“When I found Jordan, we talked. I told him that I couldn’t do this on my own. He told me in not so many words that I should just get rid of it. He said he’d pay whatever it cost, but he didn’t want to be a dad at nineteen.” I felt her shake as she reached around my middle and hugged me tight. “I loved that baby, Brock. I didn’t even know it, and loved it. I didn’t want to get rid of it.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I know if I had been in the same situation when I was playing football I probably would have freaked out too.
“I spent the next two months trying to figure out what to do. I didn’t tell anybody. Not my coach, my parents, not even Mel. I kept to myself and wore baggy clothes so no one would notice. One morning I woke up with terrible cramps. I could barely get out of bed, and when I finally made it to the bathroom, I found out I was bleeding. I went back to the nurse’s office and she determined I was having a miscarriage. I lost my baby, Brock.” Her head tipped toward the sky as her eyes fluttered closed. Tears leaked from the corners and cascaded down her already soaked cheeks. “I’m a terrible person,” she sobbed.
“What? Why?” I gasped in shock. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Because I didn’t want him. I didn’t want him, and he was taken away, and when it all happened all I felt was relief.” Her head turned and our eyes connected. “I was relieved that my life wasn’t going to be forever changed, only it has. All I can think about is that part of me that’s gone forever. That one stupid mistake changed everything,” her lip trembled as she stared at me.
“Oh, Em,” I sighed as I pulled her closer. “It’s not your fault. It doesn’t matter how you felt at the time. You didn’t cause this. It just happens sometimes. There’s nothing that could have stopped it.” I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her as I rocked us on the sand. My heart ached for her, and I can’t even imagine what she’s been going through trying to keep this all to herself.
“When I went to talk to Jordan about it,” she lifted her eyes to meet mine, “I found him in bed with another girl from the team. He didn’t even stop. He was on top of her, and he just looked up at me and asked me to close the door on my way out.”
My arms tightened around her as she began to cry again. “God, I hate crying, especially over him. I swore I wasn’t going to do this when I left this summer.”
“Is this why you quit the team?” I brushed my lips over the top of her head. She nodded against my chest before she burrowed closer and pressed a kiss to the bottom of my jaw.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
“For what?” I couldn’t believe after what she just told me that she was actually apologizing.
“For dumping all this on you. You don’t deserve it,” she started to pull away, but I held her tight.
“No. Emma,” I swallowed a few times. Here goes nothing. “I love you. You can tell me anything.”
She stiffened before blinking up at me a few times. “You love me?” She bit down on her lip.
I nodded, “Yes, I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight most days. God, you don’t even know how much I love you. It hurts to breathe when I’m around you. I fall asleep thinking about you, and you’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up. When I saw him touch you tonight, all I could think about doing was ripping his arms off. That may make me sound like a caveman, but you bring that out in me.”
“I love you, too,” she cried as she turned in my arms and wrapped hers around my neck. She pressed her lips to mine. It wasn’t frantic or desperate like they usually are. No, this was sweet, soft, and full of promise. It was a tender moment, probably one of the most tender we’d shared and after the heavy conversation we’d been engaged in, it was a nice reprieve.
We sat there wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time, so long that my legs started to fall asleep. It was peaceful though, and Emma seemed like a different person. The weight of the burden she’d been carrying around for the summer had been lifted slightly, and she seemed at peace. At one point she’d gotten so quiet I thought she’d fallen asleep. She yawned though and it made me realize how late it really was.
“We need to get you back to your house,” I nudged her as I attempted to get up. “It’s late.”
“Mmm,’ she nodded as she cuddled against my chest.
“Em,” I gently shook her again. “I’ll carry you, but you have to stand up first. I can’t get up like this.”
She groaned in protest, but stood and as I stretched out, I felt my muscles sigh in relief. I stood, and reached for her. She came willingly, and as I swooped her into my arms she snuggled against my chest.
I walked across the sand in the direction of her house, the effects of the beer from earlier completely gone from my system. The closer we got to the path that led to the pool deck, the tighter she clung to me. When I reached the top of the steps, I tried to set her on her feet but she fisted my shirt.
“Stay,” she begged. “I don’t want you to leave.”
I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but the look on her face had me giving in before I could protest. “Em,” I sighed.
“We can stay out here. I just want you to hold me, that’s all. Please?” she tugged me closer and my resolve broke.
“Fine,” I blew out a breath. I grabbed a beach towel off of a nearby lounger before lying down on one. I beckoned her into my arms, and covered us with the towel. Before I could even tell her goodnight, I could hear her deep even breaths. My baby was exhausted, and if sleeping in my arms helped soothe her, then I’d be here every night. The only problem now was, how would her father feel about this.
Emma
He was telling me he loved me. We were in bed together, peacefully sleeping as he whispered sweet words to me and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Em?” he shook me, lightly at first. “Em, wake up.”
“Five more minutes,” I grumbled as I snuggled into a warm chest. The lounger squeaked in protest under our weight as I burrowed farther.
