He looked around at the walls lined with books. “That shouldn’t be a problem with all these to choose from.”
“On the contrary.” She laughed. “It’s because there are so many good ones, I don’t know which to read first.”
“We sure don’t have that problem in the bunkhouse. I think I’ve read every book and magazine out there at least three times.”
“I haven’t read much in recent years. Roddy called it a waste of time so, to avoid the hassles, I let it go. This….” She swirled a hand out to encompass the entire room. “…makes me feel like a kid at Christmas.”
“You always did enjoy reading.”
“Yes.” All of a sudden, she felt shy and awkward in his presence.
“Are you all right, Lee?”
She nodded. “I’m fine; it’s just that this feels a little weird.”
“Being alone with me?”
“Yes, partly.”
“What’s the other part?” he asked in a soft voice as he drew closer. “Have you missed me at all? Have you spent your days hoping to catch a glimpse of me? Your nights longing for my touch? Tell me, Leah. What has this time apart been like for you?”
He was close enough to touch, but she didn’t dare. That’s all it would take to melt into his embrace, to erase all the lonely yesterdays as if they had never been. She no longer felt as if she deserved him and Cal, her sweet, gentle cowboy, didn’t deserve to be stuck with another man’s child to raise.
“We can’t go back, Cal. A lot has changed. We’ve changed. I’ve changed. No matter what we had once, it isn’t there anymore, but I do value your friendship.”
He seemed to study her face. Looking for the truth to match her words? She wasn't sure, but stood silently before him.
“I don’t believe you.”
She saw his gaze focus on her lips, felt the heat as her body responded to his nearness. She swallowed twice to wet her parched throat before she dared speak, but didn’t get the chance. Cal swept her into his embrace, his mouth covering hers in an instant. Oh, how she’d yearned for his touch all those long, lonely years. To be in his arms now was akin to heaven. She dare not remain or she’d succumb to the want—the need—aching inside her and never let go.
Pushing against his chest, she broke free. “Your kisses always did set me on fire, and that hasn’t changed one iota, but it’s not good for us to get involved again. You can believe whatever you please, Cal. There’s no future in store for us as a couple.”
“Because I’m a hired hand?”
His tone was almost a sneer. Reverse snobbery? From Cal of all people?
“No, because you deserve better than what you’d be getting with me. I’m pregnant, Cal.”
Her words proved more effective than a douche of cold water. Shock, reflected in his eyes, his face, his entire demeanor, had him stepping back a pace or two. He scanned her still slim figure with his eyes and shook his head slowly from side to side.
“What are you going to do with it?”
Anger, red-hot and seething, filled her brain at the callous words. “It happens to be my flesh and blood. My child. Are you suggesting I get rid of it?”
“No, I just meant to ask what your plans are. Becoming a single parent will be tough. Have you made any plans? Staying here or going back to Vancouver?”
“Ha! No tougher than the life I’ve led these past few years.” Her heartbeat slowed, became normal again. “I hadn’t thought much beyond getting away from Roddy, returning home. I have money saved and thought of building a little house down by the creek.”
He smiled. “Nope, your uncle Cam beat you to it.”
“That creek runs for miles. I thought the area near the waterfall would be nice.”
“Phew! That’s quite a ways back with some steep drop-offs. Not the best area to raise a child.”
“It’s a beautiful spot to raise a child, especially with a fenced in yard during the early years.”
“Yeah, that could work, but why not build closer to the homestead?”
“I need my privacy and so do Luke and Zakia. There’s not much I can do until spring. I’ll figure it out by then.”
“When is the baby due?”
“June or July. I’m not sure.”
He nodded. “Plenty of time yet to make plans. If you need my help, let me know.”
“Thanks, Cal.”
“Well, I’d better get back to work. Anytime you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”
“I know, Cal. Thanks again.”
He gave her a quick hug and went out the door. She locked it behind him and stood there watching until he was out of sight. Before she knew what was happening, the trickle of tears ran down her cheeks. She’d loved that man once and had walked away to fulfill her own selfish interests. Would she be able to keep her distance and allow him a chance at love with someone else? She’d been gone a long time. Why hadn’t he married? And why did that thought twist her stomach into knots?
* * * *
Pregnant!
He couldn’t believe she’d come home carrying another man’s child. What was he supposed to do now? He’d waited all these years for her return only to receive a figurative slap in the face. Anger and disbelief warred with the love he felt for her. Love or lust? She was even more beautiful than he remembered, and her curves had filled out nicely. He stopped to wonder how he could still love her when he didn’t even know her anymore?
She’s a dancer. Didn’t dancers strive to keep their figures perfect? Why would she chance getting pregnant and lose it all? Unless she grew tired of show business, but he couldn’t see that happening. Not with Leah. Ever since he’d known her, she’d lived and breathed music and dance. Every time they’d made love, there had been music playing in the background, spurring them on, building them to a higher level of passion with each touch, each kiss, each thrust.
His dreams of her return were all about reconciliation—a reaffirmation of their love for each other, a new start, marriage, babies…he wanted it all. At least this time around, they wouldn’t have to hide from her father and brother. Was he man enough to accept another man’s child? Could he live every day with a constant reminder that she’d lain with someone other than him?
