by Jo Ann Brown
Joshua crossed his arms over his light blue shirt. “What do you think?”
“About what?” She wasn’t going to share the true course of her thoughts.
“The appearance of the farm. From what I can see, most of the buildings don’t need much more than a coat or two of paint to make them look gut.”
“I agree, except the roof on the field equipment barn is sagging. It should be shored up.”
He gave her a warm smile. “True, and I know just the man for the job.”
“Your brother Daniel?”
“Ja. He has repaired buildings in worse condition. I asked him to meet us here, so he can see what needs to be done. We want the buildings to look their best, so someone will offer a gut amount of money for the farm.”
“Money for the farm?” she repeated, shocked at how easily he spoke of selling the farm. Her farm!
“Ja. Once it is fixed up, I thought we’d hold an auction for the land and buildings, as well as for anything else you want to sell—furniture, household goods and any farm equipment. Several neighbors have stopped by the buggy shop in the past couple of weeks to ask me when I plan to put it on the auction block, so the bidding should go well.”
He was going to sell her farm. Just like that. Lloyd had insisted on making the big decisions, too, and she’d learned not to gainsay him. Why had she thought Joshua might be different?
Or maybe he wasn’t the same as Lloyd. After all, Joshua had invited her to the farm to consider what needed to be done in order to sell it. He hadn’t sold it without allowing her to see her home one more time.
The thought gave her the courage to say, “Joshua, I don’t know if I’m ready to sell the farm yet.”
“Why do you want to hold on to it?” He glanced from her to the weatherworn buildings. “If you’re thinking you shouldn’t sell it because it’s Lloyd’s legacy to Sammy, you need to consider how much upkeep it’s going to need until he’s old enough to farm. You could rent out the fields and the house, but buildings require regular upkeep, and it might cost as much or more than what you’d get from the rent. Selling the farm will provide money for Sammy when he’s ready to decide what he wants to do as a man.”
She knew he was right...about Sammy. But he had no idea about the true reason she couldn’t bear to let the farm go. How she’d longed for a refuge when Lloyd had been looking for someone to blame for his ills! Nothing Joshua had done suggested he would be as abusive as her first husband, but she needed a place to go with Sammy if that changed.
Not just Sammy, but the other kinder if they needed shelter, too.
Rebekah hoped her shrug appeared nonchalant. “I hadn’t thought about what would happen with the farm.” That much was the truth. “I need time to think about selling it.” Walking to where hostas were growing lush near the porch, she took the time to pray for the right words to persuade Joshua to listen.
From where he hadn’t moved, he said, “It’ll take time to repair the buildings, especially as Daniel will need to do the work around his other jobs. At this time of the summer we can’t ask for others to help.” He paused, then asked, “Rebekah?”
She faced him. “Ja?”
“You’ll have plenty of time to make up your mind. You don’t need to decide today.” He gave her a cockeyed smile that made something uncurl delightfully in her center.
Something drew her toward him, something that urged her to think of his arms around her. She halted because she’d learned not to trust those feelings after they’d led her to Lloyd.
The rattle of the open wagon came from the end of the lane, and Rebekah saw Timothy driving the other kinder toward the house. As they neared, the older ones looked around, their eyes wide with astonishment. She guessed they were comparing their onkel Ezra’s neat and well-maintained farm to this one.
But her gaze went to her son. She’d protected him from much of what had happened between her and his daed, and his young age would wash away other memories. Still, she didn’t want this visit to upset him. She realized she didn’t have anything to worry about when she heard his giggles as he played in the back of the wagon with Debbie.
Joshua lifted the younger kinder out while the boys jumped down. At the same time, he asked Rebekah where the lawnmower was. He sent Levi to get it from the shed. Timothy was given the task of collecting any canned food and other supplies from the kitchen and the cellar, while Debbie volunteered to look for any vegetables in the neglected garden.
“Sammy help?” her son asked.
“Help me,” Timothy said, picking him up and hanging him upside down over his shoulder. While Sammy kicked his feet and chortled in delight, he added, “I’ll keep a close eye on him in the kitchen, Rebekah. Before I go down to the cellar, I’ll take him out to help Debbie.”
“Danki.” She didn’t add how pleased she was Timothy had volunteered to spend time with her son. It would be gut for both boys.
If Joshua was surprised by his oldest’s actions, he didn’t show it as he walked into the backyard. He went to the chicken coop, which she’d kept in excellent shape. It was the only building that had been painted in the past three years.
“Where are the chickens?” he asked as he looked over his shoulder.
“I gave the leftover chickens to my mamm so she can have fresh eggs.” As she crossed the yard to where he stood, she rubbed her hands together, then stopped when she realized the motion showed her nervousness at being on the farm again. Maybe it wouldn’t be the best haven.
But it was her only one.
She shivered and hastily added, “Most of the chickens were used for the wedding.”
“I remember.” He gave her a wry grin. “Though I don’t remember much about what else we ate.”
“I don’t, either.”
He paused and faced her. She took a half step back before she bumped into him. His mouth tightened. She’d given him every reason to believe a commonplace motion like trying not to run into someone had a great significance.
