No one. Not a single person had that effect on me.
But I couldn’t tell that to Rylan or my brothers. They’d instantly sprout off more questions. Questions that I didn’t have the answers to.
“Look, I don’t know her at all. But I had the pleasure of running over her on the stairwell when her suitcase fell, knocking me on the back of my leg and almost tripping me,” I explained to Rylan, who immediately asked if she was okay, and I vaguely recollected her falling backward, the concrete stairs colliding with her hips and spine. But she seemed fine when she shouted back at me. When Link joined me we left without a backward glance.
“She’s fine.”
“Hmm. . .” he mumbled as we approached Tracy’s old office, our brothers not far behind.
I could see Link and Archer silently wanted to know more about the new woman, while Tyler looked busy on his phone. Thank goodness for the tall woman with the graying hair approaching, a wide smile on her face as she took us all in.
Tracy was our savior through and through. Not many families wanted to adopt older boys – troubled ones at that. Hell, Chance had already been to juvenile detention twice by the time he was ten. The state begged Tracy to take him in, and she had with open arms. Once he knew that she wasn’t going to send him away, he changed his attitude, just as we all had.
“How are my boys?” she asked us as if we hadn’t all gathered for dinner the night before.
We mumbled our responses in unison as she opened her office door. There were boxes filled to the brim with her books and office equipment, but the rest of the space was empty.
“Thanks for helping. I just have a few things remaining.”
“Why are you moving?” I asked as I lifted the box closest to me, silently thankful that it didn’t weigh more than it looked.
Tracy smiled and I couldn’t help but return the gesture. “I was offered one on the upper floor. A corner office with two walls of windows.”
Now I understood why she was excited. Tracy had loved the outdoors, and growing up, she and Adam had taken us hiking on the weekends, fishing in the summer, and sledding in the winter. If it wasn’t raining, we were all outside.
“Can’t wait to see it,” I told her as I stepped toward the doorway where she stood. Tracy gently rested her hand on my cheek and the motion reminded me of all the times as a young boy she would do the same. Always telling me that I was worthy of love. Somehow she knew when my anger had festered into a place that would eat me alive. That gentle touch of hers always calmed me, as if she could take my anger into herself and give me a few moments of peace.
In all these years, that feeling never changed, never faltered. The touch calmed us all, each of her boys fighting our own internal demons, each of us feeling fury and rage toward the circumstances that brought us to our savior. It was hard not to after what we had each gone through.
Her gaze skimmed over me, searching wordlessly for the cause of my anger. But instead of an inquisition, I was met with a smile, a smile tilting upward on the corner of her lips.
“Are you going to see your mother today?” she asked as she gently patted my cheek then released her touch.
Tucking my chin toward my chest, I whispered, “Yes.” I hated knowing that I may cause an ounce of pain for Tracy whenever I went to see my biological mother. But if it ever hurt her, she never let on. If anything, Tracy always encouraged me to visit my mother. She knew the circumstances surrounding my relationship with my birth parents.
“Good. Please tell her I said hello.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With each of us carrying a box, we followed Tracy down the hall to the elevator, the heads of students and teachers popping out of the rooms and offices to take a look at us. We always drew a crowd no matter where we were.
It took two trips to get everything to Tracy’s new office and then another hour to set it up the way that she wanted. All six of us humbly watched as Tracy placed a framed picture on the top tier of her bookshelf. It was taken on our last hiking trip before Adam had his heart attack. We were all standing together, a waterfall off in the distance, and a lake beneath our feet. Adam had his arm lovingly wrapped around Tracy’s shoulders, and not two seconds later, he had tossed her into the chilled water. We all followed suit, then regretted it during the hike back, but no one’s smile had been brighter than theirs. We weren’t the traditional family, but love and happiness oozed from our makeshift parents in spades.
From the other side of the desk, I watched as Tracy took her time admiring the picture, tilting the frame until the light from her window shone on it just right. I had lost a lot in my life, and losing Adam had been hard, but I couldn’t imagine losing the love of my life the way Tracy had. They were what couples aspired to be.
“Mom,” I called out, choking on the word as it fell from my lips. I didn’t use the endearment often, and Tracy understood why, but at this moment, it seemed right. Her shoulders moved up as she took a deep breath, then she released them as she turned, a false smile plastered on her face. Using the side of her hand, she wiped away a lone tear as Link stepped forward and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. We could feel her sorrow still rampant at her loss, though she masked it well.
“Sorry ‘bout that, boys.” She should know that she never needed to apologize for missing her husband, we all felt the same, not enough years had passed, and I doubt I would feel differently ten or twenty years from now. “How about we go get some pizza?”
The sadness in the room dissipated as agreements and cheers went around. I felt terrible for bailing, and I could tell that Tracy noticed, but she didn’t let on as we followed her out of the building toward the parking lot.
I stood by the black ’67 Camaro Adam had helped me restore in high school, watching as the guys headed toward their own vehicles. Tracy stopped beside me.
“Have a good time with your mother, Ford.”
