The rain that had let off for a few hours opened up and poured through the sky as I stood there talking to pieces of stone. But I didn’t feel the cold – my heart was already ice. The only time I felt something different was when I was with Jolee.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood out there wallowing in my grief, but the sun had long since set behind the trees painting the sky in blacks and blues.
“I’m sorry, young man, but I’m closing the gate,” the guard called out from his vehicle on the path. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t hear him approach.
Wordlessly I made my way back to my car and turned out of the cemetery. Even with the heat on high, my body trembled from the wet cold, but there would never be enough warmth to defrost my insides.
Link was sitting in his usual spot on the couch, watching a movie on the television as I walked into the apartment.
“Dude, you’re soaking wet. You’ll catch pneumonia like that,” he exclaimed as he jumped from the couch and rushed toward me. Making quick work, he relieved me of my jacket as I stood like a statue.
“Where have you been?”
“Cemetery. Mom’s.”
Link stopped halfway to the laundry area and looked back at me, my leather jacket dripping water onto the floor.
“Ford.”
The way he said my name hinted at pity and sympathy that I didn’t need or want.
“I’m going to go take a shower.” I stomped away, leaving wet footprints in my wake, not giving two shits about the water I was leaving on the carpet. In the bathroom, I tugged the soaked clothes off my body, letting them fall onto the vinyl flooring with a plop.
The cold water pierced my skin like razor blades as it heated up, but once it reached its normal temperature, I still felt like ice. It wasn’t until thoughts of the blonde living above me soared through my mind that I felt warmth seep through my body.
My hand drifted down to my dick as I remembered the way she let me fuck her even after everything that she had gone through. Her skin was soft and sweet, and there was no doubt that she had the best tasting pussy I had ever put my mouth on. But sinking into her had about done me in. Nothing had ever felt like a fantasy come to life until my cock thrust into her sex.
I was replaying that night with her in my mind, stroking myself in unison until I exploded in my hand. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a release but felt no relief from it. My cock wanted Jolee and Jolee only. And that was going to be a major problem because I couldn’t have her – not completely, not until everything with Hastings was finished.
By the time I made it out of the shower Link had gone to bed and I wasn’t sure if Archer was in his room or out. I gathered my things and went into my own bedroom, tossing the wet clothes in the hamper to wash in the morning.
I glanced at my computer and considered doing more research on my birth father, but I knew that I wasn’t going to find anything that I didn’t already know. Instead, I reached for a book I hadn’t opened in quite some time and did the one thing I knew would take my mind off of everything. I began working on quantum physics word problems.
Link was standing in the entryway, not so patiently waiting for me to get my ass in gear. Tracy was hosting Thanksgiving and we were supposed to be at her house in ten minutes (she lived about twenty-five minutes from the university), but I was dragging. After the visit with my mother yesterday, I wasn’t in the right mindset to visit with the makeshift family I was given.
I meandered toward the kitchen, ignoring the way Link was staring at me, except as I opened the fridge and leaned down to look inside I felt my arm jerked backward.
“Hey,” I shouted, yanking my arm away from Link’s grip.
“Put on a nice shirt and get your ass in gear. You will not disappoint Tracy today. She is expecting all of us.”
“Well, I don’t feel like going.”
“You don’t have a choice, Ford, because you know that she’ll tell Meredith.”
I seethed as he mentioned my mother. He didn’t know the level of guilt I was feeling. How could I possibly look at my cousin and try to feel thankful for family? If it wasn’t for me, he might still have his.
Suddenly a dark green sweater of Archer’s was chucked at my chest. My reflexes were just quick enough to catch it against my body.
My easy-going brother leaned against the counter and said, “Dude, just put it on before Link starts crying.”
Our eldest brother turned his narrowed gaze toward Archer as I looked down at the sweater and resigned myself to change. By the time Link and Archer were done silently arguing with each other, I had removed my tattered long-sleeve shirt and replaced it with the sweater.
“Are you ladies done or should I give you two some time alone?”
Both Archer and Link turned their attention to me and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Asshole,” Link murmured as he moved to exit the apartment, Archer and I following behind me.
We made our way to the hallway and I found myself glancing upward as I approached the stairwell. An idea formulated in my mind and I smiled wickedly. If she thought for a moment that she was going to enjoy her Thanksgiving Day by herself, she was mistaken; if I was going to suffer, she was going to suffer too.
“I have to go get somebody,” I shouted down to my brothers as I took the stairs to the fourth floor.
BANG. BANG. BANG. My fist beat against her apartment door.
“Hey.” Jolee answered with a half-smile on her lips. Part happiness, part confusion.
“You’re coming with me,” I said as I pushed the door wide and stepped inside just as Archer and Link stepped onto the landing. My Metallica shirt was draped over her body, which secretly thrilled me, but I didn’t have time to investigate that emotion.
“I need you to change.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, fists planted at her hips as she stopped me from heading toward her bedroom.
“Not like that. I need you to put something nice on. You’re coming with me to Tracy’s for dinner.”
“Why? I was getting ready to start my Friends marathon.”
