Jake lightly brushed his fingertips along her cheek, hopelessly arousing her. And then he surprised her by saying, “I want to kiss you, Calista.”
Did he expect her to say no? To tell him that he couldn’t? Couldn’t he see how she felt?
“Go ahead,” she whispered, almost afraid to believe what was happening. What she was feeling. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his mouth as he spoke. She could all but feel his lips on hers. “No one’s going to stop you.”
He was having a very difficult time being noble.
Desires larger than his initial intentions to be good kept rising up and demanding their due.
“You should be,” he managed to tell her, his breath warm on her face, on her neck.
Calista felt her stomach muscles tightening like a clenched fist, all but completely terminating her ability to breathe.
“Why?” she wanted to know.
Couldn’t Jake tell that she was barely holding on? That all she wanted was to have him kiss her? Kiss her over and over again until she melted? To have him make love with her until there was nothing but steam left in her wake? Contented steam.
“Because I’m no good for you,” he told her, agony twisting his very gut. He felt torn in half. There was no denying that he wanted her, but there was also no denying that what he’d just said to her was true. He really felt he wasn’t any good for her.
“That’s up to me to decide,” she told him hoarsely, her emotions, her need to be with him, all but choking her.
There was only one way to make her understand. He had to tell her. “I was in love with Maggie,” he confessed. “And now she’s dead,” he pronounced heavily.
Did he really believe there was some kind of eerie connection? The man was too intelligent to think that way. But then, sometimes the heart took over when the mind couldn’t.
Sympathy for what he was going through filled her. “The two are not mutually exclusive,” she told him quietly.
He looked at her, unconvinced despite the fact that he really wanted to be persuaded. “Are you so sure?”
He was desperately trying to talk himself out of something they both wanted, she thought. Her determination to bring him over to her side mushroomed. She wasn’t about to allow his guilt to dictate what happened here tonight. Not after he’d come so far.
Not when she was so close.
“Never more sure of anything in my life,” she whispered, her voice brimming with untapped desire.
If he was still convinced that he was in the right and thus determined to continue his protest, Jake never got the opportunity.
Afraid he was going to withdraw at the last moment, Calista went into action. She did the only thing she could. She sealed her mouth to his and with that one solitary deed, irrevocably sealed both their fates as well.
The moment the kiss became a reality, it instantly ignited a fire within Jake. A fire that had existed, not quite dormant, just beneath the surface all this time. A fire that now exploded, threatening to consume both of them whole.
Jake struggled not to contain the desire erupting within him, which was all but impossible, but to keep it from getting the upper hand. He didn’t want Calista to think he was some kind of a sex-starved creature, out to satisfy his cravings no matter what.
What was of foremost importance to him was that what happened between them be of paramount pleasure for her. That she look back at tonight not with confusion or dread, but with at least a small amount of genuine affection. More than anything else, he wanted her to enjoy this.
That he was going to enjoy it went without saying. Just holding her, kissing her, aroused such infinite pleasure within him that he was surprised it didn’t break him apart into tiny, shiny little pieces.
“You’re sure?” he asked when he finally managed to force himself to draw back for a second. The last thing he wanted was to reward everything she’d done for him by overwhelming her, by stealing away her right to change her mind at the last possible second.
What did it take to convince this man that he wasn’t forcing himself on her? Calista wondered. That if anything, she was the one doing the forcing?
“I promise I’ll have a notary public witness me sign an affidavit to that effect tomorrow if it’ll make you feel better.” Her eyes held his as she urged, “Just make love with me tonight.”
The last thin strand of restraint keeping him away from what he wanted with every fiber of his being snapped, leaving the path utterly clear for him.
A rush of emotions took possession of him as Jake began kissing her over and over again. Kissing her face, her hair, her throat. Kissing the tempting expanse of skin along the shoulders that suddenly became exposed to him when he tugged away the royal blue peasant blouse she had on.
And as his lips moved along her body, feeding rather than quenching his desire, he could feel her hands on him. Feel her struggling to free him of the confinement created by his clothing.
Struggling to be able to touch his body free of false barriers.
Deep shivers flashed and shimmied along his spine as he felt Calista’s fingers splaying out, branding his flesh as they passed over his body, seemingly taking inventory and memorizing everything.
And each and every pass of her hands just made his body temperature rise even further until he was certain that he was going to burn to a crisp.
As much as she wanted to draw this out, to savor every second as she committed every ridge, every dip along his body to tactile memory, that was equally as much as she wanted to rush, to do it all quickly at least this once, before something happened to make it stop, so that she would have it forever.
And if possible, she wanted to do it all again, from the beginning.
But at least this one time.
Because he made her feel the way no one ever had before—just as she had known, deep down in the bottom of her soul, that he would.
Calista felt as if her entire body was singing as he undressed her, recklessly tossing her clothing aside even as she tugged away material from his body, matching him item for item, stroke for stroke.
