by Karen Lynn
“Oh shit! It's Jake!” she flew out of her seat unsure if she should talk in front of Alicia, but unable to stop herself.
“Kristen. I have to talk to you.”
“What's wrong?”
“Jonny fired me Saturday night.” In his mind, that’s exactly what happened. There was no way he could be around Jenny without losing his temper. His loathing of the two of them had spiraled out of control.
He started to speak again but she cut him off. “—Why? What happened?”
“A lot of shit. He brought Jenny back, they're together. She was on my ass constantly and telling him a bunch of bullshit.”
“I'm sorry, Jake. That really sucks.” She paused, trying to think. It didn’t occur to her to question his motive for telling her about it. Motioning to Alicia, she quickly walked out onto the balcony.
“Jake, if you need money…” She knew he would explode, but didn’t care.
“No, no, I didn't call to ask for your help. I actually wanted to ask you about Jonny—”
“—I'm not saying you did. I just wanna tell you, that day I left, I went to the house to pick up some stuff. There's some money, it's under the mattress. I didn't get a chance to take it.”
“What? Why were you there? What money?”
“It was from the safe. It was for us... but then I, Marty had to take me to the hospital.”
“For us? But I thought you were leaving with him?”
“No! That's not what I wanted, Jake. I just started getting really bad pains and it changed everything.” She heard his loud breaths but ignored it, desperate to get to the point. “There should be a real estate lock box on the place. If you call a realtor, maybe you can say you wanna rent it.” Tears filled her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was telling him. It just felt right. “I want you to have it…”
Jake’s mouth dropped in surprise. I can’t believe this! He buried his face in his hands and sat in silence. When he spoke again, his voice was troubled and muffled. “Kristen... you want me to steal from him?”
“No! No... it’s mine too, remember? I told you. What if you need it, Jake? What if the baby is yours? What if we need it? If someone rents the place, we’ll never see it!” She squeezed her eyes tight to push back the tears.
Jake was speechless. When he finally managed to find the words, his voice was barely audible. “I have a friend, I'll call her. She's gonna want a favor though.”
“Do whatever it takes. And hurry. Ok? I don't want someone else to find it.”
“Thank you Kris. I'll give it all back to you as soon as I can.” he whispered.
“You don't have to, Jake. Let's see what happens, okay?” Her rapid heartrate forced her into a chair.
“Okay. That sounds fair.” He was about to hang up. He needed to, to digest everything, to make sense of it all. But he couldn’t. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yes, I'm fine. What about Jonny?”
“Oh yeah!” He smiled, recalling the real reason for his call. “Jenny's the one that told me you were pregnant. She got it from him.” He heard her gasp. “Yeah. How did he know?”
Should I tell him? He already has it in for Logan. She proceeded with caution, carefully choosing her words. “He was in Miami with some friends. He saw me—us in a restaurant.”
So, my suspicions were right! “Hmm, are you sure he wasn't hanging with you guys? Business maybe?” The uncomfortable, familiar feeling that she was lying again came over him.
Damn! He’s too smart! I’m busted! She took a hard, painful gulp.
“Jake, do we have to talk about this now?”
“That's my answer then.”
He paused, reflecting on it briefly.
“Jonny’s a dangerous man, Kris. I don't know what they're into, but I can tell you it's probably illegal.”
“You think I don't know that too? I hate him.” Her eyes travelled to the door. I should get back to Alicia, but I don’t want to hang up. Not yet.
“I know you're trying to protect your husband.” He exhaled, seeking the courage. “Tell me truthfully, do you love him?”
She bit her lip, willing the tears back. It took a second before she answered. “We’ve been together a long time, Jake, you have to understand. There's a bond...”
Unable to resist, his laugh was bitter. “Oh, I do, Kristen, way too well. Why are you even talking to me then, hmm?” The pent-up emotions he had been struggling to hide, threatened to explode.
“Why? You called me, Jake...”
