by Pavel Kornev
"I was joking. Of course I was joking."
"You have a terrible sense of humor!" Lily complained, taking her head off my chest. "Well, my talent was left to me by my mother, and it's the most useless one imaginable. My talent is unnatural faith."
"I'm sorry?" I was startled.
"If I believe earnestly in something or someone, my talent strengthens that person or thing, and makes that faith real. And it’s the same with my mother. She has faith in my father She believes that he can do anything. With her around, it's as if he grows younger, haven't you noticed?"
"And do you have faith in anything?"
"I'm starting to have faith in you," Lily said with a giggle. "When I was four, I was horribly afraid of spirits and one day in a dark hallway, I saw a spooky ghost. I woke up the whole house with my screaming. My mom spent a long time calming me down. It seems to me that she even started to take laudanum so she wouldn't happen to start believing in it herself. Leo..."
"Yes?"
I was expecting a return question about my own talent, but instead of that, Liliana said:
"Kiss me and tell me everything will be alright."
"I won't let anyone hurt you."
"So, does that mean I don't have to perform?"
"It does. And don't even think of it. I'll straighten everything out."
"What's to straighten out here, Leo?!"
"Sleep!" I hissed. "Tomorrow is a new day. That's what they say in Russia."
"If you say so, love."
Liliana yawned sweetly and quickly fell asleep. I meanwhile stayed lying, listening to the creaks and rustling of the old building. On the first floor, the clock rang out twelve times. I heard the sound as I was falling into a dream. Then – a clash! – my nerves were rattled by a muted metal clang.
My heart sunk into my heels, then jumped from there into my throat and started hammering away like mad in my chest, but I suppressed the panic and didn't jump out of bed. Instead of that, trying not to wake Liliana up, I got up from the sheet, dug through the clothes tossed on the floor for the Colt and meticulously pulled back the hammer with my thumb. Lily didn't hear the quiet click.
I didn't get dressed, just walked outside the way my mother bore me. It didn't sound like criminals had been trying to unlock the door or break it out of the frame. It was more like the clink of the little gate on the constrictor cage.
The thought covered my back in perspiration. I cursed soundlessly and glanced into the bedroom opposite. No one was hiding there. The windows were closed.
I went down the creaking staircase to the first floor and walked through the guestroom – clean! Then I carefully slipped into the kitchen and immediately let slip some filth. The cage on the table had its little gate wide open. The constrictor was not inside.
The large reptile was not the greatest house pet, but a constrictor getting loose, especially if he's already full, is really no cause for alarm. Lily had dealt with it before, so surely I could too. The main thing was to find the beast before it crawled into a neighbor’s apartment.
I heard a rustling on the stairs to the basement and went in that direction, trying not to drag my bare feet on the boards. Regretting that I didn't take the time to at least pull on some underpants, I grabbed the handle with both hands, squeezed the pistol to my chest and looked cautiously at the stairs. The first thing I saw was a dirty, crusty footprint.
Human.
With an abrupt step backward, I hid behind the partition and loudly caught my breath. The unknown person on the stairs and the disappearance of the constrictor might have been totally disconnected events but, for some reason, I didn't believe that one bit. I scurried back to the stairs and quickly led my pistol over the cluttered interior of the basement. There was no one there.
But on the stairs... On the stairs, there was a black-bearded Indian lying in a dark shirt and trousers. He was lying and breathing. It's hard to breathe with a constrictor around one's neck.
Perhaps he broke into the house, pulled out the constrictor, and it climbed up to his neck and strangled him, making him fall haphazardly into the basement?
Another person may have been satisfied with such an explanation, but not me. I got down on my haunches and stuck my hand under the dead man's head. I instantly felt something viscous with my fingers. The man hadn’t been strangled to death – he had a hole in the back of his head.
"Bugger!" I heard from a dark corner, and the white-haired leprechaun stood up on the chest. "You've spoiled my composition!" And the pipsqueak hit his left hand with the investigator's brass knuckle, which he was wearing on his right. "There will be quite the outcry tomorrow..."