“Friends can wait. I need you,” I explained as I opened her closet door and sifted through her clothes. She didn’t have much, but my eyes landing on that damn pink dress she wore the first day of classes, but I pushed it aside. A brown dress that wrapped around itself caught my eye and I pulled it out, tossing it onto her bed.
“Change.” I pointed as I left the bedroom and waited for her in the hall.
Thank goodness Jolee wasn’t one of those high maintenance chicks. She was wearing the dress and a pair of heeled boots in five minutes flat. As she stepped out of her bedroom, she was twisting her long hair into a knot at the nape of her neck and I had to fight the urge to press my lips at the exposed skin.
“Is this suitable?” she asked as she did a little spin in front of me. I wanted to tell her that she was perfect before, and even more perfect naked and spread out on the bed, but I bit my tongue and nodded instead.
“Let’s go,” I growled and trudged toward her door; she followed, grabbing her coat and bag along the way.
“Hey guys,” she said as she closed her apartment door to find Archer and Link standing in the hallway. She smiled at them warmly, fucking smiled, and I wanted to beat my brothers’ faces in as they returned it.
“I thought we were in a hurry, Link,” I bellowed, pulling Jolee’s arm and racing down the steps.
“I’m pretty sure she’ll forgive us now.”
Beside me, Jolee asked, “Forgive you for what?”
“For being an asshole,” I told her, referring to Link.
In the parking lot, I shoved Jolee into my car before Link could suggest us all riding together in his Jeep. I wanted to make sure that when I was good and ready to leave that I could. As he tucked himself into his driver’s seat, I could sense that Link knew exactly what I was doing. He shook his head with narrowed eyes, but really, what did he have to be upset about? He got me going
to dinner even though there were far better things I wanted to do with my time – like the girl sitting next to me.
Cars scattered in the driveway of Tracy’s house, and I made sure to park on the neighborhood street so that I didn’t get blocked in when I was ready to leave.
“Ready?” I asked Jolee, who had remained quiet throughout the entire ride, her face turned toward the window.
“Ford, what am I doing here?”
“I didn’t want you to be alone.” She cocked one of her eyebrows, silently asking me to try again with the truth. “Maybe I didn’t want to be alone,” I answered honestly. I may be surrounded by a room of surrogate brothers, aunts, and uncles, but amongst them, I was just a buoy bobbing along in an ocean where I didn’t belong.
“Okay.” I was amazed at how easily Jolee accepted my answer. She didn’t question, didn’t fight, she reached over and opened her car door and stepped out while I stared at her in amazement.
She was going to make some lucky bastard very happy one day.
Chapter Thirteen – Jolee
Ford had grabbed my hand the moment he exited his car. He seemed apprehensive about it, but couldn’t help himself. Which just confused the heck out of me. There were times when I thought Ford and I were crossing a bridge together, trying to figure things out, but then we’d both pull back. It was that two steps forward, three steps back mentality. We both knew that we wanted each other, but we were both scared of what that meant; what we’d each have to give up for that kind of happiness. There were sacrifices I wasn’t willing to make and I knew that Ford felt the same.
But as he intertwined our fingers together as we walked up the front steps, I really wished that we could figure things out. He looked handsome in an olive-green sweater that seemed just a bit too snug around his arms.
The front door opened by one of the other ridge rogues and I found myself trying to tug my hand back as I stepped inside the Colonial-style brick house, but Ford tightened his fingers around my hand.
His family seemed warm and welcoming as I was introduced and shown a seat at a huge dining table. All of the preparations were laid out family-style and I couldn’t wait to dig in. Holidays were a small affair at the house where I grew up - if they happened at all.
Conversation flowed around the table, but whenever someone tried to engage with Ford, he gave a one or two-word answer before clamming up. Even sitting beside me he seemed uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure why.
“Do you want to leave?” I whispered to him just as desserts were passed around. Link was sitting on my other side and tensed up as I suggested our retreat.
“We can stay a little while longer,” Ford murmured close to me.
“Okay.” Reaching over, I gently squeezed his hand before diving into the apple pie and ice cream in front of me.
Regardless of how uncomfortable Ford seemed to be with all of the people in the room, I really took a liking to them. They were warm and loving – something I had been craving from my own family. Tracy was not only a phenomenal parent, she was a great human being as well. I could see the absolute love she had for each of her boys, and there was no doubt that they were hers. Love filled this home.
Tyler, the youngest and Ford’s cousin, was hoping to attend Wellington University on a baseball scholarship, but I sensed that, like Ford, he was extremely bright. All of the brothers seemed to be — even Archer when he wasn’t messing around. I had a feeling that he used his looks and humor to mask how smart he was.
When Ford and I left, the brothers waved goodbye, but Tracy wrapped me in her arms and I could completely sense that she felt as if she was adopting me into her family. Something about her wanted you to feel accepted.
I wasn’t sure if Ford held the door open for me out of chivalry or because Tracy was standing at the door watching, but I made sure to thank him anyway.
“You have a really great family, Ford. Thank you for letting me be a part of it today.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the neighborhood.
We were about five minutes down the road when I turned in my seat, irritation simmering on the surface. “You know what? You really confuse me, Ford.”
