by Nic Starr
“So am I.” Damien chuckled. “Because I’m looking forward to dinner tonight and I’d hate to have to cancel.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Nate glimpsed the lady close her magazine and place it on her lap. She didn’t hide her interest as she peered up at them. He grabbed Damien by the elbow and manoeuvred him to the quieter corner of the waiting room next to the water cooler.
Damien’s eyes widened and he shook Nate free. “What—”
“Sorry.” Nate spoke in a whisper. “That lady, the one in the floral dress sitting next to you, was eavesdropping.”
Damien looked over Nate’s shoulder. “Mrs Morris? She’s nothing to worry about.”
“She seems mighty interested, if you ask me, and I don’t need anyone sticking their nose into my business.”
Damien narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think anyone’s sticking their nose into anything. Plus it’s not like we were talking about anything to be worried about. Just dinner.”
Nate’s stomach churned. “Yeah, dinner.”
A lightbulb seemed to go on. Damien grasped Nate’s forearm. “You’re worried about her overhearing that we have dinner plans?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “For God’s sake, Nate,” he hissed. “We’re old friends. There’s nothing untoward about us getting together for a meal. At least, not as far as anyone else has to know, anyway, even if it was more. It’s an innocent dinner shared between two friends.”
This time it was Nate who shook himself free, but he could still feel the tingle where Damien’s fingers had pressed firmly into his arm. Nate stepped back and Damien’s lips drew into a straight line. Shit! He’s pissed off.
“Mr Sinclair, the doctor’s ready to see you now.” Nate was grateful to hear Miriam call across the small room, but at the same time reluctant to leave the conversation where it had ended.
“I’d better not keep him waiting.” Damien’s voice sounded flat.
“I’ll still see you tonight?” Nate hurried to ask before Damien could step away.
“Yeah.”
He didn’t sound too happy and, judging from the scowl, Nate was lucky he’d at least agreed to turn up. He had no doubt they’d talk more then.
Chapter FOUR
“I’M SORRY I don’t have any beer. I was distracted today and ran out of time.” Distracted—Jesus, what a bloody understatement! Nate had stressed all afternoon, worried that he’d blown a chance at friendship with Damien.
Damien indicated his full glass. “Don’t worry about it. This is fine.”
“It’s a sav blanc from Marlborough. The local bottle shop didn’t have a very big selection.”
“Like I said, it’s fine.” Damien took a large sip of the white wine, perhaps to prove his point.
Nate settled back into his seat and tried to relax. Maybe the wine would help? He drank from his own glass. “Dinner won’t take too long to cook. I just need to throw the salmon on. Are you hungry?”
“Sure. I’m always hungry.” Damien leaned forwards, his glass grasped between his hands. “But before we eat, maybe we should talk?”
Jesus. Nate’s stomach dropped. He should have been prepared. After all, he knew this was coming. Nate took another drink of the wine, gulping rather than savouring the cool fruitiness. He placed the nearly empty glass on the table and resisted the urge to top it up. “You’re right. We do need to talk.”
“I hope you don’t mind if I go first, then.” Damien continued at Nate’s nod. “I don’t know what this thing is between us but I’m not going to be your dirty little secret. We can be friends and get together like regular friends, we can even be friends with benefits, but whatever we are, you can’t push me into the closet. Been there, done that. If you want us to be friends, then we talk in the open, we don’t hide our friendship, and we don’t walk around on eggshells.”
Nate’s stomach was leaden. “This conversation sounds awfully familiar—”
“That’s because it is. And nothing has changed for me, Nate. I’m still the same guy I was all those years ago. I’ve made sacrifices in my life to live openly, and that’s how I’m going to stay. I don’t expect you to come out of the closet for me, everyone needs to make that decision for themselves, but if you can’t handle being around an openly gay man, then maybe it’s best if we cool things before they even get started.”
“It’s not the fact you’re gay…,” Nate started, pausing when Damien quirked a brow. “Okay, maybe it is partly that, but I have to be careful of my image.”
“Your image?”
Nate let out a frustrated breath. “It’s not easy being a doctor in a smallish town. People need to be able to trust me, to feel comfortable enough to allow me to examine and treat them, especially the older patients and the children. And that can’t happen if I’m gay.”
“But you are gay.”
“You know what I mean—if they know that I’m gay.”
“But how do you know what they’ll think if you don’t give people a chance? You might just find the reaction surprises you.”
“I can’t take the risk.”
“What’s the worst that can happen?” Damien leaned across and topped up Nate’s glass. “You aren’t doing anything wrong. You may lose a few patients. There’s always a long wait in every doctor’s surgery in town. I’m sure you wouldn’t lose much business. How did you manage in the city, anyway? Were you out there?”
Nate toyed with his glass. “I was, but it was different. My friends and colleagues knew, but it wasn’t something the hospital patients ever found out. There was no reason for them to know. But this is a small town. People know everyone. It would soon be common knowledge who I’m dating.”
“And is that what we’re doing? Dating?”
God, that thought is good. More than good—amazing. And the thought had come so naturally. “I don’t know.” Nate sighed.
