by H J Perry
“I don’t want to fix you up. I think a change of scenery will do us good. I’ve never been to a gay bar before.”
“What if we’re seen?”
“From what I hear, they are very mixed, plenty of straight people mixed with LGBT people. It’s 2015 and London. It won’t be a problem. I’d like to go see these gay-friendly bars, go somewhere different for a change. It’s a diverse capital city. You’re with me. It’ll be fine.”
Once the match was over, they were free to do as they pleased and it seemed easier to go along with the plan. After all, Mark had been a good buddy over the past couple of months. Going along with Mark’s well-meaning but dumb idea was the least Jason could do to show some appreciation for the man who’d taken him into his home.
After signing many autographs, they jumped in a black cab to Old Compton Street, and Mark spent the short journey from Islington exchanging text messages with Liz.
“I want a snack, coffee and to soak up the atmosphere,” said Mark.
“Whatever.”
Mark steered them toward a cafe that opened on to the street. They found a seat inside, less conspicuous than sitting in plain view of the street where they could easily be seen.
“We’ll pop into the hotel after this. Liz should have dropped our bags off.”
“Whatever.” Jason wanted to garner more enthusiasm for the evening and perhaps he would as the night went on. It was only late afternoon after an early kick-off for their football match against the London team.
“Did you see the LGBT banner at the match?” asked Mark.
“Yes.”
“Did you know they had a gay supporter group?”
“Yes. Scott kept me informed about stuff like that. Like which football clubs have LGBT supporters’ groups; there are a few.”
“I’ve been doing my own research since you moved in with us. I didn’t realize there were so many gay supporters, but I also hadn’t thought about what it was like for you and Scott until this happened.”
“Scott would keep me up to date with sporting celebrities coming out around the world, like the diver, and the retired football player, and Jason Collins and all the others. He made sure I read all the interviews. Always pointing out that they were accepted now and got lots of support. He’d print the articles about football fans being arrested for calling out homophobic abuse, players getting booked for anti-gay slurs. I should have taken the hint. But it’s the tip of the iceberg of homophobia that I hear every day.”
“The hint?”
“Come out or get out. He didn’t want to live like that. He wanted to live like this.” Jason opened his hands, and the meaning was self-evident as a mix of people socialized in the cafe. Straight couples, as well as gay couples, were evident. Sexuality wasn’t an issue.
Mark nodded.
“Just being ourselves. Not worried about being seen or what people thought.”
“You see gay couples everywhere now so why should you and Scott be different?”
“Too late for that. There is no me and Scott.”
“You’d get back with him if you could?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“But if anything could happen, would you want him or someone new?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
Mark had been leaning forward, but he sat back in his chair and gazed around the cafe before leaning forward again. “To your right, a table of four guys. All look good to me, but I’d take the guy in the red, what about you?”
Jason mirrored Mark’s body language. “You’re straight and engaged.”
“I can look and imagine and in case you haven’t noticed, fidelity is not high on the list of footballers’ qualifications.”
“Firstly, Liz is my friend. Secondly, I know you are messing with me. And thirdly, yep the guy in red is hot, but I wouldn’t say no to any of them.”
The guys chuckled. Scott was the only person Jason had ever had such conversations with.
“Any of them. You’re not fussy then?”
“I’m gay, and they all look good to go, to me.”
“So would you? Later? Because if you are going to get over Scott you need to get your hands on some other guys. Unless you have already been, secretly?”
“This is weird. You and me, we don’t have these conversations.”
“Jase, if I was with one of the straight guys we’d have exactly this conversation so why not with you?”
Jason had no answer. As someone who lived a very closeted life for so many years, interactions that other people find ordinary were unusual for him.
Mark was on his phone again, messaging. Probably Liz.
“I don’t want to lie for you, Mark. If you want to find a gay lover tonight, you’re going to have to tell Liz.”
Mark looked up from his phone. “Ha ha. Just tell me this. Seriously, if you could change the world what would you do? Specifically, would you be back with Scott or over him?”
“Seriously, if I could wave my magic fairy wand, you expect a serious answer?”
“Yes and then I’ll drop it.”
“You know the answer; it’s obvious.” Jason had barely hidden how upset he was over the breakup. “He left me; it wasn’t what I wanted.”
“So if you could get him back would things work out?”
“If I could go back in history to December, I’d have told him I intended to leave British football in January.”
Mark’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. “Did you intend to?”
“Yes. I already thought about it, but I didn’t tell Scott and then it was too late. I’d have asked him to marry me.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“If he felt the same then perhaps it’s not too late? No need to chase after the red top over there?”
“I think it’s too late. I had my chance, and I don’t think he’d listen now. He’s probably already found someone new.”
“You haven’t and he loved you just as much, so why do you think he’d replace you so quickly?”
Jason shook his head. “Enough.” He didn’t want to talk about it. It was obvious to him that Scott was the loveliest gay man on the planet and he’d be swamped with good proposals from guys willing to give him more than Jason ever had.
“Let’s get out of here. Back to the hotel and then the best night you’ve had this year.” Mark stood up and unlocked his phone yet again.
