JJ carries me up the stairs to our bedroom, and as we climb he whispers: “I’m never letting you go.”
* * *
After we’ve made love, we curl in a nest of blankets on the couch. Outside the night falls with the snow over the valley, and we leave the blinds up so we can watch both drifting down. Now and again JJ gets up—to poke at the wood fire. To collect the takeout from the delivery driver. To pour us steaming mugs of hot tea which we cup in our hands as we curl together, my back leaning against JJ’s chest as we look out over the snow.
“I think you should talk to Mike again,” I tell him, after we’ve exhausted discussing how many kids we want. (Me: three. JJ: as many as humanly possible.)
I can feel JJ’s muscles shift under me. I turn my face so that I can see his expression, thoughtful and open.
“No,” he says with a shake of his head. “I decided.”
“You can’t not work forever,” I tell him.
“I can not work for a year,” he says gently, before raising his free hand to stroke my hair back from my face. He looks over my face slowly, because now we have all the time in the world.
I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to have this conversation over and over again. Until we get it right.
“I want to decide how we handle this,” he says finally. “Us. Together.”
I reach to catch his hand, pressing it against my cheek before drawing it down to my chest. Our fingers twist together over the beat of my heart.
A little nervous.
Still afraid.
But beating on, and on, and on.
“I don’t want you to stop riding,” I tell him. “I don’t want you to stop being who you are. I just want you to be honest with me about the risks. I want you to talk to me about them. And I want you to make your decisions thinking about me.” My mouth tugs upward. “Thinking about our children.”
His expression falls for a moment. Beneath my back the muscles of his stomach tense as he raises himself up, curling to press a kiss to my forehead. When he draws back, his eyes are fixed to mine, deep and dark.
“I’ve always thought about you, Raquel. I might not have shown it very well, or made you feel it. But I was always, always thinking of you.” There’s a beat before his expression catches an edge of sadness. “And I’m not riding this year. Not well enough for them.”
He doesn’t lie to me, and I don’t lie to him. Neither of us pretend anymore that he’ll be magically better for this winter.
But together we find that we can face that. Together, we can face anything.
I squeeze his hand closer to my chest again, tilting and turning my head so that I can see him better. He needs to understand how sure I am when I say it. “You’re going to be boarding again next year, JJ. It will be like it used to be.”
The words move him. His Adam’s apple bounces as he swallows. When he smiles it’s slow and awestruck, full of wonder. But when he moves, it’s to shake his head.
“I don’t want it to be like it used to be,” he says, so low that I feel it more through my back than hear the sound. “I’m ready for something new.”
A family. We don’t have to say it. Around us all of our dreams cluster with the imagined pitter-patter of tiny feet.
It’s a long moment, shared and silent, before JJ clears his throat. “I still want to give you a ring. I guessed you wouldn’t want the old one.”
“No. I want it.”
JJ’s surprised. His eyes widen. I find though that I’m entirely sure.
“I want the ring you chose for me.”
“Even after what happened?”
I nod. “That year was part of our story, too.”
JJ’s mouth twists downward. “Not a very good part.”
I shake my head and clutch his hand tighter again to press this truth into him. “It’s all perfect, JJ. It’s all perfect so long as I end up with you.”
The first time JJ proposed to me with this ring, there were stars and flowers and candles.
This time he jogs up the stairs two at a time, and then he gets down on one knee in our living room, surrounded by empty takeout boxes and tea cups.
Still when he looks up at me his smile is just as gorgeous as it ever was, and this moment couldn’t be more special.
“I’m never going to deserve you,” he says as he takes my hand.
“You always did,” I tell him.
JJ
A little under a year go, if you had asked me that first morning in the hospital, I would have thought this evening would only be possible in a dream. Raquel and I having Brooke and Chase over for dinner—that would seem impossible.
Brooke and Chase weren’t speaking to each other.
Raquel and I had been apart for a year.
But there were changes coming that I couldn’t imagine—Chase swallowing all of his fear and going after the woman he loved. Raquel choosing to come to me when I was lying broken in that hospital bed.
And since then, it’s been one miracle after another. This evening is just one more blessing: the four of us sharing pizzas and drinks, laughing late into the night.
Seeing Chase and Brooke together makes me so happy. To see him finally getting on with his life… It means so much to me. All these years I’ve been so worried about him, and now here he is. In love. Healing.
Months ago, back in the spring, it hurt to see Chase in love when I felt like my own heart had broken forever. Now I can just be glad for him.
We’ve both had our second chances, despite being so fucking stupid most of the time.
As perfect as the night is, there are two people we miss, obviously. Hunter sent his apologies from Europe. Despite being stuck in sponsorship hell after that photo came out, he’s still competing.
And so, weirdly, is Hanne. She’s in Hakuba, Japan, at a freeriding event. She sends us a photo of her and the other Vertex riders. Mike has his arm around her, and both of them are grinning.
When Chase and I are getting everything cleared up, he looks over from the dishwasher almost idly.
“That event Hanne’s at. Hakuba. You notice it’s a World Championships qualifier?”
