by Jo Ann Brown
She hummed a tuneless song as she washed dishes, dried them and put them in the cupboards. Outside, it began to rain steadily. Maybe she should have told the kinder to take umbrellas to school.
By the time she had baked the bread as well as a batch of snickerdoodles, it was time for the midday meal. Lloyd always wanted his big meal at noon, but Joshua worked off the farm, so she would prepare their dinner for the evening. She had no idea what Joshua and his kinder liked to eat.
Rebekah pushed aside that thought as she put Sammy in the high chair and gave him his sandwich and a glass of milk. Sitting beside him, she ate quickly, then returned to work. She was scooping up an armful of dirty laundry from the floor when she heard Sammy call her.
Turning, she asked over her shoulder, “What is it, liebling?”
“Go home?” Thick tears rolled down his full cheeks.
She dropped the clothes to the floor. Sitting, she lifted Sammy out of the high chair and set him beside her. There wasn’t enough room on her lap for him any longer. Putting her arm around his shoulders, she nestled him close. Her heart ached to hear his grief.
“I thought we would stay here and see Deborah and Levi when they get home from school,” she said and kissed the top of his head.
“When that?”
“After Sammy has his nap.”
He wiggled away and got down. “Nap now?”
“Not until you finish your sandwich.” As she set him back in the high chair, she smiled at how eager he was to see Joshua’s younger kinder again.
In Bird-in-Hand, Sammy had encountered other kinder only on church Sundays. Their neighbors didn’t have youngsters, and even if they had, Sammy was too young to cross the fields on his own. She’d become accustomed to remaining home in the months before Lloyd’s death because he had flown into rages when he didn’t know where she was. After his death, she’d had an excuse to stay behind her closed door.
But it hadn’t been fair to Sammy.
Guilt clamped around her heart. Now that was familiar. Each time Lloyd had lashed out at her, she’d tried to figure out what she’d done to make him strike her again.
She was Joshua Stoltzfus’s wife now. Her past was gone, buried with Lloyd.
Repeating it over and over to convince herself, she cleaned Sammy up after his lunch. She took him into the bedroom for his nap, but he was too excited. Each time she settled him on the small bed with his beloved stuffed dog, he was up afterward and sneaking out of the bedroom to explore the house.
Rebekah gave up after a half hour. Skipping his nap one day wouldn’t hurt him, and she was curious, too, about the rest of the house. She glanced around the kitchen. The dishes were cleaned and put away, though she suspected she hadn’t put them in their proper places. She would check with Deborah so everything was as it should be when Joshua arrived home. The dirty clothes were piled on the floor in the laundry room. In the morning before breakfast, if the rain stopped, she would start the first load. She hadn’t mopped the floor. That made no sense when Joshua and the kinder would be tracking in water and mud.
There wasn’t any reason for her not to explore the house.
Sammy grinned and chattered like an excited squirrel as they walked into the large front room where church could be held when it was their turn to host it. She wondered when that would be. Surely no one would expect the newlyweds to hold church at their house right away. Most newlyweds spent the first month of their marriage visiting family and friends nearby and far away. Joshua hadn’t mentioned making calls, and she guessed his business wouldn’t allow him time away. Just as well, because she didn’t want to upset Sammy by uprooting him day after day.
When her son scrambled up the stairs, dragging the stuffed dog with him, she followed slowly, not wanting to slip on the smooth, wooden steps. But there was another reason she hesitated. She hoped Joshua wouldn’t care if she went upstairs while he was at the buggy shop. Last night he’d told her to come and get him if she or Sammy needed anything, so her exploring shouldn’t make him angry.
She wrapped her arms around herself. She hated how every thought, every action, had to be considered with care. After Lloyd’s death, she’d been gloriously free from a husband’s expectations. Now she was subjected to them once more. But would Joshua be as heavy-handed as Lloyd had been? She must make sure she never found out.
Lord, is this Your will? If so, guide my steps and my words on a path where we will remain safe.
