Meanwhile, Lucy and Sam sat in the back, their arms around each other. They acted in a manner quite understandable for their age, but one that would, nevertheless, make Flynn’s blood boil. She pondered how she was going to get Lucy away from Sam, on her own long enough to have that talk. She tried to ignore the fact that she was likely about to see Flynn’s mother and grandmother for the first time in ten years. By some small miracle, she hadn’t yet run into either of them in town.
Before she knew it, the impressive drywall bordering the entrance to Black Stump loomed into view. Ellie slowed the car up the potholed drive despite the urge to turn tail and speed back into town. The bumping of the car echoed the thumping in her heart. She tried to ignore both while reacquainting herself with the sights of Flynn’s world: the large wheat silos you could see from the road; the massive tin sheds not far from the homestead used to store feed; the wooden shearing shed, which had seen over a century of sheep seasons; and the old windmill that still turned with heavy gusts, but which hadn’t been used for years. She wound down the window and breathed in the scents of the farm – animals mixed with fresh, clean air – which she found more alluring than the most expensive perfumes. Aromas that had once been so comforting, but now only highlighted the fact she was really here and couldn’t turn back.
Her chest relaxed when she saw Flynn waiting a good distance from the main house, waving to them cheerfully. She was nervous about this visit, but not so much that she didn’t notice how totally scrumptious he looked. Wearing denim jeans, a long-sleeved black tee and his faithful Akubra, he looked every bit the iconic Aussie farmer, leaning back on the picket fence that surrounded the homestead. Her heart fluttered like a real-life romance heroine. It was no mystery why Farmer Wants a Wife was a huge hit with women her age. Flynn’s kind of rustic attractiveness trumped gym-buffed men in suits any day.
‘Watch out!’ Troy’s shout through a mouthful of chips startled Ellie – she slammed on the brakes. Rodger was lolloping towards them, in the direct line of the car. Crazy oaf of a dog, she thought, but silently thanked the Lord she hadn’t hurt him. The last thing she needed was to cause Flynn any further grief. She glanced behind her, and saw that the jolt had had the unintended effect of breaking the lovers apart. Lucy was tucking her hair behind her ears and straightening her school uniform, but neither Flynn nor Karina were born yesterday – the rosy flush on Lucy’s cheeks would give the game away immediately.
Ellie unclicked her seatbelt and the others followed suit. Flynn grabbed Rodger by collar and Ellie heard him scolding the dog as they got out of the car.
‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘I didn’t see him till the last second.’
Flynn shook his head. ‘Not your fault, the fool went psycho the moment he heard the car coming down the drive. Must’ve recognised the sound.’ He let go of the collar and Rodger jumped up against Ellie. She tried to steady herself, but there was nothing to grab on to, so she ended up falling gracelessly on her butt in the dirty, red mud. Rodger immediately took advantage, positioning one paw on each shoulder and pushing her back as he licked her face relentlessly. She couldn’t help but laugh, which made it hard to keep her mouth clamped shut and avoid being French kissed by a kelpie.
She heard Flynn’s stern voice, ‘Rodger, get back. Now.’ He strode towards her, hauling the dog off. Rodger growled his annoyance, but Flynn was stronger. He offered his free hand to help Ellie up, which she took, making a concerted effort to ignore the warmth that shot through her at his touch. She straightened to a stand before brushing herself off, but the mud stuck hard and fast. Troy and Sam sniggered at the sight. Lucy shot them a warning glance.
‘Sorry,’ mumbled Flynn again.
‘S’okay.’ She shrugged one shoulder, thankful she’d decided on an old jumper for painting. Aside from the dirt, however, she was now soaked from the back of her neck to the crease behind her knees.
‘Lucy, have you got some clothes you could lend Ellie?’ Flynn turned to his sister, his grip still firm on the scruff of Rodger’s neck.
She nodded and smiled. ‘Sure. Ellie, come into the house and we’ll find you something while the boys get to work.’
‘Slave driver,’ Sam muttered, teasingly.
In reply, Lucy stuck out her tongue at her boyfriend before scooping up Ellie’s hand to lead her to the house. Ellie had a brief moment to worry about the fact she was about to set foot inside Karina Quartermaine’s house for the first time since she’d hurt the woman’s son.
