by Karen Lynn
Marty fidgeted. She played with her keys, looking around as people began streaming out of the club. But she didn't answer.
“Hey, I heard something about her tonight. I need you to be honest with me.”
Still no answer, and he was growing impatient. “Let me make it easier for you, Marty. Is she pregnant?” His hands slid up, tightening around her arms while his eyes tore into her.
“Yes…” she faltered. “She didn't want me to tell you. I was going to weeks ago...”
Jake let her go, bringing his hands desperately to his face. “Does she know whose baby it is?” Somehow it didn't seem like a rational question. Nervous tension turned into pacing.
“Not yet, Jake. I don't think it’s possible until it’s born.” Her voice was filled with distress.
He stopped pacing and stood firm in front of her. “When's that? I can't fucking believe no one told me!” His words boomed into the night.
“It wasn't up to me, Jake. Tell that to her!”
He glared at her. Kristen wasn't there. She was her alleged best friend, and the next best thing to take his frustration out on. “When, Marty?”
“I'm not sure, Jake, a month or two. I know you’ve been talking to her! Fucking call and ask her! I'm outta here!” she screamed, stomping away.
“Hey! I thought you were going home with me!” he called after her. Even more frazzled now, the severity of his action dawned on him. Not sure how to handle the situation, he sped up until he was close enough behind her to not have to yell.
“Hey—I’m sorry.” Something prevented him from going to her.
“Fuck you, Jake!” It wasn't a complete shock when she turned around to flip him off. Groaning he turned away. When he looked back, her car was long gone.
SATURDAY
KRISTEN
She felt strange—it was hard to pinpoint and identify. Perhaps it was simply jitters as her delivery date drew closer. Or, was it Logan? He continued to be affectionate, but when it had anything to do with the baby his coldness became devastating. She sensed an inner turmoil brewing in him, but he wouldn't confide in her. She was tired but anxious, enthusiastic but depressed. Whatever it was that she was going through, it was oppressive.
They were in the living room, Logan quiet and unconcerned with her presence. A text alert came out of nowhere, startling her. Peeking at Logan, who was still absorbed in his laptop, she headed cautiously to the bedroom balcony.
Jake needed to talk. The phone rang just as she was about to text him.
Normally, her hands wouldn’t start shaking until she heard his voice.
Who says anything about my life is normal?
She answered on the first ring. He didn't waste a minute. “Kristen. Are you pregnant? Just tell me the truth, yes or no.” The agitation in his voice was easy to identify.
As her trembling increased, it almost knocked her to the ground. Her breathing was so strained the words were strangled in her throat.
“Well, are you gonna tell me? Are you or not?”
It almost sounded like his voice was cracking. She pictured him, his face anguished, buried under his long, wavy hair.
He thinks I don’t know how he hides under it when he’s hurting.
“Yes.” Her voice sounded like a little squeak. As her nerves became explosive she brought her shaking hand to her mouth, waiting.
Unendurable silence. It took forever. “When were you gonna tell me?”
She glanced through the glass door into the apartment—it was still safe. “I—Jake, I don't know if it’s yours—yet…” Oh God I hate this!
“Why the fuck did you disappear? Why couldn't you call me—didn't I mean anything to you?” He didn't want to ask her, to reveal his vulnerability, but he needed to. And he couldn’t stop himself. Not anymore.
“Jake, you left me first. You didn't even call me...” She couldn’t continue. The painful memory was alive again.
“What? You fucking texted me that it was over. You couldn't call me, couldn't talk to me—we could’ve worked it out! Didn't I deserve that much?” He was breaking down and exploding simultaneously.
“I thought you didn't care…” She struggled to go back in time. “What text? I never texted you ending it.”
“Don't lie, Kristen. I have it right here, right from your phone. Or is it so meaningless you don't even remember?” He was yelling now.
“No! I never sent that! I was really messed up, but I would remember! I never sent it, I didn't even have my phone—” Then it hit her. “Oh my God!”
