I lifted my head to glare at her. “It’s not funny. He could’ve been hurt. You should’ve seen them all when they realized his last name is Blackburn.”
“Wait! You gave yourself his last name? Oh, this is gold!”
“I created this identity before we got together, OK? I had a crush. How was I supposed to know I’d be stuck with it indefinitely?”
“Maybe not indefinitely. You could start using your real name once it’s safe. Have you figured out why your mom ran in the first place?”
“No. It’s on my long list of mysteries to solve.” I sighed and stared at the beautiful, glowing tree.
“OK, Veronica Mars.” Dot chuckled and followed my gaze, leaning her head on my shoulder.
I’d been meaning to raise it with Lucian, but it was proving more difficult than I’d anticipated, partly because he worked more than even Tyler and partly because I had no idea how to broach the subject. I’d spoken to the guys about it at length, but they knew about as much as I did—jack shit.
Part of me was afraid to find the answer, but what terrified me even more was a lack of any insight at all.
Would I live the rest of my life not knowing why my mother had taken me away from our home?
Josh, Ethan, and Dot had already headed off to shower, but I needed another minute for my breathing to recover. It had been a leg-heavy session in the gym, and I was skeptical the noodles currently attached to my hips could make it up the next two flights of stairs. It didn’t matter that it was three days before Christmas; Kane refused to give us a break.
“Your enemies will not take a break to bake gingerbread cookies while plotting your downfall” was his reasoning, delivered with a scowl. He had a point.
I pushed the sweaty strands of hair off my forehead and hobbled toward the front of the house. At the bottom of the curving main staircase, I paused, resting one hand on the banister.
“Come on, Eve,” I whispered to myself. “You can do this. It’s just stairs. You climb them all the time.”
But my legs refused, so I lowered my forehead to rest on the back of my hand and took a little standing nap.
Voices from Tyler’s office drew my attention, and I turned my head, resting my cheek on my hand instead of my forehead.
The door was ajar, and Tyler’s voice came through clearly.
“ . . . don’t understand. It’s been confirmed and verified as well as we could have hoped for. What are we waiting for?”
“It’s not that simple. I may be the director, but I still have a board I have to answer to, Gabe.” Lucian sounded just as frustrated. “And it would seem we don’t have the full support of the board.”
There was a pause, and I found myself straightening up, leaning toward the door in order to hear better. Then I realized what I was doing and shook my head.
If it was important, Tyler would tell me. They knew what they were doing when it came to Melior Group operations.
“So this has become political, then.” Tyler sounded resigned, if a little angry.
I abandoned the stairs and headed back toward the kitchen.
“It always was,” Lucian replied. “We need to tread carefully, be smart about . . .”
The voices faded as I continued to the back of the house.
I looked at the pool longingly. It would have been great to jump in and cool off, let the water support my aching muscles for a while. But it was covered up for the winter and way too cold anyway.
It wasn’t too cold for a steam though. There were multiple studies expounding the benefits of a steam room post-workout for recovery, heart health, respiratory health, and skin, just to name a few.
I grabbed one of Ethan’s hoodies off the back of the couch before rushing across the yard to the pool house. The smell of snow was in the air, and the cold was biting. As a freezing gust of wind cut through Ethan’s big hoodie as if it were a scrap of lace, I envied Zara.
She was spending the holidays with her family in California. She’d sent me a photo of herself at the beach just that morning, and I’d sent one back of the heavy gray clouds that had been hanging over Bradford Hills for the past three days.
She’d left a few days after my return from Australia. I’d done my best to explain to her why we’d kept it from her, but understandably she still felt left out. I’d spent as much time with her as possible before she left, but there was still a distance, a coldness in her eyes when she said goodbye.
Hopefully the warm Californian weather would thaw her out.
Inside the pool house, I headed straight to the large bathroom at the back, taking my shoes off at the door and moaning when the heated tiles made contact with my frozen toes.
“Hello?” a heavily accented female voice called out, and I looked up. The steam room was already occupied, the heavy moisture behind the glass making it difficult to see inside.
“Oh, hey, Nina. It’s Eve. Sorry, I’ll come back.”
I turned to leave, but she called out again. “No need, darling. There is plenty of room.”
“Oh, OK.” I hesitated. I’d been planning to steam naked, but I eyed the pile of thin Turkish towels on the bench next to the sink. I guess that would work too.
I undressed and wrapped the pale purple cloth around myself before stepping into the steam room and closing the glass door.
The hot, humid air enveloped my body, relaxing me almost immediately. I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders, releasing the tense posture I’d held since the frigid air first hit me outside.
Nina sat in the middle of the bench, leaning against the wall, completely relaxed and completely naked. Her lithe body, her long legs, and all the private bits were just . . . there. The humidity glistened against her smooth skin.
Once again I hesitated. She cracked one eye open. “Are you going to sit? The steam can make you dizzy.”
“Oh, yeah.” I averted my eyes and quickly sat to her left, leaning back against the warm tiles. I tightened the towel around my chest, then paused. I was being ridiculous.
She was an adult, I was an adult. There was nothing sexual or inappropriate about sitting in a steam room together.