I don’t understand why that’s important. It must be a coincidence. “Hanne’s never going for the Worlds ever again.”
“No shit,” Chase murmurs, but I can’t tell if he agrees or not.
We don’t get a chance to linger on it. Raquel pops her head around the door, a beanie already pulled on over her hair.
“How long does it take two men to load a dishwasher?”
I laugh, throwing down my dish towel before moving over to catch her for a kiss. “So rude when people are doing favors for you.”
“It’s going to be morning by the time you two are done,” Brooke agrees from where she’s appeared in the hall. “Come on, let’s go.”
I’m so happy to be here with my fiancée, my best friend, and his girl that I’m even letting Chase and Brooke take us on a walk to look at the mountains.
As we step out into the darkness, I slide my arm around Raquel’s shoulders. She looks up to me with a smile before tucking in close, slipping her finger through the far belt loop of my jeans.
“Having a good night?”
She hums against me, squeezing closer for a moment. “Never better.”
There aren’t meteors, this time. But Raquel and I have always enjoyed the stars. As Brooke and Chase wander ahead, walking in step side by side, we let them gain distance on us. They’re excited to walk down the slope of the hill for a better view across the valley to the moonlit peaks beyond.
Raquel and I are fine just here, our hearts and our steps in sync.
“We should start planning the wedding,” I murmur to her, my soft voice still loud over our footsteps and the breeze. “I don’t want another long engagement.”
“No,” Raquel agrees firmly. She’s looking out over the opening view before us, her gaze skipping from Chase and Brooke to the mountains where they cut over the stars. “I
was thinking we should get married before Christmas.”
Christmas is less than three weeks away. My carefully planning, tightly controlled Raquel couldn’t have surprised me more. My feet have stopped, and at the catch of my arm she turns to face me.
“Are you serious?”
She smiles up at me, and in the moonlight I can see the flush of her excitement. “I always am,” she says, with just a hint of a tease. My own words from before the meteor shower tossed back at me.
My grin spreads so wide that it hurts.
“Hey.” My voice raises over the yard, making Chase and Brooke stop in their tracks and turn to face us. “Are you guys free next Saturday?”
They look at each other before shrugging.
“Sure,” Chase says.
“Why?” asks Brooke.
Raquel meets my gaze, and we smile at each other.
“We think it’s about time we got married.”
JJ
I’m not nervous.
It’s not like the first time, when we were going to get married the way you see in movies. Tens of thousands of dollars, a golf club or something, table arrangements, wedding favors—all the stress of a big event. This time we’re using our own house, with catering called in, and the dining room cleared for our family and friends. It’s hardly a high-stress occasion.
It’s just like holding a big party. A party that’s also a wedding.
But I’m definitely not nervous. I just can’t figure out my tie.
Hunter can only watch me fumbling for so long before he stands up with a huff of frustration.
“Were you born on a farm?”
I’m glad to let him take it off my head. He slips it over his own neck before reaching up to tie it as easy as breathing. As he slips the tongue through the loop, his eyes meet mine in the mirror and he gives me a grin.
“You look like you’re going to piss yourself.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Hunter’s grin only widens. Finally satisfied he pulls the tie off over his head and slips it around my neck, drawing it neatly tight before flicking down my collar with a nod.
“You look great. Still hitting way above your weight.” He winks at me. “But you’ll do.”
I would say something snappy back, but I’m feeling kind of sick. I’m gratefully distracted by the hip flask he pulls out of his pocket and hands to me. I’m in the middle of taking a mouthful of Dutch courage when the door opens.
“Are you naked?” Hanne doesn’t pretend that would stop her. She comes in without waiting, giving me a once over before her smile breaks, wide and shining. “JJ. You look amazing.”
She’s already hugging me before I can protest about the flower pinned to my lapel. I don’t care, anyway. I wrap my arms around her for a squeeze before letting her go, trying to put on a smile over the weird fluttering feeling in my stomach.
“Hunter says I’m hitting above my weight.”
Hanne hmms at the weak joke. “Do you want the truth?” But she’s grinning as she reaches for Hunter, tapping his shoulder briskly. “Come on. We’d better go get ready downstairs.”
I’m about to ask if they’re really going to leave me alone when Chase comes in. He shoots me the biggest grin I can imagine, his eyes flicking down to the hip flask.
“No time to be nervous.” He doesn’t make it sound like much of a rebuke. “The girls are heading over from our place. We’d better get downstairs.”
Okay. Maybe I’m nervous.
Chase sees it. The grip of his hand is steadying at my shoulder, a grounding squeeze. His head tilts as he looks for my eyes. “You’re gonna do great.”
I work an improbably dry swallow through my throat, checking myself in the mirror one last time. We haven’t gone all out; we’re just in nice suits. Still… this is it.
After all these years, we’re finally here.
“It’s not like she’s not gonna show, man,” Hunter shouts back through the door.
I flip him the bird in response to his grin, but I’m smiling, too. It’s not that I’m worried about.
