was a fire inside of her burning. He wanted to help, but he was jealous of his brother. Even in death, Joel had won the heart of another girl Austin was falling in love with.
They finally pulled up to the ranch. Austin gently tapped Mimi’s shoulder. She stirred but she didn’t wake. Her body was clammy and intoxicated. Without thinking, he unclipped her seatbelt and slipped his hands underneath her slender body. He carried her up to the guest room and gently lay her on the bed.
He watched her sleep, wishing he could slide in next to her and pull his body into hers. He placed the duvet cover over her. Now she was warm and safe. He began to tiptoe out of the room when he heard her call him.
“Please stay with me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
It took every ounce of his self-control not to give into her. He wanted her so much, but he knew she was drunk and he knew she was grieving, so he pretended he didn’t hear her and closed the door behind him.
***
When morning broke, Mimi found Austin sipping a cup of steaming coffee in the kitchen, his eyes fixed on a newspaper. He didn’t mention last night. He told her he’d like her to help with some paperwork since his assistant called in sick. She protested, saying she wouldn’t be helpful with only one hand to do the job.
“One hand is better than no hands. It would really help me out. Will you?”
She resisted, but he asked again till she couldn’t refuse. They went into the office and Austin pulled out a ton of files and threw them out on the floor.
“Thank you for last night,” she said, breaking the silence.
“No problem.”
“I sort of just landed on your doorstep and piled all my problems on you. Then you have to carry this drunk mess to bed. I’m not usually like that.”
“Mimi, I get it. You’ve been through a lot and it makes sense for you to be here. Stay as long as you need to.” He tried to sound cool and laid back, but the words got stuck in his throat.
“Were you tempted?” she asked, her head titled to the side.
“Excuse me?” He was surprised by her directness.
“Last night, when I asked you to stay with me. Were you tempted?”
“I didn’t…”
“Cut the bullshit, Austin. I know you heard me. I was drunk, but I’m not stupid.”
“Yes,” he answered curtly.
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because you’re my dead brother’s wife. Because you were drunk. Because you were desperate.”
“Desperate? Excuse me?”
“I mean, you were upset, so you needed comfort,” he said, trying to stop the explosion that was about to erupt in the room. “Let’s get out of here. This can all wait.”
He took her by the hand and pulled her toward the front door, grabbing his keys along the way.
She moved with him, stony faced.
How dare he call me desperate?
Austin walked to the barn. The horses were grazing on hay, looking unfazed as they went in. Troy’s ears perked up when they walked toward him.
“I can’t ride, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I know you can’t, but I can.”
He opened the door and Troy waltzed out. He had a confident stance and looked like he owned the place, but he still respected Austin as his owner. She ran her hand over his sleek, shiny coat.
“He’s a confident chap,” she said. His legs were steady and solid and built to run into miles of open land. She was sure that he was capable of going long distances.
“Troy is a left-brainer,” Austin said.
“Is this some secret horse whisperer language you’re talking about?”
Austin smiled. She liked it when he smiled. His face seemed kind, less uptight, and less responsible.
“Yeah, well…sort of. You see, left-brainers are confident, like you already observed. He’s also calm and brave and will not be easily spooked. There was a situation where a herd of cattle had grouped up into the south side of the ranch. They had young, so they can be fiercely protective and aggressive, but Troy walked past them with absolute bravery. The fact he was calm put the cattle at ease. They knew he was no threat. He’s my top guy.”
“I guess you are hoping I’ll ride on the back with you?” She raised her eyebrows.
“You just need to wrap your arms around me. We’ll take it slow and only go a couple of miles out. You’ll be fine, I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” She fixed her dark eyes on him and, for once, he didn’t avoid her gaze.
“I promise.”
Mimi had trouble with promises. After all, Joel had promised that he was com
ing home, and yet here she was, a young widow, away from her family and friends, staying with his estranged brother and feeling things that she shouldn’t.
The previous night had been a close call. If Austin had climbed into bed with her, she was almost certain that she would have acted upon her desires. In a way, she felt like she was cheating on Joel. He’d not been long dead, and yet here she was, crushing on his brother. Mimi felt angry at herself, but that alone was not enough to resist the pull she had toward Austin.
As they left the barn, the sun burned away the last remaining clouds in the sky. They walked slowly together, Austin holding Troy’s rein. Mimi started to feel the effects from her hangover kicking in. Her eyes burned and her body felt like it had been through a vigorous work out. Her mouth was dry and she felt like cognitive fuzziness was taking over her brain.
She thought twice before getting on the back of the horse. The first time had resulted in a broken wrist, but this time her hangover made her feel slightly less enthusiastic about climbing back on.
“Look, if you really don’t wanna ride, you can go back to bed and sleep longer, if that’s what you feel you need.”
Suddenly she thought about going into the guest room, where she would be alone with nothing but her thoughts for company. She knew it would do her no good, mooching around and feeling sorry for herself. She also knew her mind was not a safe companion to be alone with right now. She had too many crazy thoughts that left her questioning too many things in her life.
“I want to come,” she said with conviction.
Her heart pounded as she mounted Troy and her breath escaped her. She knew that Austin promised he would look after her, but that didn’t stop the nervousness from pulsating through her trembling body.
“Remember what I said. Wrap your arms around me tight and don’t let go. I will not let you fall, I promise.”
Mimi squeezed Austin tight as Troy started to move. Austin was fully aware of her touch and he liked that there was the excuse of the horse to keep her tanned, slender arms securely around his chest.
When they finally reached the same meadow where Mimi had broken her wrist, Austin carefully dismounted and slowly helped Mimi down to safety.
Till Death Us Do Part Page 11