by Karen Lynn
He held him with extreme tenderness, terrified he would break.
“What's so funny?”
Her giggles persisted.
He gave her a quick glance, unable to pull his eyes from the baby’s tiny face for long. “You did a great job, baby. I still can't believe he came out of that little body of yours. I'm so proud of you.”
“Well he did, and I have the scars to prove it. You may think I look horrible and not want me anymore.” She lowered her eyes.
“Yeah right! You could never look horrible! I'll take care of the scars. We have our secret formulas, you know.”
She basked in the twinkle in his eyes. He returned his attention to Alex. In one magnetic moment, he bonded with the baby. It was overwhelming. Speechless, she dropped her head against Jake’s arm, and sighed.
“He's amazing like you are.” She wasn’t sure if he heard her, but somehow it was irrelevant.
When they returned to the room one hour later, Alicia was gone. Jake pulled Kristen down on his lap, his face serious. “What happened, Kris? Why are you here? Don't lie, please. I need us to start over, to be totally honest with each other, okay?” It was a shot in the dark, he knew it.
She wanted the same thing, but didn't know if she could do it. It took a few minutes before she found the words. “I do too baby, but I don't want you to be mad. Can you promise me?”
He looked into her eyes, so brilliantly green, yellow, and gold. Like a cat’s. The eyes that always melted his heart.
“It sounds bad, but I'll try.” He touched her face, refusing to remove his hand. If he did, he feared she'd vanish.
She took long deep breaths, avoiding his gaze. The longer she took, the more agitated he became.
“I want you to know I'm done with Logan. I swear, it's over.” Scrutinizing his expression and body language, she continued with caution. “But I made a big mistake. I got really drunk after I was released from the hospital... and I, we had sex, and…” The tenseness in his body wouldn’t allow her to continue.
“Why? You knew the baby was mine, didn't you? And we were supposed to get back together, right?” His eyes brimmed with tears. Despite how much he struggled, his breaths were increasingly harsh and irregular.
She squirmed uneasily on his lap, searching for a way to tell him. “Yes…but…” She squeezed her eyes shut.
How can I possibly put it where it won't sound terrible?
He stared at her, his patience wearing thin.
If I tell him the truth about this last time, he'll go after Logan. If I don't, he’ll leave me.
“I know. I was out of my head. You know how I get.”
His chest heaved. She couldn't look in his eyes.
I have to tell him or I will lose him again! “He kind of…forced me—”
He jerked forward, the momentum almost knocking her to the ground. She wobbled to her feet, seeking the wall for support.
“What the fuck? Are you saying he raped you? YOU KNOW HOW THAT FLARES ME UP!” Uncontrollable rage sent him to his feet.
This is the part I hate! She turned around, hugging herself. The trembling increased.
“Okay, okay, I'm cool.” Don’t screw this up Jake! He took her hands, pulling her arms around him and embraced her. “Where is he now?”
“I don't know, he ran off. I think he’s really freaked out.” She stopped to gaze up at him. “I’m not going back there. Ever. Let's just forget it, okay? I'm fine now.”
But the look on his face told her it was impossible for him to do that.
“That's not gonna be so easy!” His face inflamed and twisted in anguish. Desperate to hide it and pull himself together, he turned away. It didn’t last long. “Why are you protecting him?”
“I'm not protecting him! I don't want you to end up in prison.” She believed it and hoped he would accept it.
He paced, shaking his head in disagreement. “Nah, that may be part of it, but you are covering for him. You always were, Kristen. So tell me, if the baby was his, would we even be having this conversation?”
She followed him, blocking his path. “That's not fair! Don't ask me that! It's not his. And, even if it was like that, he's so fucked up, even if we weren't having this conversation, I probably would leave him anyway.” She twisted his t-shirt in her hands, struck by the lameness of her own words.
