“What?” Ben Howard looked to the sky and clinched his fists. “What would you have done in that situation?”
“The question is more complex than actions.” Father Daniels began to walk along the side of the street, and Ben Howard followed. “First, I accept that the wisdom of man, any man, pales compared to the perfect wisdom of God. Good people suffer in this world, and bad people flourish. It is not how I would have things, but I am not God. His plans are beyond my understanding. I simply have faith that all things work to the benefit of those that love the Lord.”
Ben Howard laughed. “Another cowardly way to hide behind lofty ideals while real people suffer.”
“As I said, it is not cowardice to maintain your principles in the face of a challenge. After the confessional, did you seek out the man who would commit the act?”
“What do you mean?”
“You could have approached him and counseled him without betraying the sanctity of the confession. You could have pursued that, even if the sinner did not seek salvation.”
Ben Howard turned away. “There was not enough time for that. I should have warned Denise.”
“Even if there was not enough time, you could not have warned her. Horrible things happen, and the burden on a confessor is difficult to bear at times. It is part of our cross. Being there for her afterward is what would be required, both by your conscience and by your charge to help the needy.”
“I did help her.” Ben stepped in front of Father Daniels, blocking the path.
“Telling her you knew did not help that woman, it only made her hate.” Father Daniels looked into Ben Howard’s eyes and could see that he was referring to something else. “Or, do you mean the abortion you counseled her to pursue?”
“That’s right. It was what was best for her.”
“I accept that you believe that, Mr. Howard. However, I can’t accept that you are right. The ending of a life does not assist the quality of another life.”
“I see. So you would have me counsel girls like Denise to accept a pregnancy from such a violent act? Counsel them to accept the interference in their lives because of one man’s hate, and my cowardice?”
“All life is precious, Mr. Howard. Again, what happened to Denise, and others who must endure that horrible invasion of their lives, is a tragedy. However, the unborn child bears no guilt of that act.”
Ben clinched his fists and grunted. “That’s easy to say when you’re not the one carrying around a constant reminder of what happened.”
Father Daniels could feel the frustration of the large man and he reached out to take his hand. “Is it inconceivable, that the birth of the child, the innocent child, might ease the pain of the event. The memories can’t be removed, but perhaps thoughts of the child could help the healing.”
“That’s awfully wishful thinking, Father.”
“I have seen miracles much more farfetched in my time, Mr. Howard. Besides, even if the mother could not accept the child, is adoption by a family that longs for a child not a better end for the innocent?” He waited for a response, but he could see that his words were not taking root. “I understand that you believe you are right, and that I am deluded. Perhaps we can continue our conversation again some time.”
“You are a strong man, Father Daniels. A man of true faith. Though I think you are misguided, and will never believe otherwise, I have found our time together stimulating and enjoyable. Perhaps we will speak again. For now, we should go.”
“Very well. I too have enjoyed our talk.”
“You have? That seems odd. I must admit that I am slightly embarrassed by some of my more confrontational comments.”
“All men face confrontation, Mr. Howard. Denise was a test for you. It seems you are a test for the Monsignor. These tests help us distill our beliefs.”
“And you, Father. Has your faith been tested?”
“Faith is tested everyday, but nothing has yet shaken my faith.”
“Somehow I think that your faith would survive any test, especially if it could survive a day wit me as intact as it has.” Ben laughed. “Come, Father, we really should go.”
Father Daniels agreed, and they returned to the car. The short drive seemed even shorter during the return, as the sights were familiar and Father Daniels did not take the time to notice them. As they wove through town, he thought about the meeting that would come with the Monsignor. Surely, he would want to know what was said, and he would probably feel that Daniels was a fool for wanting to see Ben again. Father Daniels was not sure how he would explain his desire to see the heretic again, he certainly had made no headway, but something told him that there was more to Ben Howard than a priest who had lost his way.
Upon arriving at Ben Howard’s church, Father Daniels stepped out of the car and prepared to bid adieu and return to St. Catherine. “I’ll be seeing you again Mr. Howard, soon.”
“I do hope you try to bring the Monsignor with you next time.”
“Perhaps, though he does not seem to have much room for you.”