Rebekah opened the first door on the second floor. A pair of dresses hung from pegs on the wall, along with a white apron Deborah would wear to church. A black bonnet waited beside them. By the window, the bed was covered with a beautiful quilt. The diamond-in-a-square pattern was done in cheerful shades of blue, purple and green. A rag rug beside the bed would keep little feet from the chill of a wintry floor.
The room beside it clearly belonged to Timothy because a man-size pair of shoes were set beneath the window, but a second mattress had been dragged into the room. She realized Levi must have given up his room to Joshua and was sleeping with his brother. She appreciated the boys’ kindness, especially when they had no idea how long Levi would be sharing with Timothy.
Sammy ran to the door across the hall. She hurried after him, not wanting him to disturb Joshua’s things. Grabbing her son’s arm, she remained in the doorway.
Nothing about the room gave her a clue to the man she’d married. It was the same as the other rooms, except the ceiling slanted sharply on either side of a single dormer. Like his kinder’s rooms, the bed was neatly made and a rag rug brightened the wooden floor. She hadn’t realized how she’d hoped to find something to reassure her that he was truly as gentle as he appeared. If he proved to be a chameleon like Lloyd...
“Cold, Mammi?” asked Sammy.
She smiled at him, even as she curbed another shiver. If a kind as young as her son could sense her disquiet, she must hide her feelings more deeply. She could not allow Joshua to suspect the secrets of her first marriage. If the truth of Lloyd’s weaknesses became known, it could ruin her son’s life.
She wouldn’t let that happen.
Ever.
Chapter Five
As he drove toward his house, Joshua couldn’t recall another day at the buggy shop that had seemed so long. Usually the hours sped past as he kept himself occupied with the work and trying to teach Timothy the skills his son would need to take over the shop after him.
He had been busy today, but his thoughts hadn’t stayed on the antique carriage he was restoring for Mr. Carpenter, an Englischer who lived in a fancy community north of Philadelphia. Too often instead of the red velvet he was using to reupholster the interior of the vehicle that dwarfed his family buggy, Joshua had seen Rebekah’s face.
Her uncertainty when she’d stood beside him in front of their bishop to take their wedding vows. Her laughter when they’d come into the messy kitchen. Her glowing eyes filled with questions as he bid her gut nacht. Her kind smile for his teenage son this morning.
“Watch out!” Timothy shouted as Levi yelped a wordless warning from behind him.
Joshua yanked on the reins, though the horse had already started to turn away from the oncoming milk truck. The driver gave a friendly wave as the vehicle rumbled past before turning into the lane leading to a neighboring farm.
Lowering his hands to his lap, Joshua took a steadying breath. He couldn’t get so lost in his thoughts that he missed what was going on around him. He’d lost Tildie. He couldn’t bear the idea of losing his two sons.
Help me focus, Lord, on what is important in my life.
“Want me to drive, Daed?” asked Timothy with a grin.
“I’ll drive!” Levi wasn’t going to be left out, especially after assisting his onkel at Daniel’s carpentry shop.
“Danki, but I think I can manage to get us
home from here in one piece.” Joshua kept his eyes on the road as he guided the horse onto the driveway. He sent up a prayer of gratitude that he and his two sons hadn’t been hurt.
What was wrong with him? He was showing less sense than his teenage son. If Timothy had been driving, Joshua would have reprimanded him for not paying attention. Even after he’d brought the buggy to a stop between the house and the barn, his hands shook. He nodded when Levi offered to help Timothy unhook Benny and get the horse settled for the night.
“Dinner will be on the table soon,” he said as he did every evening after work. “So don’t dawdle.”
“Are you sure your bride will have it ready?” Timothy asked.
He glanced at his grinning teenage son. Tempted to remind his son that Timothy didn’t know anything about Rebekah, he refrained. Joshua would have to admit he didn’t know much about her, either. He wasn’t going to confess that to his kinder.