Making a conscious decision not to be ashamed of my natural human state, I let the towel fall at my sides, reveling in the warm moisture caressing every inch of my skin, the heat soothing my aching muscles.
“How are you finding your stay here?” I asked. I hadn’t had too many opportunities to speak with the Lighthunter one-on-one. After everyone had showered and slept off the massive trip, Nina had sat down with Dot and her parents, with Tyler and Lucian present, and answered all their questions.
I wasn’t there for that conversation—I was busy having my own big conversation with Zara—but Dot had filled me in later.
It would take a few weeks at least for my Light to drain out of Dot enough for her ability to strain toward her Bonded Vital, Charlie. They would continue to check in regularly, but in the meantime we had to wait. Alec had insisted that Nina stay at the Zacarias mansion, with thinly veiled threats to inflict pain if she put any more of his family in danger. As if it were her fault I ran away. Lucian smoothed it over with an invitation to host her for the duration of the wait and a promise to pay her generously for leading them to Charlie.
She’d refused any kind of payment until she could prove herself to even the staunchest of skeptics—namely Alec and Dot’s dad, Henry—but had accepted the offer of a place to stay, as she didn’t know many people in the area.
She mostly kept to herself but did join us for meals and the occasional discussion. No one could resist Ethan’s food or Josh’s subtle ways of pulling you into a fascinating chat.
“It is very comfortable. The Zacarias family has a lovely home,” she answered.
“I’m sorry if Alec has been difficult. He’s just . . . I don’t even know. He treats me with the same level of hostility, if it makes you feel any better.”
She chuckled. “Alec does not bother me.” She waved a lazy hand in the
humid air. “He is only motivated by his strong protective instincts toward you. It is plain to see.”
“Not to me,” I mumbled.
“You know, I can see the ties in a Bond almost as physical things at times.”
“Really?” I turned to her. She and the things she could do fascinated me, and there wasn’t a single book on the topic I could read. “How does that work?”
She shrugged. “It does not matter how. I just can. Just like I can’t tell you how I track a Variant or Vital through the others in their Bond. Just like you can’t describe the color green or any other color.”
“What do you mean? Green is the color of leaves, grass, the combination of blue and yellow—”
“Yes,” she cut me off, “you can point to things that are green, but you cannot describe the color itself. We both know what a Variant is, what a Vital is, the DNA behind it. There are theories behind what exactly the Light is, but no one can really explain it. I can’t really explain how I do what I do. I just do it. It is like breathing.”
I thought about what she was saying. The stuff about colors was blowing my mind a little. How do you describe green without pointing to something green? My default was always to understand things, to learn them, unpack them. But some things just . . . are.
“What does it look like? The Bonds?” I decided to focus on what information she could give me—her own experience of it.
“When the Bond members are in close proximity, sometimes it’s like a wisp of smoke from one to the other, moving and shifting like it has a mind of its own. Usually, though, it is just a feeling. A sense of something that is difficult to articulate. I just know that two people are connected.”
“Kind of like Tyler just knows when someone is lying?”
“Yes, very similar.”
We fell silent for a few moments. The heat had completely relaxed my muscles, and I was taking long, deep breaths.
“I have never seen so much tension in a Bond as I have in yours, Eve.” Her tone had become more serious, and I stayed silent, waiting for her to elaborate. “With Tyler, Josh, and Ethan there is a lot of positive energy, even if it is restrained, not fully actualized. But with Alec, so much uncertainty, so much resistance. Yet it is the most established of all.”
I frowned, running my hands down my slick thighs. “What do you mean? How is that possible?”
“The connection to Alec was made many years ago. Before the Light had begun to course through you even. The Bond was made but not actualized.”
The glass door opened, letting some of the steam out and a gust of fresh air in. Dot waltzed in completely nude and plonked herself down on Nina’s other side.
“Yeah, even an idiot could see that the Bond is strained because of Alec.” She inserted herself into our conversation seamlessly, leaning back and taking a deep breath. “No offense. I’ve just known him for a long time.”
“None taken.” Nina’s voice held a bit of humor. “But it is not only because of Alec.”
“Do tell.” Dot angled her body toward us, giving Nina her full attention.
“Yes, Alec is . . . ambiguous. He is already irrevocably connected to you, but he is fighting it.”
“He hates his ability, and I only amplify it. Therefore, he hates me.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice.
“Dramatic much?” Dot added helpfully as Nina chuckled.
“He definitely does not hate you. But that does explain the tension. The others are holding back too for this reason? To help him have distance?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” I grumbled.
“But you do not wish to wait any longer.” That was not posed as a question.
“Yeah, my girl has a major case of blue ovaries.” I was beginning to think Dot had only joined us to make my life difficult.
“I do not understand this phrase ‘blue ovaries.’” Nina looked between us, confused.
“What my friend is so helpfully trying to say is that, yes, I would very much like to . . . take the next step.” I’d pretty much just admitted I wanted to fuck four guys. “The attraction is getting difficult to hold back. My feelings toward Alec are complicated—he hurt me a lot recently—but I’m even attracted to him . . . physically.”