‘Maybe I should wait here, on the verandah,’ Ellie suggested as she and Lucy climbed the front steps.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. This is a farm house. We’re not scared of a bit of dirt. Just take your shoes off.’
Swallowing, Ellie toed off her sneakers. She held her breath as Lucy opened the front door. The coast was clear. Ellie sighed her relief as she stepped into the impressive old house. The décor had been redone since she’d last been here but the stamp was still Karina all over: classy but modern, homey but minimal. She followed Lucy through the lounge room and into the kitchen, relearning the family photos that still held pride of place on all the walls. She resisted the urge to linger on them, thinking it best to get cleaned up and dressed and back outside as quickly as possible. Simply being here gave her the heebie-jeebies.
‘Ellie?’
She froze, open-mouthed, staring at a photo of a teenage Flynn and little-girl Lucy. Karina. Fear surged through her before she managed to turn around and greet the woman who was once almost her mother-in-law. Just her luck that the first time they met again Ellie was a mud-covered mess.
‘Hello Karina.’ Her voice sounded shaky. Perhaps she should have called her Mrs Quartermaine.
Karina had always been lovely to Ellie, but she was the kind of person who said things how they were and didn’t pretty up the facts. She wouldn’t blame Karina if she told her to get the hell off her property and never return. Ellie’s shoulders tensed, and she braced herself for the onslaught. But it didn’t come.
Lucy spoke first. ‘Ellie’s come to help us paint the set. Rodger got a bit excited with her outside, so I’m just going to grab her some clothes.’ She spoke as if this were a perfectly normal occurrence and then flitted off down the hallway, leaving Ellie at a loss as to whether she should follow or stay where she was.
‘You’ll need a freshen up too,’ said Karina, moving closer to Ellie. She called after her daughter, ‘Bring the clothes to the guest bathroom.’
Ellie felt her stomach turn as Karina stopped in front of her. She stood like a toy soldier as the other woman wrapped her arms around her and hugged tightly. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. Gobsmacked was closer, but either way, and as much as she wanted to return the embrace, she was incapable of even lifting her arms.
Karina didn’t seem to notice. She pulled back slightly and, still clutching Ellie’s upper arms, took a good look at her. ‘You look good, sweet. I’ve missed you.’
With words like that how could she do anything but choke up? She looked at Karina, wondering where to start.
Karina took Ellie by the arm. ‘Come and let me run you a bath.’
They walked in silence to the bathroom and Ellie watched, feeling like she was in some sort of trance, as Karina leaned over the vintage claw tub and turned on the taps. It wasn’t long before she got down to business. ‘Flynn told me he’d invited you and I must admit, although part of me couldn’t wait to see you, the other part was wary for my boy. You hurt him so much, Ellie.’
‘I know.’ She fought the urge to hang her head and stare at the floor tiles.
‘I’m not trying to chastise you,’ continued Karina. ‘I know you wouldn’t have left him lightly. Flynn assures me that you’ve talked about it and he understands your reasons. If he’s okay with them, then so am I.’
Ellie sucked on her lower lip, guilt growing as if she’d been hit over the head with a great big bag of the stuff. Would Flynn and Karina be so forgiving if they knew the whole
truth? She really didn’t know how to talk about any of this.
‘Thanks,’ she said, trying to pump some warmth into her voice. She didn’t want to seem standoffish, but this was just plain awkward. The other woman straightened and gazed at the water creeping up the side of the tub. Ellie sensed she was about to say something serious.
‘But Ellie, nothing can happen between you two again. You know that, don’t you?’
She nodded, seeing her head bob up and down in the mirror. Of course she knew that, she’d always known that, hadn’t she? Just because she worked in television didn’t mean she had her head stuck in the clouds. But that didn’t make her feel any less like a naughty child.
‘Flynn’s a good man,’ Karina said, a mother’s pride shining through her reserved smile. Ellie couldn’t argue with that. ‘I’m so proud of him for wanting to help you after … after everything, but I don’t want you holding him back.’
