by LJ Evans
“How can you love me and know that I love you and not know that I will never let another guy manhandle you?” he said equally quiet.
She looked up at him, at his protest that he loved her, and felt like she’d drown as she always did in the emotion of his blue irises.
“You love me?”
He smiled that rare smile. “You know I do.”
And she did. She’d known for a while, but it was different to hear him say it aloud. He pulled her onto his lap, and she lay her head on his shoulder. They just sat there, entwined, in the silence.
The moment was shattered by Claire’s haggard voice, “Anyone here?”
PJ ran a finger along his stubble covered cheek and smiled at him before moving away. “In here, Claire!”
Claire found her way into the studio and winced at the bright light that poured through the picture windows. “Aargh! What you trying to do, blind me?”
“Come on. Let’s go get you some grease for that hang over.” PJ pulled her friend from the room, but she looked back at Seth, and he was still smiling.
He followed them into the kitchen and started to make them breakfast. After offering to help, and being refused, Claire and PJ went out to the deck, coffee in hands. The waves and the mist from the ocean surrounded them, soothing her in that way that she loved. She was still a little in awe of the fact that she was going to get to wake up to it every day.
“You’ve got a keeper in there,” Claire sighed with longing while she drank.
PJ put her cup down with a thud. Claire had never wanted anything serious with any boy. She’d also never wanted anything that PJ had ever had.
“The great Claire wants to settle down with one guy? Since when?”
Claire grinned at her. “Who says settle down. Keeping him around has got to have a lot of benefits.” She waggled her eyebrows.
“God, you're awful,” PJ rested her head on the back of the chair.
“You know though, I’d consider it if I had someone treating me like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like I was the earth and the sky and the moon and everything in between. Like I was the reason he got up in the morning. Like I was Athena and Diana and all the goddesses. Like—”
PJ cut her off, “—I get it.”
Silence for a moment. “Do you?”
She lifted her head to stare at her friend. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Claire sighed. “Don’t hate me.”
“But?”
“But, I feel like… not that you don’t appreciate it, but more like you almost begrudge it. Like you look at what he does for you as some kind of task you have to bear.” My anger flared and Claire saw it.
“I’m not saying it right. Look. This man. He’s crazy about you. With a capital letter C. And I think you’re just as crazy about him, but it’s like you won’t let it be enough. Like you’re watching from the outside in case it breaks.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?”
PJ just leaned her head back again. Claire’s words hitting home in so many ways. Some days she did feel like the break was right around the corner. Like last night when he’d shown up at the bar. But then other days she felt like there would never be an end to what they had. “I’m too tired to argue with you.”
“Because you know I’m right.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“Because I’m right.”
Seth came out with breakfast on a tray. Claire was definitely right about one thing, he was good at taking care of her. She just wished she could make him feel as cared for in return.
“What’s Claire right about?” he asked.
“Nothing,” PJ and Claire both said, and Seth looked at them as if he wasn’t sure if he should press it or not.
Claire dug into the eggs. “You’re gonna make someone a really good wife one day.” He frowned, she laughed more.
“Not funny,” PJ grumbled, but Claire continued to snigger at both of them.
Claire sighed after she’d inhaled her food. She pushed the plate away and looked up at them both.
“Hey, so, I’ve been thinking. And, you realize that Michael is your stalker, right?”
PJ froze, unable to look at Seth while she tried to send signals to Claire to stop before she said anything more. But, it was too late, Seth had already heard.
“What?” His growl was deep and guttural.
“You haven’t told him?” Claire was surprised. And looking back, she should have been. How do you move in with someone and not tell them something as important as the fact that you’ve got someone sending you awful messages? PJ thought at the time that she’d just been in denial about it all. Wanting it to go away with the least amount of pain.
And she wasn’t stupid. She’d already been creeped out by Michael at the graduation party at the gym, and then again when he’d shown up at the bar and been so utterly not Michael. Demanding. Not taking no. Not letting her go. It had made her even more certain that he was the one sending the texts.
“Bella?”
“It’s nothing.”
“You called the cops, it’s not nothing,” Claire waved.
PJ’s face revealed her answer. She hadn’t called the cops. She’d been too caught up in school and Seth and ignoring everything else in her life.
“Oh. My. God! Please tell me you called the cops?” Claire was suddenly as angry as Seth, and Seth was seething. She didn’t have to look at him to know that. It was radiating off of him in waves.
“I’ve been busy.”
“Jesus Christ!” Claire stormed.
“We don’t know it’s Michael,” PJ protested weakly because she did know.
“He followed you to the bar last night,” Claire said.
PJ risked looking at Seth. When she looked at him, she could see he was trying to maintain control, he was gripping the arm of the chair, and his jaw was clenched so tight that she thought it would break apart. She wasn’t sure if he was angry at her or at Michael or at them both.
“Where’s your phone?” Claire demanded.