“We’ll see, won’t we?” Joshua strode toward the kitchen door.
He paused to check the garden. It needed weeding again. He glanced at the chicken coop. The patch he’d put on the roof last month was still in gut shape. Reaching up, he gave the clothesline that ran from the back stoop to the barn a gentle tug. The tension remained gut, so he didn’t need to tighten it yet to keep clean clothes from dragging in the grass.
Joshua sighed. He’d told the boys not to dawdle, and he was doing it himself. Coward! When he’d asked Rebekah to wed him, he’d known there would be changes. There had to be, because the marriage was bringing her and a toddler and soon a boppli into the family. He’d convinced himself he understood that.
But he hadn’t.
Not really.
Knowing he could not loiter in his own yard any longer, he climbed the two steps to the small porch at the back door. He wasn’t sure what he’d find, but when he opened the back door, he stared. Every inch of the kitchen shone like a pond in the bright sunlight. Even the stain he’d assumed would never come out of the counter was gone. Dishes were stacked neatly in the cupboards, and each breath he drew in contained the luscious aromas of freshly baked bread as well as the casserole Rebekah was removing from the oven.
The last time the kitchen had smelled so enticing was before Tildie became ill. Supper at his mamm’s house was accompanied by great scents, but his own kitchen had been filled with odors of smoke and scorched pans and foods that didn’t go together.
His gaze riveted on her. Strands of red hair had escaped her kapp and floated around her face like wisps of cloud. Her face glowed with the heat from the oven, and she smiled as she drew in a deep breath of the steam coming from the casserole.
He had never seen her look so beautiful or so at ease. The thought shocked him. He’d always considered her pretty, but he’d never thought about how taut her shoulders usually were. Not just since he’d asked her to marry. Every time he’d seen her.
“Daedi!”
Deborah rushed over and threw her arms around his waist. He embraced her, turning his attention from Rebekah and the kitchen’s transformation to his daughter. Her smile was wider than he’d seen in a long time. She must have enjoyed her time with Rebekah and Sammy after school.
A pulse of an unexpected envy tugged at him. He dismissed it, not wanting to examine too closely how he wished he could have shared that time with them.
“Perfect timing,” Rebekah said as she carried the casserole of scalloped potatoes to the table. Platters of sliced roast beef were set beside bowls holding corn and green beans. Sliced bread was flanked by butter and apple butter. Chowchow and pickled beets completed the feast. She looked past him, and he realized Timothy and Levi stood behind him when she asked, “Do you boys need to wash up?”
His mouth watered. His sons’ expressions were bright with anticipation, and he wondered if his own face looked the same. Even so, he motioned for the boys to go into the laundry room to wash their hands. They went with a speed he hadn’t seen them show before dinner...ever.
As he went to the kitchen sink, he almost bumped into Sammy, who was racing to his mamm. The kind glanced at him fearfully. He hoped the little boy would get used to him soon. Maybe in his own young way Sammy mourned for Lloyd and wasn’t ready to replace his daed with another man.
Joshua doubted he could ever be the man Lloyd Burkholder had been. When people spoke of Lloyd, they always mentioned his dedication to his neighbors and his family. More than once, he’d heard someone say Lloyd always accompanied Rebekah wherever she went. A truly devoted husband. With his work taking him to the shop each day, Joshua couldn’t be the doting husband his friend had been. He hoped Rebekah understood.
As soon as everyone was seated at the table, he signaled for them to bow their heads for silent grace. He was pleased to see Sammy do so, too. Rebekah had taught her son well.
He didn’t linger over his prayers, which again had more to do with making his new marriage work and less to do with the food in front of him. Clearing his throat, he raised his head. The kinder didn’t need prompting to start passing the food along the table.
His worry about what to discuss during the meal vanished when Levi monopolized the conversation. His younger son was excited that he’d learned how to use one of the specialty saws Daniel had for his construction projects. As he described the tool in detail, Rebekah helped Sammy eat with as little mess as possible. Deborah and Timothy were busy enjoying the meal.
