by M. A. Phipps
My eyes widen. Despite our mutual understanding of the situation, it’s only now that I realize he doesn’t expect to come back. He’s prepared for the reality that he’ll either die or be imprisoned as a result of this mission.
The thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t want him to die. I don’t want anyone here to die.
My thoughts revert to my dream from before, reminding me of the scenario that potentially awaits us in the future. How can that possibly happen if he dies?
Does that mean it wasn’t real?
Does that mean it never will be?
“We leave once we’re fully prepared,” he says. “Two days, more or less.”
I nod in silence, but on the inside, I’m screaming.
“How will you get wherever it is you need to go?” I mumble.
“The compound is linked to a series of underground tunnels that have exit points throughout the city,” he explains. “It’s the safest way for us to travel without being seen.”
For a few moments, I do nothing but stare at him, lost in my own jumbled thoughts and emotions. Then an idea strikes me as suddenly as those lightning-like bolts at the DSD.
“I want to go with you,” I mutter quickly.
Ezra reels back, stunned by my request.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea—”
“I can be useful,” I insist, cutting him off. “You know I can.”
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he gives me a single questioning look, almost as if he doubts I’ll be any help in my current state.
“I’ll be ready,” I assure him.
I pause for a moment, remembering what he said before.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to use your . . . ability . . . to our advantage.”
To be honest, I never considered the idea of actually trying to use my power. Whenever the visions came, they were always abrupt, unexpected, and most of all unwanted. But what if I could control it?
What if I could use it to help PHOENIX?
“Besides,” I add. “You’ll need a lookout if it does turn out to be a trap.”
I peek up at him, and I’m surprised to see that, out of all the possible human expressions, he’s smiling.
“You’re nearly as stubborn as I am,” he comments.
I stare at him blankly, not expecting it to be that easy. It doesn’t help that, despite his smile, I can sense something ominous hiding behind it. There’s something he’s not telling me. Something he doesn’t want me to know.
I choose to ignore it for the time being. Instead, I bathe in this small victory because, when all is said and done, I’ve gotten my way.
I will go with them, wherever this transmission leads us.
I PRESS MY BODY AGAINST the wall, trying my best to stay out of everyone’s way. They all seem to know exactly what we’ll need, whereas I’m at a complete loss.
My eyes scan over the shelves of supplies, but so far, I’ve only managed to fill my pack with water and food. After all, what do I know about weapons? Even if I held one, I wouldn’t know how to use it.
I glance at Ezra as he loads ammunition into a gun, and I wince at the sharp sound it makes when he cocks the slide. I follow his hands, every few seconds peeking up at his face. My cheeks redden when he looks at me out of the corner of his eye.
For a long moment, he simply stands there, staring back at me. However, I get the distinct impression he’s considering something. I shift my weight from foot to foot, debating whether to speak.
My lips part, but my lungs release nothing but air. My thought process is crippled altogether when he suddenly walks over and offers me the gun.
My eyes widen as I peer down at his outstretched hand.
“You’ll need it,” he says.
I glance up at him uncertainly. “Are you sure?”
“I trust you,” he murmurs. He smiles as if to solidify that statement.
Reluctantly, I hold out my hand, wrapping my fingers around the cold metal handle. It’s heavier than I thought it would be, and that only makes me feel more uneasy—especially when I think about having to use it.
My stomach turns when I lift my eyes. The others are all preparing their weapons, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s really necessary for me to have this. They all have experience with guns while I, on the other hand, don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Although, I suppose when it comes down to it, the fact that they’re entrusting me with this tells me something about our mission.
They’re acting on the likelihood it’ll turn out to be a trap.
But if they feel that way, then why go at all? Is it really worth the risk?
A warm weight slings itself across my shoulders, and I look up to see Jenner standing beside me. He gives me an awkward hug with the arm draped around my neck, winking at me as he does.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” he whispers in my ear. “But if you like, I can give you some one-on-one shooting lessons.”
I raise an eyebrow as he takes a step back. His eyes scan the room, presumably searching for a suitable practice target. After a moment, he reaches for his gun, and an unnerving smile twists his lips.
“All you have to do is point . . .”
Time seems to slow as I follow his gaze, and my heart nearly stops when I see where he’s aiming.
“And squeeze the trigger,” he purrs. “Bang!”
I jump, startled by his outburst. Ezra only seems annoyed. He extends his hand and lowers the barrel of Jenner’s gun, pushing it away from his chest.
“Stop messing around,” he snaps.
Jenner straightens up and lifts his arm into a mocking salute. “Aye aye, captain!” he shouts.
I watch him curiously, amazed by the unsettling nature of his joke. This sort of light-hearted behavior seems out of place, considering the circumstances and the situation we’re about to find ourselves in.
It really hits me now what we’re potentially walking into. How many of us will make it out of this, if any?