Oh Lord, Karina was warning her off. She was scared Ellie’s being around would stop Flynn hooking up with someone else. ‘My life’s in Sydney now,’ she offered. ‘I’m here to look after Matilda. You have nothing to worry about.’
‘That’s good,’ Karina said. The bath only half-full, she leaned down to turn off the taps. She pulled open a cupboard and took out a fluffy apricot towel. ‘I’ll get Lucy to leave your clothes at the door.’
As Ellie pulled her jumper over her head and unbuttoned the fly on her jeans, she realised she was shaking, positively trembling. It wasn’t the shock from being bowled over by Rodger – she couldn’t care less about a bit of mud on her clothes. It wasn’t even Karina’s warning, carefully couched in her kind words. No, it was the realisation that had come with those words. Ellie didn’t want Flynn finding anyone else. Not now. Not ever. She still wanted him for herself.
She gripped the edge of the vanity so as not to faint into the bath and, after a few deep breaths, slowly lowered herself into the lovely warm water. She welcomed the opportunity to just think for a few moments. Still, all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough to figure out what to do now that she understood, without a doubt, she was still head over heels, crazy in love with the very eligible Flynn Quartermaine. When there were oh so many reasons not to be.
But right now, she needed to get on with the afternoon as if nothing had changed. She scrubbed the few smudges of dirt that had somehow gotten onto her face, and clambered out of the bath. As she towelled herself dry, Lucy’s knock sounded at the door.
‘I’ll just leave the clothes out here and wait in the lounge room for you,’ she called. ‘I brought you a selection to choose from.’
‘Thanks.’ Not that Ellie cared what she put on. There were far more serious things to worry about.
Ten minutes later, Ellie and Lucy entered the shearing shed where the guys had set everything up for the afternoon. Ellie breathed in the stale sheep smells, glad to have something hands-on to do for the next hour or so. As Flynn turned and smiled at her, she remembered the talk she was supposed to have with Lucy. Bugger. How could she tell him Lucy’s love life had slipped her mind the moment she’d started thinking about her own?
‘How’s it going?’ she asked, surveying the big wooden backdrops the boys had been constructing the last few weeks. ‘These look fabulous already.’ She hoped to distract Flynn so he didn’t drill her about Lucy.
‘Really good.’ Flynn handed her a paintbrush. ‘You okay?’
‘Just your mother,’ she replied, deciding to be honest.
‘Oh.’ He stopped painting for a second. ‘She wasn’t horrible to you, was she?’
Ellie shook her head. ‘Relax. You don’t have to protect me from everyone.’ Although the prospect pleased her more than it should.
‘Fair enough.’ Flynn returned to the backdrop, dipped his brush in the tin at his feet and raised his arm to resume his work. Ellie thanked God for peripheral vision as she started painting the leaves on a tree. Without having to obviously perve, she could see his arm muscles flexing – and it was as sweet a sight as she’d seen for a long time. She wiped the back of her hand against her brow. Sweat lingered, but not from exertion. Now that she’d admitted she still had feelings for him, it seemed her sexual reflexes were letting loose. He was a metre away from her, reaching up to paint the sky, but she could still feel the heat emanating from his body. It sparked crazy responses in her; she was helpless to fight the thought of her heat combining with his. Her pulse ran rampant as images and emotions swirled in her cerebellum. She tried to banish them all, knowing they were blow-ins from a fantasy world. If she thought she and Flynn could really get past everything – everything she’d done to him, the distance that now stretched between their lives, his mother – then she really was living with her head in the clouds. But knowing that they couldn’t …
The paintbrush fell from her fingers as she felt the signs of a panic attack coming on. She pressed one hand against her chest, trying to quell the physical reactions before they took hold. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to concentrate solely on breathing in and out, and on remaining upright.
‘You okay?’ Great, now Flynn had noticed, and all eyes had turned to her. Flynn and Lucy wore almost identical expressions of concern.