Was he as excited as she was? she wondered. Was he as eager? She could feel his heart pounding beneath her palm and it sent shockwaves through her. Her own heart was racing and she had to remind herself to breathe.
Somehow, without her knowing just how, they had managed to go from the sofa to the floor, their bodies as tangled with one another as their clothes were. The tempo continued to increase, fueled by a sense of urgency. Did he feel it, too? Or was he just following her lead? Questions filled her head and then fled.
Everything left but this overwhelming need that demanded to be fed.
A need that only he could satisfy.
Their tempo went from fast to fever pitch as she felt his hands caressing her. Possessing her. She almost cried out in wonder as she felt climax flower into climax just from the feel of him, from the way his hands and his lips made love to her.
She did her best to return the favor, to fan the flames she could see he felt, fan them as urgently as he’d fanned hers.
Another climax rocked her and she arched her body into his, silently urging him to take her, silently conveying that she couldn’t hold back another moment. She needed to be one with him.
A moan escaped her lips as Jake wove his fingers through hers and then drove himself into her, first slowly, then faster and faster.
The journey to the top of the summit was swift, urgent and entirely mind-numbing. She thought she might have cried out, but she wasn’t sure.
For a good three minutes if not more, Calista was certain that her heart would never get back to any kind of a normal rhythm, never get back to a normal beat. She recalled thinking that a hummingbird’s wings went at a slower pace.
The heat created by the all-but-out-of-body experience finally began to retreat, wave by wave, leaving her colder and colder until it finally vanished and reality marched into her life.
She was almost afraid to open h
er eyes and look at Jake. Afraid of what she might see.
Would he just withdraw from her? Act as if this hadn’t happened? She’d heard that some men did things like that, that the more they seemed to be affected by what happened during the act of lovemaking, that was how much they were into denying that it ever did.
She wasn’t sure what to expect.
Taking a fortifying breath and offering up a small, silent prayer, Calista finally opened her eyes.
And found that Jake had propped himself up on his elbow. Instead of staring off into space, he was looking directly down into her face. His expression was unreadable.
What did that mean? Was it a good sign? Or a bad one?
Was he disappointed?
Oh please, God, don’t let him be disappointed. I know I couldn’t have been the best woman he’s ever had, but at least don’t let me be a major disappointment in his eyes.
When he finally spoke, his words came slowly, as if they were each being carefully measured out before they were allowed to emerge.
“That was really fast.” Jake took a breath. And then he said the two words that slashed at her heart. The two words, more than any other two words, that she did not want to hear. “I’m sorry.”
Chapter Thirteen
The two ugly words echoed in her head, even as they seemed to burn into her flesh.
Until this moment, she would have said that everything that had transpired prior to now, every step that she had taken, every situation she had been in, had all been pointing to this, to making love with him.
Her body was still bathed in the afterglow, still tingling from the shared ecstasy. But now Jake, with those two terrible words he had just uttered, had stolen her joy, ripped it right out from under her.
Afraid she was going to cry, Calista bolted upright. Willing the tears that were burning her eyes into temporary retreat, she immediately began to gather her clothes to her.
All she wanted was to get away from him so that he couldn’t see her break down.
Confused by the sudden shift in her behavior, Jake caught her wrist just as she was about to stand up. What had just happened here? Why was she being so abrupt when he was trying to apologize?
“Where are you going?” he wanted to know.
She kept her face averted, struggling to keep her voice even. “Home.”
He felt the urgency in her body. “Why?” he asked, then realized that sounded unduly harsh. He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that. She had a perfect right to go home, but he couldn’t help wondering if he’d offended her somehow. “I mean, why now?”
What was he doing, playing games now? Oh, the hell with it. If she cried, she cried. Turning her head, Calista glared at him. “Well, you just said you were sorry you made love with me, so I thought I’d spare you the sight of having to look at me any longer.”
He stared at her, dumbfounded and, just for a moment, speechless. “Sorry that I— That we— No,” he finally declared with feeling despite his very real confusion that prevented him from forming a coherent sentence. “No, I didn’t,” he insisted. “Where did you even get an idea like that?”
Why was he playing dumb? “Well, you just said you’re sorry.”
And he was. Wholeheartedly. “Yes,” he agreed, waiting for her to continue.
Frustrated, she blew out a breath. “Okay, I’m officially confused. If you’re not saying you’re sorry we just made love, then what are you saying you’re sorry about?”
“That we made love so fast.” He’d thought that was clear. Obviously not.
As Calista slowly began to relax, he drew her back against his shoulder and lay down again. One of the sofa’s pillows had fallen on the floor during the course of their lovemaking and he tucked it beneath his head now, creating a small island of comfort for them.
“Our first time should have been a lot slower,” he told her.
“Our first time,” she repeated. Calista turned her head to look up at him. “As in there’s going to be another time?”
