Can't Let Go

by Michelle Lynn

  Quickly standing up, I begin packing everything up while she sits there for a few moments as stunned as I am. Then she stands up and begins folding the blankets. She hands them to me and my heartbeat picks up when our fingertips brush during the exchange. Slowly, she gets down from the truck bed, and I follow her, both of us walking to our side.

  “See you guys back home,” Brady says through his rolled down window with a smiley Sadie peering over across him.

  “Yeah, see you there,” I answer. When I get into the cab, the silence is enough to deafen me further. The remorse that I should have just kissed her echoes through my mind.

  I follow the blue Camaro back through the streets of Western, the radio the only noise in my truck. We pull into the driveway and people holler to us from Bridgette and her roommates’ yard. I exit the truck, waving over to the guys I know. When I turn around, Chrissy’s already half up the driveway with Sadie right next to her. The guys start calling my name, so I hop over our fence line and join the party. One guy hands me a beer, and when I glance up, it’s Chrissy’s eyes at the backdoor that catch mine for the briefest moment. Then she enters the house.

  I’M SURPRISED WITH how close I’ve grown to Sadie in only a few short days. I think she’s been starving for another girl in the house because even last night she tried to convince me to stay up and talk. When she started prying, asking more questions about Dex and our feelings, I had to call it a night. It’s embarrassing when you begin to like someone more than you should, especially when it’s only one-sided. Dex and I have come so close, so many times, but there are too many reasons to steer clear of crossing a boundary that we’ll never return back from.

  “Let’s go.” Sadie knocks and comes into my room.

  With one earring in and working on the other. “Give me a sec.” I finish putting my earring in and then flash her a smile. Grabbing my purse, I sling it across my body and walk toward her. “Ready,” I say, and she leads the way out of the room.

  “So, the boys are doing a show tomorrow night. They play at this bar called Aces.” Sadie drives us over to Jessa’s. “Grant won’t be playing, since Jessa’s so close to delivering, so Rob’s filling in for the first time in a while.”

  “Oh, Dex didn’t say anything.” I concentrate on the enormous amount of college students occupying the streets. The pit of my stomach filling with the yearning to be one.

  “You should definitely come. There’s a booth that we sit in, and I’m not sure Kailey can come, so you have to keep me company. Plus all these damn groupie girls try to grab our men. We have to stake our claim,” she begs, concentrating on the road ahead.

  “None of them are my man,” I remind her, and she giggles.

  “Well, Dex kind of is.” She stops at the light and winks. “Regardless you can help me fight them off Brady. I swear every time they play, some new girl tries to grab his attention after the show. I can get kind of territorial.” She giggles, and hearing her makes me start laughing too.

  A few minutes later, Sadie parks the car outside a small ranch and turns off the ignition. We both tread up the sidewalk, but before we reach the door, it swings open and Jessa’s hollering back into the house. “Grant, just fucking do it,” she yells, and when I see him appear in the doorway behind her, her shoulders slump and she grabs her belly. “Please, baby.” She sugarcoats her voice and snuggles up to him, wrapping her arms around him.

  He kisses the top of her head and winks at Sadie and me. Remaining quiet, we allow them to have their moment before letting our presence be known. But when Jessa continues apologizing and crying to Grant, Sadie rings the doorbell. Grant smiles and Jessa turns around with blood shot eyes.

  “Did you just hear that?” Jessa asks, her head hanging low.

  Sadie bites her lip and nods her head slowly.

  “I’m so emotional. Seriously, this damn high and low shit has got to stop. Why won’t she come out? I can’t be that pleasant to stay inside of,” she rambles, and Grant starts laughing.

  “I don’t know, baby, I love to be inside of you,” he jokes. I cough out a laugh, and Grant winks at me. Jessa soon begins calming down, and Sadie pulls her close.

  “Soon, just a little longer.” Sadie soothes her, and Jessa rolls her eyes.

  “Bishop, you won’t be inside of me for a hell of a long time after this.” She points her finger at him, and he just grabs her to pull her close.

  “Whatever you want, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be the one begging,” he says cockily, and she pushes him away. “I love you. Go have fun with your girls.” Then he sets his eyes to Sadie. “If anything happens, call my cell. I’ll have it on me at all times.”

