by Bec McMaster
"Those of us from the Burned Lands have been trained to survive since birth," Mia pointed out. "If you didn't at least think about it, I'd have been worried you were a robot. You didn't do it though, did you?"
Adam sat up, letting her hand fall from his arm. "In the end... yeah, I did."
Mia sat up too, tugging his blanket up to her breasts. "What?"
He looked at her. Nobody wanted to admit his or her guiltiest secret, but he couldn't keep this inside him anymore. It had been eating away at him for years. "Cane had ways to make a man do what he wanted." He hesitated. "I'd never met that type of man before, and I haven't come across one since. Colton actually warned me. Said I should just do it, but I wouldn't listen. I'd drawn my line in the sand. I wanted to spit in Cane's face and this was the way I'd do it.
"Cane beat me unconscious, and when I came to Colton was gone, and I was chained up. He didn't return until the sun was starting to set. And he had my sister, Eden, with him."
There was a flash of vision, of Eden looking at him in confusion. "Adam, what's going on?"
And of losing himself, of coming back out of the shadows slumped on the ground with his hand still knotted in the chain that refused to give, with Cane laughing at him. Not Eden. Of all the weaknesses he owned, his baby sister was his most vulnerable.
"He wrestled Eden inside this old hut that we were camping next to," he rasped. "And then they shoved me inside it with her. Her or Wade, Cane kept telling me. And they shut the door and locked me inside with her just as the moon was rising and the night started whispering through my veins."
"Oh, my God," Mia whispered.
Adam reached out, blundering for her fingers. He needed the touch to ground him. "I lasted half an hour, then I could feel the shift starting to win out. So I gave them what they wanted. I lured Luc out of bed with some story about a warg near town, and I led him right into Cane's grasp. He was my closest friend, and I betrayed him to the monsters in order to save my sister. He lost everything. He left his wife, Abbie, so he wouldn't hurt her. I tried to keep an eye on her for him, but... reivers hit her settlement and killed her. That was how I came to take in Lily, his daughter.""
"Hey." Mia knelt closer, forcing him to look at her. "I know you wouldn't have made that deal if it was just your life on the line. Just as I know that any threat to someone else, especially your sister, would have just about broken you.
"You're one of the good guys, Adam. Never doubt that." She slid into his lap, sliding her arms loosely around his shoulders. "I couldn't have done this without you. I would never have gotten Sage back, and I know it. It sounds like this Cane gave you an impossible choice, and you took the best way out of it you could. All of this lies on his shoulders. Not yours. I hope you shot the bastard."
Adam buried his face in her shoulder. Mia cradled him closer. It had been a long time since anyone held him like this.
He breathed in her intoxicating scent. Mia was desert air and gunpowder, with faint notes of sage and whiskey. He couldn't believe she was in his arms. "Colton beat me to it."
"You've talked about Luc Wade before," she said. "Back in town at the bar. He married this woman you loved."
"It wasn't love.... I don't know what it was," he admitted, meeting her eyes. "Riley's one hell of a woman and I thought she fit into my life like the missing puzzle piece I'd been looking for. I never understood her though. Not truly." And it was true. What he'd felt for Riley was ambitious and driven; she was the crown on all he'd achieved, the wife that would rule at his side. He'd created a life for himself in Absolution that fitted what he thought a human would want. He'd brought people together, become their master and protector. A house of his own, a role in society where everyone looked up to him—him, the monster in their midst. It had never truly been about what he needed, but more a façade. A shield.
He'd been playing a role he'd thought he had to. Acting the part of a human man.
And Riley, who was strong, tough, and competent, was exactly who he'd thought should stand at his side.
Hell. He'd never thought of it like that before. All of it had been pretense. The town, the future he had planned.
He'd even named the fucking town Absolution.
"What was that?" Mia asked, reading his face.
Adam looked up. There she was, backlit by the sun. She'd washed herself last night in the stream, and her black hair was a riot of untamed curls. The sun lit them on fire, turning the ends a coppery brown.
