As soon as Ethan had lifted Josh’s legs inside, I shoved past him and found contact at the exposed part of Josh’s neck where his shirt was torn. He was slumped in the middle of the back seat, his head lolling to one side, his blood-streaked hair falling over his eyes.
The boys tried to get me to move so they could strap Josh in, but I ignored them. “Just go!”
I didn’t even know where I wanted them to take us; I just needed to be on the move.
The door behind me slammed shut, and a moment later Alec was behind the wheel with Ethan in the seat next to him. He started the car and pulled away with a jolt. They’d both taken the time to strip down to T-shirts, and Ethan was cranking the heat up.
Josh needed me and my Light more than anything, but keeping him warm would help. He could use every advantage we could give him.
Sitting on my knees, I had one hand on his neck and the other clutching his limp hand on the seat. It wasn’t enough. The Light was practically humming with how quickly it was flowing between us, but it was still straining against my skin. Josh needed more.
Making sure to keep contact with the backs of my hands as I went, I undid what was left of his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. Then I pressed my forehead to his as I shrugged off my jacket and sweater, pulling my top over my head in one swift move.
After lifting myself over his lap, I removed my bra for good measure. I vaguely registered protests from the front seat about seatbelts and nudity before pressing my front flush with Josh’s.
Slowly, as the car warmed up, my breathing evened out, and Josh’s became stronger. We all settled into silence. Thoughts fell away, and I was lulled by the motion of the vehicle. I can’t be sure how long we drove, but it must have been at least an hour or two, because my hips were aching from staying in that position for so long.
The sudden absence of the engine’s rumble made me open my eyes and lift my head from Josh’s shoulder. He roused at the same time, placing his hands flat against my back.
Our eyes met, all we’d been through passing between us unspoken, but the stare wasn’t uncomfortable. I could look into those green eyes all day and never get weirded out or bored.
“Let’s get you both inside.” Ethan was the first to get out of the car, Alec following close behind.
As their doors slammed shut, Josh pressed his forehead to mine and whispered a heartfelt thanks, his hands moving to my hips and giving them a gentle squeeze.
The light pressure made me shift, my hips rolling forward, and he froze. I suddenly became very aware of how naked I was from the waist up. As if to emphasize the point, my breath hitched, and my breasts pushed farther against his chest.
I felt him grow hard under me. And then the car door opened. Alec draped a jacket over my shoulders and stepped back.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t take him to a hospital?” Ethan sounded hesitant. I finally lifted my head. We were in the Zacarias mansion’s underground garage.
“There’s nothing better for him right now than her,” Alec answered decidedly. “We’ll get him checked out in the morning.”
I pushed my hands into the sleeves of the jacket. The view Josh got of my breasts as I pulled back to do so was unavoidable, as was the jolt of desire that shot down my spine at the hungry look in his eyes.
I scrambled out of the car, holding the jacket closed with one hand and trying to balance on my almost numb legs with the other. Alec steadied me while Ethan helped Josh out of the car, and we all headed inside.
Much as I dreaded climbing the two flights of stairs to Josh’s bedroom, that’s where I suggested we go. He had regained consciousness, but he was still severely depleted, and I itched to get that skin contact back. The pull was still there; the healing was not done.
“I really need a shower first,” Josh said.
Despite all our protests, he insisted he felt disgusting. There was a smear of something on his cheek that was such an odd color it couldn’t be identified, and his grimy hair looked more brown than blond.
“OK,” I conceded, “but then straight to bed. You still need more Light.” I chewed on my bottom lip, uncertain. But now that he mentioned it, I really needed a shower too.
“I know.” He smiled weakly, and then Ethan practically carried him up the stairs.
I watched them go and took a deep breath, preparing myself for what felt like a climb up Mount Everest. I lifted one foot but couldn’t seem to find the energy to follow through, so I ended up twisting awkwardly and lowering myself onto the step.
