by Amber Nation
Exasperated, he said, “Right now, I’m not even sure myself.” I felt as if he had just doubled up his fist and landed it straight into my stomach. But, I had no one to blame but myself, it was my own fault. I bent my head down and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ward off the pain in my chest. What didn’t help matters was the fact that when I opened my eyes, I happened to glance over at the pregnancy test that was placed next to my hand. More than enough time had elapsed and my answer was staring at me through the little oval window.
I loathed the two pink lines, one shade darker than the other.
I took a deep breath, slowly releasing it, my anger rising and drying the tears that had formulated. “Dean, do you know what my favorite color is?” I paused for only a brief moment, before resuming, “Well, it was pink. But having these two pink lines mocking me on this pregnancy test, I’m thinking I need to change that.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm as it bubbled up from my chest.
“What are you?” He paused, “What are you saying, Julia?”
“I’m…I’m pregnant,” I barely stumbled over the words to get them out. And once I said it aloud, it all became very real.
It finally sank in.
I could feel my heart beating stronger and faster by the second and the panic was rapidly rising in my chest. I knew that I was on the verge of an anxiety attack, but for the life of me I couldn’t take slow and steady breaths. I could feel myself shutting down, wanting nothing more than to wallow in misery for how careless I had been. What was I going to do? I was so scared that my body was retreating into itself. Self-preservation was always my main goal and right now, it was working double time stacking back up all the bricks Dean had meticulously pulled away.
“Julia!...Julia!” I heard Dean yell through the phone.
“What?” I choked out, trying to get my heart rate back to normal by trying to take deep, even breaths.
“I said, we will figure this out. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Julia. Having a child is a wonderful experience and I for one am glad that I get to share it with you.”
No, this couldn’t be happening.
I said just above a whisper, “I’m not sure I want to keep it.”
A million different thoughts were racing through my head, resulting in a sharp throb at my temples. I needed to go lie down.
“You’re certainly not aborting it!” He roared.
“Dean, I’m a bitch, I’m not fucking heartless,” I snapped.
“You could’ve fooled me,” he sighed, but I could almost feel his anger towards me seeping through the earpiece on the phone. “Call me when you’re done acting like a child.” He viciously retorted, then promptly hung up on me.
It didn’t matter to me where I was at the moment, I sank to my knees on the floor of the bathroom in the Salon and allowed my tears to break free. So many emotions were running rampant through my body; I was confused, ashamed, lonely, but most of all I was scared that I finally ran Dean off for good. That was what I wanted, right?
A heavy pounding on the door rattled me from my daze. My mouth felt like glue and I didn’t know if I’d actually be able to speak. Swallowing a few times, I tried to sound lighthearted and that nothing was wrong, but I ended up croaking out, “Yeah?”
“Jules, you ok in there?” Lisa asked, her voice floating through the door, sounding muffled against the wood.
I thought about my options, I could clean myself up and go back to work as if nothing happened or I could just go home. Pulling my blankets high over my head sounded better than anything else at the moment.
“No, actually I’m not feeling too well. I think I’m going to head home and get some rest.”
“Ok, babe.” I saw the shadow from her feet under the door move away so I knew that the coast was currently clear, but there was no chance in hell that I could slip out of the Salon undetected. I was going to have to clean up.
I curved my hands around the top of the vanity and managed to pull myself into a standing position. That little bit of exertion took way more effort than it should have. I was emotionally spent and drained of every last bit of feeling I had. I closed my eyes and lifted my chin, then only peeked with one eye towards the mirror. I didn’t want the wreckage of my face to hit me all at once, but once I saw my reflection staring back at me both eyes automatically flew open. My cheeks were stained with tears and black mascara streaks. My makeup was now haphazardly all over my face and my eyes puffy and swollen. To top it off, I had red hives covering my chest above my shirt from my anxiety attack.
Reaching for the faucet, I turned the water on to as warm as I could stand it and began bringing handfuls of liquid to my face so I could clean away most of the evidence. My fingertips alone weren’t scrubbing much of my mascara away, so I reluctantly opted for the rough brown paper towels. After going through a few of them, getting just the edges wet and scrubbing my face, all of my makeup was officially gone. But now in its place was long red streaks from the scratchiness of the towel on my skin.
I snatched my purse up off the floor quickly, dangling it along beside me, threw open the door and rushed out the building with my head steadily pointed towards the floor. I always held my head up high, no matter what I was doing. Walk of shame the next morning in the same clothes, I owned that with my resting bitch face in place, daring someone to snicker. But this, I couldn’t do it. I left my dignity on the floor of that bathroom and I didn’t know if I would ever be able to recover.
Once I let myself inside the front door of my house, I quickly glanced at my mail that I had retrieved before throwing it on my dining room table, several envelopes scattering across the wooden surface. Then I kicked my shoes off in the hallway, pulled back my blankets on my bed and crawled inside where I slept for several hours.