  “I will. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.” Sadie tries to appease his concern, but it doesn’t change his solemn face.

  “Love you.” Jessa reaches up on her tiptoes and gives him a kiss.

  He places both hands on her face and peers down at her. “Don’t over do it, okay?” Jessa nods. “I love you,” he affectionately declares, and she’s ready to leave after one more kiss.

  The three of us pile into Sadie’s car. I take the backseat, so Jessa can get in and out as easily as possible. Once we park on Main Street, we stroll down a block to a restaurant. I squint up at the green sign with white lettering. It reads Zefer’s, an organic, vegan restaurant. What the hell am I supposed to eat here? I’m more of a fast food girl.

  I follow the two girls into the restaurant, and Kailey inches up off the seat and waves us over to her. “Hi, girls. Jeez, Jessa, you look so ready,” she says, hugging them both. “Hi, Chrissy, I’m glad you were able to make it.” She reaches over and wraps her arms around me as well. Not exactly comfortable with affection from people I barely know, I stiffen, and she steps back, but her smile doesn’t leave her face.

  A young waitress, more than likely a college student, comes over and Jessa orders some smoothie, Sadie gets a bottle of water, and Kailey orders a tea. Not sure who to follow, I decide on Sadie and order myself a water. The blonde waitress is about to grab them when Jessa stops her. “Oh, Nikki, can we get an order of hummus and veggies?”

  “Sure,” she says and starts to walk away.

  “The one with three,” Jessa calls out, and Nikki, the waitress, laughs.

  “So, thank goodness you got out. Trey have the kids?” Sadie asks Kailey, and she laughs.

  “Yeah, I told him that if he didn’t rearrange his schedule, he wouldn’t be playing tomorrow night.” She laughs and smiles over to me. I reciprocate with my own toward her.

  “Can you come too?” Sadie asks.

  “I’m so upset. I’m going to miss the show. Grant’s bummed because he can’t play.” Jessa purses her lips in a small pouty face.

  “Once the baby comes, you can get a babysitter and Grant can play with the guys again. Although their shows seem to be few and far between lately,” Sadie says, talking directly to me, since I’m the newbie.

  “I guess, but aren’t I going to be up to my elbows in bottles and diapers with no sleep?” Her eyes land on Kailey, the most experienced, who tries to hide her amusement from Jessa.

  Kailey shrugs, “Probably. But not forever. I mean, it all happens so fast.”

  “Do you and Trey think you’ll ever have any of your own?” Sadie asks, and Kailey laughs.

  “I’m not sure. Maybe someday, but I have to finish school.” Thank goodness, someone who hasn’t graduated yet.

  “So, Chrissy, how are things over at the house?” Kailey changes the subject, wanting to talk about anything but kids, I imagine. The girl is crazy busy every day with three kids under the age of six. If I was her, I’d be dying for a little girl talk occasionally.

  “They’re good. Sadie and Brady are so kind for letting me stay.” I glance Sadie’s way and smile.

  “In case you haven’t figured it out, they’re like the parents of the group. I mean, who else would ever let Rob move back in?” Jessa chimes in, and everyone at the table laughs.

  �
�I don’t know, Chrissy seems to like Rob.” Sadie divulges and raises her eyebrows my way, as though it would be for something more than friendship.

  “What?” Kailey and Jessa say at the exact same time.

  “Jinx,” Jessa says and points to Kailey, making her do a motion to zip her lips and throw away the key. I laugh at the adolescent behavior because these girls are nothing like I presumed. “He’s not the most dependable, Chrissy,” Jessa tells me, leaning as far as she can get over the table. “Stay, far, far away,” she continues, and I place my hands up in the air.

  “He’s bought me lunch, and he’s fixing my car. That’s all. Believe me, I have no interest in a guy who only sees women for a night of fun,” I answer honestly, and Jessa relaxes a bit while Kailey hits the table to draw attention to herself. Jessa giggles knowing exactly what Kailey wants.

  “Go ahead. Jinx cleared.” She obliges Kailey’s request to speak, as though she’s the master and Kailey’s the dog.