“I know that, but you didn’t have to answer! Fuck—you disappeared for what, 7 months? Why now? First the rings, now all of a sudden you wanna give me a lot of money. For us? You are fucking up my head big time, you know that?”
The unmistakable anguish in his voice broke her heart. “Because I'm sorry, Jake, about everything. And, I still really care about you. If the baby is yours, I can’t stay with him!”
I can’t let her twist me around her finger again. “So you wanna use me then?”
“No! Jake, it's very complicated. Please, it's hard to talk about this over the phone.”
“Believe me Kristen, you don't wanna talk about this with me in person.” His face hardened. “Do you love him or not? Or is it just that mysterious bond you're always talking about. It has to be pretty damn strong that you would protect a murderer!”
Beginning to get frantic, she tried to control herself. “I care about him—I do, but I don't love him anymore. I never planned to be with him like this. Now this Jonny shit, and his fucking partner. Until I have the baby—I'm trapped right now, you have to believe me!” Her voice boomed. Alicia stood at the door. “I'll be right out. Sorry,” she called to her.
“Who are you talking to?”
“My nanny, Alicia.”
“Your nanny? You don't even have a baby yet!”
How can I expect to compete with him? Maybe I will get that money. Why the hell am I even talking to her?
“She's my only friend here. Do you believe what I told you? I never stopped thinking about you, Jake.”
He fought as hard as he could, but the vulnerability in her voice brought him to his knees. “I think I do. I shouldn't though. Listen, I may be going to Miami for some business with Franky.”
“Oh! Really?” Her eyes widened.
“Yeah. I'm not sure when. Hopefully the baby will be born by then. We’ll see what we're gonna do...” His voice trailed off. Why does everything have to be so uncertain and complicated—like a freaking unsolvable puzzle.
“Okay.” She sank to the seat, completely drained.
“If it's his, I guess you'll stay with him?” There is no way I can raise that monster’s kid—no freaking way I will. Then why the hell is this whole thing tearing me up like this?
“I don't know, Jake. He doesn't want a baby. He hates the idea, but I'm sure he would still fight me if it is his.” Hanging her head, her words were dull and lifeless. There wasn’t an easy solution, and the stress was killing her.
“Oh yeah! You better believe he would, just for spite.” Calming himself, he lowered his voice. “So you're still thinking about a divorce?”
“Yes, definitely, after the baby…it’s too close now. I don’t have the strength to fight him.”
“If you didn’t wait so long, it would’ve been a lot easier.” He paused, hoping that she would come up with a magic, comforting response.
She was silent, listening to the thoughts rattling in her brain, unwilling to accept them. I can’t let this bring me down, even though he’s right—somewhat. Why is it always so difficult to make firm decisions? Especially when it concerns Logan.
“Take care of yourself. I'm glad about your friend. Do you trust her?” Jake continued, reluctant to break the connection.
“Yes, I do. He hates her.”
When Jake chuckled, it came out more as a contempt-ridden sound, than amusement. “It figures.” He dropped his head into his hands again, rubbing his eyes. My life has just gone from bad to hell-driven
.
A chilling pause.
“You're not with anyone?”
“No. It's not working for me. Not yet.” His anger had subsided into depression. He took a deep breath. “I'll try to get to that money. How much do you think it is?” It is the only way. That voice in his head again.
“I don't know—a lot. I don't even know how he got it.”
“Really? You never asked him?” He stifled a laugh. Why isn't that hard to believe?
“No. I know it was stupid...”
“Hey, you were surviving. Stay strong and positive, okay?” Maybe saying it out loud will help me too.
They ended the call, she blotted her face with her t-shirt and went back to Alicia.
“Was that...” Alicia faltered, her eyes filled with concern.
“Yeah, that's the one I was telling you about. I'm helping him out. He's in trouble, but he'll be fine.”
Alicia shook her head, a knowing look on her face. “Let's get some air. If you feel like talking about it...”
