Well, alrighty then…
Penny wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled herself farther into the corner of the pew. It would have been nice to disappear right into the pew.
“Think about the Lord Jesus before he died on the cross for our sins. Think about what it meant for him to follow God’s plans…what God told his heart to do…. Think about what it meant to do his Father’s will when it meant his very life on Earth would be lost.” The pastor paused and shook his head for emphasis. “And some of us don’t want to do the right thing because it’s just easier to do the wrong thing. We think we can save ourselves some hurt or discomfort. We take the easy way, instead of God’s way, and we end up losing.
“And some of us don’t want to do the right thing because our material possessions might be at risk. Or our money might be a little lighter if we do. So we don’t pay our tithes like we supposed to, even though the Bible clearly tells us ten percent! Yes, think about the Savior giving up his life for you and imagine what you might have done in our Savior’s place.”
The pastor wiped his face with a white handkerchief, even though he hardly seemed to be sweating. He must be giving the congregation enough time to imagine themselves in the place of Jesus.
Penny tried to imagine herself making the decision Jesus had made, but she kept coming back to the decision she’d made fifteen years ago.
It didn’t make any sense for her to come clean now.
Did it?
“Would you go to the cross and die for the sins of people who you hadn’t even met, folks who you knew going in would ignore your Word, ignore you when you spoke to their hearts? People who just went on ahead and did things their way, because they couldn’t be bothered with silly things like right and wrong?” The pastor twisted up his lips in a decidedly disgusted fashion.
“No. No, you wouldn’t. You’d work out some kind of a rationalization in your mind about how unworthy some of the people were. How some of them wouldn’t even take the balm of salvation you were offering, would never open up their hearts to know God. And how you could really do so much more alive and walking among them, even with your Father whispering in your heart it was the right thing to do…”
Penny lifted her head toward the ceiling.
Oh, yeah, Big Mama was definitely up in heaven pulling strings now.
Penny remembered when she’d lost the baby all those years ago, when she’d made up her mind to break up with Jason and let him think she and Terrill were a couple. Big Mama had voiced her opinion on the matter once, and only once.
Big Mama had said she didn’t care how much Penny rationalized things in her mind, her heart had to know it wasn’t right. She’d said one day Penny’s heart was going to let her know she’d done wrong, and hopefully it wouldn’t be too late to make things right.
Too late.
It was really too late. Jason hated her, and he should. He also hated Terrill, and for that she would always feel guilty. But it was too late to do anything about it.
“Maybe…the Lord…is trying…to tell you something. Maybe the Lord is trying to tell you something. Right now…” The pastor started singing, and the choir chimed in.
No, they didn’t bust out, “Maybe the Lord is Trying to Tell You Something,” Penny thought. There was no way she was going to have a Color Purple–inspired, come-to-Jesus moment.
It’s too late, Big Mama. Stop it.
As the choir sang the words, they penetrated her heart more than she could have imagined. She felt as if she were inside a pressure chamber and she could feel everything squeezing and pushing in. The steel enclosure she had encased her heart and her feelings in all those years ago wanted to cave in under the strain.
How long would it be before her walls collapsed? She didn’t feel she had a lot of time at all.
“Maybe the Lord is putting something on your heart right now.” The pastor spoke in a softer voice, and the choir started to hum along. “Maybe you’re tired of trying things your way and want to give God’s way a chance. Maybe you just need to bring the heaviness in your heart and hand it over to the Lord today. Maybe you just need to sit in a space of silence and listen to His voice this morning. I invite you now to come on up and bring it to the altar. Lay down your burdens. The Lord is thy Shepherd. Let him lead you. Let him help you carry the load if it’s too heavy. Bring it to the cross.”
Before Penny even realized what she was doing, she stood and started walking up to the altar.
So much for not trying to call attention to herself….
In her heart, she knew there was no way she was going to make it through losing Big Mama, her father’s reappearance, Carla’s antics and Jason’s relentless probing without a little help from the Lord.
Jason watched as Penny made her way to the front of the church and wondered what she had done that made her feel the need to head up to the altar. Because of the way Big Mama raised her in the church, he knew, Penny didn’t wear guilt easily.
However, he’d only ever seen her go up to the altar twice before. Once was after the first time they’d made love in high school. She’d felt so torn and guilt-ridden about it, and, he’d thought they would never be intimate again. Luckily—or maybe not so luckily, depending—that didn’t happen.
Their hormones had continued to get the better of them, and eventually a condom had broken and she’d gotten pregnant.
Then she’d said the baby wasn’t his after all.
The memory of those words led him to the only other time Penny had made a trip to the altar of Mount Zion Baptist, right after she got out of the hospital, when she’d lost the baby.
At the time, he could only fathom it was because she had been guilty of cheating on him. Now he was starting to think she might have been feeling guilty about lying to him and making him believe she’d cheated.
Watching her kneel in front of the pastor as he prayed for her and the others at the altar, Jason could only frown.
Maybe the Lord was trying to tell him something. Because he knew he couldn’t rest until he found out the truth.