  “I have to say, he sent me a really nice card and arrangement after Jen passed.” She studies the table and then back up to us. “Maybe he’s changed.” She shrugs.

  “Rob? Change? I’m not so sure.” Jessa’s still the pessimistic one, but then again from the little bit that Sadie’s revealed to me, she deserves the right to be like that.

  “I agree. He’s not even going out all the time. Mostly, he’s been working on Chrissy’s car and before that he was working on his own. He wants us all to go to his race in two months.” Sadie amazes me that she sticks up for him.

  “Hmm … well, as you guys know, he and Grant will never be friends.” Jessa appears upset that maybe she hasn’t noticed the difference that everyone has in Rob. But then again, I assume maybe he hurt her more than the others.

  “Change of topic,” Kailey announces and we all sit up a little straighter, happy to make this a happy and fun time for Jessa.

  The hummus arrives, and Jessa digs in. We all order our variety of vegan dishes, meaning I’ll be trying a tofu burrito. The thought that I have little money and no job prospects makes the meal hard to swallow in more than one way.

  “So, my boss, Ryland, is beside himself that I’m going on maternity leave. It’s not like I didn’t give him six months’ notice, and this week he has me working like crazy because he’s so worried what he’ll do when I leave.” Jessa piles carrots and snap peas with mounds of hummus into her mouth.

  “That man, though, Jessa, how do you work with him every day and not just stare and drool?” Kailey asks, biting a piece of cauliflower.

  “Because I have my own hot bod at home. As do you,” Jessa mumbles while still chewing.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’d never trade Trey. But Ryland Davis is gorgeous like a cover model. Like he’d wine and dine you and then pull your hair while in the bedroom,” Kailey continues, and I can barely contain my laughter.

  “Um … I think you’re reading too many books,” Sadie says, joining me in the humor.

  “Read? I never have time to read.” Kailey raises her shoulders and lets them fall. “Let’s remember, ladies, this is girl talk. Nothing leaves the table,” she reminds them with a pointed finger, and the two of them hold up three fingers. Then all of their heads turn my way, and I quickly mimic, although, whom would I tell?

  “So, he’s not going to replace you?” Sadie directs her question to Jessa.

  “Man, I wish I had the time. I’d be your replacement,” Kailey jokes and continues eating.

  “I’m not sure, but yesterday he told me that he put some ads out finally. Come on, like a week before this baby is gonna pop.” Jessa points to her belly.

  “Oh … Chrissy!” Sadie exclaims. Her head swiveling between Jessa and me at warp speed. “Chrissy’s looking for a job,” she tells Jessa.

  “Really?” Jessa asks me, and I nod my head.

  “I am, but I have no experience at an art gallery,” I divulge truthfully.

  “It’s okay. I’ll totally train you. The problem is, it’s only a fill in while I’m on leave.” She bites her lip, thinking I might not be interested.

  “That’s okay, anything is good right now.” Kailey and Sadie nod their heads in agreement.

  “Well, his studio is just a few blocks down. Let’s go after lunch and see what he says.” Jessa takes out her phone and starts texting, Mr. Davis, I assume.

  “Okay,” I say softly, taking a deep breath. Luckily, our food arrives, and the conversation turns back to boys, babies, and life in general. The three girls don’t pry into my life, which I appreciate. When Sadie first brought the lunch up, I thought I’d be in the middle of an inquisition right about now. Visions of me tied up in a chair with a spotlight above me and the three of them in the dark, hammering questions filled my thoughts before I fell asleep last night.

  We all eat our meals, and I’m actually surprised how much I enjoy my burrito. Outside the restaurant, Kailey is down in the dumps because she can’t join us to go to the gallery because the kids have swim lessons. “I can’t believe I have to miss seeing Mr. Hot Pants. Not that I’m not going to see an equally hot male specimen.”

  The girls laugh, as do I. “You come up with the worst nicknames,” Jessa teases her, and Kailey narrows her eyes in amusement.

  “No wonder you and Trey are best friends. You’re both mean.” She crosses her arms and Jessa rushes over as fast as she can waddle, giving her a great big hug.

  “It’s cute. I swear,” she tells her, and Kailey hugs her.