Damien sat back in his chair. “You let me know when you figure it out, huh? Like I said, I can just be your friend too, Nate, and I’d really like to get to know you again. Now how about we change the subject and enjoy dinner? Can I help you in the kitchen? I’m a pretty mean cook.”
Nate gave his first real smile of the evening. “I’d like that. Not the help, although that’s appreciated, but at least the friendship part. I know I’ve got a few things to work through and I’ll do my best.”
Damien stood and held out his hand. “I’m worth it, you know.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“I’ve no doubt about that,” Nate said with a laugh.
It didn’t take long for the two of them to throw together a salad and prepare the fish. Nate liked working side by side with Damien in his kitchen, the larger man surprisingly talented with a knife as he sliced through the various salad vegetables. “Do you enjoy cooking?”
“I—”
The jarring ring of Nate’s phone sounded. “Sorry,” he said. “Hold that thought. Hello?” There was no response apart from the sound of crying. “Hello?”
“Nuh-Nuh-Nate. It’s Tuh-Trish.” Her words became clearer as the sobbing decreased. “It’s Jackson.”
Nate’s blood ran cold. “What’s happened? Is he injured? Hurt?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. He’s run away.” Her tears got the better of her again.
“Take it easy, Trish. Take a deep breath so you can tell me what’s going on.” He looked up and saw Damien watching him with concern, the dinner preparations ignored.
“He sent me a text message to say he was going away, heading to the city. He didn’t say exactly where and he didn’t say when he’d be back, just telling me not to worry. But I am worried, Nate. He’s just a kid. Of course I’m worried.”
“He’s a smart boy. He’ll be fine.”
“He’s not a smart boy or he wouldn’t have left. Just wait until I get my hands on him. He’ll be grounded for the next ten years!” Trish’s already high-pitched voice rose with each word. “Oh, Nate, what am I going to do?”
“It won’t help getting upse
t. Let’s think about this logically. Do you know what time he left and how he was getting to Sydney?”
Trish hiccupped into the phone, but her voice was calmer. “I spoke to his friend, Dylan. Dylan said Jackson was catching the bus this morning. He must have left for the bus straight after I’d gone to the salon. He’s been gone for hours. He’ll be in the city by now.”
“And did Dylan have any other information, like Jackson’s specific destination?”
“No. Nothing. Just that he was going to Sydney. What am I going to do? I don’t even know where to start. How can I leave Belinda and the salon?”
“It’ll be fine, Trish.” Nate looked to Damien and shrugged. Would it be fine? “I’ll help. You need to stay there with Belinda and the salon, and keep checking your phone. Try calling or texting and let Jackson know you’re here for him. But I do think you should get in touch with the local police and lodge a report. I’m not sure if they can do anything this early, but they’ll give you advice about how to handle this. I’m sure they’ve got experts who can help. In the meantime, I’ll get a few things organised here and drive to Sydney. I can’t imagine I’ll find him, but at least I’ll be closer for when he lets us know where he is. That way I can get to him quicker and bring him home.”
“Thank you.” Her voice shook.
“It’ll be okay,” Nate reassured, although his own hand was shaking where he gripped the phone. “Just call the police then keep your phone on. Call me once you get the advice from the police.”
“All right. I’ll call them straightaway.”
They ended the call and Nate immediately found himself in Damien’s arms, sinking into his reassuring hug. “I heard most of that. We’re going after Jackson, right? To Sydney?”
Nate nodded. Wait. What? “You don’t have to come.”
“I most certainly do. There’s no way I’m going to let you go on a four-hour drive, after a long day at work, and while you’re so upset. I’ll come along and keep you company. We can share the driving.”
Nate started to protest again, then closed his mouth and swallowed past the lump in his throat. While Damien started putting the food back in the fridge, he turned his attention to his phone and contacted one of the doctors from the clinic. Jason Brown immediately understood the situation and reassured Nate that he and the other doctor would handle things in Nate’s absence. They’d reschedule some patients and squeeze in the urgent cases themselves, and if Nate looked like he’d be more than a few days, they’d get a last-minute locum in to assist.
He was free to leave.
IT WAS comforting to have Damien sitting beside him for the trip to Sydney. Even though Nate was concentrating on the driving, he was fully aware of the man who’d dropped everything to accompany him. His presence was reassuring, even though they weren’t talking, the silence filling the dark interior of the car.
They were already in the car when Damien had made a quick phone call to some guy called Ross, telling him that he wouldn’t be around for the next couple of days, but to let him know if something urgent came up at the shop. He’d sent an e-mail or two from his phone, before putting it away and letting Nate know that everything was taken care of and they could focus on finding Jackson. It had been a long time since someone had put their life on hold for him and Nate was glad Damien couldn’t see the effect his actions had on him as he blinked away the moisture from his eyes and focused back on the road.
The road to Sydney was one long highway that stretched south for hundreds of kilometres. At this time of the night, the traffic was fairly light and the driving uneventful. Nate followed the red taillights of the few cars ahead of him, every now and then overtaking a brightly lit semitrailer, before settling back into the monotonous straight stretches.