Before she could think of a way to explain, his expression eased again. He took her right hand between his and gazed into her eyes with a gentle honesty that threatened to demolish her resolve to keep her secrets to herself.
“What I do remember vividly,” he said in little more than a whisper, “is how when you came down the stairs I forgot everyone else in the room. I remember how you made sure my kinder didn’t feel left out and how you welcomed them to participate in each tradition. Not many brides would have insisted on the kinder sharing our special corner during the wedding meal.”
“Sammy was fussy, so I wanted to keep him nearby. How could I have had him there with us and not the others?”
“You don’t need to explain, Rebekah. I’m simply saying I know our marriage isn’t what either of us planned on, but—”
“It could be worse?”
When he laughed hard, she released a soft breath of relief. His words had become too serious, too sincere, too...everything. She couldn’t let herself be swayed by pretty words as she had with Lloyd. Hadn’t she learned her lesson? Even if Joshua wasn’t like Lloyd, and she prayed every day he wasn’t, she couldn’t forget how he still loved his late wife.
“I don’t want to farm this land or any other, Rebekah.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “I know every Amish man is supposed to want to be a farmer, but I don’t. God didn’t give me the gifts he gave my brother. Ezra seems to know exactly when to plant and when to harvest. He can communicate with his herd of cows like he’s one of them. That’s why we agreed, rather than having the farm go to Daniel as the youngest son, Ezra should take over after Daed died. To be honest, Daniel was relieved, because he likes building things. It worked out well for each of us.”
“It did.”
He became serious again. “Rebekah, if you hoped I’d farm here, I’m sorry. We probably
should have discussed this before our wedding.”
As well as so many other things, she wanted to say. But the most important truths must remain unspoken.
“Danki for being honest with me,” she said. “No, I didn’t expect you to take over the farm, especially when it’s so far from your home and your shop.” She didn’t hesitate before she added, “I hope you’ll invite me and Sammy to visit the shop one of these days.”
His eyes grew wide. “You want to visit the buggy shop? I thought you weren’t interested, because you haven’t said anything about going there.”
“Joshua, you love your work, and as your wife I want to understand what is important to you.”
He smiled as broadly as Sammy did when offered a sweet. “Whenever you want to visit, drop in. I’ll show you around so you can see how we make and repair buggies. Come as often as you wish.”
When she saw how thrilled he was, happiness bubbled up within her from a hidden spring she thought had long ago gone dry. She felt closer to her husband than she ever had.
Had he sensed that, too? She couldn’t think why else he would rapidly change the subject back to the condition of the farm buildings.
“Daniel should be here soon,” he said. “The project he’s been working on isn’t far from here. If you see him, will you send him to the main barn? I’ll start there.”
“All right.” She felt as if she’d been dismissed like a kind caught eavesdropping on her elders.
As she turned to go to the house, he added, “It’s going to take time to get the buildings fixed up. Once everything is in decent shape, we’ll talk about the future of the farm. Okay?”
“Ja,” she said, though they were postponing the inevitable clash of wills. There must be some way to explain why she needed to keep the farm without revealing the truth about Lloyd.
But how?
* * *
Joshua watched as his youngest brother poked at a beam with a nail, and he tried not to sneeze as bits of hay and dust and spiderwebs drifted down onto his upturned face. Daniel was trying to determine if any insects or dry rot had weakened the wood. If the nail slid in easily, it was a bad sign. A board along the side of the barn could easily be replaced, but if one of the beams failed, the whole building could collapse. From where Joshua stood at the foot of the ladder, he couldn’t see what his brother was discovering at the top.
“Looks gut,” Daniel said as he came down the ladder at the same speed he would have walked up the lane.
His younger brother was finally filling out after spending the past five or six years looking like a black-haired scarecrow, disconnected joints sticking out in every direction. His shoulders were no longer too wide, and his feet and hands seemed the right size. The gaze from his bright blue eyes was steady. He and his twin Micah looked identical except for the cleft in Daniel’s chin, something Daniel hated and was looking forward to hiding when he grew a beard after he married.
“No dry rot?” Joshua asked.
He shook his head. “In spite of how it looks, the barn was kept up well for many years. Any damage is recent, say the past five years or so, and it’s only on the surface.” He dropped the nail into a pocket of his well-worn tool belt. “But if the barn doesn’t get some maintenance soon, it’ll tumble in on itself.”
“I know at least that much about construction, brother boppli.” Joshua smiled, knowing how the term annoyed Daniel, who had been born more than a half hour after his twin.
“Are you sure your ancient mind can hold so much information?” his brother shot back.
Laughing with Daniel erased the rest of the tension he’d been feeling since he decided to bring Rebekah and the kinder to Lloyd’s farm. Much of it had eased when she’d told him she would like to visit the buggy shop. Her effort to learn more about his life showed she wanted their marriage to have a chance, too.