I didn’t realize until later that one of the envelopes that was among the rest of my unopened mail on my table was from Riverbend Maximum Security Institution in Nashville. It seemed as if Logan Wesson was being released early…
Chapter 19
Dean
“Mr. Parker, your three o’clock is here.” Bea informed me, her hand poised on the doorknob and her face angled just barely inside the door. No matter how many times I insisted that she call me Dean, it was still Mr. Parker. Always business with her.
I was casually leaning back in my chair allowing my elbow to rest on my mahogany desk, deep thoughts running through my mind. I was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. I believed that I had maintained this same exact position for the past two hours since getting off the phone with Julia.
She was pregnant with my child…Finally, I had the chance to become a father and Julia wanted nothing to do with either of us.
I was hopeful that at some point in time, sooner rather than later would be nice, she would warm up to the idea of us. I knew that I was already deep in her heart, she was just too afraid to admit it. But would there ever be a possibility of her actually being open to the idea of a baby?
I’d been privy to glimpses of the kindhearted person that Julia could be and I had no doubt or fear that she wouldn’t be a terrific mother. She knew firsthand what it felt like to not be wanted by a parent, so I’d imagine she wouldn’t want that for her own child. Ultimately that’s her greatest fear; that she wouldn’t be good enough.
These weren’t the most ideal circumstances, but I wanted nothing more than to have Julia by my side; I had wanted it the moment I laid eyes on her. I wanted to be there for her and the baby every step of the way.
Pressing the heel of my hand into the middle of my chest, I hoped that it would alleviate some of the pain I felt.
I shouldn’t have gone off on her the way I did, but she knew each proper step it took to push my buttons.
“Dean!” Bea hollered, now using my first name. When I focused back on my surroundings, she was completely in the room, standing right in front of me, her hand waving around in my face. She had a scowl set firmly in place and her lips were pursed together. Thi
s was Bea seriously agitated. I never wanted to see a look that lethal directed at me again.
“What?” I barked, sitting up straight in my chair and readjusting my tie, trying to seem as if she didn’t scare the ever-loving shit out of me. Even though she was my secretary, being the mother figure to me that she was, I didn’t ever want to piss her off. And I had. Big time.
“Your three o’clock has been waiting for ten minutes,” she bit out each word slowly with precision and annoyance. Flinging my hand in the direction of the door, I was signaling to her both that she was dismissed and to send my new client in.
Rising from my chair, I lifted my black suit jacket off of the back, and slipped my arms into the sleeves. Then I finished by pushing the only two buttons through their holes and smoothed out the wrinkles. I was ready to get this consultation over with so I could head home.
This day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
Lord, did I wish that statement were true.
I casually leaned against my desk before straightening up when I saw the door knob turn, I shouldn’t have ignored the overwhelming feeling of dread that I felt at that precise moment. I should’ve hightailed it out the window; my office was on the first floor, so it would’ve been easy enough. Or I could’ve hidden in the closet, anything to get away from this moment.
The first thing I noticed as the woman let herself into my office were the four-inch stiletto heels that reminded me so much of the ones Julia flaunted around in. And they were red…The color of love. The color of lust. The color of sin. The color of death.
My gaze traveled up the pair of long, toned legs that disappeared at the knee under a black pencil skirt. I skimmed to her small waist and correction; she was wearing a dress rather than a skirt. An incredibly enticing little black dress that scooped at the neckline, showcasing ample cleavage. Her breasts weren’t as full as Julia’s and honestly didn’t even compare. That is how I knew that I was head over heels in love with Julia, I compared her to every other woman, and no one even held a candle to the beauty of her.
The woman’s dark brown hair was loosely curled around her shoulders, and when I got to her lips my blood ran cold as my heart slammed in my chest, and my once-appreciative gaze narrowed.
I knew those lips, the bottom thin and the top just slightly plump. And now they parted with a sadistic smirk. Hell, once upon a time I had loved those fucking lips. I wouldn’t let my eyes travel any further, because those lips were connected to a face that I didn’t ever want to see again. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of garnering my attention. That face housed what I once found was an incredible set of milk chocolate-brown eyes that I spent hours getting lost in.
Her mouth parted to speak and she ran her tongue along her bottom lip, “Hello, Dean,” she said, in that voice that had once sounded like honey to me and could’ve easily brought me to my knees. Now, it sounded like nails on a chalkboard; harmful to my ears and hazardous to my health.
I gruffly cleared my throat before I reluctantly allowed my eyes to snap to those of my ex-wife… “Kate.”
No other formal introductions needed to take place, so I turned my back on her and dropped into my chair. There was no doubt in my mind that I needed to be sitting down for this conversation. “Please have a seat,” I gestured towards one of the open chairs positioned in front of my desk. Once she got herself situated, a little too provocatively for my liking, I rolled my eyes, then asked as if I was bored, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
She looked down at her hands that were clasped together in her lap, “Mark left me and Aiden. I found out he was cheating on me.”
I automatically barked out a laugh, this was rich. “Didn’t see that one coming, huh?”
Her eyes snapped to mine, “Dean, that’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it though? It seems as if karma is knocking on your doorstep.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest, “Sucks, doesn’t it?”