“Thanks,” I replied. There wasn’t a proper response to give regarding my visits with my mother. I only ever left more confused and angry.
“I can see that something is weighing on your mind and I hope you know that I’m always here to listen.”
That feeling of someone being able to read me always made me uncomfortable. My hand automatically went to the back of my neck, rubbing my skin and overgrown hair.
“Tracy, I. . .” I wanted to get it off my chest. To confess everything that had been dragging me down these last few months and was eating away at me. But I wasn’t ready and I didn’t think she was either.
I drew my eyes away from my mom and noticed something white from the corner of my eye. The girl from the stairwell was making her way back to the apartment with her two friends, her blonde hair now wrapped in a messy knot on the top of her head, showcasing her slender neck. My eye was drawn to those damn white shorts that should have done nothing for her small body but cupped a perfectly round ass. I hated that she was pulling my attention away from something important – again.
My eyes lingered too long, and my jaw ticked as I tried to fight against what I was feeling at that moment. I was certain Tracy could tell that something had captured my attention. I didn’t move my gaze away fast enough.
Instead of asking questions or prying, Tracy did what she did best, she patted the side of my cheek and told me that she loved me, then headed toward her car where Tyler waited.
With my hip leaned against the side of my car, I lingered in the parking lot as I watched everyone drive away. My mom was waiting for our weekly meeting, but I wasn’t quite ready to head out yet, it always took a toll on me. Not just emotionally, but mentally. It took hours after my visits for me to unwind after seeing her, the thread holding onto my sanity twisting until it began shredding from the pressure.
I drove to my mom’s place, the car eating up the miles until I turned onto the flower-lined path kept pristine by a gardener. It was like makeup, made to look beautiful on the outside to hide the ugly beyond its gates.
I parked the ca
r in my usual spot and made my way through the door, where an unfamiliar face greeted me.
“Hello, sir. Can I help you?” the burly man asked as I continued to walk down the hall, ignoring his question. “Sir! I can’t let you back there.”
Without glancing over my shoulder, I shouted, “Ask anyone here, they know who I am.”
Finally, I stopped at the door painted pale pink, and felt the corner of my mouth tilt upward in a smile. Knocking once, I turned the knob and entered the room.
The setting sun beamed through the large pane window, washing the room in oranges and pinks – her favorite colors. Flowers were spread out on every surface, masking the smell of bleach and death.
“Rutherford, is that you?” the dark-haired woman called out from her reading chair in the corner. I vowed that I would get her out of this place and I worked harder every day to make that happen. I was almost there and the tips of my fingers brushed the surface just outside my grasp.
Soon.
“Hey, Mom.”
Chapter Three – Jolee
Today was the day.
I had woken up an hour before my alarm was scheduled to ring, which had me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. I usually wasn’t a morning person, but the first day of school always excited me. Learning was one of my favorite things, the way it opened up your mind as you fed yourself new information about the world surrounding you taught me more about myself than anything.
The coffee maker brewed my second cup as I skimmed through my cabinet for something to eat for breakfast. My first class was at nine, so I had plenty of time to get ready.
“Good morning,” I called out to Willow as she shuffled into the kitchen. Her answering response was a heavy grunt. When she stole my cup of coffee, I didn’t reprimand her; I silently brewed another cup.
She sighed into her cup as she took her first gulp, closing her eyes as the caffeine swam through her system.
“How are you so awake this morning, and what are you wearing?” she asked just as Haley ventured out of her room. We all had our first classes of the semester at 9 a.m.
“I’ve been up for a few hours,” I mumbled as I looked down at my pink sheath dress. Despite it being far from casual, I actually liked it. It made me feel more grown-up.
From behind me, I heard Haley say, “I can loan you a shirt and shorts if you want.”
Was it really that bad? I didn’t think so.
The girls must have sensed my uneasiness as I peered down at my clothes, wiping my hands down the material.
“That’s okay. I’ll make due until I get my first paycheck.”
“You start your job this afternoon, right?” Willow asked as she grabbed a box of marshmallow cereal and a bowl from the cabinet.
“Yep. Thank goodness I can walk there.”
I was lucky to find a veterinary office about three blocks from the university that needed extra help. I loved animals and had three years as a veterinary technician assistant under my belt and I was grateful to have the chance to continue growing my experience.
“Do you know if the animal shelter is close by?” I questioned as I filled my second cup of coffee.
“We aren’t allowed pets unless we pay the fee,” Haley grumbled behind her banana.
“Oh, I know. I just like to volunteer.”
They both nodded, finished their breakfasts, and made their way to their bedrooms to get ready for class, leaving me to flip through the television channels while I waited. Casually I propped my foot up on the coffee table, only to have it wobble under the weight.
“Going to have to remember that,” I surmised as I put my foot back on the floor and slumped against the cushions to watch the news.