His relief at hearing that revealed how uncertain he’d been about her expectations from their marriage. Maybe you haven’t given her a chance before today to tell you that she wanted to visit, scolded the little voice from his conscience. He couldn’t expect her to be candid when he withheld himself from her. At first he hadn’t wanted to mention Tildie, because he hadn’t wanted Rebekah to think he was comparing her housekeeping and interactions with the kinder to how his first wife would have handled them. Again he regretted not taking more time to talk before they spoke their vows. If they’d had more discussions then, the situation might be easier now.
“So how long to fix up the place?” Joshua asked.
“At least a month to do the basics, including the painting. That’s assuming I can get gut helpers. It’s not easy this time of year when everyone’s so busy.” He rubbed the cleft in his chin and arched his brows. “If the barn burned, everyone would be here even sooner.”
“I’m hoping you aren’t suggesting burning it down so we can have a barn raising.”
Daniel laughed. “I never thought I’d hear my big brother, the volunteer fireman, make such a comment.”
“I wanted to make sure you didn’t.” He clapped his brother on the shoulder, then looked around again. “Just a month to repair and paint? That’s faster than I’d guessed.”
“That’s assuming I can get plenty of help. I may be able to get it done even more quickly if you’re willing to hire a few of my Englisch coworkers.”
Now Joshua was surprised. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Englischers think we Amish are the most skilled construction workers. I wasn’t sure what you thought.”
“I think I want this job done quickly and well.”
“Gut. There are a couple of Englisch guys I work with who can run circles around me with a hammer and nails. I can ask them if they’d like some extra work.”
He knew his brother was being modest, because Daniel’s skills had an excellent reputation. “Sounds like a plan.”
“I’m pretty sure one will, because he’s been talking about his wife wanting him to take the family on a trip to Florida.”
“How much are you planning to charge me?” Joshua asked with mock horror.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be fair. Let me talk to the guys I have in mind, and I’ll get back to you soon. Okay?”
“Ja.”
After Daniel left, Joshua wiped his brow with a soiled handkerchief and walked across the freshly mown backyard. He waved to Levi, who was now cutting the front yard. A glance at the garden told him Debbie and Sammy had finished there. The back door was open, so he headed toward it to find out how much longer Rebekah needed at the house.
He jumped back as a large box was carried out of the kitchen. Only when it had passed did he realize his oldest was toting it. He watched, puzzled, as Timothy set it in the wagon beside a pair of ladder-back chairs.
“What’s in the box?” Joshua asked.
“Some stuff Rebekah wants to take home with us.”
He nodded, even though he was curious what was in the box. Her clothing and the boy’s as well as the clothing she’d prepared for the boppli were already at his house. He’d brought Sammy’s toys and several of her quilts the first week after they were married.
“I hope the rest will fit,” his son said.
“Depends on how much else there is,” Joshua replied as his mind whirled.
Rebekah hadn’t said anything to him about bringing any of her furniture to his house. Tildie had remarked often what a comfortable home it was. Didn’t Rebekah have everything she needed?
What if their situations were reversed? There were some items he’d want to bring with him into her house. His buggy supply catalogues, the lamp that was the perfect height when he was reading, his favorite pillow and the quilt Grossmammi Stoltzfus had made for him, some of Tildie’s rag rugs...and, most important, the family Bible.
“I don’t know what else sh
e’s planning to bring,” Timothy said. “She’s in the house. You can ask her while I pack the rest of the canned food.”
“I will.”
As his son headed toward a bulkhead door and vanished down the stairs to the cellar, Joshua went to the kitchen door. The last time he’d come this way was to ask Rebekah to marry him.
He entered the kitchen. “Do you intend on bringing much more...?” His voice faded as he glanced around in disbelief. The kitchen cabinets looked abandoned because the stove and refrigerator were gone. The table where he’d sat while he discussed marriage with Rebekah had vanished, too. He looked through to the living room. Except for the sewing machine, the other room was empty, too. He frowned. Timothy had brought out only a box and the two chairs. Where was everything else?
He heard footfalls upstairs. He climbed the steps two at a time and followed the sound of muffled voices past a bathroom. Glancing into a room on the other side of the hall, he guessed it’d been a bedroom. It was empty except for a carved blanket chest. The top was open, and a tumbling-blocks quilt in shades of green, black and white was draped over the edge.
He kept going and looked into the other bedroom. Rebekah stood in the middle of it, her hands pressed to her mouth as if trying to hold in a cry. Debbie and Sammy stood on either side of her, for once silent.
Catching his daughter’s eyes, Joshua motioned with his head for Debbie to leave. She obeyed, bringing Sammy with her. He smiled at her and patted her shoulder.
“Rebekah’s sad,” she whispered before she led the little boy down the stairs.
No, he thought as he walked into the room. Rebekah wasn’t sad. She was furious. Every inch of her bristled with anger.
“Where is your furniture?” he asked when she didn’t acknowledge him.
“Gone,” she said, slowly lowering her hands.
“Gone?” He knew he sounded silly repeating what she’d said, but he was stunned to find another room stripped of everything including the dark green shades. “We need to let the bishop know you’ve been robbed. He can inform your neighbors and the police.”