“Probably? Right! You are so full of shit.” He broke away from her whirling around so she couldn’t see him. “I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake coming here. I think you're using me so you don't have to raise him alone.”
“No! Jake, don't say that. Please...” She grabbed his arm. I can’t let him go!
“Then tell me the truth once and for all. Do you still love him?” It hurt more than anything, but there was no way around it.
“No! But I don't want him beaten to death either!”
He threw his arms up in the air, as she rattled on with anxious determination. “You know I care about him, we were through so much together, but I know it’s toxic, I know we should have spilt a long time ago, I know it would never work for us, he doesn't want what I do, he doesn't want a family, he can't be faithful—”
“—And you can be?”
“Yes! I'll prove it to you. We can go wherever you want! Anywhere.”
Not blinking, his desperation heightened. He needed to figure her out, to understand where she was coming from, like he'd done so many times before. But as much as he wanted to believe her, it didn’t seem possible. “Even Alaska?” He knew she hated the bitter cold. In an instant, she nodded. He grinned. “Now I know you're playing me.” Serious again, he came to an abrupt decision. “I want a paternity test.”
It didn't come as a complete surprise, but she had hoped he wouldn't pursue it. “Okay, I have no idea how but we can ask. I left the father blank on the birth certificate.”
He ignored the tears in her eyes. “If it proves I'm his father, you can put me on it. Then we'll talk about our future and why the fuck I should forget that bastard killed Ray and raped you. Deal?”
The calmness in his voice was so surreal it chilled her.
“Yeah, sure. Now?” She was ready to do whatever it took.
The unsavory memory of the night with Nick and Logan popped into her head. It will be fine; it has to be. Alex looks just like Jake.
She still wasn't satisfied. “Remember how you told me you didn't want your kids to grow up like you?”
He stiffened. “Yeah, so?”
“If you kill him, what about Alex? You'll be in prison and he'll have to grow up alone.”
Frantically rubbing his hand across his face, Jake took a deep, labored breath. “Okay, Kristen, I hear you! Let's go take care of this stuff for now.” He stopped. “Wait, when are you out of here anyway?”
Why should I let him get away free and clear? I’ll fuck him up really bad. I should do it right away, before she gets out. The thought made him snicker. The muscles in his arms tightened. But what will I do about her?
“Maybe tonight they said, if eat and have a normal temperature.”
“So, I need to chill out so you stay cool, heh?” He smiled, pulling her close. “I guess you can't go too far in the gown, can you?” He lifted the back. “You are wearing panties! Damn!”
“Of course! Have you seen how this thing flaps open?” She smiled, relieved.
He laughed. “Not yet! So, can I bring you normal food, instead of this hospital shit?”
“We can ask. Let's find out about the paternity test.” She took his hand, kissing it. “I really love you Jake, more than anything.”
“Not more than my son I hope. Equal maybe, but never more, okay?”
“Equally. What about you?”
“I never stopped loving you, Kristen.” He held her tighter and whispered in her ear, “But if you ever see him again, if you fuck me over again, I swear to God I will seriously hurt him. And I’m not playing. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
A sick feeling twisted her st
omach. “Yes, Jake.”
“Good. Now, let’s see about my son.”
LOGAN
He decided to go home. It was no surprise, Gina was stifling. He needed his own space. Nick was getting back to him about the NYC venture. He was so hyped up and jumpy from the pills he'd taken, he ended up ditching his sandals and sprinting along the beach.
This time, he couldn’t ignore the brilliance of the sunset painting the horizon in amazing shades of orange and red. Or the voices and laughter of happy families packing up to return to their cozy little lives that poisoned the air.
At first, the cool grains of sand sprinkling over his feet was comforting. He felt light, clean, calm. Then the restlessness took over, his body pulsating with nervous energy that lured him toward the bars.
That's when he saw Alicia lounging on a bench, absorbed in a book. Something snapped in his head. He found himself rooted in front of her.