Damien stared out the window, probably not seeing much due to the darkness on either side of the car. He was quiet, and Nate was tempted to say something to break the silence, but he wasn’t sure where to start. He was still amazed, and so very thankful, that Damien had invited himself along. Nate was used to being alone—after all, he’d lived by himself for years in Sydney, apart from one failed attempt at a relationship—but since he’d moved back to his hometown, he’d reconnected with people in a way that didn’t seem possible before. Where once he’d thought he loved being footloose and fancy free, able to focus on his career, now he found he liked the family connection. He wanted to be involved and needed. He could almost feel the regret as it filled his chest with an ache.
He kept his eyes on the road as he thought back on his adult life.
Nathan had been twenty-four when his nephew Jackson had been born. He’d completed his undergraduate degree in Sydney and was well on his way to becoming a doctor. To say it had been a shock when his sixteen-year-old sister had got pregnant would be an understatement, but the real surprise had been her decision to keep the baby. He’d come home as soon as he’d heard the news, and Trish had been adamant: there was no way she was giving up the baby. If it hadn’t been for their parents and their willingness to support Trish and the baby, Nate would have moved home in a heartbeat. But his mum and dad had been wonderful in their acceptance of their teenage daughter’s unplanned pregnancy. This was made all the more amazing given the conservative nature of Nate’s grandparents, and many of his parents’ friends. Even though it was the nineties, in some people’s minds there was still a stigma attached to having children out of wedlock. Nate knew his parents had lost the close relationship they’d previously had with a number of their friends when they welcomed baby Jackson home.
Trish had finished high school and completed her hairdressing apprenticeship. She’d lived at home with their mum and dad, who’d looked after the baby while she was studying. When Jackson was two, she’d finally moved out and into a flat with Jackson’s father, Terry. Belinda had been born two years after that, but the relationship had ended shortly after Belinda’s birth. However, Trish had still had the support of their parents. That was until a couple of years later when they’d lost their mum and dad to a head-on collision. It sounded like a plot out of a movie and something that would never happen to his family, but that particular stretch of the Pacific Highway was a known blackspot, particularly back then before all the road improvements and new bypasses.
Maybe I should have come back then, but Trish had been adamant about doing it on her own. I should have visited more, spent more time with her and the kids.
As he overtook yet another huge and brightly lit truck, Nate glanced at Damien. Their eyes met in the dimness, Damien’s dark eyes glittering. A wave of something suspiciously like love swamped Nate, and he swallowed heavily past the lump in his throat. Damn this, I’m not going to get emotional.
“Are you doing okay?” Damien asked, breaking the silence.
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you want me to take a turn at driving?”
Nate glanced at Damien and shook his head. “I’m okay for a bit longer. Perhaps we can swap when we get to the service centre? I’ll need to stop and top up with petrol anyway. And grabbing a coffee sounds like a good idea.” At Damien’s agreement, he focused back on the road.
“Do you have any idea why Jackson ran away?” Damien asked.
“Sort of, but I’m not really sure because it doesn’t make much sense. We had a chat that day we were shopping for the new fishing rods and he mentioned how unhappy he was about school. He wanted to leave, not complete his Higher School Certificate, maybe do an apprenticeship, but that’s not really a good reason to run away.”
“When you’re a kid, things can be overwhelming. It’s easy to blow things out of proportion and make a mountain out of a molehill.”
“Still, he was going to talk to Trish about things, try to sort it out.”
“Do you know if he did? Maybe he and Trish argued about it.”
“Maybe. But I think Trish would have mentioned something. She definitely would have mentioned if they’d had an argument when she called me to tell me he’d done a run
ner.”
“What else about school? Do you think there’s some other reason he didn’t want to be there?”
Nate thought for a moment. “Trish said he’d been acting up last year, but it had got better when he’d broken up for the holidays. And something about Jackson’s friend Dylan leaving school.”
“It could be that there’s something else going on, something he’s not comfortable talking about?”
“Mmm… you could be right.”
They sat in silence for a while, the only sound the hum of the tyres as they sped through the night.
“Did you ever want to run away?” The question from Damien was unexpected.
Nate’s gaze flashed to Damien’s, and for a brief moment he was tempted to lie. “Yes.”
After a minute, Damien asked, “Are you going to tell me?”
Nate gripped the steering wheel hard, not sure he wanted to go back there, to reopen old wounds. But maybe it was time to tell Damien what had been going through his mind when he was a kid. It was something Nate had been thinking about a lot lately as he re-evaluated his life.
“Once. I wanted to run away once. It was back in high school. You and I had started seeing each other.” He huffed out a soft laugh at the memories. “Oh God, I remember those days so well. I’d get all giddy and stupid when I’d see you at school and hardly be able to string two words together.”
“You? Hot Shot, not being able to form a sentence?”
“Yes, me.” The laugh was louder this time. “I was a mess of hormones and you pushed all my buttons. I could hardly talk to you, and when we were alone… well. Then all I could think about was my dick.”
Damien chuckled. “You weren’t alone there.”