He laughed softly, amused by her innocence. “After that kind of ‘first time,’ you better believe there’s going to be another time.” And then he amended his statement, just in case. “Unless you don’t want there to be.”
She nestled into him. The world was suddenly rosy again. The smile on her lips crept into her eyes as she looked up at him. She fervently wished she could freeze time right at this moment.
“I never said that.”
“Good.” He slowly drew his fingers along her cheek, loving the feel of her. “Because I was thinking, seeing as how there’s a lull and everything, that maybe the second time could start now.”
A giddy laugh hitched in her throat, spreading out to all parts of her as she turned her body into his. “Anytime you’re ready.”
“Perfect, because I’m ready now,” he told her.
But just as he drew her even closer to him, a sliver of common sense pierced its way through the flood of desire, causing him to stop and glance toward the front door. There was no reason in the world to think that Erin and Corey would be back before Sunday evening—most likely late Sunday evening—but he had always preferred erring on the side of safety.
If his sister and her husband walked in on him at an inopportune moment, other than some embarrassment all around, it was no big deal. But he didn’t want either of them catching Calista in this sort of compromising position.
“Why don’t we see what this feels like on a bed?” he suggested.
Calista grinned, catching the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. She had no idea how much that small, inconsequential action tempted him—at least, not until she saw desire flare in his eyes.
“I had no idea you had this kinky side to you,” she teased.
“Stick around,” he promised. “You might be surprised.”
What surprised her most of all was that he had just asked her to stick around. The phrase had long-term implications.
As they hurried up the stairs, each holding their clothes tightly against them in their arms, every part of her was smiling. Broadly.
As it turned out, Calista never did manage to go home that weekend. Because she still had her overnight case with a couple of changes of clothing in her trunk from the last trip she’d taken a few months ago, she didn’t need to make a stop at her house for fresh laundry.
But because she knew her family would worry if she didn’t report in, she did call. As she dialed, Calista crossed her fingers, hoping that she’d find herself talking to the answering machine instead of one of her siblings. Answering machines, at least, didn’t ask questions.
Luck turned out to be with her and no one picked up the phone when she called home. That left her free to say that she was “putting in extra hours at work” and that she would see them when she was finished, “whenever that turns out to be.”
“Is that what you call it now?” Jake asked her, amused, when she hung up. He’d been walking by in the hallway to get yet another change of clothes for Marlie who’d spat up when he’d heard Calista on the phone in his bedroom. When she raised a quizzical eyebrow in response, he elaborated. “Extra hours at work?”
An impish smile played on her lips. “Well, technically, you did hire me to babysit Marlie,” she reminded him. Her smile widened as she spoke.
She’d found herself smiling this entire weekend, happy beyond words. The moment Marlie was down for the night, she would discover paradise all over again in Jake’s arms. Calista couldn’t remember ever being quite this happy and she was by nature a happy person. But being with Jake—despite his more serious moods at times—took her beyond the realm of happy to a place she had never known existed until now.
Despite the fact that everything was still exceedingly fresh and new between them, in her heart Calista was certain that she had found the person she was meant to be with forever.
The trick, she knew, was going to be in making Jake realize it as well. She was prepared to wait for that no matter
how long it took. Happiness of this caliber was worth waiting for—and worth fighting for, if it came down to that.
“You know—”
Whatever he was going to say to her was temporarily placed on hold as a buzzing noise suddenly started coming from the cell phone he’d left on his bureau. Rather than have it ring, he’d left it on vibrate. And it did. As the urgent sound repeated, the vibrations propelled the phone along the surface of the bureau, moving it closer and closer to the edge like a suicidal lemming.
Jake caught it just before it went over the side, sparing it landing unceremoniously on the rug. Without bothering to look at the caller’s ID—he assumed it had to be his sister calling—Jake opened the phone as he crossed over to the bed, pressed the virtual button accepting the call and said, “Hello?”
The deep voice on the other end of the line told him this wasn’t his sister even before the man asked, “Is this Jake Castro?”
Calista saw tension telegraph throughout Jake’s body just as he sat down beside her. It was as if every fiber of his being had gone on alert.
“Yes, this is Jake.”
Calista mouthed “Who is it?” but he just shrugged in response, indicating that he had no idea who was on the other end of the line.
Ignorance faded away in the next moment as the voice on the other end demanded, “Did you think we’d give up just because you took off with her and dropped out of sight?”
Jake could feel his stomach muscles tighten so hard that for a minute it robbed him of his breath. He held the cell phone with both hands even though he was tempted just to throw it against the wall and watch it smash into impotent little pieces.
Observing him, Calista didn’t have to ask again who he was talking to, or rather who he was listening to. His body language told her. One of Maggie’s parents had to be on the other end of the line.
Concerned, she moved closer to him. She put her hand on his knee, silently trying to convey her support. Wishing that she could do something for him. But for now, all she could do was to be here.
The Baby Wore a Badge Page 13