“Well, maybe there is something we could do about that.”
Father Daniels stood from the car, thinking about how he could bring Monsignor Phillips to see this man. As he stood, he heard a moan and a dull thud. He stepped around and saw something that changed his plans. At his feet, Ben Howard lie on the ground with a knife plunged into his chest.
“What have you done?” Father Daniels knelt beside the wounded man.
“What I had to, Father. You’ll understand later.” He coughed, and spurts of blood came out with the hot breath.
After running inside to call an ambulance, Father Daniels returned. “I’m going to administer Last Rites. I’m not sure if you’ll live.”
“Last Rites? For me? Oh, Father, you are truly a man of faith. However, I must decline.”
“What? You would rather die out of the presence of God?”
“If anyone is to administer Last Rites to me, I want it to be the Monsignor. I hope you understand.”
“I don’t. But I will honor your wishes. I’ll have him meet you at the hospital.”
“Thank you, Father.”
Speeding through town, Father Daniels prepared himself to make the request. He raced through the narrow streets, breaking the speed laws, but feeling his charge was more important. When he arrived at St. Catherine, he leapt from the car without bothering to shut the door. He ran into the Monsignor’s office, not caring if he was busy. “We have to hurry.”
“Settle down, Father. What happened?”
“It’s Ben Howard. He’s injured and he needs Last Rites.”
“What? That heretic? You must be joking.”
“I most certainly am not, Monsignor. No man deserves to die without the presence of God. No matter his sins, his life is in danger.”
“I will not go, Father.”
“What? How can you refuse?”
“I will not explain myself to you.”
“Fine. Though he requested you, I will go instead.” He turned to go back to his car.
“I’m afraid I can’t allow that either.”
Father Howard turned. “Monsignor, we must. It is our duty.”
“One such as Ben Howard does not deserve absolution.”
“That is not for you to decide, Monsignor.”
“I have told you now to lecture me on duty, Father. I will not go.” He took the keys from Father Daniels hands. “And you will not go either.”
Lunging for the keys, Father Daniels tripped and fell into the side of a table.
***
When he awoke, he did not recall what had happened. The pain in his head, and the feel of the bump reminded him. Panicked about Ben, he rose to his feet and checked his watch. He had been on the floor for hours. If Ben were critically wounded, he would be gone now. He struggled to a phone and called the New Revelation Church. He was informed that Ben Howard had died.
He had little personal connection to the man. He found him interesting, bu
t he did not feel the loss like that of a friend. The pain Father Daniels felt was as much of disillusionment as of loss. The Monsignor had neglected the plea of a dying man, and had kept Father Daniels from doing his duty. All for the apparent motive of revenge. He held his head for a few moments while he regained his balance, and then made his way to his room for some rest. He would confront the Monsignor in the morning.
Though it was still in the early evening, about five o’clock, Father Daniels crawled into bed, informing his appointments that he would not be attending. Sleep came easy, partly from the lingering concussion, and Father Daniels was soon lost to his dreams. During the night, he thought of the actions of Mr. Howard and the Monsignor. Each of them had betrayed their oaths in favor of personal beliefs of right and wrong. In his dream, they each came to accuse him.
First, the Monsignor came to him. “Daniels, your time will come. I was once steeped in the Faith, but life changes you. You can’t bury your feeling forever.”
Father Daniels rose to meet him. “I do not bury my feelings. I let them flow, however, I know my duty. I am an officer of the Church. It is not my place to judge, only to serve.”
The image faded, and Ben Howard materialized. “Father Daniels, you amaze me. I was certain that you would fall. Even faced with tragedy and conflict, you maintained your conviction. I applaud you. Unfortunately, your friend was not so fortunate. He is mine now, and will be forever. Keep guard, young priest, I will come again for you as well.”
Father Daniels sat up in bed, his nightshirt clinging to his sweaty body. He scrambled out of bed and put on a pair of sweatpants before hurrying to the Monsignor’s door. He banged on the door several times. “Monsignor, open the door. It’s urgent.” He banged on the door several more times. No answer. He turned the knob, but it did not move. “Monsignor! Wake up, it’s urgent.” No answer.