“What? You’re not making any sense—what the hell are you saying then?”
“Logan—he had my...”
Is she lying again? It felt like the air was being crushed from his lungs. For a few seconds he couldn't feel his body, couldn't move or speak. Then without warning, he was consumed by a staggering fury, yet his voice stayed alarmingly calm. “I need to know if it’s my baby, Kristen. If it is, you’re outta there. You have to get away from him.” He listened to her sniffling, aware of her struggle to hold back the sobs. It broke his heart even more. “Do you understand what I'm saying, Kristen?”
“Yes—I won't know until he's born…” she managed to say between quivers.
“He? A boy?” Jake's eyes went wide with astonishment.
“Yeah.” She thought she heard him gasp. “I don't know what to do. It's not that easy.”
“When will you, when will he be born?”
“A few more weeks…maybe before, they're not sure.” Sucking in as much air as her lungs could handle, she managed to calm herself enough to think straight. “Jake, they said it was high risk, I had to stay in bed, I couldn’t work, I could’ve lost him. I had no choice,” she whispered, frantically watching for any sign of Logan. “Who told you? Was it Marty?”
He absorbed her confession. Trying to steady his voice, he took a long, deep breath. “It doesn't matter how I found out. You should've told me, Kristen. I would've gone back for you. You just shut me out.” It was impossible to conceal the pain and even harder to hold back the tears. After a long pause, he took a chance. “What do you want?”
It took her off guard “I don't know…what if it's his?” She had to ask. Everything was so fragile, so uncertain.
“You don't know?” His voice rose again. “You better start planning if he's mine. There’s no way in hell he’s raising my kid.” He could hear her sniffling again and struggled to stay in control. “You just let me know as soon as you do, understand? Where are you staying? I need your address.” He couldn't believe he was saying all this, that he felt like he had never meant anything more in his entire life. He had no idea what he was doing.
Logan was coming.
“Miami Beach, a condo on Collins Ave. I have to go! I'll call you.” She quickly ended the call, jamming the phone into her pocket. Turning her face towards the beach, she rushed to wipe her tears away and regain composure.
“What are you doing out here? It’s hot.” Logan was next to her, searching her face.
What if he can tell? He has this sixth sense with me. “I was thinking about that nanny. I think I have someone good…”
A glint of surprise rose in his eyes, then he shrugged. “Have her come over then.” He pulled her back to him, nuzzling her neck. “That's what you were thinking about? I thought it was me.”
“That—and you.” She turned to him, trying to smile.
If he looks into my eyes he’ll know the truth.
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she took extreme care as she slowly moved closer. Her stomach was huge now and she lived in constant fear that he would crush the baby.
Alicia came to the apartment around 6 p.m. Kristen laughed to herself, surprised how cute and young she looked. And she didn't remember her being so short.
Even shorter than me! I’m not that short, at least for a woman. Just next to Jake…
She laughed out loud this time, remembering how hard it was to reach up to kiss him. How he would always
tease her.
The minute she introduced Alicia to Logan the atmosphere changed. It was obvious their relationship would be tumultuous at best. She dreaded the thought of what the worst scenario could be. It had always been easy to tell when Logan was attracted to a woman, or when he had objections, even disdain. There was no in-between with him.
He sat watching them talk and sulked. Once again, Alicia’s positive energy reinforced Kristen’s will power. There was no doubt in her mind that she was exactly what she needed.
Logan sprang out of his seat, motioning for her to go with him. Frustrated by his action, she waved him off. “Sorry he's so rude. You'll find out soon enough how moody he is.”
Alicia shrugged it off, but Kristen recognized her puzzled expression and couldn’t contain her embarrassment.
“I'll be right back, ok? You want anything else to drink?”
“No worries. I'm fine. Take your time.” Alicia gave Kristen’s arm a reassuring squeeze.
When Kristen caught up to Logan in the bedroom, his back was to her as he stared outside.