My thoughts are interrupted by a movement to my right, and I turn to see Rai approaching us, swinging the strap of her pack across her chest.
“Is everyone nearly ready?” she asks.
“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Ezra answers. His eyes fix on mine. “Are you ready?”
I try to swallow, but a hard lump has risen in my throat, choking me into silence. I nod once, hoping that my face isn’t showing how I feel on the inside. Honestly, I’m frightened. For the people who have agreed to go on this mission and for those staying behind.
What will happen to them if we don’t come back?
I follow the others through the compound. We traverse countless corridors until we enter an area I wasn’t shown during my tour.
This part of the base seems unused, and for good reason. This is the location of the entrance to the tunnels. If they were ever overrun, this is also more than likely the entry point an enemy would use. Saying that, I can’t help but wonder if the people here have a backup exit—someplace they could escape through if that were to ever happen.
We find ourselves in a small room that appears, at first glance, to be a dead end. I linger behind the others when they stop in front of me, once again doing my best to stay out of everyone’s way. Rai hangs back as well while the others congregate around the far wall. After a few moments, curiosity gets the best of me, and I peer over their shoulders to see the hatch door standing before us.
This is it, I tell myself.
The first leg of our journey starts here.
I stand back with Rai while the others surround the door. Accompanying us are three men whose names I can’t remember. I think one of them—the one attempting to open the hatch—is known as Duke. He’s a bulky individual, and it’s obvious his physical strength is why he was tagged for this mission. His muscles bulge as he turns the metal wheel attached to the front of the door, the veins within his arms nearly ready to burst. His jaw tenses as his teeth audibly grin
d together.
A few seconds later, a horrible metal screeching pierces through the silence. It continues for a long unbearable minute, until, with one final pull, the entrance opens.
One by one, we enter the adjoining tunnel. The ground is covered with a thin layer of water, and the air smells stale—unpleasantly so.
Beams of light illuminate the darkness as the others click on their flashlights. I reach into my pack, hurriedly doing the same.
Ezra stands with Rai, shining his light over a small, black device in her hands. It looks familiar for some reason. As her fingers fiddle with the buttons, causing a hologram to appear in the air above it, I realize where I remember it from. It brings me back to my time at the DSD.
A time I’d rather forget.
Ezra moves his light, and we all gather around to look at the glowing map of the tunnel system. It’s so intricate and complex that it would take me weeks to figure out. Rai, however, seems to understand it almost at once.
She presses one of the buttons again and stores the device back inside her pack, replacing it with her flashlight. She directs the beam down the length of the tunnel on her left.
“It’s this way,” she says.
We all follow her lead, walking for what feels like hours through the waterlogged passage. The only sound to be heard is that of our wet footsteps, the echo of which follows behind us like a stranger in the shadows. I find myself glancing behind me several times—not because I’m afraid that there’s someone else there, but because every step brings us farther away from the safety of the compound.
I might not have been there long, but it certainly felt safer than where we are now. And especially more so than where we’re heading.
My heart races, and I can hear my ragged breaths breaking through the dank silence around me. I find myself thinking of the transmission again, urging my brain to give me an indication of what’s going to happen.
To Ezra.
To Rai.
To Jenner.
To me.
I suppose, in truth, my greatest fear isn’t that I’ll be killed, but that I’ll be returned to the very people I’ve been running from this whole time.
My greatest fear is that I’ll end up back at the DSD.
I press on, lost in the dreary nature of my thoughts. I’m so consumed by them that I don’t even notice when Ezra appears beside me.
“Are you nervous?” he asks.
I look up at him, taking notice of the unusual concern glowing in his eyes.
“Whatever happens, I’ll look out for you,” he whispers. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“Why?” I ask bluntly, my tone sharper than I intend it. “Not that long ago, you were ready to kill me yourself.”
He reels back as if I’ve slapped him, and his lips pull down into a disturbed sort of grimace. His eyes drop from mine, but he doesn’t answer.
An awkward hush arises between us. He says nothing more and I can’t help but feel guilty about my insensitive remark. After all, Ezra means well. He’s trying to make up for his past actions toward me as well as for those of his demented brother. The possibility doesn’t escape me that he probably also feels responsible for my well-being because of my condition and the link it holds to his deceased mother.
I peek over at him, an apology lingering on my tongue. However, as soon as I set eyes on him, I’m bombarded with images from the dream I had before. I practically feel his lips against mine as the scene replays in my memory, just like I hear those simple words and his voice begging me to stay.
Stay with him.
An extreme embarrassment rushes through me, despite the fact that I have my doubts as to how that vision will ever happen. It’s a complete one-eighty from the relationship we have now. So surely, it’s impossible.
Unless it wasn’t actually a vision.
Unless it has just been a dream all along.
We continue our trek in silence, with no one in the group uttering a single word. It’s as if we’ve fallen into a repetitive and unchanging rhythm, and it’s only when we reach a crossroads that the pattern is interrupted.