And he had his second major epiphany for the morning.
Her. It was her.
He'd liked Mia from the moment he met her. He'd wanted her in his bed even more. She'd been refreshingly candid, sarcastic, and biting. And she saw straight through him all of the time. But she'd been holding up walls just as much as he had, the pair of them dancing around each other.
You'd be bad for me, she'd once said, and I for you. And it had been true. Back then, they would have been. Two wounded souls who would never be able to meet in the middle.
Everything had changed. He was no longer looking for his map and compass in life. He'd found it. The last week had been brutal, but he'd needed to strip himself bare, to confront his inner demons and accept them before he could even come close to accepting what he wanted in life.
He wasn't human. He never could be. There wasn't a cure for his condition.
But he could live with it and learn to stop fearing himself so much. Colton seemed to be able to control his inner beast. Even Luc managed to find peace with himself last year, when Cane performed his favorite trick again and threw Luc in a locked cell with Riley. He'd thought Luc had been dreaming, to admit that he'd gone warg and hadn't hurt Riley, but it was true.
Mia hadn't run screaming for the hills. Last night proved that she had the mettle to stand at his side, and not only that, but she actually cared for him, despite his curse.
I love you, she'd whispered in the dark of night, as if that made revealing her secrets safer. He knew she was scared of opening herself up, but so was he.
"You're starting to freak me out." Mia tapped his shoulder playfully. "You're staring at me like I have two heads."
Adam swallowed slowly. "I'm staring at you because I just realized that I love you."
Her lips parted in surprise, then she smiled.
"I want you," he admitted. "I want a future with you, and everything that comes with it. I've always wanted a wife and children, but I don't think I wanted them for the right reasons—I wanted a smokescreen, not a family of my own. Or maybe that was tied up in it, hell if I know.... But you. I want you for myself. For the real me, both man and monster."
"Stop calling yourself a monster."
He shook his head. "We can't pretend it doesn't exist, Mia. I'm done pretending."
Those gorgeous brown eyes narrowed. "This Cane sounds like a monster. You're just a man with a beast riding beneath his skin. Words matter, McClain. Call it your beast, or the warg within, but stop calling yourself a monster."
"Adam," he argued. "I want you to call me Adam."
"That's not the point. You're...." Mia looked flustered again, her eyelashes fluttering as she peered down at him shyly. "Adam."
A word full of intimate meaning. Of longing.
He'd never heard his name sound like that on anyone's lips before. It was something a man could get used to.
Catching her up under the hips, Adam twisted until he could lay her flat upon her back on the blankets beneath him. Cradling himself between her thighs, he looked down at her, drinking her in as if to imprint the sight of her on his memory.
"Still sore?" he whispered.
"Maybe a little," Mia replied, then dragged his head down for a heated kiss. "But there was something you said about my lips... and your cock?"
Mmm. Sounded like heaven.
"Hello!"
The voice jerked him out of the pleasure of the aftermath of Mia's tender destruction of him. Adam started, then realized it was Sage, standing courteously behind t
he rock overhang that hid them from view.
"Are the pair of you decent?" Sage called.
Mia erupted into a sudden laugh, her eyes warm with scandalous need. She'd just come up from under the blankets. "No! Don't you dare come around that corner."
"Okay." There was a hint of laughter in Sage's voice. "I guess you worked out that argument brewing between you and McClain. Just letting you know I'm cooking breakfast if you want some. Then we need to hit the road. There's still no sign of pursuit, but some of the others don't want to tempt fate. That general might still be out there somewhere."
Mia looked down at him, sliding a pair of fingers over his mouth. Adam bit them, then smiled up at her. He flipped her over onto her back, then started working his way down her body.
"Tell her I won't be needing breakfast. I'll have already eaten," he whispered, and licked his way south of her navel.
Mia's eyes widened, and she dragged the blanket over his shoulders as he vanished lower. "Be right down, Sage!" She curled up on her elbows. "Don't you dare!" she whispered at him, shooting a shocked look toward the rock wall her sister stood behind.