His heart desperately wanted to say yes, but his mind hadn’t come around to that yet. The child would be her flesh and blood, as she’d pointed out, and Leah didn’t intend for the father to be involved. Would he be able to love and care for it as his own? Or would he regret having to shoulder the responsibility…as his step-father had. Frank had never had time for him, except to berate him and mete out punishment when he’d come home late or something wasn’t done good enough. Cal would like to believe he was the bigger man, but the truth was, it wasn’t his baby and he just didn’t know.
Maybe he should take a run into town and talk to his mother. This wasn’t a conversation to be had over the phone. Would Frank be home? He’d have to chance it.
His decision made, he showered and changed, then jumped into his four-wheel drive Chevy Silverado. The maintenance crews had been out and plowed the roads, but the wind was strong. As he drove into town, the four-wheel drive came in handy in places where the snow drifted quite heavily.
Frank and Bonnie Murphy lived in an upscale area of FortMacLeod. Theirs was a huge Victorian with fancy trim around the upper and lower balconies facing the street. He preferred the back deck overlooking the Fort. Many times as a child, he’d gone out there to watch the officers coming and going and dream of being a cop or a soldier one day. That was before he discovered his love of horses.
Leah’s family had been hosting a rodeo that year, and she’d invited him along. Cal loved it all—the anticipation, the excitement, the competitions. After the rodeo finished, Leah took him around to introduce him to her father, brother, her Uncle Cam, and the horses. Cam won the bull-riding event, and Luke placed second in calf roping.
Nervous at meeting her family, his fascination with the horses had him asking
questions and settling in amongst the Mannings and their horses as they talked. He remembered picking up a currycomb and brushing down one of the horses as he stood there.
“Where’d ya learn to tend a horse, boy?” Lucas asked.
“Sorry, sir. Am I doing something wrong?”
“Nope, you’re doin’ fine. Where ya from?”
“I live in town.”
“A city boy? I don’t believe it.”
“Yep, a city boy who loves horses. I’m still in school, but I could use a job.”
“Is that so? Mornin’s, evenin’s, weekends?”
“Any time you need me. I have my driver’s license and my own wheels.”
Lucas had looked him over good, and Leah even stepped in on his behalf.
“Please, Daddy. He’s my friend, and he needs a job.”
Cal was thrilled when Lucas nodded decisively. “Be here tomorrow mornin’ at six. If you’re late, don’t bother comin’.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll be here.”
Anxious to start off on the right foot, he showed up at five thirty that first morning, only to be left cooling his heels in the yard until six, when Lucas emerged from the house. His mouth dropped open in shock when Lucas said, “You should’a come in for coffee instead of waitin’ around out here.”
Cal was happy to say that he’d learned the ropes and been there ever since. He smiled at the unintended pun.
If only the current situation with Leah could be handled with the same steadfast decision-making and determination. Arriving at his mother’s house, he was disappointed, yet strangely relieved, when there was no answer to his knock on the door.
* * * *
She no longer felt like reading, but for a lack of anything better to do, Leah sat in front of the fire and opened the book she still held in her hands. It was a miracle she hadn’t mutilated it in her anxiety during the conversation with Cal.
It wasn’t easy to hold him off when what she really wanted to do was jump his bones. Her gaze had kept straying to the handmade bear rug in front of the fire. She wondered what her grandfather would say if he was privy to her thoughts.
He’d shot the grizzly and cured the pelt himself when it attacked the herd one spring. She’d only been a little girl then, maybe six or seven, but could remember being equally fascinated and terrified whenever she came in and saw the rug lying on the floor. These days it served to remind her of his caring and patience when answering her thousand and one questions. She could always count on her Grandpa Manning for an honest answer and talked to him about everything under the sun…well, almost. When he died of cancer during her senior year of high school, she’d been devastated, yet relieved that his suffering was over. Oftentimes she still ached for his loving support, wishing he was alive, none more so than right now.
She allowed the book to close as she rested her head against the chair’s back. What would he think of Cal? Gramps would probably admire him for his work ethics, but would he approve of Cal as a life partner for his only granddaughter? Yeah, he would. Gramps always said you could tell a man’s worth by the way he treated his horse. There was none better than Cal. The man loved horses. Whether he was riding them or mucking out stalls, he’d always been content.
And boy, could he ride! He took to it as if he’d been born in the saddle. They used to race across the fields after the chores were seen to, her thrilled just to watch him. He sat so straight in the saddle, his hands firm but gentle on the reins as the slight pressure from his knees guided the horse. His beloved Stetson, given to him by her father at the end of that first day, added to the allure. He was her cowboy, and she loved him then. Did she still?
She set the book aside and rose to place another stick of hardwood on the fire, then stood there watching the flames jump and dance. Her gaze lifted to the portrait hanging above the mantle—her grandfather. A simple man, he’d carved an existence out of the barren landscape; a wise man with intelligence and merriment shining from his eyes, captured forever by the artist.