“I know,” he murmured beside me.
“Do you? Because one minute you want me, and the next you don’t. Then you go off in the middle of something, probably for another girl. And now here I am having a holiday meal with your family. I don’t know which way is up with you, Ford.”
“I know, Jolee, okay? I get it.”
We sat in silence for the remainder of the drive. I nervously toyed with the hem of my dress, wondering what the hell I was doing. I sat here with a boy that seemed to have his mind focused on something else almost all of the time. The only time he gave anything his full attention was when we were fighting or in bed together. Neither of those was how I wanted to live my life, except I had no power of refusal against Ford. He had morphed into my Achilles’ heel at some point this semester.
“Please just drop me off.”
“Okay,” he replied, but I could tell he was growing tense at my request.
The car pulled to the curb and I turned in my seat to look at the lonely boy that had become an expert at pushing people away.
“I. . .I’m going to need you to leave me alone, Ford,” I told him as I shut the door.
I didn’t expect him to follow me, maybe a mean comment or two because that was what Ford and I did, but he wasn’t the type of person to chase.
The moment I stepped into my apartment, I kicked off my boots and ripped the dress from my body, throwing it on the floor. I didn’t want to look at it for at least another twenty-four hours. In my room, I grabbed my bathrobe, wrapped it around myself, and sat at my desk. Winter break was coming soon and I was too angry to consider spending it here, alone, again. So, I found myself looking up plane tickets to Alaska. My parents wouldn’t be there, but at least it would be home.
My search for flights turned into researching seven-day cruises to the Bahamas and I wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed until a knock on the apartment door sounded. I glanced at the clock on the lower corner of my computer screen and realized that a full hour had passed.
The knocking repeated and I trudged from my bedroom to the door, peering through the peephole before opening it just a crack.
“What are you doing here, Ford?”
The devilishly handsome man ran a hand through his messy mane and I had to force myself not to swoon. He had a pull on me that I couldn’t ignore, no matter how much I tried.
“I don’t know,” he said, seeming both frustrated and sincere. Maybe he felt the same pull that I did.
“If you don’t know, then why are you standing at my door? I’m tired, Ford. Tired of games, hell, I’ve been playing them too, but I just. . . I don’t need it. I have other things to worry about.”
“God, Jolee, don’t you see? I’m tired too, so fucking tired of fighting the thing I have for you even though I know that I have zero things to offer.”
I leaned against the door jamb, the lapels of my robe slipping open, exposing the crevice of my breasts. “You have a lot of things to offer, Ford, you are just. . .preoccupied.”
He seemed to deflate at my words and I wondered if everything he had mentioned about his father was what kept him at a distance from everyone. I couldn’t imagine how much time or energy it took to hate someone so much.
“You’re right,” he said, surprising me. “I have a lot of things going on right now, but I’m selfish, so fucking selfish, Jolee.”
The thing was, I was selfish too. Dumb, weak, and selfish, and I wanted Ford even though we were in two different places. He thought I was altruistic, but when it came to him, I was the complete opposite.
Reaching out, I grasped his hand and pulled him into my apartment knowing that I was being so foolish, but I couldn’t stop. I came to Wellington to make a change in my life, that included being a reckless girl.
>
Ford and I spent the entire Thanksgiving holiday in my bed, only leaving for takeout delivery and other necessities, but for the most part, we stayed in my room. Ford ran to his apartment early yesterday morning to grab a pair of sweatpants but was back before I even realized that he had left.
He was already moving around in my kitchen, leaving my bed cold and empty, but unlike before, I could hear him loud and clear destroying our apartment. Pots and pans banged and clanked, the sounds vibrating all the way to my room.
Lazily I made my way toward the kitchen, twisting my hair into a messy knot on the top of my head. But as I reached the kitchen, my eyes zeroed in on Ford and almost bulged out of the sockets. He was standing bare-chested at my stove, appearing to poach some eggs, while wearing sweatpants. Not just any sweatpants, but well-worn gray sweatpants that hung low on his hips. From behind, the two dimples just above his backside called out to me and I wanted desperately to reach out and touch them. Then Ford turned around and I almost choked on my tongue. Outlined beneath the tattered cotton was his cock and I didn’t think that I had ever seen something so glorious. Sure, I had seen Ford completely naked, but something about the sweatpants just enhanced the planes of his body.
“Hey, babe, you’re just in time. I’m making eggs benedict.”
I didn’t focus on if we had the ingredients to make that sort of breakfast or how he even knew how to make it; I was focused on the fact that he called me babe.
“I think that’s the first time you haven’t called me princess,” I told him as I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and pressed my lips against his shoulder blade. His hair was damp from a shower that he must have taken and water dripped from the ends onto his skin.
Ford turned around and placed his hands on my jaw, tilting my face toward him. “I can go back to calling you that if you’d like.”
“That’s okay,” I answered with a grin.
Leaning down, Ford sealed our lips together, and it was the most right anything had felt in a long time. The microwave on the counter beeped, but Ford didn’t relent as his tongue stroked against mine.
Of Boys And Men: An Enemies to Lovers, New Adult College Romance (Ridge Rogues Book 1) Page 15