"Corpse in the chest, constrictor into the cage!" I ordered, then a pistol shot clapped out upstairs and I heard a piercing woman's scream!
"Bugger!" the leprechaun jumped in surprise. Meanwhile, I turned around and raced full bore to the second floor. I ran up the stairs and almost ran into Liliana, naked with a smoking pistol in her hand.
"Over there!" she shouted, throwing herself at my neck. "In the bedroom! I shot him!"
In any other circumstances, I would only have been glad at such a passionate embrace from a naked lady, but now I was plainly not having it.
"Quiet!" I called for silence, getting away from Lily and looking into the bedroom. There was an Indian lying on the rug with a hole in his head. There wasn't very much blood. His eyes were wide open and staring dead at the ceiling.
"I woke up and you weren't here," Liliana started to snivel. "I got really scared, took the pistol from my bag and suddenly he..."
"You did exactly right," I assured her, embracing Lily and gingerly pulling the Mauser from her hand. "Do you understand that?"
"Yeah," Liliana nodded, still shaken by the attack.
"Get something on," I demanded and started pulling on my own pants. I put a belt through the loops, and stuck the Colt into the back. The metal was unpleasantly cold on my skin, but I didn't change anything, just threw a shirt on over it. After that, I hoisted the corpse by the armpits and dragged it over to the stairs. "Hurry up!" I called out to Liliana, who was lagging behind.
She jumped out of the room with a sheet in her hands and hurried after me.
Not treating the dead man too ceremoniously, I pulled him to the first floor and left him in the kitchen and, there, the leprechaun pointed to the broken window frame.
"Bugger, I didn't see you there!"
I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, lifted him off the floor and barked:
"Champagne! Now!" and threw the pipsqueak outside.
"What is happening, Leo?" Liliana asked, joining me.
"Everything is fine."
"I'm afraid!"
"Everything will be alright," I promised.
"What do you mean alright?! I shot a man!"
"Tss!" I hissed, pulling Liliana to me and kissing her on the lips. "You saved us. You saved me. Do you understand that? He would have killed the both of us."
After stashing the Mauser in the top drawer of the kitchen counter, I grabbed the Indian with the hole in his forehead and dragged him into the basement. When I came back, Liliana had already turned the sheet into something resembling a Roman toga.
"Why is the cage empty?" she whispered.
I didn't have time to answer: a demanding knock came at the door.
"Open up, police!"
And right out the window, I heard:
"Psst!"
I still don't know how, but the leprechaun had managed to get his hands on a bottle of champagne, bailing us out of a difficult spot. I grabbed the bottle from his outstretched hands, unwound the wire and spun out the cork.
Clap! Foam whipped out of the bottle.
And again, there came a knock at the door!
"Open up, on the double!"
I buttoned the shirt up a few buttons and undid the lock, but I didn't let the policeman come into the house, standing at the door with a bottle in my hand.
"Well well..." I sa
id, my eyes swelling drunkenly. "My good sirs, we didn't call you!"
Liliana dashed into the guest room with an entirely unfaked scream.
A bottle of champagne, a half-naked girl...
The constables exchanged understanding glances, but didn't make any apologies.
"We got a noise complaint from one of your neighbors!" one said.
"They thought they heard gunshots!" said his companion, backing him up.
"What do you mean gunshots?" I asked, faking embarrassment. "I assure you, it won't happen again!"
"If we get another complaint, we’ll have to bring you in!"
"Well, no need to worry about that. I’m afraid we’re all out of champagne..."
The constables exchanged glances again and the more experienced of the two warned:
"We'll be looking out for you two!"
"I'm very thankful!" I laughed and slammed the door. I quickly redid the lock, placed the bottle on the table and tore off into the basement. Getting the constrictor off the Indian’s neck took a certain amount of force, but I managed soon enough and returned the snake to the cage.
"Leo, what should we do now?" Liliana moaned, still quaking like an aspen leaf.