He drove his shoulder into the door, but could it would not open. Soon, several members of the staff came down the hall, asking what was the matter. Father Daniels explained that he thought the heard something in the halls and wanted to make sure that the Monsignor was all right. Since he would not answer, Father Daniels was worried.
One of the staff produced a key to the room, and unlocked the door. Father Daniels entered alone, in case the Monsignor was sleeping. “Monsignor Phillips, are you here? Is everything okay?” He continued into the room, and turned the corner around the closet.
There he was. Still. Cold. Pale. Dead.
Father Daniels fell to the floor weeping. He wept not only for the loss of his superior, not only for the loss that the parish would feel, but the loss of a soul. He was certain that the Monsignor had not repented his action, and that he had died alone. He made himself accept the possibility that he had repented, but he knew he had not. The Monsignor, he was certain, would have to at least spend some time in Purgatory.
He walked over to the Monsignor’s body and placed his hand on the cold forehead. Father Daniels offered a prayer for the elder priest and then asked someone in the staff to make the arrangements for his funeral. He then arranged for the cancellation of both his and the Monsignor’s appointments for the day.
Upon returning to his room, he found an invitation. He was startled at the contents. “Ben Howard’s funeral?” He was not sure what he wanted to do, but felt that he should go to the funeral. He had wanted to absolve the man of his sins at death, but he did not. Despite the injury he obtained attempting to carry out his duty, he still felt the guilt of the man’s eternal punishment.
He dressed in his black coat and collar and drove to the funeral. It was a crowded ceremony, full of people Father Daniels recognized, and many he did not. Each of them regarded the priest warmly as they saw him make his way to the casket, and several indicated that they would see him Sunday. The Lord does work in mysterious ways, he thought as he spoke with people who seemed ready to return to the Church with the loss of their heretic leader.
When Father Daniels arrived at he body, he was struck by the look on the man’s face. Though he knew coroners shaped the face of the dead, Ben Howard looked both pleased and disappointed.
“Strange look, isn’t it?”
Father Daniels turned and saw a man he did not recognize, though the clear blue eyes seemed familiar. “Yes, it seems to be full of emotion.”
“That’s how he would have wanted it.”
“Did you know Mr. Howard well?” Father Daniels stepped away from the body, and the stranger walked with him.
“Yes, quite well, and for many years.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you, Father. That means a lot coming from you.”
“From me? Why?”
“Ben respected you. He thought you were on the wrong side, but he respected you. He didn’t feel that way about many priests.”
“Yes.” Thoughts of the Monsignor’s behavior flashed through his mind again. “Well, we are all human, and capable of making mistakes.”
“That’s the truth.”
They walked further away from the body, passing even more mourners who said they would be seeing Father Daniels soon.
“You seem to be attracting a good number of people back to your church.”
“Yes, well, I am glad that some are willing to try to see the way. It’s never too late to return to the Lord. Were you a member of the church here, with Mr. Howard?”
“You could say that. Though, no church has ever felt very comfortable to me.”
“I am sorry to hear that. You’re welcome at St. Catherine any time.”
The stranger laughed. “I’m not sure you would say that if you knew what I knew, but thank you.”
“Well, if you change your mind, the Church will be here for you. Well, I should be getting back, I have another funeral to attend to.”
“Ah, yes, Monsignor Phillips.”
Father Daniels stared into the clear blue eyes, confused. “How do you know about the Monsignor?” Even mentioning his name brought the sting of his failure of pride to Father Daniels mind again.
“Juicy news travels quickly in a small town, Father. I know what happened. Like you said, all men are weak at times.”
Father Daniels stood silent. He stared at the man.
“Be careful, Father. You are a good man, but pride is the downfall of many good men. Someday, you too will be tested again. Remember your faith, or someone will mourn your weakness.”
The comment seemed both threatening and admonishing to Father Daniels. “Who are you? How do you…” Father Daniels stopped as thick smoke from an old car blew before his eyes. When the smoke cleared, the stranger was gone. Father Daniels looked around, but could not see where he had gone. He asked several people, but they could not recall having seen the strange man at all. After asking a dozen people, Father Daniels returned to his car.
A Different Communion Page 2