I leaned my head on the banister. I may have to ask Ethan to carry me up too.
Then I noticed Alec standing in the foyer. He looked almost as worn out as Josh, but the ache in my chest was still pulling me up to the third floor, not to the impossible man standing in front of me, so he hadn’t overused his ability. He was just emotionally and physically spent.
“You OK?” The words were out of my mouth before I could really think about them. It just seemed like the right thing to say.
His shoulders sagged, and he dragged his feet as he came and sat down next to me, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I’m fine, Evie.” His voice was low and tired, but it had honey in it, and it was making my heart ache. “Not that it matters right now. But you’re safe, so I’m fine. It’s Josh who needs you.”
“I know . . .” I was replying to what he’d said about Josh, but it felt loaded all the same. “I bet you’re burning to say I told you so.” I wasn’t sure why I was giving him an opportunity to be an ass. I guess it just felt like our default, a bit of familiarity after so much turmoil and fear. To his credit, he didn’t rise to my bait.
“I take no pleasure from any part of this situation, believe me.” He looked at me with those icy eyes of his and raised his eyebrows, nothing but sincerity in his voice. “I know I don’t deserve it”—he averted his gaze before continuing—“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but can I please just hold you? Just for a moment?”
He looked so vulnerable, his eyes darting about the room, his hands clenching and unclenching. I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. He released a massive breath and, in one swift move, picked me up and settled me on his lap, crushing me to his chest and burying his face in my filthy hair.
My arms were squished between us, but I managed to extract one to curl around his neck. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been craving his embrace. The distance between us had begun to feel insurmountable, but I needed him. I needed him as much as I needed the others. We were incomplete without Alec. I just hoped he realized how much he needed me too.
“I keep losing you,” he mumbled into my neck, his voice shaky. “I can’t keep losing you, Evie. It’s killing me.”
“So do something about it.” I had so little energy. I knew he was trying to tell me he needed me, that he regretted how things had turned out between us, but I couldn’t muster much of a response. It was just too much. My brain was mush.
“I will,” he whispered. Then he lifted his head and touched his hand to my cheek, nudging softly until I was looking up at him. “I will,” he said with steel in his voice. “I’m going to fix this.”
I stared back, at the sincerity in his face, the intensity. I knew how fucking stubborn he was; when he decided something, there was no changing his mind.
But I also knew how much he’d hurt me.
“I need a shower.” I wasn’t ready to accept his declaration. I wasn’t in the right place, mentally or physically, to entertain the idea of trusting Alec with my heart.
He pressed his lips together, and I braced for another screaming match. But he surprised me yet again.
He stood, holding me close to his chest, and started to climb the stairs.
“I can walk.” Even my words came out sounding weak.
“I know” was his quiet reply.
I didn’t have the energy to struggle, so I let him carry me up the two flights of stairs, through his bedroom, and into his en suite.
He set me down on the counter and turned on the hot water in the shower, then disappeared into his room. He returned a few seconds later with a bundle of clothing.
“Do you need help?” He wasn’t coming on to me or looking at me with hunger in his eyes, even though the jacket was unbuttoned and my breasts were on display. He didn’t look uncomfortable either. He was simply asking what I needed.
“No, I’m OK.” I got off the counter. The hot water was filling the bathroom with steam, and the pure white water particles were reminding me how dirty I was. A clump of something disgusting was matted into my hair, and my mouth still tasted like vomit.
Alec nodded and left me alone, closing the door softly.
Slowly but efficiently, I managed to get myself scrubbed, my hair clean, and my teeth brushed. I was painfully aware that it was Alec’s bathroom, his shower, his toothbrush I was using, and it was hard to relax under the hot spray sluicing over my aching shoulders. On top of that, the ache in my chest, pulling me to Josh, was impossible to ignore.
I dried off and put on the boxer shorts and soft black T-shirt Alec had left out for me. They smelled like him, and I had no idea how I felt about that.