"Oh, don’t you worry about that. I have grandiose plans for tonight!" I smiled nervously, handing Lily the bottle of champagne. I then took the Mauser from the drawer, and pulled a couple glasses down from the shelf and went up to the second story after my girlfriend. In the bedroom, the first thing I did was prop open the door with an armchair from the inside and start getting my clothes off.
"Leo, I'm scared!" Liliana shivered.
"I'll fix that," I promised, pouring the champagne. "Drink this!"
We drank and I pulled her close. Sleep seemed impossible after what had happened, but that didn't enter into my nearest plans anyway...
In the morning, my head was hurting. Liliana had finished the bottle of champagne, but the glass I drank was enough to teach me to never put that filth in my mouth again. Those bubbles lead to nothing but pain.
Lily was sleeping all spread out and I spent some time admiring her naked body but, soon, my girlfriend woke up and quickly pulled the blanket over her.
"Pish, Leo! You should be ashamed!" she reproached me, reminding me of yesterday. Her colorless gray eyes filled with tears. "Oh my, Leo! What should we do now?"
"You don’t have to do anything. Leave it all to me."
"But I shot a man!"
"And if you don't tell anyone and everyone about that, no one will ever find out."
"We have to tell the police!"
I embraced Lily and stroked her head:
"We don't owe anyone anything. The thugees are outlaws, you didn't do anything wrong. No one would judge you, but do you really need such a scandal? The newspapermen adore such sensations!"
"And the body?"
"Leave that to me."
Liliana kissed me and whispered:
"Thank you!" And immediately demanded: "Turn around!"
"Why?" I asked in surprise.
"Now, Leo!"
"And who was it that promised to sweeten my gaze with an exotic dance?"
"That's for another time, Leo. Turn around!"
I obeyed. Lily slipped out from under the sheet and immediately squealed.
"Is everything alright?" I grew alarmed.
"You really wore me out last night!" Liliana complained. "If I cannot dance, it will be on your conscience!"
"What?" I didn't understand. "Dance? But we made an agreement!"
In the heat of the moment, I forgot Lily's request and she hurried to cover her nakedness with a pile of clothes she picked up from a chair.
"I'm not going to live in fear!" Lily cut me off. "Day after day, worrying about footsteps behind my back! And if something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself!"
"One must never submit to blackmailers!"
"But this will be the last time! You saw the note!"
"Who’s to say real thugees wrote that?!"
"Leo!" Liliana cut me off severely. "I’ve made my decision and I'm not backing down. I killed a man, do you understand that? Such a thing must not be repeated!"
"Promise me that, if I manage to figure everything out before the concert, you won't go on stage."
"To my eye, that was already understood!"
"Lily!"
"Alright! I promise. And now, be so kind as to leave the bedroom. I need to get dressed!"
Throwing off the bedsheet, I got off the bed and Liliana turned away with a perturbed look, her cheeks gone red.
"You don't bother me one bit," I poured oil on the fire, not hurrying to put on my underwear.
"Shameless pig!" Lily exhaled.
Sparring like this really could have led to quite a bit of fun, but it had already grown light out long ago. I didn't have all that much time left to draw at the threads sticking out of the tangle of riddles. I quickly got dressed, picked up the Colt and moved the chair away from the door. I carefully looked out into the hallway, made sure there was no danger, and popped into the room opposite. There was no one there.
The door slammed shut behind me. Lily covered up and started rustling through her clothes.
"Leo, where is my necklace?" she soon shouted out.
"Look on the armchair!" I answered and went down to the first floor. The constrictor was asleep in the cage. Next to him on the table, there was a flattened chunk of metal – a deformed bullet, all covered in dried blood.
"What the devil?" I didn't understand and went down into the basement. There were no dead Indians there, just a few nasty-looking black spots glaring up from the floor. Just in case, I lifted the chest lid and took a look inside. There was nothing but old rags.
The leprechaun must have gotten rid of the bodies, and all that remained was to hope that he'd had enough sense to puncture their stomach cavities before throwing them in the lake.