Oh, Grandpa! I’ve made such a mess of my life and brought trouble home. What should I do? What can I do to make things right? I treated Cal badly when I left and it seems I’m still doing that again, but how can I expect him to pay for my mistakes? If I’d stayed home, it could be his child inside me, not Roddy’s. That changes everything. Maybe I should have stayed gone.
“No, girlie. You did right in coming home.”
“Grandpa?” Was she hearing things? Had he really spoken to her?
“Home is where your heart is…where it’s always been…where you need to be.”
The fire crackled and popped, drawing her out of her muse. She looked around at the empty room, thinking someone was playing tricks on her, but she was the sole occupant. Her eyes focused on the portrait once again, and she could’ve sworn he smiled at her. Did she need reassurance so badly that she’d conjured it out of nowhere?
Suddenly, she felt her grandfather’s presence, smelled the Old Spice cologne he used to wear combined with the smell of saddle leather. Warmth settled on her shoulders, as if he’d placed an arm around her in comfort. Tears filled her vision. “Thank you, Grandpa. Now I know I did right in coming back. Whatever troubles have followed me, I’ll deal with them and make you proud. I love you, Gramps, and I’ve missed you so much.”
She was afraid to move, afraid of losing contact, but sensed a guiding hand lead her to the armchair. She sat, waiting, for what she didn’t know. Warmth invaded her body, removing the last vestiges of mind-numbing fear and replacing it with calm acceptance. She was home, surrounded by people she loved and who loved her in return. Everything would be all right. With Gramps on her side, how could it be anything else?
* * * *
The overhead light flicked on, jerking her upright in the chair.
“Hey, sleepyhead! It’s time for dinner,” Luke called out as he entered the room.
The fire had died down to a bright bed of coals.
“Sorry, I must have dozed off.” She picked up the discarded book and crossed the room to replace it on the shelf.
“You can take them out of the room, you know,” Luke said as he tended the fire.
“Thanks, but I guess my mind isn’t conducive to reading if a book can’t hold my interest.”
“Sometimes they make a good escape.”
“Is that why you have so many?” She laughed.
“Partly. Winters can be lonely out here, as you well know. Plus, Zakia brought quite a pile with her.”
“Yeah, I kind of guessed that.”
“Why?” He stood to face her, confusion written on his face.
“There are quite a few romance books here.”
“Are you saying that men shouldn’t read romance?” he asked, smiling at her.
She laughed gaily. Luke always had been fun to tease. “Not at all. How else are they supposed to know how to treat a woman?”
“How indeed? I don’t hear Zia complaining. Well, at least not this time.” He frowned.
“Sorry, brother dear. I didn’t mean to lead you down that trail. It was hard on all of us. I was so worried about you.”
“I hope I never forget. It’s a road I don’t want to travel ever again.”
“Of course not! I’m so happy things have worked out for you.”
“Sometimes, you only love once. Zia is that for me. I never contemplated seeing any one else with commitment or love in mind.”
“Is that how you knew?” she asked, wanting his input.
“Knew what?”
“That Zakia was the only one for you?”
“I never stopped aching for her, loving her, in all the years she was gone.”
“Oh!” Should she ask his advice about Cal? Could she, without giving up the fact that they’d been lovers as teenagers? “I never knew love like that really existed, although I thought I had it once.” There, she’d left an opening. Would he ask?
“Believe me, there was never anyone else for me. Even when I hated
her for leaving, I still loved her.”
“That makes a strange kind of sense,” she said, strangely relieved that he hadn’t asked for details.
He laughed. “Scary thought. Come on. Dinner’s waiting.”
They stepped out into the hall, and Luke locked the door behind them.
“I’ll have a key made for you if you want one.”
“Thanks. I’d appreciate that. It’s so quiet and peaceful in there.”
“Must be for you to sleep all afternoon.”
She was about to tell him about Gramps when the twins came barreling through. Luke caught one under each arm.
“How many times have we told you not to run in the house?” Luke asked, setting them on their feet.
“Sorry, Daddy,” they chorused in unison.
Leah couldn’t help but grin as they turned sad, little, puppy dog eyes on their father. She grinned even wider when their contrite expressions had the desired effect.
“Good! Don’t let it happen again.”
They nodded and took off with a very brisk step, not walking but not running either.
“What cute little imps those two are,” she said.
“Imps is right,” he said as they entered the kitchen.
All through dinner, Leah thought about her conversation with her Grandpa. Had it really happened? Or had she dreamed the whole thing? Bizarre! Yet it was comforting to think that he was looking out for her. That, in the only way he could, he’d welcomed her back.
“What are you smilin’ about, baby girl?”
She focused her attention on her father. The truth sounded too crazy, even to her, so she fudged a little. “I dreamed that Grandpa spoke to me, welcoming me back to the ranch.”
He smiled fondly at her. “I’m not surprised. You were his little darlin’. I remember you followin’ him everywhere, askin’ questions and hangin’ on his every word.”
“That man had the patience of a saint,” said Luke.
“Why? Because he liked my company better than yours?” she teased.
“No, because he tried his best to answer every question you asked as honestly as he could. He told us that if you were old enough to ask the questions, then you were old enough to be told the truth.”
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