I grinned. “Good, because I was showing off for you. Look, I gotta go home and shower. Brent’s gonna pick me up later and we’ll head out to the party. Sound good?”
“Sounds great.”
She bit her lip in that adorable way that made me crazy, and I swear if it weren’t for her parents watching us like hawks, I would have slipped my tongue inside her mouth and kissed her senseless.
But I had to be good. Her parents weren’t 100 percent sure of me and I got that, but I didn’t want anything to interfere with our plans. Tonight was our last one together, and I had to make it count. I needed to make this girl so crazy about me she would never forget this summer, or me.
Because I knew I wouldn’t. She was burned into my skin like a tattoo, and I would carry her with me forever.
Chapter Thirty
Monroe
I changed my clothes at least seven times before settling on a pair of dark navy skinny jeans, ballet slippers, and a green halter top that made my eyes pop. Or at least that’s what the saleslady said when Gram had taken me shopping in New Orleans a few weeks back.
The top was on the skimpy side—most of my stomach was bare and the jeans rode low—but I couldn’t wait for Nate to see me. I had plans for tonight. For me and him.
I grabbed my purse from the table beside my bed and fumbled inside the hidden pocket until my fingers closed around the small foil packet.
I’d bought condoms when I was in New Orleans. My cheeks burned at the thought—I still couldn’t believe I’d had enough balls to do it. It had been hard, slipping away from Gram, and then, well, who knew there were so many different kinds? Ribbed. Glow in the dark. Stuff that vibrated.
God, there were different sizes!
I’d bought the plainest, smallest box I could find and prayed that Gram wouldn’t be able to tell. You know, in case there was some invisible sign on my forehead that said, “Monroe is going to have sex and she has a box of condoms in her bag.”
I’d been thinking about this for days. No. Weeks. I’d been thinking about it ever since Nathan had kissed me at Baker’s Landing. And tonight was my last chance. My last chance to be with Nathan. Really be with Nathan.
Outside, there in the maze that was ours, we’d spent most nights under the stars until he had to go home. We’d kissed. A lot. And we’d touched. I’d explored his hard, muscled body that was so different from mine, and he’d kissed his way down my chest, but he’d always held back, didn’t go further. And when I wanted to do more, he stopped us.
Said we needed to move slow. That he needed to move slow.
So I hadn’t touched him. Or seen him there.
Even though I’d wanted to.
I knew that Nate had had sex before. I’d asked him and he’d been honest with me. He’d told me that he and Rachel had been doing it since the tenth grade. When I pushed him, he’d admitted that there had been others.
Of course there had been others. Nathan Everets was hot. And it wasn’t just that physically he was smoking. He was the deepest, sweetest guy I’d ever met. Who wouldn’t want to be with him?
So why didn’t he want me?
I shoved the condom into the front pocket of my jeans and glanced at myself in the mirror. For a moment, I didn’t recognize the face that stared back at me.
Who was this girl with eyes that sparkled and skin that glowed? This girl who looked…happy. Excited. And scared.
“Monroe, Nathan is here!”
Gram’s voice made me jump, and I grabbed my jean jacket. I shut the door and didn’t stop until I was at the front door when I nearly tripped over my feet.
Holy. Hell.
Nathan smiled, a slow, soft grin that could seriously melt anyone’s heart. His eyes were soft and I noticed that he’d shaved. I loved it when he didn’t shave—it gave him that edge that I really liked—but tonight, with that smile? My hands were itching to touch all that smooth, tanned skin.
He wore a plain white Henley, his golden skin and burnished hair a contrast that could make any girl lose her head and—I smiled—he wore my favorite jeans. They were old and faded, but they looked amazing on him, and I exhaled shakily as I snuck a look at my mom.
She leaned against the staircase, and I could tell that Nate’s charm was working overtime because she smiled at him. She smiled at him in a way I recognized. God, he was good.
“So,” she cleared her throat. “You kids won’t be too late?”
“Mom, it’s my last night here, and I promise I won’t be out all night, but can I stay out later than midnight?”
I saw the indecision in her eyes.
“I mean, I just haven’t felt so good about things in so long, I kinda want to hold on to it as long as I can, you know?”
Okay, that was low, but I didn’t care. I was willing to work any angle in order to spend as much time with Nathan as I could.
“I promise, I’ll be good.”
Gram and Dad walked up from the kitchen. “You take care of my granddaughter, Nathan.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.
I gave my mom a quick hug, but she held me for a second longer. “Roe,” she said shakily. “I…”
There were so many words between us. Simple words. Hard words.
It’s the in-between words that are easy to get out. I guess, somehow, they don’t really matter. They fill in the spaces between the simple ones that carry so much weight and the hard ones that hold everything together.
But the ones that do matter, those ones are the hardest to get out. They get stuck, or buried, and sometimes they get forgotten. But I knew they were there inside my mom, because the same ones were buried deep in me.
Mom shuddered and I whispered, “I know.”
She paused. “You look beautiful.”