The room beyond the bathroom was dark. Alec was already in bed. The brightness from the bathroom behind me cast one harsh column of light across his gray sheets. He was under the covers, his face in darkness. I couldn’t see what he was looking at, couldn’t guess at what he was thinking or feeling. I never could.
I switched the bathroom light off and remained in the threshold. I should go, run to Ethan or Josh—to someone emotionally safer. But then I realized I was doing what Alec always did: standing in a doorway and getting ready to run.
So I chose not to.
I did what I really wanted to do. I sought out what I craved—the comfort he’d provided that night in the hospital what felt like a lifetime ago.
I walked over and sat on the bed, my back to him. He was silent and unmoving behind me. But he wasn’t throwing me out, and he wasn’t leaving.
I lay down on my side, my back still to him, and screwed my eyes shut, pulling my knees up, hoping beyond hope . . .
After an excruciatingly long second, the sheets rustled, the mattress shifted. My mind convinced me he was getting up, leaving. According to psychological theory, assuming the conditions are the same, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
But he didn’t leave. He scooted closer and curved his body around mine. His strong arm wrapped around my front, and he held me tight, his face in my damp hair.
I didn’t know what had gotten into him, but I was in no state to question it. Because my honey-voiced stranger was holding me together, and it felt so fucking good.
But that’s what he was—a stranger. This side of Alec was much less familiar than the hard, cruel asshole he’d been showing me since I came to Bradford Hills. On some level I knew that wasn’t really him. I couldn’t describe the reasons why—it likely had more than a little to do with the supernatural tether of Light between us—but I felt as if this was the real him. This was how it was meant to be between us.
With his arm holding me tight, just as it had on the two worst nights of my life—when I’d lost my mother and my friend—I mourned for the relationship we could have had, should have had.
Pile that on top of everything else I’d been through in the past twenty-four hours, and the emotional breakdown was inevitable.
Tears stung my eyes. Heat spread up my chest, and my breathing became shallower and louder in the dark room. As the tears soaked Alec’s pillow, he shifted, lifting himself up a little on his elbow. His strong presence enveloped me like a blanket of steel—comforting, protective, and suffocating all at once.
“It’s OK, Evie,” he crooned into my ear. “You’re OK. I’ve got you. We’ve got you. You’ll never be alone again.”
In a moment of indulgence, I let all the emotion come. His declaration had probably been more in relation to my physical safety, but it had hit on one of my biggest fears—being alone in the world. And here was the man who’d pushed me away more than anyone in my life, telling me I wouldn’t be. I sobbed into the pillow as Alec stroked my hair and held me, whispering things I could no longer hear.
After a while, the tears subsided, and I nudged him so he would back away a little. He responded immediately, and I rolled onto my back, wiping the tears and snot away with a wad of tissues he handed me.
“I have to go to Josh,” I said in a raspy, strained whisper, rubbing my chest. “He needs me. I need him.”
I needed all of them. I needed Alec to keep doing exactly what he was doing—it was soothing my soul in a way that was too scary to examine—but Josh needed me more. No, he wasn’t going to die, but the ache in my chest wasn’t abating. I couldn’t keep ignoring it for my own selfish reasons.
Alec nodded and gave me a reassuring smile as I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I braced myself, fighting the fatigue in my muscles in preparation for standing, but Josh beat me to it.
He appeared in the doorway, the light from the hall casting his face in shadow but making his dirty-blond hair look like a halo. He walked over, and I pressed my hand to his bare stomach, finding skin contact as soon as possible. The ache in my chest disappeared immediately, and we both sighed in relief.
I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his belly, letting the Light flow freely.
After a moment, he pulled back, and I tilted my head to look at him. He gave me a weak smile, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. Dark bags sagged under his eyes, and a cut on his chin looked as if it would probably bruise. His shoulders were slumped, but nothing but warmth emanated from his eyes.