“Naturally. He is in your Bond. There is nothing to be ashamed of, Eve. But the longer you drag this out, the more tension there will be, the more intensely the Light will pull you together. If you let nature take its course, follow your instincts, trust your body, the Light will settle. Alec is afraid of his ability, you are all cautious about the damage Ethan and Josh could do, but you fail to realize that once it is settled—once the tethers of the Bond are sealed—the Light will not be quite so intense. It will be easier for you to control, easier for them to manage. The amount that transfers will not be excessive, because the Light will not be straining you to deepen the Bond.”
“So you’re saying once I sleep with them, the Light will be less intense, not more?”
“Exactly. Lean into it, and everything will fall into place. Dot can tell you. Her Bond is established and settled. You only receive the exact amount of Light you need at any moment, unless your Vital consciously pushes more at you, correct?”
“Yeah, but he’s my brother. I didn’t have to sleep with him to seal the Bond.” She shuddered. “Plus, it wasn’t something we had to build—it was always there. It was a normal part of our sibling relationship growing up.”
“I think I know what you’re saying.” I sighed. We were all so concerned about keeping our distance—keeping the Light at bay so we could learn to control it, so Alec could get his shit together emotionally—that we weren’t allowing the Bond to deepen and settle naturally. “I don’t know how to even raise this topic with them,” I grumbled.
“Why must everything be discussed?” Nina stood as she spoke. “You are perfectly capable of making your intentions clear with your actions and your body.”
She winked at me and exited the steam room. A minute later we heard the shower start up.
I sighed. “Why does this have to be so fucking hard?”
Dot snorted. “That’s kind of necessary for the sex stuff.”
I rolled my eyes. She was almost as good as Ethan at making everything into a dirty joke. “I’m serious, Dot. Things are impossible with Alec, but it’s not just him. We keep hurting each other. I can understand why they’re holding off on the physical stuff for now, but I can’t understand why they keep hiding things from me—not including me in the decisions. I’m supposed to be their Vital. We’re supposed to be this tighter-than-family unit, but it doesn’t feel like it.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re their Vital that they do it? All I’ve seen from them is that they’re trying to protect you.”
“They can’t protect me while keeping me in the loop? That’s bullshit.” I crossed my arms, then dropped them down to the bench immediately. It was too hot to have any part of my body touching another.
“We didn’t keep them in the loop about Australia either,” she pointed out.
“I know.” I looked down. “I knew they’d be pissed—Ethan’s still keeping his distance, even while he watches me like I might evaporate if he blinks. I just didn’t realize how hurt they’d be. I was on my own for so long. I guess I’m still learning how much my actions impact them too. I just . . . How do we stop doing this to each other?”
“Look, those boys have been tight for a long time. I mean, I’m their cousin, and we moved back here not long after their parents died, but even Charlie and I aren’t a part of their little inner circle. They’ve spent so much time together, sometimes they communicate without speaking. You may be their Vital, but having you be a part of that is going to change that dynamic. And you’re still learning what it means to have a family. Those kind of changes take time.”
“So what do I do? I can’t wait for them to slowly realize I’m part of their little group now, and I don’t want to feel like an invader in my own Bond.”
; “Just be patient.” She shrugged. “Try to make your feelings on the matter clear, but try not to get too frustrated when they fail from time to time.”
I leaned back, watching the white steam obscuring the top of the steam room as I thought about that. It was actually really good, mature advice. And then she had to go and add to it.
“Or if you want, I can get Squiggles to spy on them.” She smiled wide.
“No!” I stood up slowly and wrapped the thin towel around myself. “No more spying.” Before I closed the door, I added, “But thanks for the advice.”
She just smiled and closed her eyes, settling in for a bit longer.
As I showered and dressed, I thought about all I’d discussed with Nina and Dot. Relationships were complicated enough with just two people trying to navigate life together. I had to deal with four guys who all had their own issues and insecurities, a supernatural force that tied us all together, and dangerous, powerful people who were after Vitals like me for an unknown, probably horrific reason.
It was probably easier to deal with the sex stuff first.
Twenty-One
As Zara and I strolled in the direction of the town center, I fingered the cool metal pendant hanging around my neck. Zara was right—we needed to get out for a bit—but one of the guys was most likely monitoring the tracker at that very moment. I kept expecting my phone to blow up with calls and messages demanding to know why I’d left the safety of campus.
It was early January, a few days before classes were due to resume, and both of us were in boots and coats, mine big and black, Zara’s fitted and almost the same color as her bright red hair.
“I’m not sure about this, Zara. Ethan is still pissed at me. I’m just going to text them so they know I’m off campus.”
“Nooo,” she whined. “Come on, Eve. You know one of them will come down here, and it’s supposed to be just you and me. And do you know the things I had to do to get Derek to agree to this?” She grinned, hinting that she actually rather enjoyed those things.
Derek was the Melior Group guard currently manning the east gate at Bradford Hills Institute. On our way out the gate, Zara had planted a kiss on Derek’s lips. “I really appreciate this, babe.”
Vital Found (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 2) Page 25