by Anika Rahman
“What do you want?” I asked, clearly infuriated.
“Nothing, I swear. I just wanted to check up on you,” James said, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender.
“Fine, come in,” I said, closing the door and heading upstairs to my room. James took the signal and shadowed me up to my room. I sat on my bed and looked up at him while he looked around the room, flattering every part of it.
I liked my room very much. It was a pale apricot color with two bookshelves along the walls, a bed, an apple computer, a flat screen TV, my own mini refrigerator, my laptop, my dressing table, a floor length mirror, three large walk-in closets, a bathroom with a Jacuzzi and a separate bathroom like a normal person’s and two wardrobes. My whole room was beautiful with a large balcony that looked out into the front of the house and a staircase leading to the backyard. I almost forgot to mention my secret hideout behind my bookshelf that no one else knew about.
“Nice place you got here. I like it,” James smiled and sat down next to me.
“Gee, thanks,” I mutter under my breath as he unexpectedly pulls me in for a bear hug.
“Rose, I’m sorry for treating you the way I did,” James murmurs into my hair and I pull away from his hug, scooting far away from him. He exhales discontentedly and looks crushed.
“I don’t even know if you’ll believe me or not, but I still have feelings for you. I still love you, but I have to stay away from you,” James admits with a wounded expression.
“Why?” I ask and move an inch or two closer to him.
“Because Adrian gave me and Lucifer a restraining order. That’s right; Prince Charming gave us a restraining order. We have to stay at least fifty feet away from you at all times,” James tells me and I burst out giggling. Yeah, Adrian giving them restraining orders; I can imagine that. I look down at how far we are away from each other now and look back up to meet his gaze, holding back my another hysterical laugh.
“Then how come you’re so close to me?” I query and he moves closer to me while I move back in my bed until my back bumps into the pillows lined up against the headboard. I gulp and he moves closer and closer until our faces are a few centimeters away from him. To be honest, I still miss James. I still have feelings for him but I had to ignore it.
“Why aren’t you listening to the restraining orders then?” I asked him, gulping inaudibly again.
“Do you know how hard it is to stay away from you?” James asks me and leans in even closer. “Every time I try, I fail.”
“Did you write that letter?” I utter out accidentally and immediately regret it. “Forget what I said.”
“What letter? What is it Rose? Please tell me. What letter? Does Adrian know about this?” he asked me, looking very suspicious.
“No, it’s nothing, really,” I say, trying not to meet his stormy gaze. He tilted my chin up so that I can meet his gaze.
“Are you lying to me?” he asks me and I shake my head slowly. James relaxes and leans in closer to me.
“I hope you’re not lying to me. You don’t know what I would do if you were lying,” he warns me and I mentally give myself a pat in the back.
“Actually, I do know what you would do if I were to lie to you, which I’m not,” I tell him as a matter of factly.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs and lowers his lips so that it met mine. I couldn’t believe it; he was kissing me while I kissed him back. The rational part of me thought about this carefully, trying to get away from him while the other part of me held onto him, longing for him. He gently pushed me back so that my back was leaning on the headboard while he put his hands on my hips. I kept kissing him, losing myself until I sensed someone’s presence.
Adrian.
“James!” Adrian yelled as he came over to James and pried him away from me. I sat there for a millisecond and then realized what had happened. For some odd reason, my mind didn’t regret a single thing that happened. I watched as Adrian and James practically fought. James tried to punch Adrian in the face, but he dodged it.
“How dare you touch her? You tried to kiss her, trying to get her to fall for you again,” Adrian snarled and I flinched. I’ve never seen Adrian this angry and this kind of scared me. Kind of? a voice asked me in the back of my head.
“I gave you and Lucifer a fucking restraining order for a reason,” Adrian said again, getting ready to punch him again, but I stopped them both. Adrian never said that word so this is definitely not a good thing.
“STOP! James, just leave. Just . . . get out of here,” I tell him and he nods before leaving me alone with Adrian who looks passed the I’m-so-pissed-off-that-my-girlfriend-cheated-on-me level. I couldn’t even believe it; I cheated on him. What was I thinking?
“Roza, how could you? I thought you really loved me,” Adrian asked me as a million emotions filled his voice.
“You clearly thought wrong,” I muttered and his eyes instantly filled with tears, but he held them back.
“You lied to me? Again?” he asked me, his heart breaking. Well, there is never going to be a better time than this.
“Look, Adrian, you’re a really great guy, but I can’t continue on with this whole soul mate thing. If you ask me, I think this whole thing is—it’s ridiculous. I don’t really have feelings for you and I sure as hell don’t love you. I was just trying to get my mind off things. Guess it didn’t work,” I said and the heart break was definitely clear on his face. Hell, my heart was the one that was breaking, saying all these to Adrian. I didn’t want to see him upset, but it’s for his own good.