She didn’t have to look up. Her eyes narrowed with unrestrained hatred. “What the hell do you want?”
“That's what I was going to ask you. What the hell do you want with my wife? Why don't you get the fuck out of our lives?” He glared down at her.
A look of complete disbelief washed over her face. She inched back. “So you can fuck her up even more?”
Her eyes flashed. He stiffened uncomfortably, taken off guard. It seemed to energize her. “I think your little control games with her are over, Logan. Why don't you ask her if you don't believe me?”
“Yeah? What the hell do you know about that, huh?” He was in her face now, could feel steamy blood coursing through his veins.
Sensing danger, she cautiously stood, distancing herself from him. “I know enough. I know she hates you now!” She couldn't help herself, her disdain of him controlled her.
“Really?” He doubled over laughing. She stood watching, a smirk on her face. It infuriated him. “I should teach you a lesson, keep you from meddling and from fucking up my life!” His eyes held that familiar powerful and crazed hatred. The sound of people approaching echoed far away in his head. It wasn’t important. Nothing mattered but the uncontrollable scorn ripping him apart inside.
“I'm not Kristen, you touch me and I'll fucking rip you apart!” Her voice screeched through the air. The warm evening breeze flowed through her curls as she backed farther away.
A rude awakening crashed him back to reality. There were too many people around. He allowed the tenseness to dissolve.
Maybe I should visit Kristen, instead. Forget about this stupid bitch. She’s a useless piece of shit, a waste of my precious time. Yeah, I’ll let her slide. This time.
“Today is your lucky day.” He hissed, slinking closer. “Kristen wanted everything I gave her. Didn't she tell you that? I never forced her!” A sudden rush brought a despicable smile to his face. He shielded his eyes to savor her reaction.
This time Alicia chuckled, containing the creepiness spreading through her as she rushed toward the street. “I doubt that, asshole. And I think your days of screwing with her are over for good.”
Blinking back his astonishment, Logan froze, watching as she darted across the street to her building.
What the hell does she mean by that? The throbbing in his head dulled his vision. He desperately massaged his temples, struggling to think straight. It was useless. Instead, he took out his phone to call Kristen.
JAKE/KRISTEN
They finally located the department that conducted the paternity testing in the hospital. After a lot of negotiation and Jake's agreement to pay a hefty fee, they promised to get the tests performed on an expedited basis. If he truly was the father, they'd fill in his name on the birth certificate. Assurance was given that they would have the results within twenty-four hours.
“Welcome to Miami, where anything is possible with the right connection or money.” Kristen laughed in an attempt to hide her uneasiness. “Are you sure you want to spend that much money?”
The idea of declining the test crossed his mind; he could take a leap of faith instead. It wouldn’t be the first time. Then he remembered Franky's serious expression. Between that and Kristen’s tainted history of lying and cheating on him, he couldn’t waver. He would be a real fool if he did.
“Yeah. That's the only way I'll be confident. Sorry baby, that's just the way it is.”
He attempted to push the festering mistrust from his mind as they returned to the room. It was time for the doctor’s decision about Kristen’s release.
“I think you need one more night, Kristen. You still have a low-grade fever. We don't want you being rushed back again.” The doctor announced, ignoring her disappointed gasp.
“I really don't think that will happen again.” Kristen begged, but the doctor insisted. Distressed, she sought Jake’s support.
“Better play it safe, baby. It's only one more night. I'll get settled in the hotel. This way tomorrow we can just pick up your stuff.”
She was genuinely surprised and relieved. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his waist. The doctor was on her way out and didn't pay attention.
It was his turn to be surprised, yet it didn’t prevent him from hugging her back even harder. “What was that for?”
“You never actually said anything about that.”
“What do you think I'm here for, heh? Don’t be crazy, woman!” He kissed her deeply, his lips lingering to savor every bit of her.
The kiss failed to wipe out her doubts, but she resolved to have some faith for a change. It was the only way. “How did you find me here? Did you speak to Alicia?”