“Uh. I think now would be better,” Brock’s voice sounded a little worried.
“Yeah, Em. Now would be better,” my dad’s voice rang out loud and clear, causing my eyes to fly open and be met with his intense glare.
“Shit!” I hissed as I scrambled to a sitting position causing the towel that had been covering us to fall to the concrete below. Brock moved a little slower as he sat up and ran his palms down his face.
“Morning, Daddy,” I smiled at him, trying to gauge his mood. When I called him ‘Daddy’ it usually worked.
“Don’t ‘daddy’ me,” he shook his head as he pointed to the slider. “Inside, now!”
“No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything wrong here,” I leaned closer to Brock hoping he’d shield me from whatever was getting ready to rain down on us.
“Coach Foster was just leaving,” he growled. “He has to get to work. It’s training camp right now.”
Brock started to stand, but I grabbed his arm, “You don’t have to leave.” I looked up at him begging him to stay, but I think he knew that leaving was his best option at the moment.
“Yeah, I think I do,” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek as he whispered, “I’ll call you later.”
“No, you won’t,” Dad snapped.
“Stop it, Nick,” Mom demanded from the doorway. I hadn’t even heard her come out, and I was actually floored that she was sticking up for me.
“Leah, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” he turned to face her in disbelief as he pointed at us. She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped her head to the side.
“I’m seeing that he really cares about her, and she obviously loves him,” she flipped her hand in the air. “Let’s talk about this inside,” she motioned with her head as she stepped out of the way.
“Talk to your parents. I’ll call you tonight,” Brock kissed the top of my head, glanced at my dad one more time, and then turned to wa
lk down the beach. I didn’t know how he’d gotten here and if I was thinking clearer I would have offered him a ride, but as it was I had enough on my plate at the moment.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” Mom grumbled when Dad walked passed her and inside. “After everything we went through at their age,” she shook her head at him.
I watched as he followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “I can’t believe you’re ok with this.”
“I’m not ok with the sneaking around, but she’s not a little kid anymore, Nick. Where do you think we would be if my dad had acted like you just did?” she narrowed her eyes at him.
“I was only a year older than you,” he muttered.
“You were climbing into bed with everything in a skirt when we met,” she rolled her eyes. “My dad didn’t like the idea of us together, but he didn’t try to stop me. Brock’s a good guy. He’s got a good job, a place to live, supports himself, and most importantly... he likes her,” she pointed at me as she stepped closer to Dad. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she pushed up on her tip toes. “Think about that for minute,” she whispered as she kissed him.
“I hate when you do this,” he grumbled as she pulled away.
“It’s part of my charm,” she laughed as she turned her back to him and faced me. “I don’t know what’s going on here. I know something bad happened with that boy that was here last night. I’ve never seen you react to someone the way you did him,” she shook her head at me. “If you want us to treat you like an adult, then you have to act like one. No sneaking,” she pointed at me. I nodded as I stared at the floor. “Talk to your dad, and then come find me, and we’ll discuss where this goes from here.”
“Thanks,” I murmured as I hugged her.
“Don’t thank me yet. You still have to deal with him,” she pointed her thumb over her shoulder where Dad was now sipping coffee as he leaned against the counter. My shoulders sunk as my head bobbed. Great. Here goes nothing.
Chapter 16
Emma
We’d been driving forever, and I was beginning to wonder if my dad was planning to leave me out in the middle of nowhere. After we’d had breakfast he’d told me to change and meet him at him truck. He hadn’t said a thing to me after that. We’d climbed in, and he headed out of town.
I watched the scenery change from Palmettos to woods. The sand disappeared and farmland surrounded us. When we finally came to a stop, we were parked in front of a small house. It looked empty, and I frowned as I glanced over at my dad. “Where are we?” I grumbled.
“Get out,” he sighed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the truck. Confusion washed over me as I followed suit and I watched him. He rounded the front of the truck and leaned against it staring for a moment before he wandered up to the front steps of the house. He nodded as if he was talking to someone only words weren’t being spoken. A light laugh bubbled out before he sat on the steps as shook his head.
“Dad?” I glanced around trying to remember where we were. I felt like I’d been here before, but couldn’t remember when.
“Have a seat,” he patted the spot beside him.
“Where are we?” I folded myself on the concrete and looked up at my father, the man who once seemed invincible.
“This used to be my house,” he chuckled.
“What?” I glanced around. It looked as if no one had inhabited the place in forever.
“Back when I first met your mom. I bought this house for us,” he sighed as he dragged his hand along his jaw. “Your grandpa lives about forty minutes that way,” he pointed to the right and I nodded as if I understood all this, but in reality I had no idea why we were here. “You see, when your mom had the world at her fingertips I thought she should give it all up to marry me. I bought this house and fixed it up for us. I had this grand plan about how we were going live here and have a family.” He shook his head as he stared out in the distance at nothing in particular. “I brought her out here and showed her the house. I just knew that she’d say yes, only she didn’t. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, Emma. She saw her dream disappearing, but not me. I was angry at her. I gave up football because I loved her. I loved her so much that it scared me to leave. I was worried I’d leave and when I came back she wouldn’t want me anymore. Don’t you see?” he turned to face me and it was the first time I’d ever seen worry in my father’s eyes. He looked at me as if he was seeing himself all over again. “Please don’t give up on lacrosse and school because of Brock. I’m begging you. Go finish and if it’s real, he’ll be here when you come home again.”
