by Ni-Ni Simone
Maybe he had to get something out of his car.
I walked over to the screen door, ready to push it open. I heard voices and jumped back.
I knew one voice belonged to Brooklyn and the other belonged to a girl. I just couldn’t tell by her voice who she was.
“Brooklyn,” she said, “I can’t believe you showed up here with her!”
Nervousness filled my stomach, and I sucked in a quick breath.
“You buggin’, Alesha,” Brooklyn said, annoyed. “That’s my girlfriend. Who did you expect me to bring? You? We’re not together.”
“You owe me and this baby a chance at being a family!” Alesha said, and my heart dropped to my feet.
Baby? What does she mean baby?
Whose baby?
“You probably didn’t even tell her I’m pregnant,” she spat.
“Do you even know if you’re pregnant?” Brooklyn demanded to know.
“My period didn’t come for three months!”
“I was with you once since we broke up and that was it. How do I even know it’s mine?!”
Alesha sobbed. “I don’t believe you said that to me! You’re the only one I’ve ever been with.”
“How do I know that?”
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me! All this for some tramp! If you don’t tell her that I’m pregnant, I will!”
“Alesha,” Brooklyn said. “Wait!”
“No!” she said and charged into the house. She practically knocked me down when she stormed into the living room.
“What was that about?” I said to Brooklyn as Alesha fled into the basement.
“Umm, nothing.”
He lied to me. I can’t believe he lied to me.
He continued. “What are you doing standing here?”
“I was looking for you.”
“I had to get something out of my car.”
Another lie.
“And bumped into the nut job, Alesha.”
She might be a nut job, but your lies probably made her that way.
It was a struggle to hold myself together as I said, “My song was on and I wanted us to dance.”
Brooklyn forced himself to smile. “Sure, Yvette.”
Yvette? He never called me Yvette before.
“Let’s go dance then.” Brooklyn grabbed me by the hand and led me back to the basement and to the center of the dance floor. The DJ called last dance and Luther Vandross’s “If This World Were Mine” played. We swayed quietly, both lost in our thoughts.
“You know I love you, Yvette,” Brooklyn said.
I froze. Usually I could say it back, but this time I couldn’t.
I just continued to dance and breathe in his scent, knowing I’d never let him get this close to me again.
“I’m ready to go,” I said to Brooklyn, not wanting to stay here a moment longer.
“Why?” He looked confused.
I didn’t answer that. “Are you going to take me home or do I have to call a cab?”
“A cab? Why are you trippin’?”
“Oh, now I’m trippin’?” I could feel my pressure rising. “Look, I just want to go home.”
“Ai’ight,” Brooklyn said. “Let’s go.”
Once we were in Brooklyn’s car, I turned and looked out the window, doing everything I could not to cry. We rode all the way to Ms. Glo’s in silence.
Brooklyn parked and said, “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting funny practically all night.”
“No, I haven’t. Only after I spotted you with your girlfriend.”
“You’re my girlfriend. And I told you I had to get something out of my car.”
“Stop lying.”
“So you’re calling me a liar now?”
“Are you lying?”
He hesitated. “What I need to lie for?”
“Exactly. And since when did you start calling me Yvette?”
“What? I can’t call you Yvette?” he snapped.
“I never said that,” I barked back. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take your attitude out on me ’cause I didn’t do anything to you.”
“You’re right; you didn’t.” He paused. “I am a little upset that I told you I loved you and you didn’t say a word. You didn’t even say it back. So what are you trying to say—that you don’t love me?”
Of course I love you. I love you so much I feel like I’ve loved you all of my life. And you know that!
I bit my bottom lip and sank deeper in disappointment. I could smell a set up a mile away, and I knew that Brooklyn was trying to switch things around on me and make me look like the problem, so he’d have an easy escape route. But there was no need for him to try that hard because I was about to give him one.
“Check it; you cute and all and you’ve been a nice li’l boyfriend, but I ain’t on it like that.”
“What? Li’l boyfriend?” He blinked and shot me a look.
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
“Yvette, you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean. I’m not stupid and I’m not shot out over you, so I know what I’m saying. You just need to accept it.”
“Accept what? What exactly are you sayin’? Where is this coming from?”
“Don’t question me. How about you tell me how long you cheated on me with Alesha. I know I wasn’t givin’ you none, but damn, you ain’t have to play me like that.”
“What? Cheat on you? I didn’t cheat on you.”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. More lies. “Then how did she get pregnant, Brooklyn? What are you, Joseph now, and this trick is havin’ Jesus? You really need to quit lying because you’re not good at it.”
“Look.” He took a deep breath. “Let me explain.”
“You don’t have to.” I hopped out of the car and slammed the door.
He followed me onto the porch. “Would you just listen? I didn’t cheat on you.”
“So it’s a miracle. The second coming?”
“No,” he said, “the night I picked you up in the rain I was coming from her house.”