He felt Joel’s elbow in his side and closed his eyes. Everyone else’s heads were bowed in prayer, and he was busy watching Penny and trying to figure her out. Joel’s nudge served as a reminder. But Jason couldn’t help but wonder what Joel was doing paying attention to him when he should have had his own eyes closed in prayer.
Jason noticed his mother making a beeline over to the pew where Penny and Terrill were sitting instead of lining up to shake the pastor’s hand. She practically stepped over his father and anyone else in her way. And Jason could only shake his head in dread as he thought about what his mother’s mad dash could possibly mean.
He sincerely hoped she wasn’t inviting them to Sunday dinner. And since he knew his mother so well, he could then only hope Penny and Terrill had the sense, the common decency and good taste, to say no. Because if he had to sit through Sunday dinner with the two of them—her in her beautiful navy and cream silk floral dress and him in his navy-blue designer suit, looking like a power couple—he didn’t know what he’d do.
Jason decided not to leave his mother to her own devices and followed her over to Terrill and Penny.
“Oh, Mrs. Hightower, I don’t think that would be a good idea. Besides, I—” Penny’s words were cut off by his mother.
“Nonsense, Penny! Of course you and Terrill will come to Sunday dinner. It’ll be just like old times. It’s time to let bygones be bygones. I feel it. The Lord put it on my spirit, and after today’s sermon, I certainly don’t want to go around second-guessing the Lord.”
Leave it to his mother to make such quick use of the day’s sermon.
Jason didn’t want to say for certain that the Lord hadn’t put the desire to mend the fences between him and his former best friends on his mother’s spirit. But he wouldn’t have placed any money on it.
“Now, Mama, if Terrill and Penny have other things to do, then perhaps we should let them do that.” Jason knew i
t would take more than any of them had in them to sway his mother on this.
But perhaps if they all worked together…
“You know I’ve missed your Sunday meals, Mrs. Hightower. But I’ll be flying out on a red-eye tonight, and—” Terrill started in with his gentle refusal, only to be shot down midway in.
“All the more reason for you to come by for dinner, son. We haven’t seen you in years, and now you’re here. You’ve moved your mom to California, so you hardly ever come back to visit. When will we see you again?” His mother turned to Penny. “And I bet you’ll be moving Carla back to California with you. And you didn’t even visit when your grandmother was alive. We’re likely to never see either one of you again.
“Can’t you just grant this old lady one last dinner with you all, now that you’ve grown up? Penny, you can ride on over with James and me now. That way we can get in the kitchen together, like we used to. I’ve missed that. And I want to hear all about your life in Los Angeles.”
Jason narrowed his eyes. His mother was pouring it on thick, even for her. There was no way either Penny or Terrill would say no to the woman. Heck, he even found himself falling for the line.
“Mrs. Hightower…” Penny began.
“I remember those times in the kitchen with you. It was like I finally had the daughter I always wanted. I’ve missed you so much. Both of you.” Mrs. Hightower put the saddest little expression on her face, and sighed.
Jason heard a groan and realized that it was coming from him. All eyes turned to him, and he suddenly felt as if the walls of the sanctuary were closing in.
Penny took a deep breath. “I don’t think that, given the past, everyone would be okay with us coming to dinner. I miss you more than you know, more than I could ever express. But I just feel like we need to be sensitive to the feelings that—”
“Nonsense, Penny. Jason won’t have a problem with either of you coming. Frankly, you all need to grow up and let the past be the past. You all were friends. You were close. You loved one another, and in the case of you and Jason, you were in love with one another. It’s time to put the past behind us. So come on, Penny, James likes to beat the traffic getting out of the parking lot. We’ll see you guys later. Terrill, I mean to see you, too.”
His mother took Penny by the arm and actually led her out of the church. Jason watched them walk away and wondered how in the heck he was going to get through a dinner with Penny and…He turned to Terrill, who just shrugged.
“It’ll be awkward. But honestly, I don’t know how to just not show up when your mother has made her expectations so very clear.”
Jason wanted to tell Terrill he needed to figure out a way. He wanted to threaten him with bodily harm if he dared show up at his parents’ home.
But he couldn’t.
So he just turned and walked away.
As he headed back over to his brothers, he saw that all three of them were standing there watching everything.
“Mama invited Penny and Terrill to Sunday dinner.” Jason stared at his brothers, hoping one of them had some advice on how to handle this one. As the youngest, he normally couldn’t stand it when they offered up their two cents on his life. Today, he’d gladly take any advice they had to give.
“You could always not show up. I know I wouldn’t if Mama invited my cheating ex-wife to Sunday dinner.” Patrick folded his arms firmly across his chest.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. Mama can’t stand your ex-wife. But I think Aunt Sophie still has lunch with her once a month. She’s still mourning the breakup of what she called the ‘perfect marriage.’” Joel let out a gut-busting laugh, only to stop just as quickly, when he realized there were still some other folks in the church.
Lawrence took off his blazer and slung it over his shoulder. “Well, I think he should definitely come to dinner and face them both. They were the ones who were wrong. And he can’t let them run him out of his own mama’s house. That’s just wrong. I’d have a real problem if he punked out like that.”