It wasn’t too long later that my roommates appeared and together we left the apartment. My steps slightly faltered as I reached the landing for the third floor. I wondered if I was going to run into him again, or if I’d see him around campus – the man with the icy gaze. He had an air about him and was probably used to getting whatever he wanted. But despite my irritation with him, he’d been all I could think about since our altercation last Thursday.
“J, you comin’?” Willow called out, waiting for me on the next landing. I rushed down the steps, promising that I wouldn’t glance back up at the third floor, but my curiosity got the better of me, and I found myself peering over my shoulder one last time before it was entirely out of view.
The campus and walkways were empty except for a few early students like us. I had always figured that a 9 a.m. class would be more popular than an 8 a.m., but Willow informed me that the school conformed its scheduling to accommodate afternoon classes. It seemed strange to me, but I supposed that if you’re a private college, you can do what you want. That notion seemed to seep down to its students as well.
Haley and Willow went their separate ways, both wishing me luck. They knew that my nerves were strung high today. I didn’t do well with change and uncertainty. It took an entire year at the last college for me to feel comfortable there.
The steps to the economics and business building felt like sludging through thick mud I was so nervous, and once I reached the stairs leading inside, I faltered.
Could I do this?
I already had a degree, one that would serve me well for what I planned to do with my life, but I knew a business master’s degree would help. I just needed to get the prerequisites out of the way.
Taking the first step, I mumbled to myself to be strong and that it was just an entry-level economics class. My body felt lighter when I reached the top and I was surprised to find more people milling about inside the entryway. But just like Thursday, their eyes were pinned on me. I felt like I was trapped inside a glass tank. My cheeks reddened as someone new entered the building, knocking my shoulder in the process. I wasn’t sure how long I had been standing there, but it must have been too long to be necessary.
Scurrying through the doors into the hallway, I kept my head down as I breezed past the students still gawking at me. I was mortified, and as my eyes landed on my pink dress, I was even more embarrassed. Standing out wasn’t what I had ever wanted, much preferring to stand along the sidelines while someone else’s star shone brightly. And here I was, drawing the attention of everyone with my clothes and mini-panic attack. I regretted not accepting Haley’s offer to borrow some clothes until I could afford new ones. Even more so, I hated that I spent money on the ones I did bring, hoping to blend in.
Short, shallow breaths filled my lungs as I tried to calm myself. I knew there was no reason to get worked up, school was what was important any way, not what these privileged kids thought of me.
Just as I reached the stairwell that would take me to the third floor, I smacked into a wall of muscles. As I apologized, my eyes traveled up the neatly pressed white button-up shirt to a pair of kind eyes. They belonged to the second man in the apartment hall, the one with his hair still tied back behind his head.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently and I found myself intrigued by the roughness of his voice.
“Yes, um. . .I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
More eyes pinned to me as passersby took in the interaction. Their gazes were silent, but to me, they were deafening.
“Do you need any help finding your way?” he asked, just as the alarm sounded on my phone, signaling that there was ten minutes before my class would start.
Taking two giant steps back, I shook my head and told him that I could find my class, then waved as I joined the other students heading up the stairs.
Everyone kept a wide berth from me, the distance growing with each step that I took, until the space felt suffocating. My blood was pumping double-time, not from the exertion, but mortification, and I wanted nothing more than to rush back down the stairs and back to the apartment. It would be easier to allow my dream to die, to change my focus to something else, but I knew how empty I’d feel if I let it go.
Finally, I reached the door th
at led to the classroom. Peering through the rectangular glass cutout, I realized that the chairs were empty. For the first time this morning, a smile grew on my lips as I opened the door and headed toward my favorite seat. The auditorium style seating was parted down the middle and I took that pathway to the second seat in the second row. Not too close, and not on the end. I also had a thing for the number two.
Rifling through my bag, I pulled out my beat-up laptop and opened the dictation program that I liked to use, even though I knew most of this first class would be used for discussing the syllabus.
It wasn’t long before the rest of the room filled, but I noticed that, just like the stairwell, there was a wide berth of space around me. Not a single person sat in the row before me or the two rows behind, yet they filled the rows on the other half of the room. Panic oozed through my nerves that maybe there was something wrong with me, but I had made sure that both my hair and makeup looked nice when I left the apartment. And despite my dress, everyone else looked somewhat put together.
Grabbing my phone, I shot a text to Haley and Willow in our group chat.
Me: This is a nightmare.
Willow: Hang in there!
Haley: It will get better. Maybe you’ll meet a cute guy!
A chuckle sounded in my chest as I put my phone away. Leave it to Haley to make me laugh with the thoughts of a guy. Men and relationships were the farthest things from my mind.
When I settled back in my seat, two girls entered the room, their gazes flickering back and forth across the uneven seating before looking at each other again. I could instantly tell that they were new to the school and just as confused as me.
A weight that I didn’t realize was pressing against my chest lifted as they headed down my row and sat next to me. I smiled and suppressed the urge to jump up and cheer when they both returned a warm grin.
Of Boys And Men: An Enemies to Lovers, New Adult College Romance (Ridge Rogues Book 1) Page 3