“So that was your friend? And y’all were screwin’ and you’ve probably been screwin’, which is why she lost control and went off on me that day in the parking lot after school.”
“Since we broke up, we only were in that situation once. I never cheated on you. Ever.”
“Oh, is that what you call it, a situation? How whack is that? I call it sex! But whatever. How long have you known she was pregnant?”
“I don’t know for sure if she’s pregnant now. She told me that she hasn’t had her cycle in three months. And that she was scared to tell me, but she knew that she would be showing soon and she had to tell me something.”
“And when were you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know, but I would’ve told you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You open your mouth and speak. Instead of me having to look for you at your boy’s party and overhear the future birth announcement.”
“I don’t even know if it’s mine,” he said.
“So typical. Now you don’t know if it’s yours.”
“I don’t! And you have to believe me!”
“I don’t have to believe a damn thing. All I need to do in life is stay black and die. That’s it.” Tears pounded the back of my eyes and an iron fist filled my throat. “I gotta go.” I hopped out the car and onto the porch.
“Bricks,” Brooklyn came behind me.
“It’s Yvette.” I snatched away. “And don’t touch me.”
“Bricks . . .”
“Look, it was fun while it lasted, but this is where I get off. I don’t have time for a boyfriend anyway.”
“Bricks, hear me out. Please don’t do this.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. How about this, I’ma go take care of my baby and you go take care of yours.” I rushed inside and slammed the door, shutting out the echo of him screaming my name behind me.
Ms.
Glo, on the couch, looked startled. “What’s wrong? Why are you home so early? I thought you all were going out?”
Nothin’. I couldn’t say a word. All I could do was stand frozen.
Ms. Glo walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to shake the pain off. I couldn’t. All I could do was bury my head in her bosom and cry.
After a few minutes of sobbing and soaking Ms. Glo’s blouse, we sat down on the couch and she said, “Now tell me what happened.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes, I do, so we can talk about it.”
Tears continued to fall from my eyes.
Ms. Glo wiped my tears with the backs of her hands. “My dear Yvette, shhhhh, don’t cry. I promise you, whatever it is, we will work through it. I promise.”
“You’re going to think I’m stupid. And silly.”
“I will not. I will never think that. Now talk to me.”
“I just broke up with Brooklyn.”
“Why?” she asked, sounding sincere and wiping more of my tears. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“He got his ex-girlfriend, Alesha, pregnant.”
“Oh, wow.”
“And I just feel so dumb. I should’ve known better than to fall in love.”
“You’re not dumb.” She placed her hand under my chin and lifted my face to meet hers. “Do you hear me?”
I shuddered, but couldn’t answer.
She continued. “Love is a beautiful thing. And you’re young, Yvette. There will be lots of boys and lots of chances to be in love again.”
“I’m never falling in love.”
“You’re right; you won’t. And not because you will never love again but because, in this family, we don’t fall in love, we rise in it. Now you dry your eyes and stop being so down on yourself. You are the prize, you hear me? You are beautiful, smart, and any young man is lucky to have you. And I know it hurts now, but I promise you it won’t hurt forever. One day you’ll look up, and I’ll be sittin’ real pretty at your wedding, telling everyone, That’s my dear Yvette!”
Through the tears somehow a laugh managed to slip out
Ms. Glo hugged me once more, then said, “Now come on in this kitchen and let me fix you some pancakes.”
Dear God, I don’t want a thing to eat. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry for the rest of the night.
“And I don’t wanna hear that you don’t feel like eating. ’Cause you and I both know that my pancakes always make everything better.”
32
Caught Up in the Rapture
After seeing Brooklyn in homeroom, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole day.
I was here, but not here.
I’d already sat through algebra, English III, and American history. My stomach was in knots. I kept hearing Alesha’s voice in my head, and no matter how I tried to brush it off, I couldn’t. I should have been on my way to Earth science for a test, before lunch, but this was where I got off.
I’ve been here since 7:35 a.m., and I couldn’t take another moment. There was no way I was going to lunch and have to see Brooklyn again.
So while e’rybody was headed to their next class, I walked in the opposite direction. After walkin’ down two long halls and rounding two corners, I finally found a side door, where I could ease out in peace. I placed my hand on the silver knob and twisted it.
“Yvette.”
Shit. Mrs. Brown. Where did she come from? Run! Don’t look back! Just go!
“Classes are not out there.” She placed her hand over mine and peeked around the side of my face.
I looked down at the gray-and-black tiled floor, then swept my eyes up and into her face. “Mrs. Brown, I like you and all. I do. But I really have to go.”
“Go where?”
“Home.”
“Why?” She wrinkled her forehead.
’Cause I need some air to breathe. Now stop sweatin’ me. “I, umm, I need to know how my baby’s doin’. She wasn’t feeling too well this morning,” I lied. “I’m worried, and I just need to see her.”
“You can see her after school. And you don’t need to leave the building to find out how she’s doing. You can come into my office and use the phone.”
I huffed and nervously tapped my foot. “I need to see her though.”