“I didn’t quit the team because of Brock, Daddy.” I looked away from him. “I didn’t even know he was back in town when I came home. That kinda happened by accident.”
“Your mom and I made a lot of mistakes when we were younger. I wasn’t ready for you when she told me you were coming, and you gave us quite a scare coming into this world. You’ve been my princess for as long as I can remember. We’ve always been close, and you’ve always confided in me. What’s going on?”
I swallowed as I stared at him. I could tell he was trying understand. I wanted to tell him so bad. I wanted to tell him what Jordan did and how it hurt me, but my tongue felt heavy and every time I tried to speak the words just got caught in my throat.
“Please Em. Your mom and I want to help. What happened at school? Why did you come home this summer? Help me understand. Please!”
My gut twisted as watched him stare at me. I knotted my hands together as I stared at my feet between my legs. I kicked at the dirt before taking a few calming breaths. “I quit the team because I got pregnant.” I clamped my mouth shut as I cringed waiting for him to explode. There were many other reasons that accompanied that one, but it was the biggest. I squeezed my eyes shut and refused to look at him as I waited... and wait... and waited.
When he didn’t say anything, I glanced in his direction and saw not anger but an expression of fear. “Did you hear me Daddy?” His head bobbed as he watched me. “Aren’t you gonna yell at me?”
“Was it that boy’s that came to the house the last night? The one who you were yelling about?” he swallowed thickly as he gripped the back of his neck.
“Un huh,” I bit my lip. “Go ahead. Yell,” tears welled in my eyes as I waited. I’d been waiting for this moment for months. I knew when it happened that it was going to be bad. I’d prepared for it as much as I could, but what my father actually did completely floored me.
“Come here,” he opened his arms and beckoned me into his embrace. “I’m not gonna yell,” he whispered as I sobbed against his chest.
“Why not?” I sniffed. “I deserve it.”
“Did you mean for it to happen?” he leaned back so he could look me in the eyes.
“No,” I rubbed the tears from my cheeks. “But Daddy,” I started to argue, but he shook his head at me “You should hate me.”
“I love you Emma, and there’s nothing you could do to make me hate you. Do you understand this?” His eyes danced from side-to-side as he watched me. “Am I angry? Yes, of course I am. You’ve ended your career as an athlete. When’s this baby gonna be here?” he took a few deep breaths as I backed out of his arms.
“It’s not,” I murmured as I wiped at my eyes again. “I lost it.” I lifted my face to meet his gaze and the tears came all over again. “I woke up one morning and it was gone,” I cried. “I’m sorry Daddy.”
“Why are sorry about that? This is not your fault,” he hugged me close once again and we just sat there on the porch in each other’s arms.
“I know. I just didn’t want to let you down,” I mumbled into his chest.
“You could never let me down, Em. I love you. Your mom and I both love you very much. You are our Miracle Baby. You came to us when we least expected you, and you’ve challenged us your entire life. This is just another one of those moments,” he sighed as he hugged me tighter. “You’ve managed to give me a few gray hairs, and
some ‘oh shit’ moments, but I’ll always love you and be proud of you.”
“I love you too, Daddy,” I smiled through the tears.
“Now, about this Brock thing,” he released me as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“I love him,” I mimicked his pose.
“He’s too old for you,” Dad glared, but softened almost immediately.
“He’s twenty-four, that’s not old,” I shook my head.
“He lives here. You go to school six hours away,” he wagged his finger at me.
“We’ll date long distance. It’ll be less distractions for me. What else ya got?” I lifted my chin in defiance.
He sat there chewing on the inside of his cheek as he stared out in the distance. He’d look at me every couple of seconds like he was getting ready to speak before going back to silence. Finally, he shook his head in defeat, “Not a damn thing.”
“So are you going to cut us some slack?” I turned and presented him with a small smile.
“God, seeing you two together is going to drive me nuts,” he shook his head as he threw it back. “I don’t want to know what you’re doing with him,” he pointed at me before he smiled “but as long as you’re happy I guess I can learn to live with it.”
“Thanks Daddy,” I smiled as I breathed a sigh of relief. I had not expected him to keep his cool like he did, but I guess bringing me here helped him remember that he was once just like me. I know parents always want more for their kids. I hope that one day when I’m ready to start a family I can impart wisdom on my children. I hope they have it easier than me, and my daughter doesn’t get wrapped up in pleasing a man. I hope she tells him no when he pressures her, and I hope that if she makes the same mistakes that I did I can be just as understanding as my father was.
Catching Raindrops (The Sutter Family #1) Page 12