  “Whatever. I want a phone call as soon as you start leaking,” Kailey instructs, and then makes her way to Sadie. “Keep an eye on the boys for us,” she jokes. Lastly, she reaches me. “If you need anything, Chrissy, just give us a call.”

  “Thank you, I will,” I say, even though I won’t.

  Waving goodbye to Kailey, we turn around, allowing Jessa to lead the way down the sidewalk. I’m in awe of her confidence as she marches right into the stark white building, directly to Mr. Davis himself.

  He’s bent over, digging through a box when he hears us walk in. Standing up, he turns around, and I may have stopped walking, breathing, and thinking in that one moment. His dark brown eyes float from Jessa to Sadie to me, lingering a little longer on me. Probably since he’s never seen me before. I assume Sadie comes in quite often.

  “Hey, Ryland,” Jessa greets him, and Sadie and I stand at her side, waiting for her to initiate the conversation.

  “Hi, Jessa. Hi, Sadie.” He stops and stares at me, waiting for an introduction.

  Jessa moves over and squeezes between Sadie and myself. “This is Chrissy. She’s new in town.” She places her hand on my back, and my hand instantly flies out in front of me.

  “Does Chrissy have a last name?” Ryland asks, staring directly to me.

  “Dawson,” I answer. “Christine Dawson.”

  “Nice to meet you, Christine,” he says, shaking my hand. “Ryland Davis.” “Where did you move here from?” I swear Jessa and Sadie lean forward a bit to hear my answer.

  “Not far, Akron,” I reveal, and when I look to the girls, they share a look with one another. Where did they think I was from?

  “Not far at all. I may open a gallery there in a year or so. I’m waiting to see if the downtown area really does turn around like they say it’s going to.” He’s very open and friendly.

  “So, Ryland. I’m thinking maybe Chrissy can fill in for me while on maternity leave,” Jessa suggests directly. Arching his eyebrows, his eyes shoot to her and then back to me.

  “Do you have any experience?” he asks me, and I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking maybe I should just lie.

  “Honestly, not much. But, I’m a hard worker, and Jessa said she can probably train me.” There’s no way I would be able to start this job with a lie.

  “Hmm … Jessa may I have a word with you?” he asks her and instead of waiting for an answer, he departs into the back.

  Jessa gives me a thumbs up and then follows Ryland down the hall. Sadi
e steps up next to me and squeezes my arm. “I’m sure you’re going to get it,” she encourages me. I nod and decide to take the time to browse the pictures hanging on the wall.

  I’m shocked I didn’t notice these immediately when I walked in, because when my eyes land on the picture closest to us, tears practically fall from my eyes. Not that I’m a huge art person, but it shows so much love between the colors and lines. It’s a drawing of man holding a woman in his arms. She’s upset and crying. It’s the man’s expression that’s bringing so much to the surface for me. A variety of emotions from confusion to love crosses his face. That he’s holding his one true treasure, but he has no idea how to fix whatever is wrong.

  “Do you like it?” Ryland’s voice interrupts my studying of the painting.

  “I do.” Trying to hide my tears, I swipe my eyes and squint at the name. “Unfixable,” I whisper, and I wonder why he’s labeled it that.

  “If you like my work, you’re hired,” he says, and I can barely contain my excitement bubbling inside. When I turn around, Jessa and Sadie are both giving me two big thumbs up. My eyes divert to Ryland’s hand in front of me. Quickly placing mine in his, I shake it.

  “Thank you so much,” I tell him, and he nods.

  “I’ll see you at nine o’clock tomorrow. Jessa will train you until she has,” he looks over to her and then her belly, “her baby,” he finishes and then turns around to walk down the hall.

  “Okay, I’ll see you then,” I call out but Jessa grabs my hands, and I jump up and down. “Thank you, Jessa. You’ve made my day!”

  “I’m happy to do it. Just remember in three months, you’ll be kicked to the curb,” she kids, although serious.

  “I will.” Then I look at Sadie. “I’ll be out of your house in no time.”

  “No you won’t. Stay the three months, save your money, and then we’ll go from there.” She smiles and then hugs me. “Now let’s get Jessa home before Grant calls in S.W.A.T.” She swiftly puts her one arm through mine and her other through Jessa’s.