Jason stood as well. “Is it far?”
“Just a short walk from here. I’m just going to check the room number. As Liz is there right now, we can go straight up.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
March 2015
Scott
“Sit down, order a drink or something. I want to freshen up and change into these new clothes before we go to dinner.” Liz retreated to the bedroom, carrying the new packages. Spending a footballer’s weekly wage was an impossible task no matter how many overpriced designer items they bought. Before closing the door, she added, “You know money is no object, so order cocktails, tea, whatever you fancy and something for me too.”
“What do you want?”
“You choose for me. Whatever you think I’d fancy. I’m going to make myself look beautiful.”
Having dated a millionaire himself, Scott wasn’t at all surprised to find what Liz called “the room” was a suite larger than some London homes in a hotel in Soho, very near his own apartment. She may be an academic but enjoyed the comfortable life of a footballer’s wife. Something Scott had given up. He was never with Jason for the money. The security that came with the income was a nice perk but not more important than love.
Scott picked up the TV control and sat down on the sofa. The TV turned on to the sports roundup; Scott impulsively changed channels to find something that wouldn’t remind him of Jason. He found an old film, one he’d seen before. Perfect, he could watch without worrying about missing the beginning or the end.
Sc
ott kicked off his shoes and socks and relaxed, turning his attention to the room service menu and the cocktail page. Something alcoholic and fun was exactly what they needed to set them up for the evening. He chose a couple of fruity beverages that sounded delicious. If neither appealed to Liz, he could always drink them both.
The room service wasn’t so swift. Many minutes after placing the order, Scott was engrossed in the film and had almost forgotten about the drinks when there was a knock at the door. Liz was still in the bedroom and even though the room service guy might let himself in, given time, Scott plodded over to the door. Expecting to see someone in uniform with two colorful cocktails, he was totally unprepared to see two handsome men with no refreshments.
Scott was amazed and unprepared to see Mark, accompanied by Jason. He stepped aside, speechless, allowing Mark and Jason to enter. Mark was Liz’s fiancée after all. And at that precise moment, Liz opened the bedroom door and came out in her new dress, hair still wet and hairbrush in hand.
All four people stood in an embarrassed silence for what could only have been a few seconds but seemed much longer.
The world slowed down, and Scott was extremely self-aware. He surprised himself with how much his heart leaped with delight to see Jason, and every molecule in his body seemed to scream out with an attraction for the man. This was replaced by a feeling of deep embarrassment at his own behavior. How he could walk away from this guy, who did no wrong.
Surprise, attraction, lust, embarrassment, regret. Take a heavy dose of all of them. Simultaneously. Scott didn’t know what to do, where to look, what to say. Remaining silent, he looked at Liz; it seemed the safest option.
“Confession. This isn’t pure coincidence. Mark and I respect your decisions. Both of you,” she said. She looked as embarrassed as Scott felt; having met his gaze she looked away. “We wanted to give you a second chance to work things out. It’s not our place, but we’ve done it, anyway. And now I’m going to do something else I shouldn’t do.”
Scott had no idea what to expect.
“Jason, I think you should know I spent the day with Scott, and I’d love it if Scott would tell you the things that he told me today. If I could magically make you two get back together, I would. You belong together. Scott, I’d like to bang your heads together to knock some sense into them.”
Scott stared at the floor. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life, but he couldn’t be cross with Liz. He should be, but he loved her for trying this.
There was a knock at the door. Mark went to open it and while Scott and Jason stood in silence Liz retreated to the bedroom.
Mark carried the cocktails into the room and placed them on the table. Scott watched from the corner of his eye and saw Mark look at Scott. “It was Liz’s idea,” he said to Jason. “After what you said to me, give this a go. Liz and I are going home. You two have got this place for the night.”
At that, Liz reappeared from the bedroom dragging a small suitcase. “Please don’t be mad at me. We all know you guys want this.”
“We’ll see you when we see you.” Mark and Liz left the room.
Scott and Jason had still not spoken at all.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
March 2015
Jason
“Fancy a cocktail?” asked Scott.
“I’m sorry.”
“A cocktail.” Scott pointed to the drinks. “I can’t remember what I ordered, two different flavors. We could test them and then look back at the menu to try to work it out.”
“I’m sorry about what happened.” Jason ignored the drinks and walked to the window.
Scott picked up his drink and went and sat back on the sofa. He turned off the TV and had a sip of the sweet fruity drink. Still looking at the glass, he said, “I’m sorry. I made a big mistake leaving you. I told Liz today that I regret it. Leaving you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life, I wish I hadn’t.”
“Did you know they were gonna do this?” asked Jason.
“No,” said Scott, still focused on the drink. “I thought I might not see you again until their wedding. I was dreading it.”
Jason turned his back on Scott, to gaze out of the window; there was no view worth mentioning or worth looking at. There may as well have been no window. “I wanted to marry you, Scott. I thought we were together forever, and I took that for granted. I’m sorry.”