“You’ll see her when the school day is done and you go home.”
She was passin’ me off. “I can’t wait that long.”
“School is over in three hours.”
“Three hours is too long.”
“So you’re willing to get in trouble.” She pointed to the cameras that I had totally missed, hanging above the door. “When all you have left in your school day is three hours? Does that sound like a wise decision?”
How did I miss those cameras?! Ugh! “I’m not tryin’ to throw e’rything away, but this morning she was really sick, and then there was this time she almost choked to death on a penny... and I’m worried.”
“Okay. I understand that.” Mrs. Brown grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. “So come with me to my office so you can call home, ease your mind, and get back to class.” She practically pulled me down the hallway and into her office, where she closed the door. She pointed to the chair next to her desk. “Have a seat.” She handed me the phone. “Go ahead; call home.”
I dialed Ms. Glo’s number and she answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, Ms. Glo, it’s Yvette.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, it’s all right.”
“Then why aren’t you in class?”
“Mrs. Brown let me use her phone to check on Kamari.”
“You hear all that noise.” Ms. Glo paused and I tuned into her background where I could hear children laughin’ and playin’. She continued. “That’s Kamari. She’s been playing since they came this morning. Doing the same thing she does every day. So don’t you worry about Kamari. She’s fine.”
“Oh . . . okay . . .”
“Listen, I know today might feel tough, but like I told you last night, you will get through it. I promise you will. Now get back to class and we’ll see you when you get home. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Click.
I held the receiver in my hand until a loud busy signal invaded the silence. I looked over at Mrs. Brown and handed her the phone. “I still gotta get outta here.”
“Why? Did Ms. Glo say that something was wrong? Let me call her back.” Mrs. Brown picked up the phone to redial the number.
“No,” I said, “Ms. Glo said that everything was fine.”
Mrs. Brown hung up the phone. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I just need to go.”
“Why?”
I was seconds from losing it. I swallowed. “Mrs. Brown . . .”
“I’m listening.”
“I just don’t know if this is the place for me.”
She looked concerned. “What do you mean? You’re doing excellent work. Your teachers have glowing reports about you. I thought you were giving everything a chance. What are you scared of?”
I huffed. “Scared? I’m not scared of anything.”
“Everybody’s scared of something.”
“I’m not e’rybody.” This trick was buggin’ and I was sick of her always in my business. I stood up. “Okay, I need to get to class.”
“So now you’re in a rush to get to class?” she asked. “Have a seat, Yvette.”
Reluctantly, I did as she asked. The chair’s cushion whooshed as I flopped down and flung one thigh over the other. I swung my foot. “Please don’t start in on me. Not today. I’m just goin’ through some things, and I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not that deep, and I’m not in the mood for you to tell me about me.”
“I don’t always have to do that, Yvette. I’m a great listener too.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I paused. I could feel dumb and stupid t
ears inching into my eyes. Ugh! I hated to cry. Hated. It.
Mrs. Brown reached for my hand and clasped it between hers. It took all my power not to snatch it away. She said, “I promise you, you will be just fine.”
Silence.
She continued, “I know you’re scared and you may even feel like you’re out here by yourself.”
“I am by myself.”
She softly squeezed my hand. “You’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I’m not like these other kids here. My life is different.”
“Everybody’s life is different. Yvette, listen to me. You are a bright girl. All you need is someone who believes in you. And I believe in you.”
“Yeah,” I said sarcastically as the late bell rang. “I believe in me, too, so can I go now?”
“Yeah, go on. Just know that I’m here if you need me.”
“I know, Mrs. Brown. I know.”
33
No Scrubs
“Earth to Yvette.” Reesie, who sat across from me at the lunch table, snapped her fingers directly in my face. “Hello, hello, hellooooooo. Earth. To. Yvetttttttttte.”
Before I could ask her what planet did she think I was on, Ebony, who sat next to Reesie, said, “For real, though, Yvette. Like what’s the scenario, yo? ’Cause obviously you got a deally-o.” She smiled. “That’s a hot line right? That’s the hook for my baby, Black Conscious’s, upcoming single.”
“Yeah, that was dope.” Reesie grinned. “And when are you goin’ to hook me up with one of his friends? See how you do, Ebony. You wanna be the only one with the fly boo-juice.” She looked back over at me. “Now, Yvette, I asked you a question, what’s wrong? ’Cause you actin’ like you got one foot in the casket and the other in the electric chair.”
I was so over these two.
And, no, they hadn’t done anything to me. I just didn’t know how to tell them, or even if I wanted to tell them, that Alesha was pregnant by my boyfriend.
“It’s no scenario and no deally-o. I’m fine,” I said, forcing myself to take a small bite of my turkey and cheese sandwich that I had no appetite for and really wanted to spit out. But I didn’t. Instead, I swallowed it and it hit the bottom of my stomach like a stone.
“We know something is wrong with you,” Reesie said, “I don’t know why you’re frontin’.”