Kristen smiled, an unusual peaceful feeling sweeping over her as they left the apartment.
LOGAN
Gina was thrilled to hear from him and didn't hesitate to show it. After weeks of little sexual activity, he finally experienced some mild satisfaction.
But, he still refused to acknowledge his need to have total control over Kristen. Or, that Alicia provoked jealousy and contempt in him by challenging it. If he did it would make him feel weak, and weakness would depress him. Having just pulled himself out of a deep slump, it wasn't where he wanted to be any time soon. Instead of facing his demons, he sought the solace of Gina's body—no commitments or expectations. At least that's what he thought, and the only thing that concerned him.
They did a lot of very potent coke and it knocked him on his ass good. It had been awhile since he’d hit the drugs so hard.
“Hey, what time is it?” He stretched, bored with staying in bed. Without thinking, he jerked upright only to be knocked right back down by a dizzy rush. In an unsettling instant, everything turned upside down.
“Eight. Why, do you have another appointment?” She moved on him like a panther.
“I...” It hit him then, a surge of vomit rising from his stomach. Wobbling to the bathroom, he made it just in time to hang weakly over the toilet.
“You better lay back down, baby.” Gina snuck up behind him.
A fleeting image of Kristen invaded his mind. Maybe after I rest a little I’ll text her. The thought vanished as soon as he hit the bed again.
KRISTEN
She wasn't in a hurry to get back home. Alicia didn't have class and enticed her into a home-cooked meal. They sat around the small dining room table in her apartment afterwards. The cute, cozy place, filled with various types of plants, bright colored paintings, and large windows, induced a safe and content sensation in Kristen. She found herself confiding in Alicia about Jake, opening up in a way she'd never done with anyone before. Talking about it made it real, forcing her to realize the full potency of her feelings. They were so powerful, she couldn't hold back the tears any longer.
“Kristen, it's obvious you really care about Jake. And he—oh my God! He still loves you after being apart for so long and all you’ve put him through! You have to make a serious decision.” She handed her a box of tissues.
“How do you know?” Kristen sniffled, eyes large and hopeful.
“That he loves you?” Alicia studied her, rolling her eyes at Kristen’s timid nod. “Come on, Kris, I don’t have to spell it out for you! You know all too well and you know you need to decide pretty soon.”
“I know.” She blew her nose, starting to regret that she'd told Alicia about the money. What if something inexplicable made her tell Logan?
“Logan is cute, even though he’s strange, but—hey do you have any photos of Jake?”
Kristen whipped out her phone, laughing. “I thought you’d never ask!”
“Oh yeah! Very, very hot! Where’s he get that exotic look from?”
“Probably his dad. Jake’s practically a clone and he was a really hot French Canadian. And I think he said his mom has a mix of Spanish, Hawaiian and Scottish blood. Awesome, huh? I guess that gives him that special uniqueness.”
“Wow! You know it’s really obvious you have strong feelings for him, Kris. If I were you…” Sidetracked by the dreamy look in Kristen’s eyes, Alicia let a nod of approval pacify her, before moving on with caution. “Is he a good man? I mean, he's really big and strong. Does he scare you at all?”
Remembering the details of Alicia’s abusive relationship in Puerto Rico, she decided to be truthful with her. “I don’t think Jake would ever hurt me. He has a big heart.” Alicia’s intent expression warned her she wouldn’t be satisfied unless she bared her soul. Kristen sighed, unable to meet her eyes. “He does have a temper, but only when he's really pushed to the edge. And he’s working on it. Like me.”
Alicia raised her eyebrows. “Uh oh, two hot heads.”
“It was pretty volatile. But then again, I didn’t make it easy for him. Without Logan around I really think it would be very cool.”
“Yeah, but unfortunately, he's still here. I think after you find out who the father is, it will be easier. Well maybe not easier, but at least you will have some direction.”