Joshua realized he was, too. He’d been dependent on his own cooking or Deborah’s struggling attempts for too long. There had been plenty of meals at his mamm’s house, but even she wasn’t the cook Rebekah was. Each dish he tried was more flavorful than the one before. Like his sons, he had seconds.
“Don’t fill up completely,” Rebekah said as she smiled at his daughter. “There’s peach pie for dessert.”
“You’re spoiling us with your wunderbaar food,” he replied.
She flushed prettily when the boys hurried to add their approval. She deflected it by saying quietly, “God gave each of us a unique talent, and the praise should go to Him.”
Deborah jumped up, announcing she would serve dessert. She cut the pie and brought the first plate to the table and set it in front of Joshua with a hopeful smile. “Try it, Daedi.” Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “I made it.”
“You made the pie, Deborah?” He hoped his disappointment didn’t come through in his voice. As gut as the rest of the meal had been, he’d been looking forward to sampling Rebekah’s peach pie. She’d brought one to the house years ago, and he still recalled how delicious it had been.
Her brothers regarded the pieces their sister handed them with suspicion. As one they glanced at him. Neither reached for a fork, even when Deborah sat again at the table. When dismay lengthened his daughter’s face, he couldn’t delay any longer.
Picking up his fork, he broke off a corner from the pie. Flakes fell on to the plate. That was a surprise because Deborah’s last attempt at making a pie had resulted in a crust as crisp as a cracker. Aware how everyone was watching, he raised the fork to his mouth.
Flavors came to life on his tongue. Peaches, cinnamon and even a hint of nutmeg.
“This is...” He had to search for the best word. Not surprising or astounding and most especially not impossible, though he couldn’t believe Deborah had made the flaky crust that was as light as the biscuits at breakfast. When his daughter regarded him with anticipation, he finished, “Beyond wunderbaar.”
“Danki,” his daughter said as she turned toward the other end of the table to watch her brothers dig in now that Joshua had announced the pie was gut. “Rebekah taught me a really easy way to make the crust. It’s important not to handle it too much. Mix it, roll it out and get it in the pan.”
“She did a gut job.” He broadened his smile as he took another bite.
“It wasn’t hard wh
en I have such an eager student,” Rebekah replied,
When they finished the meal with a silent prayer, Joshua asked Timothy to help Levi with the dishes while Deborah played with Sammy. Before they could answer, he stood and invited Rebekah to come out on the front porch with him. He wasn’t sure who looked the most surprised at his requests.
But one thing he knew for certain. He and Rebekah needed some time to talk and come to terms with the life they had chosen together. He had put off the discussion since he asked her to be his wife.
Rebekah lifted Sammy down from the high chair and told him to show Deborah the pictures he’d colored earlier. As the toddler rushed to the little girl, he shot an uneasy glance in Joshua’s direction. His mamm looked dismayed, and she bit her lower lip.
Joshua said nothing as he motioned for her to lead the way to the front door. When he reached over her head to hold the screen door, she recoiled sharply. Had he surprised her? She must have known he was right behind her, and she should have guessed he’d hold the door for her.
A grim realization rushed through him. She must be worried that if she lowered the walls between them, even enough to thank him for a common courtesy, he would insist on his rights as her husband. He wanted to reassure her that he understood her anxiety, but anything he could think to say might make the situation even more tense.
If that were even possible.
* * *
Scolding herself for showing her reaction to Joshua’s hand moving past her face, Rebekah knew she needed to take care. He hadn’t been about to slap her, and acting as if he was could betray the secret she kept in the darkest corners of her heart. She hurried to the closer of the two rocking chairs on the front porch. She’d always loved the rockers Joshua and Matilda had received as wedding gifts. Whenever she and Lloyd had visited, she had happily sat in one and watched the traffic on the narrow road in front of the house.