I smiled at my dad and kissed Gram on the cheek. She grabbed my hands, her eyes suddenly serious as she bent forward. “Be careful,” she whispered, so low only I could hear, her eyes full of meaning.
God. It’s as if she knew what I was planning.
I nodded, my throat tight, and then followed Nate out into the hot Louisiana night.
The party was huge. It was held in the bush out back at some guy Chad’s farm, and there must have been at least two hundred kids there when we arrived.
That was over two hours ago, and I’d bet there was close to three hundred by now.
A bonfire burned brightly, tunes blared from large speakers set on top of a mud-splattered redneck truck, and everyone seemed to be either high on life or high on weed, but sometimes it was hard to figure out the difference.
“Hey,” Nate slid his arms around me and I leaned back against him, watching Brent chat up yet another girl.
“Is he, like, the biggest ho around?”
Nate laughed, his breath warm against my neck. “He’s leaning that way.”
Warm tingles spread down my body and that restless feeling was back. “Can we get out of here?” I asked softly, turning so that I could see him.
Nate’s eyes were intense as he gazed down at me, and in that moment, if felt like we were the only ones around for miles. The music, the noise, and the kids—they all disappeared into the dark. There was just us.
“It’s our last night and I just…I want to be alone with you.”
Nate pulled me close and rested his chin on top of my head. His heart beat fast beneath my fingers, and I knew he was in the same place I was. It wasn’t a place of in-between. It was hot and edgy.
I squeezed my eyes shut and burrowed deeper into his embrace. God, I wanted to crawl inside him. I’d never felt like this before, but then again, I’d never loved. Not like this.
“My parents,” he said haltingly. “They’re gone overnight. A friend’s houseboat on the river.”
My eyes flew open and I whispered, “So there’s no one at your house?”
A pause.
“No.”
I yanked my head back. “Let’s go,” I whispered, my hand falling to his.
He smiled then, a soft sort of thing that would make anyone fall harder. “I can’t drive.”
“But I can.” I tugged him again, and this time he laughed out loud. Which, I gotta say, kind of pissed me off.
“You didn’t drive to the party.”
“I know.” I let his hand drop. “Hold on.”
“Where are you going?”
“You’ll see.”
My insides were on fire. No. No, they weren’t. They were cold and shivery, and I kind of felt sick and excited all at once. I spotted Brent on the other side of the bonfire, his hand in some girl’s hair, his mouth on hers.
I walked around a large group of kids and was nearly to him when Rachel stepped in front of me. I’d seen her earlier; it was hard not to—she was dressed in the skimpiest pair of shorts I’d ever seen and a bikini top that barely covered her impressive boobs. There were hickeys on her neck, her makeup was smudged, and she smelled like cigarettes.
She was a mess. I wasn’t sure if she was drunk or high or both, but something was going on.
I wanted to hate her, but there was something almost desperate in her eyes, and the way she stared at Nathan told me a lot. She still loved him. She still wanted him.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked, unsteady on her feet as she jerked her head to the left.
I was surprised. Other than when she’d shoved a mental knife in my back that night at the Coffee House, we’d not said one word to each other.
“I…”
Shit. Brent was making his move and melting into the shadows. I needed to get his keys before—
“Please?”
I glanced back toward Nathan, but he was talking up some huge guy with massive shoulders. Football was written all over him.
Rachel took a sip of the beer in her hand and then tossed it, but her eyes never left me. What did she want? Did I want to know?
“Sure,” I said and followed Rachel past the line of trees on this side of the clearing. She stopped a few feet in, her back to me, and it took a few seconds for me to realize that she was crying. Her shoulders shook and a sob echoed into the night.
I wasn’t sure what to do and, honestly, was about to take off, when she turned around so fast, she nearly fell.
Feeling weird about all of this, I took a step back.
She sniffled loudly. “Nathan’s a good guy.” Her voice broke and she wiped her hand under her nose, shoulders hunched as she looked at me from behind her raccoon-like eyes.
I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent.
“I miss him, you know? But it’s over between us.” She wrapped her arms around her body and shook her head. “I think it was over before that night.”
I didn’t get it. “Why are you telling me this?”
Rachel smiled, a sad sort of smile that never reached her eyes. She shrugged. “I don’t know why.” She looked down at the ground. “He was going to break up with me that night. Bailey told me. So I kept feeding him beers whenever I got the chance. Anything to keep him from telling me we were over.”
When she glanced back at me, I saw the same pain in her eyes that I saw in Nathan’s.
“I’m just as much to blame as Nathan is for what happened that night.”
“Maybe you should tell him that,” I whispered.
She shoved her hands behind her back and sighed. “Maybe.” She paused. “I hear you’re heading back to New York City tomorrow.”
I nodded.
“Nathan’s a good guy. I’m glad he found some kind of peace with you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, not really knowing how to respond to that. So I kept it simple. “Have a good…night,” I managed to say.