She summoned a carefree smile. ‘Sure, just a little bit hot. I’m going to grab some fresh air.’ She all but ran from the shearing shed, her sneakers pounding the rough floorboards. Outside, she stopped, scanning left and right for a place to sit. It seemed all she’d been doing since she arrived back in Hope was running from one thing or another – the Co-op, the pub and now Flynn’s shed. And the tears … what was with that? She’d barely cried in years and now every little thing seemed to trigger her tear ducts. Being in love wasn’t supposed to feel like this, that much she knew.
She felt something cold and wet against the skin between Lucy’s track pants and her sneakers. Rodger. Instinctively, she reached down and rubbed her palm over the back of the dog’s head. His fur was soft and warm. Comforting. Pets were another thing lacking from her real life. There just wasn’t time for them in her filming schedule, or room for them in her Bondi flat. ‘Walk with me.’
The dog followed her to a nearby gum tree. She checked the ground, and when it didn’t appear wet, she slid herself down and leaned back against the trunk. Rodger settled beside her, his head happily resting in her lap, and revelled in the attention. She closed her eyes and breathed in the aroma of damp dirt, eucalypts and hundreds of sheep. It was the perfect thinking spot, and she had loads to think about.
In need of a little oxygen himself, Flynn left the others in the shed. He worried what Lucy and Sam might get up to in his absence, but he hoped with Troy there they’d at least have a little decorum. Right now he was finding it hard to be too irritated by Sam’s behaviour anyway. His inner teen had reared its hormonal head and he was busy fighting his own urges. No one else seemed to notice, but he couldn’t miss the fact that Lucy’s clothes were about a size too small on Ellie. Every time she bent to dip her brush in the paint, the fabric of the black trackies stretched across Ellie’s pert butt. It took all his strength to keep his libido under control. It wasn’t usually hot in the shearing shed at the beginning of September, but he felt like an ice cube in a sauna.
Outside, he relished the cool afternoon air as he made his way down the steps. His gaze immediately located Ellie twenty or so metres away, sitting under an old gum. He hung back a moment, watching the way she gently ran her hand back and forth over Rodger’s back. From the dog’s stance, he was obviously enjoying the attention. Ellie looked peaceful too, like this was where she was meant to be. Then she raised a hand to her eyes and swiped at something.
Was she crying? God! His heart clenched at the thought. She’d caused him more pain than anyone – more than his dad dying, or his grandfather before that – and yet he still couldn’t stand the thought of her upset. Without hesitation, he strode towards her, instantly annihilating the distance between them.
As he stopped
in front of her, she looked up and blinked three times in quick succession. Obviously trying to cover up the fact she was near to tears.
‘What’s up, Els?’ He knelt and gave Rodg a quick tummy rub.
‘It’s …’ She trailed off.
‘Don’t say nothing. I know you better than that.’
‘I was going to say stupid, not nothing.’
‘Okay, then.’ He smirked at her feisty response. ‘What’s stupid?’
She paused, as if contemplating her response. ‘The way I feel about your mother, I guess. She was nice as pie, but her request that I stay away from you hurt. We used to be such good friends.’
This time, friends referred to Karina. And it was true, they’d been close once. Anger bubbled in Flynn’s veins that his mum had to stick her nose in his business. He knew she was just looking out for him, but dammit, he wasn’t a child.
‘I’m sorry she confronted you, Ellie. She had no right.’
Ellie rubbed gentle circles around Rodger’s ears. ‘At least she gives a damn.’
Flynn tensed. He’d be stupid not to pick up Ellie’s bitter comparison to her own mother. ‘Did you ever see your mother again, I mean, after her no-show in Perth?’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t want to. I still don’t. I just don’t care anymore.’
Her words were tough, but he saw past her bravado to the raw hurt inside. He didn’t blame her. ‘Fair enough.’
‘I don’t,’ she insisted.
Even as a teenager, Flynn had known what a selfish woman Ellie’s mother was, how different she was from Karina. He knew if his mum were in her position, she’d have acted totally different to Rhiannon. No way would she leave her child with a stranger because the new boyfriend didn’t want kids. He and Ellie had talked about this over and over in the past.
‘Mat’s been more a mum to me than she ever was. If I have kids some day, I hope I take after her. I just pray maternal instinct isn’t in one’s genes. If it is, they may as well tie my tubes now.’
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