I returned to the second floor and knocked on the bedroom door.
"Come in!" Liliana allowed.
She was standing before the mirror and combing her hair. She had a powder box and lipstick lying on the table. I took the Mauser, set the safety and placed it in her bag.
"Don't let it out of your sight, alright?"
Liliana looked at me with unhidden doubt, but promised all the same:
"Alright."
And at that moment, a car horn honked outside.
"What is that?" Lily shuddered.
"That's for me," I sighed. "If I drive away, just slam the door behind me. Agreed?"
"Agreed."
I embraced Lily and kissed her.
"See you soon," I promised and ran downstairs.
Before I managed to get out of the building, the horn sounded another two times. I jumped out the door and waved my arms.
"Enough! You'll wake the neighbors. The police are gonna get called again!"
Thomas Smith, sitting at the wheel of the self-propelled carriage, stopped leaning on the horn and chuckled.
"Big night last night?"
"You could say that," I confirmed, taking a seat next to him.
"I've always envied those who know how to take what they want in life," Smith sighed, turning the wheel.
The self-propelled carriage started off. I glanced at the building and objected:
"Hold up! I thought you brought my passport!"
"I did," the investigator confirmed. "But you need to do the job first."
"Job?! Did someone help you with the gas?"
"The coroner's conclusions on the Indian, did you get them? You did. So now, trust me on this."
"I have a very busy day planned!" I grew angry. "Explain what is happening!"
"You were right about the gas," Thomas Smith said, not wanting to see what might happen, if he kept testing my patience. "The gas tanks with red gaskets were mixed with a sleeping medicine."
"With red gaskets?" I asked in surprise. "I don't remember that!"
"That means you weren't paying
attention," Thomas Smith decided, turning onto the boulevard. "Mixed in with the helium, the tanks were filled with a certain heavier-than-air gas. Experiments on mice have shown that it has a sleep-inducing effect."
"If you filled an amphitheater with that gas, you could do as you like."
"Exactly," the investigator nodded. "But after that is where it got weird. The local police told the capital about the gas and, that night, an order came in from the Imperial chancellery to arrest Malone."
"And what's strange about that?" I didn't understand.
"They're not going to charge him with planning to assassinate the Crown Princess. Her visit, or so I’m told, has not only been cancelled – the official story is that it was never planned at all. He'll have to be charged with planning to blow up a jet-propelled self-driven device with the goal of impeding scientific progress."
"Is that so?" I snorted, starting to suspect that yesterday's speech by the millionaire about why one must not invest in the coal industry had severely upset someone in her Imperial Majesty's inner circle. "They want to distance themselves as much as possible from the inevitable scandal?"
"The Pinkerton Agency was thanked for uncovering the conspiracy in an official telegram, but recommended against further participation in the case. And calling it a recommendation is putting it lightly."
"So, where are we going?"
"To Malone's villa."
"Why the devil are we doing that?"
"Have you seen the local police? They don’t stand a chance against his security team! It will be a bloodbath!"
"And what of the official, ah, recommendation?"
"The agency always takes its investigations to the end. It wasn't the crown that hired us, don't forget that. After all, whoever pays gets to pick the music."
The Ford Model T drove over the rails of the electric streetcar line and left the city. I finally grew angry and, not hiding my annoyance, asked:
"And you're planning to go to war with Malone's security force? Two against... how many of them are there?"
"I'm not planning to go to war with anyone! Who do you take me for? The main character in a cheap pulp novel? Let the constables earn their bread, we're just there to make sure everything goes according to plan."
The self-propelled carriage drove under the train bridge and rolled between the steep hills. Soon, a tall docking mast emerged over the trees, but Smith didn't get too close to the millionaire's villa, turning down a set of cart tracks peeking out of the grass. The self-propelled carriage spent some time puffing in a ghastly manner, straining up the hill. When we reached the middle of the slope, we came across a clearing with a rickety barn. The investigator snuffed the engine and got out of the car.