PJ just looked towards the house where it sat on the counter. Claire went inside and grabbed it. She unlocked it with the PJ’s code and handed it to Seth.
He read the messages. And PJ’s stomach flipped into a million tiny knots because she knew she was wrong. She knew she should have told him. But she hadn’t. PJ watched as Seth’s hand clenched the phone as if it was someone’s neck. And for the first time, she was really afraid. Because if Seth found out whoever was sending her these messages, Michael or not, he’d kill him. He’d slaughter him with his bare hands. And then, Seth would be in jail for murder.
That thought stunned her. It terrified her in so many complicated ways. Because she loved this man and didn’t want him anywhere near a jail. And yet it was also terrifying that she could love him, move in with him, and know that he could easily murder someone and not regret it. Because if Seth murdered the stalker, he wouldn’t regret it. He’d think it was justified.
When he was done reading the texts, he didn’t speak. Instead he got up and went inside.
“I can’t believe you!” Claire hissed.
“I was protecting him!” PJ hissed back.
“No, you weren’t. I’m not sure who you were protecting, but it wasn’t him.”
PJ felt her own anger spike.
“You had no right to tell him.”
“People who love you have a right to know when some serial killer is threatening you.”
And that made her anger deflate again. Her emotions had been back and forth all morning like the tide.
When Seth came back, he still had PJ’s phone clenched tightly in his fist, but he also had his own phone at his ear.
“Yes, I’d like to make a formal report about someone stalking my girlfriend.” His voice was deep with choked emotions that he was fighting to hide.
It broke PJ. She’d been such a moron.
Tears sprung to her eyes.
“She’s here.” He handed PJ the phone. “They won’t take the report from me. It has to come from you.”
PJ took the phone and answered the woman’s questions. The lady on the other end said they’d send a police officer out to collect more information later that day.
When she hung up, both Claire and Seth were staring at her with eyes that were disappointed. And angry.
“I’m sorry,” PJ whispered.
Claire hugged her. “You don’t have to be ashamed. It isn’t your fault.”
And that was what made Claire such a good friend. Because she’d realized exactly what PJ had been feeling. Shame. As if she’d encouraged this. Like she’d encouraged the boys who passed her around in high school. Like she’d wanted this. Like she deserved this.
They took Claire back to her car, picked up the Caterpillar, and went back to Seth’s. And in all that time, Seth hardly said two words to her. He was always a man of few words, but this was his way of fighting. With silence. Except now there were words being spoken, they were just being said with hands that squeezed the steering wheel and slammed doors.
When they got back to Seth’s, he went to the kitchen and started cooking. Dicing tomatoes and onions and putting them in a saucepan.
PJ followed him, her own irritation spiking again at his treatment.
“The silent treatment is kind of juvenile, don’t you think?”
He stopped, stared at her a moment, and then went back to dicing at a faster pace. “Taking your life in your hands is a tad bit more immature, don’t you think?”
“You’re overreacting.”
“No, you’re under-reacting.”
“It was just dumb words from someone who thought he liked me. It seemed stupid to take it seriously.”
“He threatened you.”
“No, he threatened you.” PJ tried to tease him, but he didn’t once smirk.
“He deserves more than a broken nose,” Seth said as he took out his aggression on the vegetables.
PJ surrounded him with her arms, leaning her cheek against his back.
“We don’t know that it’s Michael.” She felt his rumble of protest underneath her cheek. And, in her heart, she knew it was Michael too, but she didn’t want Seth rushing out to find him. “And, even if it is, I don’t want you doing something that will end up with you behind bars and him…”
She trailed off. She didn’t want to say dead, but she was worried that it could go that far.
He put the knife down, wiped his hands, and then turned in her arms. He tugged at her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes.
“I can’t promise to not want to kill him if he ever fucking touches you again.” His silenced her protest with a finger to her lips. “But I promise that I want this, our life together, too much to end him without thinking about it first. I don’t want to end up in jail any more than you want me there.”
And then he kissed her as if he was losing her. As if he’d already lost her.
The doorbell rang, pulling them from each other’s lips. They stared at each other, speaking without words again. Her fear for him. His fear for her. Their fear of their life together.
She left him with their unspoken words leaving yet another stain on their relationship. One that wouldn’t be easily removed.
There were two officers at the door. An older male with graying hair and an attractive middle-aged woman. PJ shook their hands and led them into the kitchen. Seth also shook both of their hands as they reintroduced themselves as Officers Williams and Taft. Seth went back to cooking. PJ thought that maybe it was to keep himself from drinking, but she wasn’t certain.
She sat down at the table with them after offering them a coffee or water which they politely refused. They asked her to start at the beginning. So she did. With the first text that had come way back in March. The police officers wrote down everything and then had her forward all the text messages to them for their report. Finally, she told them about Michael showing up last night and not taking no for an answer.
“That how you got those marks on your knuckles?” the male officer asked.