“How old is she?”
“I didn't ask her. She's in college.”
“You didn't ask her? And you're going to trust her with our baby?” He whirled around, his face flushed and bitter.
Our baby?
“I will, okay? But I'm sure she's old enough. Since when are you so concerned? You'll probably never be here anyway!”
“It's my house too, and I want someone I can trust. You don't even know her.”
“I know I like her and feel really comfortable with her. I'll get references. She lives nearby.” She studied the expression on his face. “Are you jealous? You always hated when I had close friends.”
Logan's eyes blazed, his lips set in a pout. He shook his head in denial. “Close friend? You just met her! And when did I ever say that? I can just tell when someone isn't good for you.”
“Yeah, right! Well she is, and I'm gonna hire her. You just go play with fucking Nick and leave me alone.”
“Then you pay her,” he muttered, rubbing his neck.
“What is it really, Logan? You think I'll get too close and not pay attention to you?”
“I don't like strangers here, that's all.”
“It was your idea, remember? She won't have a key or be here alone. Besides, I'm gonna be friends with her whether you like it or not. You don't care how I feel about Mr. Disgusting Sleazeball!” After glaring at him for what she felt was a sufficient amount of time to make her point, she stormed back to the living room.
Alicia fidgeted, attempted a grin and observed her intently. “He doesn't like me, does he?”
Kristen sat next to her. “If a woman isn't drooling over him he gets all upset.” She made a face like she had just eaten something nauseating and rolled her eyes. “But it’s my decision and I think you'd be great. Of course, there needs to be a baby first! But you can help with housework for the next few weeks if you want. Maybe twice a week.”
I will have to change his mind about paying her first, that’s all.
Kristen skimmed the extensive list of jobs and references she handed to her unable to hide her surprise. “Oh, he thinks you're a baby. How old are you?”
“Here's my driver's license, make a copy. I'm twenty-nine. That's my current address.”
“Wow! You look a lot younger.” Kristen let her eyes graze over her, amazed that she was only three years younger than she was. After she copied her license, she touched her arm gently. “Do you wanna go for a walk? I could use some air.” She gestured toward the bedroom, wrinkling her nose.
“Sure...” Distracted by Logan’s re-entry into the room, Alicia’s voice trailed off.
With a dejected look on his face, he fell into a chair, peeking at her through the corner of his eyes.
“We're gonna take a walk, sweetie,” Kristen planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Surprised, Logan stiffened, his fingers self-consciously trailing through his hair. He started to say something then changed his mind.
* * *
“Wow! He's a little…unusual,” Alicia faltered, as they strolled down the beach.
“He gets very withdrawn sometimes. I think he's going through one of his down spells again. And he also may be jealous of you.”
Alicia burst out laughing. “Sorry. But that's men for you. They can do whatever they want but if we so much as have a friend, they freak out! Drives me nuts.”
“I know, right? He's a big baby. And his partner is a disgusting creep, but he just loves him!”
Kristen started to run out of breath. They sat under a palm tree to escape the blazing sun.
“Have you been together a long time?”
“Almost thirteen years now.”
“Wow! That's longer than I thought.”
“Yeah, but you would never have recognized him before. We were together all the time. It was really, really hot! Our lives were such shit at that time, we actually needed each other, believe it or not.”
She hesitated, hoping Alicia would interrupt. When her eyes remained riveted on hers, Kristen could tell she had no choice and continued, her voice cracking. “Then he changed big time—he met his idiot partner, started making too much money for his own good and suddenly he became Mr. Big Shot.”
Alicia didn't blink as she listened to her. Kristen found herself awe struck by an unexpected, severe maturity well beyond her years, radiating from her.
“Maybe he's scared of the baby. Lots of men can't deal with it.” Sensing Kristen’s growing despair, she rushed to console her. “But—there’s a chance he'll get used to him after a while.”