Rai stops short and pulls out the device to check the map. The hologram once again comes to life, throwing light across a small section of the tunnel surrounding us.
“Where do we go next?” Ezra asks. He walks over to her and looks down at the glowing image.
“Based on the information from the transmission, we’re roughly seven kilometers away from our destination.” She hesitates, distracted for a moment as she traces her finger along the map. She then raises her flashlight, shining it down the path to our right. “That’s the way we need to go.”
Ezra claps his hands together to grab everyone’s attention. “We’ll take a quick ten-minute rest and then carry on.”
From the murmurings around me, I gather that we’ll reach where we’re heading roughly around midnight. Taking advantage of our last chance at peace before facing the very real possibility of death, we all drop our packs to the ground, making sure to sit on the sloped edges of the floor to avoid the water.
I position myself on the opposite side of everyone else, feeling even more apprehensive about what we’re walking into. On top of that, I doubt my own ability as well as what I can possibly do to help them once we get there. Will I actually be useful like I promised I’d be? Or will I just be dead weight—a liability they’ll soon realize they should’ve just left behind?
A part of me, a very large part, fears it’ll be the latter.
A hand suddenly appears in front of my face, holding a bottle of water. I look up to see Jenner standing over me, smiling like usual.
“May I?” he asks, nodding to the ground beside me.
I nod and shift to make room, despite the existing abundance of space. Avoiding his gaze, I sip on the water as he sets himself down.
We all sit in silence, the only apparent sound being that of the water flowing into our throats. After a short while, I notice incomprehensible mumblings coming from the other side of the narrow tunnel.
My eyes land on the slightly older man sitting across from me, and I strain my ears to hear what he’s saying. I notice beads of sweat glistening along his upper lip. His mouth twitches as he repeats the same words to himself over and over again.
“We will not die,” he murmurs. “We will be reborn among the ashes and overcome any adversary who stands against us. We will endure. We will survive. We will not die . . . .”
My eyes widen as my heart rate quickens. The man’s voice seems to haunt me. Those four ominous words echo in my ears.
We will not die.
We will not die . . . .
“Are you okay?”
I jump when Jenner nudges my arm. Glancing up, I jerk my head toward the man sitting opposite us. “What’s he saying?” I whisper.
Jenner inhales deeply. I peek up at him, but the expression on his face does nothing to settle my nerves.
“I guess you could say it’s our motto,” he answers. “A sort of promise we all make to keep the rebellion going. On the other hand, you could also say it’s a warning.” He looks over at me, meeting my confused gaze. “We’ll never give up. We’ll keep on fighting until there’s nothing left to fight for.”
My eyes drop to the ground. While I admire the notion behind those words, I also can’t help but feel anxious about it—like it’s the sort of thing they only say when they think they’re going to die.
“You know, I’m surprised Ez allowed you to come with us,” he says, changing the subject.
I’m taken aback by his statement, mostly because I agree with it. From the moment Ezra relented to my insane request, I’ve wondered time and again about the obvious motive behind it.
Why am I here? What help can I possibly be to these people?
“Why?” I ask.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Well, you’re valuable, for one thing. If the DSD wants you, and we lose you, then we’re also potentially losing the one thing that could g
ive us the advantage in this damn war.”
I stare at him blankly as I mull over his words. I don’t like the implication behind them—the idea that I’m a pawn to be used. Nothing more than a piece in some giant puzzle. At the same time, I can understand where he’s coming from.
Why did Ezra let me come? What can possibly be gained from me being here?
“If I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?”
A look of uncertainty flashes across his face, but eventually he nods his head in agreement. “Shoot.”
I bite my lip. “Do you think . . .” I mutter, my voice trembling. “Do you think PHOENIX would hand me over if the State gave you an offer that was too good to refuse?”
He leans back, his eyes widening. “Like what?”
“I don’t know,” I breathe. “Something that would end all of this. Something that would allow you to come out of hiding.”
He turns away from me and rubs his chin. The hairs across my body stand on end, anticipating his answer before he can even give it.
“As much as I’d love to believe otherwise,” he murmurs, “considering how long this has been going on, those higher up would probably be reluctant to refuse. Even if it meant they were playing right into the State’s hands.”
My heart sinks. These were the exact words I was afraid he’d say, and sure enough, he’s said them.
“But Ezra would never allow it,” he says. “It’s not in his nature. He wouldn’t give up a single life to the State, even if it were for the benefit of the cause. Besides, you’re an innocent. You don’t deserve what they did to you.”
“But you don’t know what they did to me,” I whisper.
“You’re right. I can’t even begin to imagine what happened to you in there. That’s how I know it was bad.”
I gape at him, genuinely surprised by his words. It makes me realize that, despite how he usually acts, there’s a side to Jenner that seems to understand certain things more than anyone else ever possibly could. It’s as if he’s able to see people not only for what they are, but for the experiences that made them that way.