PJ looked at Seth’s knuckles in surprise. Redness creeped into her cheeks as she realized she hadn’t even noticed his injured hand this morning. She’s been so absorbed in her own thoughts. Guilt rushed through her. Obviously, punching someone doesn’t come without consequences.
Seth didn’t respond to the officer’s question.
PJ held her breath.
“Don’t blame you,” Officer Williams, the gentleman, said. “If someone was hitting on my girl and not taking no, I’d have done the same. We aren’t going to do anymore paperwork on it unless he presses charges.”
Relief filled her and PJ let out her held breath. They finished the report, and the officers left promising to talk with Michael and get back to them, but also saying that unless they could prove without a doubt who it was, there wasn’t much they could do. And even then, a restraining order was probably all that could be done.
They gave her a list of contacts and resources for people who were being stalked. They suggested that PJ change her phone number and make a safety plan.
After they’d gone, PJ went back into the kitchen, took Seth’s hand, and kissed every one of the bruised knuckles. He closed his eyes, pulled her into him, and held onto her tightly.
* * *
She’d always planned to take the Monday after graduation off, and it had been a good thing. Dealing with Claire, and the police, and Seth’s anger had been enough for one day. But on Tuesday, she had to go back to the gym. She had to go back to work not just because it was her paycheck but because she needed something to keep her busy. To keep her mind from Michael and ugly words and ugly texts.
When she came out of the room in her Freestorm outfit, astonishment shot across Seth’s normally emotionless face.
“Where are you going?”
“I think it’s kinda obvious,” she told him with a smile that tried to soften the words.
Seth moved from the door of the studio over to her. “Not if that shithead will be there, you’re not.”
And she was nervous. Nervous that Michael would be there with a beat-up face and police officers tagging after him. But she was also stubborn enough to not let more men force her into making choices with her life that she didn’t really want to make.
“It’s Justice’s gym. I’m not going to just walk away from it because Michael may or may not be there.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“I know that!” she stormed back, stomping her foot. “It’s my life. I’m not going to hide, trembling in fear because one stupid kid decides to get his undies in a bunch over me.”
“Goddamn it!” He brushed past her, grabbed his keys off the table by the door, and then held the garage door open for her.
“This isn’t the answer, either. I’m not going to have you following me around everywhere I go,” PJ thundered at him.
“Humor me for at least one fucking day. I just found out the woman I love has been stalked for months, I have a right to be a little protective.”
And that took the steam out of her again. Because she’d been wrong to keep it from him. She’d been wrong to keep it from any of them, and he wasn’t the only one who was going to be angry. Justice and Locke were both going to lose their cool. So she caved and let him drive her to work.
When they got to the gym, Michael’s jeep was nowhere to be seen, even though he had a shift that started at the same time as hers that day.
Seth opened the gym door for her, and when she went in, Liv and Justice were in deep discussion at the desk. They let out a sigh when they saw her. Justice came around and hugged her tight.
“What the heck’s going on, S&M?”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Michael shows up with a smashed-up face, quits, and then tells us to ask you why?”
“He’s been stalking her. Sending her fucking
threatening texts,” Seth said. And his voice was actually shaking as he looked at her with tight lips. “I take it they didn’t know either?”
Liv and Justice stared at her and Seth as if they’d just spoken in a language that no one knew.
“Michael?” Liv said with astonishment.
“We don’t know it's him for sure,” PJ sighed. She kept saying the words because it was the truth. They didn’t know for sure. Except that she did.
“He showed up at the bar Sunday night unasked and wouldn’t take fucking no for an answer. I can guarantee you, it’s the little shithead.” Seth stood, arms across his chest, legs spread. It was his normal stance, but today it made him look like a warrior instead of a panther. A killer. An assassin.
“Are you okay?” Liv asked hugging PJ.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“We should call the police,” Liv said.
“We already did,” PJ said with a shrug.
“What did they say?”
“That there isn’t much they can do if there’s no proof. They’ll talk to him and let us know, but it’s pretty much not going to go anywhere.”
“He’s glad he quit before I knew what happened. Why the hell didn’t you tell us?” Justice snapped at her.
PJ shrugged. She knew now it was because she was embarrassed. Claire was right. But, she also knew she should have said something earlier. To all of them. They had a right to know.
“Do you want to take a couple days off?” Liv asked.
“No, I want to work,” PJ said.
“Well, that’s probably good because we’re already down one coach with him gone.” Justice tried to tease, but PJ could tell he was fighting back emotions much as Seth still was.
She felt guilty. She felt angry. This wasn’t anything she wanted to deal with.
“I can cover most of his shifts anyway,” PJ said.
“Bella,” Seth warned again.
“What? I don’t have classes anymore. It’s not like I have some important job waiting for me. I might as well help out seeing as it’s my fault he’s gone.”
“It’s not—” Liv started.