by K Elliott
North Carolina. The Charlotte Coliseum. The laughter was so loud, Shotglass finally had to pause before continuing. He grabbed his shotglass of liquor from the floor as he leaned forward in his leather swivel seat. He took one sip and said “And I got a message for every man in the world with a bald spot. Cut that bullshit all the way off; that ain’t no damn style. You got hair only around the rim of your fuckin head!” Even men with bald spots were laughing. “George Jefferson rocked that shit in the eighties, and thirty years later you’re using a temple bush to hide the full shape of your head. Tough decision when you got to trade ugly in for fucked up.”
More laughter.
“Where was I? The Jeffersons. Let’s talk about the new Flo, the one on them unfunny-ass Progressive Insurance commercial. I hate her wide eyes, eye liner, and tired-ass hospital suit. Oh, and her redundant hairdo and clown-flavored lipstick.”
Some in the audience were stomping as they laughed.
“But I still wanna fuck her ‘cause I got a bad driving record. But I got a better idea.” He stood now and pushed the swivel chair back. He stepped closer to the edge of the stage, cocked his left eyebrow, placed his hands on either side of his sports coat, and said, “Could switching to Geico save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance?” He inhaled deeply and said, “Did the Discovery Channel fail to teach you how to locate a snake’s dick?”
The laughter was deafening.
“If fifteen minutes could save me fifteen percent or more on car insurance, I’m calling that little green lizard after the show and staying on the line with his ass for an hour and forty minutes.” He pointed at a beautiful black woman on the front row. “Look at her horny ass; she’s still trying to figure out where snakes keep their dicks.”
GODSEND by K. Elliott
Godsend is an addictive thriller series with a private eye agency that has no rule book. The members are murderers investigating cold case homicides, abductors looking into missing person cases.
Here is the Godsend schedule:
A Necessary Evil.
The Search for Rochelle.
Pissed All the Way Off.
Hiding in Plain Sight.
Blashpemy Out West.
All Jokes Aside.
The Halo Effect.
The Value of a Woman.
THE WEIGHT OF ECHO (a full-length novel).
Square in the Mouth.
That Stupid Hooker.
Taken For Granite.
The Audacity.
Selling Woof Tickets.
Ass to Kiss.
Kill Somebody Else.
Shots Fired.
Natural Causes.
6 O'Clock News.
OUTLINE OF A MONSTER (a full-length novel).
Read them all before you die! Warning: Side effects include jitters resulting from constant suspense, goose bumps caused by sudden thrills, embarrassing arousals, and injurious laughter that may lead to severe headaches and stomach cramps.
Contents
Godsend: All Jokes Aside
Godsend_Jokes_Aside_Kindle_2
Chapter 1