“Don't be mad at her, okay? She really cares about you.”
“When? What did she tell you?”
“I was worried about you. She answered your phone. Baby, be happy you have such a good friend. Don't worry about it.”
“Just tell me you won't leave me, Jake.” She buried her face in his chest, succumbing to her fears.
He pulled her so tightly against him she couldn't breathe. “Baby, I need you.” he whispered.
“What does that mean?” She pulled back, staring up at him.
“What if the baby isn't mine? Let's wait and see.” He avoided her eyes.
Devastated, she tried to break out of his grasp, pushing back on his chest. It took him off guard and he held on tighter. “Let me go! You came here just to get Logan, didn't you?”
“Stop it, Kris! You know that's bullshit! If it’s his baby he's not gonna let me take him! Are you gonna leave them for me?”
“Alex is your son, Jake! Are you kidding me? He's your clone!” His face brightened. She softened. “Can you just answer me, please?”
“If he's mine, you know I won't leave you, baby.”
His hushed words echoed in her head like her favorite song, as she breathed a sigh of relief and yielded to the warmth of his body.
CHAPTER 13
TUESDAY WEEK 11
LOGAN/KRISTEN/JAKE
It was a long, stressful night for Logan. Alicia had flared him up to a combustible level and then sent him crashing down into a sea of smoke. He was sinking deeper than ever, with no return in sight. The pills and liquor only made it worse. If he slept three hours, it was a lot. If he closed his eyes, it only made it worse. He was desperate to talk to Kristen, but afraid she would hang up on him. Even worse, Alicia would probably answer her phone. With no alternative, he took off to the hospital.
Visiting hours had just started. He hoped by going there early she'd still be alone. It was like he was born again when he stepped into the room and found her dozing off, no Alicia in sight.
“Kristen.” He knelt by her side. His face was ashen, a yellowish tinge of exhaustion painted across it.
His voice skimmed through her subconscious, then started her awake. Cringing, she huddled under the blanket, hugging it around her chest. “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry if I scared you, sweetie.” He reached out for her, shocked at her recoil. “I'm sorry, Kristen, give me a bre
ak.”
“Logan, you need to leave. I can't do this.” Her voice cracked, her eyes widened in terror. She wasn't sure what she was afraid he would do, but sensed she had to get rid of him immediately.
“What? Why?” His face crinkled in confusion. “I don't get it. What happened?” His temples were pulsating again.
There was no way she would back down. The dark circles under his eyes, the red pupils, forlorn expression wouldn't alter her decision. “Go, Logan, don't make me call security.”
He ignored her pleas and proceeded, closing the distance between them. Frantic to get away, she flopped clumsily out of the bed, the blanket tangled around her legs. Stumbling to her feet, she freed herself from the blanket and backed into a corner. He followed her, agile and quick. His hands clasped her shoulders, locking her in place.
“I just want to talk to you. Why are you acting like a maniac?”
An arm clasped around his neck from behind, crushing his windpipe. A desperate scream became trapped in his throat. Gasping for air, he struggled to break free.
“She told you to leave, motherfucker!” Jake snarled, yanking him off the ground and away from her.
“Jake! Don't, please!” Kristen sprang after them, tripping over her own feet. She clamped his arm, trying to ply it from Logan's throat.
Shocked, Jake released his grip, sending Logan spiraling forward. “What the fuck?” He couldn’t move. For a second his eyes landed on her fingers still grasping his arm. “Why?”
Logan continued coughing and choking, his hands clutching his throat. As he regained control, sucking in large gulps of air, he turned his bright red face to them. “What the fuck is he doing here?” he sputtered, his wild eyes glued on Kristen.
Every muscle in Jake's body was on fire, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he glared at him. The intense heat and dark red hue faded from Logan's face.
Kristen wouldn't release her hold on Jake. “You know what he's doing here, Logan!”