"Yeah, right," Sage called, but he could hear her footsteps vanishing into the distance. "Just don't be too long."
Smooth, silky brown skin.... She was beautiful. And he could scent her wetness, smell how eager she was for him to touch her. Eager for him.
"McClain," Mia scolded. "We need to... oh."
Adam took his time worshipping her. Every last lick of her sweet pussy notched her a little tighter.
"McClain!" Mia gasped, her fingers curling into his hair.
"I thought you said you were tender?" He spread her thighs wide. "Let me kiss it better...."
And then she stopped pushing him away and started moaning.
By the time they returned to camp, most everyone had packed up. Mia walked slowly, her fingers firmly laced between Adam's. She'd never felt like this in her life. Relaxed, sated, happy. Happy was definitely a new emotion for her.
And one she wanted to share with him.
"So are you thinking of staying in Salvation Creek awhile?" she murmured.
Adam looked down at her. "Trying to get rid of me already?"
"No." She squeezed his hand. "But once we get Sage settled and make sure everyone's alright, I think it's time you headed north. From what you've told me, your sister must be wondering where you are. She'll be worried about you, and I'd like to meet her."
A long pause greeted this statement.
"I know there will be some folks you don't want to run into," she said quickly. "But I also know that you'd give anything to see your sister again. And Lily."
Adam swallowed, the lump in his throat moving. "Yeah. Yeah, I would." He paused, and turned her to face him. "Thank you. For giving me the courage to consider that."
Mia smiled shyly. "You've done so much for me. I feel like I'll never be able to repay you."
Warm hands cupped her face and Adam leaned down to brush his mouth against hers. "You have no idea how wrong that statement is. You give me strength, Mia. And you give me hope. I haven't felt that in a long time."
It was the sweetest kiss they'd shared. One to warm her from within. Mia let her hands slide to his waist, as his tongue eased her lips apart. A lazy, heated kiss that turned her insides to mush, because she knew it wasn't just lust anymore. This. This was what it felt like when she no longer had the words to tell him how much she loved him.
But all too soon a branch cracked under someone's foot, and Mia drew back.
"Sorry to interrupt." Zarina breathed hard, as if she'd been running. "Colton's gone."
"Gone?" Adam repeated, and the silver in his gray-green eyes flared intensely.
Mia watched his expression, feeling a little tense herself. Then Adam visibly relaxed, his shoulders lowering. "Let him go," he said with a shrug. "He earned his freedom."
Giving Mia's waist a squeeze, he headed for his motorbike, his hand in hers.
"He stole your bag," Zarina called after them.
Adam simply slid an arm around Mia's shoulders. "He can keep it," he threw back, giving Mia a squeeze. "I've got all I need, right here."
Epilogue
JOHNNY COLTON PAUSED in the shadow of the canyon, rifling in McClain's bag for the water canteen. Remaining alert—just in case the bastard followed him—he lifted the canteen to his lips.
God, it felt good to taste fresh, clean water. Sweet enough to wash away a multitude of sins. Just not enough to wash away his. Colton swallowed, then wiped his mouth and screwed the lid back on. There wasn’t enough water on what was left of the planet to remove his sins.
Keep moving. Keep out of sight. He stowed the canteen, and then slung the bag over his shoulder as he leapt from boulder to boulder, climbing high into the edges of the rocky tors that lined the basin of the Badlands. The only advantage working in his favor right now was the fact McClain had a handful of injured men and women to worry about.
He trekked for hours, sweat pouring down his body as he hauled himself upwards, sometimes by his fingertips alone. It didn’t matter how far he managed to retreat—the ghost of Rust City haunted him. Not just the deeds he’d done there, the kills he’d made in the arena to survive, but the reminder of what he truly was in the eyes of the world.
He knew the warg within him didn't make him evil. No matter how much his estranged uncle, Bartholomew Cane, tried to make him into something else, after he rode into the small outpost where Colton lived with his parents and smiled pure vengeance at his father.