“You’re breaking up with me? Again? Wait, so you used me?” Adrian asked me, clearly upset by all of this. He did not see any of this coming. I shrugged without hesitating.
“It didn’t work anyways,” I shrugged again and he finally broke down.
“What is it that James has and I don’t? We’re soul mates for goodness sake! I love you, knowing you loved me back,” Adrian cries, trying to get me to tell him this is all a lie. He comes over to me, shaking me by the shoulders while I swat his hands away.
“You’re right. I loved you. I don’t love you anymore and I never did,” I said without being unfazed by how much it hurt me to say these words to him.
“I trusted you,” Adrian tells me and I sneer.
“Adrian, trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after each mistake and trust me, I’ve made lots and lots of mistakes,” I tell him.
“Why’d you do this to me?” Adrian asks me once more.
“I don’t know. I felt like it. I hate you, Adrian. I don’t want to see you ever again in my life. Please, just get out of my life. You know, whenever you’re in danger, just remember that I did this to help you. I did all of this for you,” I tell him as his sadness is replaced by something else.
“What do you mean? I love you, Roza. You’ve got this all wrong,” Adrian tells me again.
“No, I don’t have this all wrong. I cheated on you for God’s sake. You should hate me right now,” I yell at him and he shakes his head.
“But I don’t hate you, Roza. I love you, Roza. You may have broken our promise but I didn’t and I never will and that is a promise I will keep no matter what. I love you, Roza. What about our promise? What about my promise to you? Just think about it,” Adrian tells me.
“NO! Adrian, I’m not the love of your life or your soul mate; I’m just another promise that you couldn’t keep,” I tell him and he stands there for about a second longer before heading out, hopefully, for good.
I don’t even know what to do now. How could he love me even after what I did to him? I thought kissing James would make Adrian angry at me.
Trust me, I will not hurt you, but I will slowly kill you once and for all this time. I am going to torture those you love, agonizingly slowly in front of you. I think I’ll start with Prince Charming.
Ever since I read that letter, those words have been haunting me. That person couldn’t hurt me but he could hurt Adrian. By
now, I know for sure that the letter was written by a dude. I couldn’t even stand to see Adrian hurt or dead so I had to break things of, for good this time. I couldn’t let this happen. There is no one else on Earth who hates me more than I do.
You may have broken our promise, but I didn’t and I never will and that is a promise I will keep no matter what.
Now I know for sure that Adrian was talking about that promise we made that night in the hospital.
“I love you too, Adrian. I’ll be with you forever. I won’t ever leave you, I promise.” “Unconditionally, forever and always,” we both alleged before he leaned down to kiss me again, fastening that undertaking of ours that was absolutely resilient.
I was the one who broke that stupid promise and now I will suffer. I broke down and tried to fall asleep, that same poem in my head again, lulling me into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
Yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair . . .
Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,
Yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness . . .
Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that’s contagious,
Yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger . . .
Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,
Yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame . . .
Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
Yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear . . .
Outside lives a girl full of life,
Yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die . . .
Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,
Yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes . . .
Outside lives a girl of innocence,
Yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt . . .
Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
Yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion . . .
What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can’t even begin to imagine . . .
Now I knew for sure who this girl was. There was no doubt that this girl was me. I guess the last part of the poem seriously relates to me, doesn’t it?
What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can’t even begin to imagine . . .
* * * * *
I woke up and glimpsed at the clock, grumbling. I tried to lull myself back to sleep, but it was impossible. I groaned again once I remembered everything that had happened last night. The whole letter, James, Adrian and the break up and my stupid sacrifice. At least now, he doesn’t have to run away from his demise anymore. I felt the warm tears slide down my cheeks and I wiped them off.
I will not cry anymore. I have to let my feelings go or at least conceal them. That perfect girl I was before, yeah, she’s dead. She will never come back, never. I will start over. This is my chance to start fresh again. Live my life like it’s the last day of my life which I feel as if it is. I could feel my heart breaking into millions of little pieces.
I, grudgingly, got out of bed to take a shower but for some reason, I went over to the window. Every single day, Adrian would stand outside, by the fountain in front of our house. Every day, he would stand there, clutching a single red rose with a little note. Every day, in the note, he would write something funny to cheer me up. I thought after the break up, he wouldn’t show up every day but boy was I wrong.
Right there, out in front of the fountain stood Adrian, wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, holding a single red rose with a note in his hand. Every day, my heart would melt at the sight of him and it still did, just not with love but with longing. He looked the same from here but I know for sure that he isn’t fine. My Adrian is not fine and I wish I could just run down the stairs and into his muscular arms but I held myself back.
Instead, I turned around, wiped my waterworks and headed off into the bathroom to take a long shower.
* * * * *
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Adrian was still in front of my house, standing there with the note and that rose, looking down at his feet. I wish I could tell him to leave. He’s been standing there for five hours straight. As if he knew what I was thinking, he turned around and left, slumping his shoulders and walking away. I wish I could run up to him and try to get him back, but it’s better off if I don’t.