Her voice got really small, “You were always working and were never around.”
Seriously? Making me to blame once again. I needed to know why the hell she was here so she could hurry up and be on her merry little way. The onslaught of a tension headache was forming between my eyes and her presence was only making it worse. I squeezed my eyes shut as I pressed my fingers on the bridge of my nose trying to get the pain to lessen. “What are you doing here, Kate? If you’re here to dredge up the past and place blame solely on me again, you can get your ass out of my chair and out of my office.” My voice was growing steadily louder the more I spoke.
Her face fell; not once in the entire time that we were together did she ever hear me raise my voice. Maybe that’s one place we went wrong, I gave in to her every whim and never ever put my foot down. We never fought. Maybe that’s why I desired Julia so much, she pushed me until I fought with her. It’s not healthy to be a pushover and that’s exactly what I was with Kate. So, in many ways Kate helped me, she forced me to analyze my past relationships and make sure that I didn’t make the same mistakes again.
She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, channeling all of her courage, “I want you to represent me in my divorce.”
This time I released a laugh from deep within my gut. “When did you become such a comedian?” Her eyes narrowed into slits, which just caused me to laugh harder. Once I was finally able to catch my breath and speak without laughing, I glared into those eyes of her and deadpanned, “No.”
“Excuse me?” she scoffed with an attitude.
“You heard me. N-O. I reserve every right to refuse a client and right now, you are on top of that list.”
And if Julia ever had impeccable timing, this certainly wasn’t it. My phone lit up and started skittering across my desk. I quickly silenced it because I didn’t have time for another fight at the moment, but it instantly lit up again with her calling.
I raised a finger towards Kate without even looking up from my phone as I pressed the screen to take the call. The thought of it being an emergency crossed my mind; she wouldn’t have called back unless it was.
“Yeah?” I answered, trying my best to sound undistracted but with Kate in front of me, things were a bit tense and uncomfortable and I knew Julia could immediately sense that.
“Dean?” She sounded so small and fragile, completely unlike the Julia I knew. “Is it possible for someone to be released from jail even if they haven’t served a fraction of their sentence?”
What the hell? She called me repeatedly to ask me a hypothetical question? And one that wasn’t even in my direct field? I responded, mustering up the most businesslike tone that I could without sounding too exasperated, “Julia, I’m not a criminal lawyer. Divorce is my direct level of expertise, but I suppose he could if he appealed and won or if he got credit for good behavior.”
“Dean, I’m still here,” Kate muttered, her tone annoyed. I looked up from my desk and found her with her arms crossed in front of her and a scowl set firmly in place. I had honestly forgotten she was even there.
“Kate, give me a minute, please.”
“Kate? As in your ex-wife, Kate?” Julia asked through the phone, her voice taking on a terse tone.
I went completely quiet because I knew what it must sound like to her. I brought my free hand to my temple and begin to rub along the skin with my fingers in clockwise circles. I sighed and shook my head, before I responded with a simple, “Yes.”
Dejected, Julia said, “I see. Well, I’m sorry to have bothered you. Please don’t let me tie you up any further.”
“Julia, wait…” I tried to interject, but she had already hung up.
“Dammit,” I screamed as I slammed my hand down on the top of my desk, making a few items rattle on the surface from the action.
I stood up and stalked my way to my closed office door, yanking it open by the handle. “Out!” I forced out through my clenched teeth.
Kate had turned around in her seat, her eyes wide and mouth agape. “You can’t be serious?”<
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“As a fucking heart attack, Kate. You wasted your time and mine by coming here. Now, you need to leave.”
The stress and effect of the entire day was weighing heavily on my shoulders and I wanted nothing more than to drown myself in some heavy liquor and possibly even hit something. I wondered if I could get Bentley to volunteer himself as my own personal punching bag.
Kate hadn’t moved an inch, was she testing me? I had no problem escorting her ass out of my office myself, but I knew that Bea would frown heavily upon that. And I didn’t feel like having to deal with the police department and explaining my circumstance; I think I’d had enough shit to last me a good long while.
“NOW!” I screamed so loud that I felt my voice grow hoarse and my throat felt scratchy. The alcohol I was looking forward to would only further enhance the burn.
That finally got her attention though, so she stood up, threw her purse over her shoulder and shuffled out as fast as she could. I followed after her, only stopping at the edge of the reception area. I braced my hands along the window pane, glaring through the glass to make sure she left the premises entirely. Only when I couldn’t see the reflection of the tail lights on her car any longer did I finally breathe a sigh of relief and hang my head.
I had been awarded my chance to go off on Kate and while it felt glorious I couldn’t help the feeling that I had hurt Julia even further in the process. I needed to go home and cool off, but first thing in the morning Julia was going to listen to what I had to say. About everything. All of my cards were going to be laid out on the table. I was done messing around. I was going to claim what was mine.
“Ahem,” Bea cleared her throat from her desk behind me. Fuck. Now was I going to have to endure the wrath of my secretary too? I really didn’t want to have to fire her, only to end up calling and groveling for her to come back tomorrow.