No. That had never been in any doubt. But Rust City stripped away the remaining illusion that there was any kind of place in the world where he could fit in. Or even hide. He’d spent years under that psychopath’s sway, finally earning his own freedom a year ago with a lucky bullet. Since then he’d spent his time alone, keeping an eye over his shoulder for McClain’s shadow, and sometimes creeping close enough to hear children singing in the settlements or men and women laughing, when he grew lonely enough.
He’d begun to think there was a place in one of those settlements for him. Hell, McClain managed it for years, until his secret came out. Luc Wade had found a woman who loved him enough to overlook the fact that he turned hairy if he lost his medallion. Maybe, just maybe, Colton thought he might have been able to find a place of his own, one where he could pretend to be something else—someone else—for a while. That same yearning had been his undoing in the end, when the townsfolk of Bitter River sold him out to the reivers to keep the bastards off their own backs.
Never again.
Colton made camp in a small cave up high in the mountains, high enough to give him a good vantage point where he could see anything coming. No sign of McClain, heck, any pursuit, but he couldn't be too careful. Too many people wanted to kill him.
Too many people had good reason to.
What now? Colton seduced the fire to a generous glow, then worked his way through the methodical task of cooking dinner. It all tasted like ash in his mouth, and afterwards he merely curled up in his stolen blanket, watching the coals slowly flare to red-hot embers and then die back down with the shifts in the breeze.
Christ, he was tired. So fucking tired.
Propping his back against a rock, he stared into the glow of the embers as the sunlight slowly died on the horizon, darkness creeping closer until it was a warm cocoon. Something in the bag at his hip kept digging into him, until he finally shoved it aside.
The bag fell over, and the edge of something poked out of it. An envelope? He frowned and reached down for it, revealing three of them.
Paper rustled. Letters. Well-handled, the edges of the paper stained and worn. McClain wasn't the type to leave a diary, but it might be useful for tinder if he ran out of scrub bush. He was about to crumple them back up when a few of the words caught his eye.
...I know you feel the darkness within you, that you think it is all that remains of your life, but you’re wrong. There is still so much light
in you, and the others are beginning to see that.
Come back to me, Adam. Come back home. You belong here with me, with all the others. Your life doesn't have to be one long vicious fight. There’s more to it than that. You deserve more.
Love always,
Eden
Colton slowly lowered the paper. It felt somewhat sacrilegious to read a letter so personal when it belonged to someone else, but at the same time, it also felt like the letter was addressed to him too. It spoke to something deep inside him, something he thought long buried.
Hope.
He flipped to the next one, written three months ago, losing himself in the warmth of a home that this Eden conjured. He couldn’t help but wonder if she truly believed in the dreams of hope she was spinning—could she be that naïve?—and yet, it stirred something within him that he’d long though hidden.
Eden.... Colton frowned.
If he closed his eyes, he could almost summon memories of her. A young girl, not quite twenty perhaps, when he'd first encountered her—when Cane first set his sights on her. Tall, coltish figure, wavy brown hair burnished with just enough gilt to show that she spent her time outdoors.
She’d been McClain’s Achilles’ heel. The bargaining chip that pushed McClain over the edge when Cane demanded his soul—and Luc Wade’s betrayal.
She was almost a shadow of a memory. Not fully formed. Not entirely whole in Colton's mind. Just one of hundreds that he’d left behind in his wake when Cane forced him to heel.
He ought to burn the letters. Should even track McClain down and give them back….
But instead he breathed in the soft scent of woman that still clung faintly to the paper, and conjured up whispers of a woman who was no longer that girl he remembered.
A woman who knew the part he played in her brother's downfall.
Colton slowly lowered them. No point in chasing stardust. He needed to keep moving, maybe take on some bounty work somewhere.
And stay far away from Eden McClain and all that she conjured.
Taking the letters, he held them over the fire. Something held him there. You're a man, not a monster, her voice whispered in his mind, and even though Colton knew she'd been speaking to her brother and not him, he couldn't bring himself to do it.