Abruptly I turned and plowed through the trees until I made it back to the clearing. I spied Brent almost immediately, there near the edge with his girl, and I ran to him.
“Can I borrow your car?”
Brent glanced up, his mouth still on the girl’s neck, a slow grin on his face as he licked her once and then turned to me. “You and Nate want some alone time?”
I nodded, not in the mood to play games, as I held out my hand.
He reached into his front pockets and then tossed the keys to me. “I’ll get a ride with someone.”
“Thanks.”
In seconds, I was back with Nathan, and I guess I looked wild or crazy or, I don’t know how I looked, but he waved off football buddy and grabbed my hand.
“Are you all right?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
No.
“Can we get out of here?”
Nathan stared down at the keys in my hand. “Are you sure about this?”
I reached up and kissed his mouth, this boy who I loved so much, and I whispered, “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
His dark eyes fell to my lips and he nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I repeated, pulling him after me as we disappeared into the dark.
Chapter Thirty-One
Nathan
The ride back to my place didn’t take long. Five minutes maybe. But it was a long five minutes.
A long five minutes filled with a lot of thoughts I wasn’t so sure I should be thinking about.
First off, Monroe looked so freaking hot tonight that I’d barely been able to keep my hands off her. That little top she wore had Brent’s eyes bugging out of his head when he’d first laid eyes on her.
I couldn’t blame the guy. He was human, after all, but still. I’d never felt this possessive of a girl before, and when I caught Chad checking her out—elbowing the guys on the team to do the same—I could have easily gone all caveman on them, but I didn’t think Monroe would like that kind of shit.
But the thing that made all of this so much harder was the fact that this was our last night together, and though I tried to keep my thoughts PG, it hadn’t exactly worked.
I thought about her in that little bikini she’d worn when I had taken her to Baker’s Landing. I thought of how she’d felt all slippery and wet. How her pupils dilated when she kissed me and she made these sounds in her throat when I kissed her back.
She was so beautiful. So damn perfect.
And I didn’t know what to do with that. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I deserved her, I was over that shit. But I loved this girl—I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love a girl. And here we were, counting down our last minutes together, and I suppose I should have been happy to just cuddle and talk, but man, all I could think about was getting her alone. In my room.
Naked.
“We’re here.”
Yanked from my thoughts, I glanced at my house. A house that was in darkness.
A house that was empty.
She cut the engine and turned to me. “I had to get out of there,” she said suddenly.
“I know.” I tried to make things light, but when she turned to me, there were tears in her eyes. What the hell?
“Hey,” I whispered, unbuckling my seat belt as she did the same and scooted over onto my lap. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head as if she was trying to decide what to say, and then she spoke so softly I had to listen hard in order to hear her.
“I talked to Rachel.”
“Rachel,” I repeated.
I tried to keep it together. To keep it cool. But the truth was, there was a lot that Rachel could tell Monroe if she wanted to screw my night up. A lot. Shit. This had to be a guy’s worst nightmare. No one wanted their ex-girlfriend gossiping about sex stuff to the new girlfriend.
“She seems really messed up.”
I nodded. Messed up was an understatement. I’d known Rachel for a long t
ime, and she was way more messed up than anyone knew. There were a lot of family issues—mainly with her stepfather—and she smoked too much weed and drank more than she should. I wasn’t sure if she was ever going to be the carefree fun girl I started dating in ninth grade.
“What did she want?” I asked hesitantly.
“I’m not sure,” Monroe said. “But I think she was checking to make sure I was treating you right.”
Huh.
Monroe was quiet for a few moments, her forehead furrowed as if she was thinking really hard.
“She’s going to need someone this year. I mean, I won’t be upset if you are the one she leans on.”
“So let me get this straight. You’re giving me permission to hang out with my ex-girlfriend.”
Her eyebrow rose. “Just hang out. You know, if you want to, because I think she needs someone right now.”
God, I loved this girl.
“But no touching,” she continued.
I grabbed her chin. I stared into her eyes so she had to see me—had to know how I felt. “I don’t want to touch anyone but you, Monroe. There is no one else for me.” I shrugged. “There just isn’t.”
“Let’s go inside.”
I knew what she was asking. What she wanted. And it’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every night for the past few weeks. It’s not like I hadn’t dreamed of being with her. Of watching her breathe and move. Of knowing what it felt like to be inside her.
But…this wasn’t just any girl. “Are you sure, Monroe?”
Her lips slid across mine until her mouth was against my ear. “Yes.”
***
The house was in darkness but she didn’t care.
“Where’s your bedroom?”
I grabbed Monroe’s hand and led her down the hall. My room was at the back of the house, and I shoved the door open, following Monroe inside.
“Is there a light?” she asked, her voice light like a whisper on the wind.
I crossed to my bed and turned on the lamp. Its glow was muted, which was nice, and I watched the shadows that danced across her face.
She twirled a piece of hair between her fingers and I knew her well enough now to know that she was nervous. Hell, so was I. I’d never had sex with someone who I was in love with, and it mattered so much more on so many levels.
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