“I wish. He's not exactly kid friendly. He thinks after I have him he'll somehow just disappear or we can abandon him and everything will be like it was before.” But what was it really like before? Before when?
“Sounds like he was the one with the nanny idea?” Alicia continued studying her. Kristen nodded.
“It figures! Well, now at least you'll have someone besides him to talk to. It's really important. When I was pregnant in Puerto Rico, most of my family was here or in New York. It was terrible.”
“You have a kid?”
“No. I lost it, a miscarriage. I should’ve known better.” Alicia's face darkened, the misery she still felt apparent.
“I'm so sorry, Alicia.” Kristen placed her hand on Alicia’s. She wanted to cry—for both of them.
“It's okay. I'm getting over it and the jerk-off father. That's why I told you, you have to take care of yourself, girl! Don't get stressed and stay positive. You don’t want an unhappy ending. You can call me any time.”
Kristen nodded, tears brimming her eyes. She had an urge to hug Alicia, but held back. Jake crossed her mind and she thought about telling her about him. But she couldn't. Not yet. It was too soon, and she was too broken.
Alicia needed to get to class so they decided to go over the details during the week. Although Kristen wasn’t anxious to go back home, she didn’t want to hang out by herself either.
“Logan?” The apartment was quiet. Too tired to wander around looking for him, she sank onto the couch, kicking her flip flops across the room. It still amazed her how totally wiped out she felt after only walking a few blocks. Sometimes it was hard to remember what it felt like to have energy at all. Or to see her feet when she looked down. Or to feel good looking in the mirror. To wear a bikini…
“Where'd you go?” Logan startled her. She flinched, stiffening. He laughed, then sat down on the floor next to her. Without another word, he dropped his head on her lap.
Kristen sat in disbelief looking down at him. She bit her lip, hoping to stop the quivering, then with a tentative movement dropped her hand to his head, gently stroking it. “For a walk on the beach.” She paused, but he said nothing. “She's twenty-nine, and she gave me a list of references and her driver’s license.”
He turned his head to the side, gazing up at her, his eyes soft, deep, magical blue diamonds once again. “Good. If th
at's what will make you happy.”
Why does he always have to look at me that way?
Her will trickled away. She closed her eyes, listening to her deep sigh as it echoed in the room. At least she could try to relax for a while.
CHAPTER 9
SATURDAY, WEEK 9
JAKE
Why does my life have to be so damn complicated? Throwing down the paint brush, he gave the easel a violent kick. It ricocheted across the room, the blank canvas crashing to the ground. It was hopeless. All his creative juices were dried up.
He dreaded going back to the club. He had no clue what to do about Kristen, and why he was even considering getting back with her.
There’s no room in my life for a kid, even if it is mine. Especially with her. Whatever her reason, she still took off with that asshole without giving me a second thought.
With a loud grunt, he flung the beer bottle against the wall, then cackled at the sight of the shattering glass.
Franky was supposed to come by to pick up some of his canvasses for the big show at the SoHo gallery that he was attending while Jake worked at the club. He had to pull himself together, clean up, and get ready. Any hint he was falling apart could turn Franky off and destroy any chances for the meeting with his friend. The details were still unclear. All he knew was he owned a few businesses. Franky was going to fill him in on when and where.
Hopefully it’s very far away from New York City. I definitely need a break.
The blaring doorbell startled him awake. 7:00 p.m. He had a few hours to spend with Franky before work. Hurrying to close his jeans, he scrambled to the door.
Franky gave him a quick hug, then frowned at his messy head of hair. “Where's the war?” His eyes scanned the kitchen table cluttered with beer bottles, then leapt across the clothes scattered across the living room.
“Bad week,” Jake muttered, heading back to the closet for a shirt. Franky followed him, peeping into the studio.
“Real bad, I assume.” He gestured to the easel, paint brushes, and canvas still strewn across the floor.
Jake grunted. How did I forget that? “Yep. Relationships. They're overrated.” He tried to grin.