It’s just… so much. All of it.
How much I feel for her.
How perfect she is.
The knowledge that Raquel has chosen me to spend her life with. Chosen me to be the father of her children. Chosen me to be with as we grow old.
I’m going to take care of her every day of my life.
Chase slides an arm over my shoulder as we head out into the hall. From downstairs I can hear the sound of everyone—our closest friends, our family. It’s not the hundreds of guests we imagined the first time. When it came down to it, we realized what really mattered was having the people we loved here. Not the great aunt we’ve met only once, or every single guy and girl from the Vertex team.
I pause at the top of the stairs, taking a deep, slow breath. Chase lets go of me, and for a moment we look at each other.
We’re in elementary school, hanging out on the swings together.
We’re preteens mucking about on the ski lifts back in Breck.
We’re teenagers signing our first contracts and winning our competitions.
We’re in our twenties on the same Olympic podium, grinning at each other right before we spray each other with champagne.
We’re thirty-two and I’m asking him, for the first time, to be my best man.
“Hey,” I begin.
Chase smiles at me. “I know.”
* * *
Downstairs, it’s all I can do to make my way to the front of the dining room where the windows look out over the valley. I’m getting caught for slaps on the back and kisses on my cheeks. There are babies to hold and little kids to greet. High fives with some of our closer boarder friends who’ve made it here.
Nina and Angelique take turns pulling me in for a hug, swapping Bryn between them. I pinch at his nose before I grin at them.
“You took your time,” Nina says—but she’s not talking about today. She’s talking about all the last two years.
“He made it in the end,” Angelique corrects, and I share her smile.
My mom is hardly holding herself together. When we hug I can feel her trembling in my arms, barely suppressed happy tears shaking over her body. Her hands smooth over my back again and again, as if she can hardly convince herself this is real.
“I’m so happy,” she whispers against me. “You’re perfect for each other.”
Once I’ve let her go, my dad and I stand and look at each other. He’s never been all that demonstrative, but I can see the shine in his eyes, and when he grips my hand his smile is warm.
“Not a moment too soon,” he tells me, and I have to laugh.
“That seems to be the consensus,” I agree. “I should get up there.”
My mom nods, brushing a tissue under her eyes quickly. With her free hand she waves me forward. “Go on. We’re coming.”
Hunter and Hanne are standing on my side of the room when I get up there, but I stop by Raquel’s family first. Claire kisses me on the cheek.
“Congratulations, JJ.”
Her mom gives me a hug, which I expect, but it’s her dad’s teary eyes which stop me in my tracks.
“I’m so happy for you both,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.
I go to shake hands, but he pulls me into a hug. I can hardly breathe. It’s not because of the strength of his grip. It’s because of the way my own eyes are suddenly glistening, so wet that I have to rub them on the back of my hand.
“It’s a real privilege,” Joe says. “I’m honored.”
“Raquel didn’t want anyone else marrying us but you,” I tell him, just about managing to keep my voice together. “And I’m…” Grateful. So grateful. Raquel would hate the idea of me asking her dad permission for anything. But his blessing—that means the world to me. From one man who’s loved Raquel to another.
“Thank you,” is all I can say. I have to stop, or Raquel’s dad is actually going to cry on me. And
I’m going to cry on him.
It’s lucky timing for Chase to touch my shoulder. “She’s coming in now.”
This isn’t a church. We don’t have to do the aisle. But somehow it’s ended up this way. I take my place beside Chase and look out at the mountains.
They’re beautiful. They’re waiting for me. And they’ll always be there, ready for when I go back.
When we go back. When I get Raquel out on the snow for the season.
When I teach my own kid how to board.
I know the moment when Raquel steps into the room. Not because someone puts on the track that we chose—the one that makes her cry. I know because I of the sound everyone makes, an awed intake of breath.
I know because my heart thumps a double beat, sure that she’s here without even looking.
Her dad moves to stand in front of me, his face crumpling with emotion.
Beside me Chase can’t stop himself from turning his head, a grin spreading over his mouth.
I won’t look.
I can’t look.
My heart is going to burst.
And then I feel it, the touch I would know anywhere. Raquel’s hand on my arm.
“JJ?”
Her voice cracks, and I look down to tell her that it’s okay, like I’ll always make it okay—
And the whole world stops spinning, because she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, in her white wedding dress with our engagement ring on her finger.
She smiles at me, and it’s all gone. Our friends, our family, the mountains.
There’s only us here, in this sacred space, and the love we share is a physical thing between us, a bond that no one will ever break.
We came a long, long way to this moment. It’s been worth every step.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health.
Forever.
Raquel
So this is how we get married, in the end: quickly, without most of the things that we imagined would be so important. Because what really matters are the people who are here. Chase, Hanne, Hunter, and Nina standing beside JJ. Angelique holding Bryn’s hand as he brings us the rings. Claire and Meaghan behind me, squeezing each other tight. My mom holding my hand, and my dad standing before us, so happy that tears are streaming over his smile.
Crash: The Wild Sequence, Book Two Page 32