* * * * *
It’s been a whole week since Adrian and I broke up. He’s still outside my house. He’s been standing in front of my house every day for five hours each day, waiting for me. I waited and waited until he left today and this time, it was different. He decided to leave the rose and the note on the edge of the fountain, in case I decided to go there and read it which I did. As soon as he left, I went downstairs, picked up the note and the rose. I held them close to me, near my heart. I wanted to read the note, but not now. It’s better if I wait.
I’m sorry, Roza. Please come back to me. I love you, Roza. Please come back to me; I’ll make it all better. I miss you.
“I miss you too, Adrian. I miss you, too,” I cried and broke down once again for the millionth time. I can’t believe I did that. I ran up to my room, to find comfort, only to find another note there. Great, now my secret admirer.
Rosemarie,
I see that you’ve been following orders. How easily you’ve fell for my trick. You really think I would hurt Adrian? Wow, you were wrong. I would never hurt him. So . . . you broke up with him for no reason. It was hilarious to see you both in so much pain. I am planning on hurting someone else. It’s better if I don’t tell you who it is. Adrian really loves you and you broke his heart. Wow, Rose, I didn’t know you had it in you. I guess you two are really not soul mates, are you? Mark my words, Rosemarie; I will put you through even more agony than this. You think all of this is painful? Wait ‘til you see what I’m planning for you. Sweet Dreams.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer.
“No, no, no, no,” I shake my head, tears streaming down my face furiously. “What have I done? Adrian, oh my god, Adrian. What have I done?” I keep telling myself.
* * * * *
I looked down to see if Adrian came today and he did. I am going to do it. I’m going to ask him to take me back. I love him and I will not put him through so much pain. He wasn’t the one I was supposed to hurt. He’s my soul mate. I walked down the stairs cautiously and onto the front door. I thought I would faint from seeing him again. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a light blue shirt that made his eyes stand out more. He was twirling the rose in his hands, looking down at his feet. I knew that if I do this, there would be no going back.
“Adrian,” I breathe and his head snaps up, meeting my depressing eyes with his shining aquamarine ones.
“Roza,” he gasps, his expression filled with love and affection. He really is the one I’m meant to be with. Is it too late to turn back?
CHAPTER 24
MISSING
Should I just run back inside? This way, I wouldn’t have to worry about his waterworks. But then again, you can’t run away from your problems.
“Roza,” he gasps, his expression filled with love and affection. He really is the one I’m meant to be with. Is it too late to turn back? I couldn’t move a single muscle. Both he and I were glued to where we were standing. If this was some other type of breakup, then either I would go running up to him or most likely, he would come running up to me, but this was not the case here.
“Ro—,” Adrian started, but he cut himself off, knowing it would do neither of us any good. Instead, he shook his head before coming over to me, bending down on one knee, holding up the red rose he had in his hands and looked up at me with a small smile.
“Roza, will you take me back? Please?” Adrian asked me, hold
ing up the small rose. Now, how could I say no? Instead of breaking up with him like that, maybe I should’ve just written him a letter. He writes love letters to me all the time so I could’ve just written him a break-up letter. Preferably something that goes like this:
Dear Adrian,
I did some research and found a new place for you to transfer to. It’s called Dumpsville. Population: YOU. Oh, and it’s not me, it’s you. I hope you understand your mistakes.
Your ex,
Rosemarie.
“Adrian, I’m sorry that I did that. I promise you that I’ll explain everything I did after you forgive me. Please?” I tell him, squatting down so that I was in the same position as him. I put my hand over his, smiling and he grinned from ear to ear. He put the rose down on the round and got up and I followed him as well.
“Roza, love, how could I not forgive you?” he asks me. I can’t believe I doubted our relationship. Adrian was my meant to be, not some jerk like James. I hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. But there was still something bothering me. Why did he forgive me so easily? No guy would ever do that. Especially if their girlfriend cheated on them with their enemy or something.
“Thank you so much,” I whisper and he holds me closer. I’ve never felt any happier, but you know what they say. Love is nothing if it isn’t pain. My happiness didn’t last very long; not until someone came up behind us and cleared their throat loudly, making their message clear: Can you two not do this right now?
“You guys seem so in love and I hate to interrupt you guys, but there’s something even more important than this,” Elliot tells us, his eyes filled with concern and fear.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, detaching myself from Adrian while my cheeks turned a scarlet red, but I ignored it. Apparently, this is more significant.
“When was the last time you spoke to Maddie?” he asks me slowly as if he was talking to a five-year-old instead of a sixteen-year-old and that gets Adrian’s attention really quickly. I could feel how afraid he is right now, afraid of something bad happening to her which I highly doubted. I tried not to cringe at the fact that I could feel what Adrian feels, literally.