He heard movement. The glass placed on the table. The swish of fabric and the light tread of bare feet padding on the carpet until Scott was standing so close that Jason could feel his body heat.
“Is it too late to pick up our relationship?”
“Liz and Mark seem to think we could.” Jason never expected to have such a moment as this. “I want to, but do you?”
“I wasn’t leaving you, Jason. I always loved you. It was the lifestyle that I didn’t love.”
“So what will be different? What are we going to change?” Jason didn’t dare face Scott; he needed to hold himself together for this difficult conversation. Even though he would have given Scott anything, he was ready to walk away from his sporting career; he needed to know what Scott wanted.
“You don’t need to change anything. I love who you are and everything about you. I’ve had time away to assess what that means. I don’t need the world to know about us so long as I have you.”
Jason turned. He placed his hands on Scott’s hips, and they kissed. A kiss that was altogether better than Jason could’ve imagined as the arousing scent and taste of Scott overwhelmed his senses. He wanted to speak, but couldn’t break the physical connection once it was made. He needed Scott, needed to get closer to him. Their bodies came together, and they held each other close. Scott tasted hot, masculine and delicious and the feeling of his erection pressed against Jason was irresistible.
“Fuck, Scott,” Jason mumbled and rubbed his palm over Scott’s bulge. He knew this body so well. How it looked naked. The texture of the skin; its smell; how it reacted to Jason. He’d missed it. For the first time in a long time, Jason felt driven by his desires, by his dick. By his need to enjoy sex with another man. And he’d missed Scott. His friendship, his humor, his nagging. “You are the only man I want, Scott. But you deserve better.”
“No.”
“Wait. Listen to me.” Jason didn’t take his hands from Scott’s body. There was no way he was going to let him go. “We both deserve better than what we had. You are more important to me than football. You’re my boyfriend and one day you’ll be my husband. And I hope we’ll have kids. I love you, and I’m not going to hide that as if we’re ashamed of what we’re doing. I’m giving up on English football. The end of the season is just weeks away, and then I’m out.”
Scott was wide-eyed.
“Out in both meanings of the word. But mostly out of top-flight football. I can’t stand the thought of hearing the fans chanting things about us. Especially about you. And you know the sort of vile things they shout.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a long time. Not just the last couple of months. I’d consider a job in a lower league where I think it’d be okay or perhaps we could go to the USA. Major League Soccer seems more gay-friendly.”
Scott smiled. “I don’t think you should let Americans hear you say the MLS isn’t top flight football or soccer.”
Jason smiled too. “So we’re going home together, are we?”
“Yes. But right now we have this hotel suite to ourselves.”
“Have you checked out the bedroom?” Jason released his hold on Scott.
“No. I was brought here under false pretenses. I thought Liz was staying here on her own. She never mentioned Mark, or you.” Scott led the way to the bedroom.
In the middle of the bed, there was a packet of condoms, some lube, and a note written on hotel paper.
Scott picked up the letter and read it aloud. “I hope everything goes well, Liz, kiss.”
Jason picked up the sex accessori
es and placed the lube on the bedside table but held up the condoms. “Do we need these? We split up. It’s been months. I just want to know.”
“I’ve not been with anyone else. That wasn’t why I left,” said Scott. “But I wouldn’t expect you…”
Jason let the box drop from his fingers to the floor. “There’s been no one else for me either.” He pulled his top over his head and watched Scott’s eyes glint with approving lust.
As an athlete he was used to people looking at his body, audiences objectifying him as a sex icon in magazines and sharing pictures of him on the internet. It was all a bit weird. But he thoroughly enjoyed the way Scott reacted to his body. Jason loved to pose, tease and generally show off for Scott.
“So, no we don’t need to use condoms, except as a method of mess-minimization,” said Scott.
“But we aren’t washing these sheets.” Jason’s final items of clothing dropped to the floor. “Do you want to fuck me?”
“You don’t need to ask. I always want to fuck you.” Scott hastily removed his clothes too.
CHAPTER FORTY
Saturday 24th October 2015
Scott
Scott had Jason exactly where he wanted him on a Saturday morning. On his back, in his bed. Unfortunately, a football match tomorrow meant tonight they’d be apart, so Scott fully intended to leave a lasting impression with his boyfriend. To give Jason something to think about on Sunday morning when he woke up in a hotel and faced breakfast with football players for company.
Scott lay beside Jason, his straining erection poking into Jason’s side. “I’m going to kiss you all over.” He whispered the warning into Jason’s ear, and it was a warning.
Scott licked the footballer’s neck. The slight tangy mix of sweat and cologne were not enough to throw him from his mission. He nibbled gently with his teeth and then sucked in at just the point that made Jason squirm. Scott knew he was going to mark his boyfriend, knew it was childish. But he’d never given lovebites as a teenager. And now, marking his secret boyfriend before a big match was thrilling. If the cameras picked it up and if the media speculated, well, Scott hoped they would because their closet doors were almost busted. To ensure Jason enjoyed this, Scott squeezed Jason’s dick hard and dragged the foreskin slowly but firmly up and down the shaft.