“Yeah, but if he gets up in there and starts fisticuffs with Terrill at Sunday dinner…” Joel began.
“Jason isn’t stupid. He can be the bigger man. He’s a Hightower. We’re honorable men,” Lawrence cut in.
“We don’t back down,” Patrick added.
“And we always do things the right way,” Joel continued.
“Our way,” Jason finished, and they all laughed.
“That’s right. So we’ll see you at dinner. And remember, never let them see you sweat.” Lawrence loosened the tie he only wore in church and started walking off.
“Yep. Stay cool.” Joel winked and followed Lawrence.
“And remember, no woman in the world is worth all this stress. She cheated. It’s her loss. You’re the bigger man. You’re a Hightower.” Patrick patted Jason’s back awkwardly.
Jason sighed. He must have looked pretty pathetic if his older brother had taken to expressing affection. The move was certainly atypical of the eldest Hightower son, to say the least. Jason decided to brace himself for a stressful dinner. His brothers were right.
He wasn’t missing Mama’s Sunday dinner for anyone.
After telling Penny she didn’t feel like doing the whole church scene, Carla waited for her daughter to leave the house before making her way down the hill to the Temple Street boardinghouse where she knew Gerald McEarly was staying.
She knocked on the door to Gerald’s room. She was taking a great risk by coming there. But she had to somehow convince Gerald that it was a bad idea for him to just keep showing up at her place. Even if he wanted to get to know Penny, it was too late for all that. And if Clyde found out Gerald stopped by, then it would make things all the worse.
Clyde “C-Money” Markum didn’t hand out idle threats, and she had to convince Gerald to stay away until she could convince Penny to get her out of town.
Gerald opened the door and her heart skipped a beat. How could she possibly be having the same fluttering feelings she’d had when she was just a girl and she saw him for the first time?
After all she’d been through, the rough life she’d had, how could she be responding to him like a young girl in love?
Better yet, how did she turn it off and do what she needed to do, when the older man was so much bigger, stronger and finer than the young man had been. And the older man still looked at her with that same sparkle in his eyes.
He smiled at her and stepped aside for her to walk in.
And why the heck was he smiling at her when she’d tried to get him locked up last night? He wasn’t making it easy for her to do what she needed to do at all, not at all.
The small room had a twin bed, a tiny chest of drawers with a hot plate on top and a corner table with a wooden chair in front of it. There wasn’t much in the way of decorations, unless you counted the brown blanket and the odd-shaped yellow crocheted doilies on the table.
“Hey, girl. This is a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting you here, after the way you acted last night.” He smiled, and his whole face lit up.
She loved the way his face brightened when he looked at her. Nobody had ever been able to look at her and make her feel more special.
Nope, this wouldn’t be easy.
“That’s why I’m here, Gerald. You can’t come back over there. Just stay away, please. I’ll tell her where you live and she can come see you here or whatever. But I can’t have you showing up at my place. Okay?” Carla rushed her words out and quickly did a U-turn toward the door.
Yep, coming here was a bad idea. But at least she’d said her piece. Now she had to get the hell out of Dodge.
Gerald’s hand reached out and grabbed her shoulder before she could make her great escape. He spun her around, and he had that same glimmer in his eyes, that same way of looking at her that made her heart go all out of whack.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What has you all scared? When I first got out and we met up, you seemed open to me getting to know our
daughter. And I even thought—”
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Gerald. And I ain’t scared of anything. I just don’t need you sniffing around my place, that’s all. The past is the past. If Brat wants to have a relationship with you, then that’s her business. But I don’t. So stay away.”
“I can’t do that.” He bent his head down and covered her mouth in a hard, soul-penetrating kiss, a kiss that wouldn’t yield. One that offered no outs…only ins….
Carla couldn’t help it. She opened her mouth and gave everything she felt, everything he made her feel. And feeling again, after so many years, had an amazing effect, took her higher than any drug ever had or ever could.
It wasn’t a rush her addictive personality could easily pass up. And as she allowed him to lead her to the bed, she knew she would have to figure out a way to control the situation, and her desire, to get Gerald to stay away. But when his strong hand cupped her breast and his demanding mouth claimed her nipple, she found it harder and harder to remember why she had to let him go.
And after an hour in Gerald’s bed and a half hour trying to talk him into staying away, Carla rushed home trying to think of better ways to get Penny to let her come to California. She decided she would show Penny she’d changed by cooking a nice Sunday meal, or at least fixing up some of the many leftovers from all the food people brought over after Mama’s funeral so she could have a nice meal after church.
The last thing she expected as she walked up to the house was to find Clyde standing there, with that mean and ugly glare on his face. Something about the way he looked at her told her he knew exactly where she’d just come from.
He walked up to her, grabbed her by the hair and pulled her toward the house. “You have got to be one stupid, hardheaded little slut!”
Chapter 6
Being in the kitchen with Mrs. Hightower again felt surreal and just right, all at the same time.
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