He looked over my shoulder, but the gaze didn’t linger, didn’t go into a silent conversation with Alec. He just took in the scene, then got into the bed, shuffling me into the middle of the mattress.
We faced each other, my head resting on his arm, our limbs instinctually entwining. Josh’s eyes closed. His mouth parted slightly, and he fell asleep almost instantly.
I was ready for oblivion too. Exhaustion was pulling my eyes closed, making me feel as if I were sinking into Alec’s soft sheets and Josh’s fresh, warm smell. But the sound of movement from the door caught my attention. I lifted my head—it felt like an anvil—and saw Ethan dropping a bundle of bedding on Alec’s couch.
Alec sighed. “What is this?” he whispered. “A fucking slumber party?”
Ethan walked over to Alec’s side of the bed, making me crane my neck to see him. He was shirtless too, his glorious, muscular body on full display. Why did they all have to sleep in nothing but underwear? It was incredibly distracting—not that I was in any state to do anything about it.
“We all need to be close tonight, bro,” Ethan whispered back. He leaned over his cousin to kiss me on the lips, then on the forehead. “It’s part of being in a Bond. Sometimes we all need her. You’re just going to have to get used to it.”
I tucked my head back into Josh’s chest. I didn’t want to see Alec’s face, his reaction to Ethan’s words. I didn’t have the energy to deal with it.
The soft rustle of bedding as Ethan set himself up on the couch lulled me toward sleep. But as I started to drift off, Alec shifted, his movements slow and careful so as not to disturb all the sleeping people who’d dared invade his fortress of solitude.
He grabbed the blanket that had pooled around our knees and pulled it up, covering us all. But his hand lingered on my shoulder, his fingers tentatively caressing it over the fabric of the T-shirt. I stayed still.
His fingers trailed up until they found the exposed skin on my neck, but he didn’t pull away. There was no Light left over for him; all I had was going to Josh. My skin tingled where Alec touched it but not because of the Light.
He removed his hand and replaced it with a kiss so soft I questioned whether it was really still him in the bed with us, but there was no denying the honey voice, the one I always craved.
“I promise,” he declared, finishing some private train of thought on the barest of whispers. Then he settled himself behind me, resting his hand on my hip.
With Josh in front and Alec behind, I finally felt safe, warm, and unconsciousness took me. I would have to wonder about Alec’s promise when I woke up.
Twenty-Four
I woke up flat on my back, my head turned toward Alec, my left hand resting on Josh’s chest. Slivers of morning light peeked past Alec’s heavy drapes, but most of the room was still cast in hazy darkness.
The weight of all that had happened was nudging at me, trying to wake me fully, make me think about it and dissect it and figure it all out. But I pushed it aside, covered it with a warm blanket, and made it go back to sleep. I wanted just a little longer to look at Alec’s peaceful, sleeping face in the muted light, feel the steady rise and fall of Josh’s chest, feel them there with me.
I sighed softly, letting my eyes rake over the little scar in Alec’s eyebrow, the very slight kink in his nose, the stubble on his strong jaw. My fingers itched to reach out and touch the rough prickles, but I didn’t want to risk waking him.
Josh was already awake though. He turned onto his side, making my hand drop to his hip. When he pressed his palm against my belly, I turned to face him.
His eyes were half-open, and he was watching me as I’d been watching Alec. I covered his hand with mine and inched it up.
I was making sure to keep the difficult, heavy thoughts away, but I couldn’t help remembering the previous times I’d woken up from spending the night in the arms of one of my Variants, restoring their Light—the possessive way Ethan had held me that first night, the way Alec and I had crashed into each other in the study.
My skin was sensitive to every touch, my body painfully aware of the two nearly naked men on either side of me, and all the heat was pooling between my legs. My breathing got faster, my lips parted. It drew Josh’s attention to my breasts under the black cotton of Alec’s T-shirt.
Vital Found (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 2) Page 28