“Right—who to fight. I have a feeling Jake won’t give up the baby either, if it’s his. I am screwed either way.” She shook her head. “But I know one thing, I'm glad I didn't have an abortion. If it is Jake’s I think it’s the only way he'd take me back.”
“Maybe, maybe not. From what you tell me, Jake's hooked on you, but even if he’s Logan's, just love him for who he is. That baby should be the most important person in your life. No man is that important. And don’t forget, a man can always be replaced.”
Kristen flinched as Logan’s image flashed in her mind. “Speaking of the devil, he hasn't even called me. I bet he's with that bitch again.”
“See what I mean?” Alicia scrunched her face in disgust. “Hey, you can stay here tonight if you want.”
Very tempting. “Thanks, but I better go back. It'll make it worse if he comes home and I'm not there. No stress, remember?” She smiled getting up.
“Duh! I'm bad. I'll walk you home.” She laughed, joining her.
“Thanks for dinner. It was really delicious.” Kristen hugged her when they reached her apartment.
As soon as she opened the door, her skin crawled. The total darkness loomed in front of her, unusually foreboding and lonely. Like the calm before the storm.
TUESDAY
LOGAN
The morning sun streamed through the windows of Gina's apartment. Logan woke with a start, squinting and rolling over to check the time. The previous night's events were a blur. It had not been his intention to spend the night at Gina's without contacting Kristen. Not that she would've understood, but it couldn't be worse than what he expected this way. Grabbing his clothes from various parts of the apartment, he didn’t waste any time getting dressed. Gina found him in a frantic search for his keys.
“Oh my God, Logan! You have a curfew? Mommy waiting?” She laughed.
Logan gave her a dirty look, shoving his keys and phone in his pocket.
“I'm outta here!” he called out, bolting to the door.
“Wait... when are you coming back?” she called after him.
With a frown, he sprinted down the stairs. The sound of her curses trailed after him, followed by the door slamming shut.
Kristen floated through his mind. Hopefully, she'd be out with her new best friend. But he doubted it since it was only 8 a.m. She never got up that early. This time he vowed he wasn't going to take any shit from her, pregnant or not.
* * *
Another long restless night, mostly spent tossing and turning. Kristen hadn't fallen asleep until way after 2:00 a.m. The light creeping through the blinds forced her awake now. It was almost 9:00 a.m. She reached across to touch his side of th
e bed, repelled by the coldness.
That bastard never came home.
Her heart sank even deeper than it had the past few days. It is starting again. He couldn't even wait until after the baby is born.
Startled by the sound of the door creaking open, she stiffened. On instinct, she hid under the blanket, rolling onto her side and staring into the darkness.
She heard him tiptoeing past her. Holding her breath, she prayed he wouldn't approach her. She sucked in her lips, to still the quivers, straining to listen. She heard the bathroom door close with a soft thump, the click of the lock, followed by water splashing around in the shower. Her breathing intensified, the anger raging.
If he is innocent, he would've come to me. And why did he lock the door? Wash it all away, you bastard.
She waited in silence. The baby pounded away inside of her, the pain intensifying. She crammed her hand to her mouth, stifling the moans.
His light footsteps grew nearer.
“Kristen?” He pulled the blanket back unveiling her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing soft. “Hey.” He gently pushed her arm. She stirred, partially opening her eyes, squinting up into his face.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered, bending down to kiss her lips. She turned her back on him taking harsh breaths. He climbed into bed. She felt the heat of his body melting into her.
“Don't you want to know what happened?”
“I don't care, Logan.”
“You're not mad?”
“I just don't care.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I hate you, Logan. I wish you were dead.” Her voice was lifeless. She attempted to free herself from his arms, the urgent desire to hurt him charging through her veins.
He clamped her tight, pressing his face against her back. “You don't really mean that…”
With a defeated groan, she closed her eyes, letting the tears sneak through. At this point it was futile to struggle, he had the advantage. How well he knew her fatal weakness and used it against her. And how strange after all this time he never once noticed the destruction he had caused.