by Brie Paisley
Not only have I lost Shelby, but I’ve also lost a friend.
I arrive at Cason’s Fitness Studio, and I’m glad my brothers aren’t here yet. I need some time alone to work off my anger and frustrations. I definitely don’t need Caden’s smart ass comments because he’ll only piss me off more than I already am. Cason’s gym is similar to every gym. Basic equipment for lifting weights, and treadmills line the walls to the left. There’s a huge ring in the middle of his gym for fighters of a variety of styles to come and develop their techniques. Behind the ring, blue padding mats are laid out for his self-defense lessons. There’s also an office, locker rooms, and a private workout room in the back. Awards of the fighter’s that’s trained here line the walls, and inspirational quotes make it easy to keep the motivation going. It’s a nice setup, and I’m glad Cason bought this place when he did. It’s on the outside of town, but not so far away that it’s a hassle to come to every day. Caden and Cason will be here soon, and I remind myself to ask where they were this morning when the shit hit the fan. And what happened to Caden’s date? After Bethany left, I went looking for them but Caden wasn’t in the room I put him in, and Cason’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. Blondie was nowhere to be found, and I’m assuming either Cason ended up leaving late last night since he didn’t have as much to drink, or they left this morning before anyone else woke up.
Either way, it would’ve been nice to have my brothers there to lean on, and to help me figure out what the fuck I’m going to do about Shelby. Not to mention help me process what Bethany told me. Now that I’ve had time to think about things, I’m too angry for talking. Which is why I’m at Cason’s gym ready to go a few rounds with the punching bag. I drop my bag by the mats, and sit on the bench to quickly wrap my hands in tape. Once I’m satisfied, I get up to stretch my arms and neck. Walking in front of the heavy bag, all I have to think about is the shattered look on Shelby’s face to get me going. I start hitting the bag with my right hand, then add my left, making sure to hit as hard as I can. My blood starts pumping along with my heart when I pick up my pace and punch the bag faster and faster. Sweat starts to coat my whole body, but I don’t stop. I keep Shelby’s heartbroken look focused in my mind fuels my anger more.
It makes the rage inside of me boil knowing I’m the reason she looked that way. I couldn’t control Bethany’s actions, but I should’ve known she was up to something last night. I move slowly around the bag keeping up with my punches, and replay how Bethany acted. She was flirting with me and touching me every chance she could. She wouldn’t leave my side, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why she was acting so different. I’m reminded of her texting me and asking to come over to talk, then before I could tell her no she showed up. I think of our argument and how spiteful she was when she realized Shelby was there hanging out. I knew Bethany didn’t like that Shelby and I were becoming closer with each passing day. On multiple occasions Bethany would talk shit about Shelby and even though I told her to chill the fuck out, I never knew this was coming. If I had known beforehand of Bethany’s feelings her intentions, I would’ve made sure to keep my distance and to keep her away from Shelby.
There’s only one woman I’ve ever loved and still want more than anything. The sooner Bethany realizes that the better off I’ll be.
The thing that drives my forceful jabs the most is the fact that Shelby was married. Not only did she leave everyone that cared for her behind she had moved on, or at least seemed to have moved on. I don’t know how long she was married or when they divorced, but knowing it wasn’t me she was with it fucking rips me apart. It’s as if my soul is crying out in agony. I have no one to blame but myself. Even knowing that I’m still hurt she didn’t tell me herself. I have no idea why she chose to keep that part of her life from me, and I have a feeling it has something to do with the scar on her lip. I want her to open up to me but God help me, if she tells me her ex hurt her, I’ll probably end up in jail.
I stop for a moment to wipe the sweat off my forehead when I hear the door to the gym shut. I don’t look to see who came in because I know it’s my brothers. The only day the gym’s closed is on Sunday’s, and we’re the only ones able to come and workout. I turn back to the punching bag still feeling the frustration of this morning.
I hear one of the twins come up behind me, and I don’t stop what I’m doing when I realize it’s Cason talking. “How long have you been here?”
I jab right twice then left once before saying, “I don’t know. An hour or so.”
“Oh shit. What happened?” Caden asks.
I choose not to answer yet, but Cason does. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“Because he’s here early and he’s killing the punching bag.”
“Carter, did something happen?” Cason asks, and I stop my assault on the bag knowing it’s time to confide in my brothers.
Walking over to the bench, I rip off the tap on my hands. Using my shirt to wipe the sweat off my face, I take a deep breath before I begin. “Shelby thinks I fucked Bethany.”
“Whoa, I need to sit down for this.” Caden says as he takes a seat by me, and Cason stands in front of us with his arms crossed. “Alright, start from the beginning, but talk slowly because I have a bitch of a hangover.”
I ball the white tape up and hold it in my hands. I need something to keep me grounded, and I stare at the ball of tape as I explain. “When I woke up this morning Bethany was in the bed with me. At first I thought I did something really fucking stupid, but I knew I hadn’t because one I’m not that guy. Two, I wasn’t that drunk. Thirdly, I kissed Shelby and would never do anything to fuck up another chance with her.” I look up at Cason and he nods, knowing I’m right. Caden stays silent and I take it as my cue to continue. “I didn’t want to wake Bethany because I knew Shelby was across the hall, and dammit I knew how it would look if anyone saw me walking out of the room with her still in the bed. I didn’t know what else to do but to sneak out so I did or tried at least. As soon as I opened the door, Shelby was standing right in front of me.” I drop my head staring at the ball of tape again. “Shelby saw Bethany in the room, and assumed I’d slept with her. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain, and ran off before I could do anything.”
“Damn. This is fucked, man.”
I turn to Caden and say, “Oh you think? And what gave it away?” I clench my jaw and say, “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated with that, and what Bethany told me soon after Shelby ran for the hills.”
Caden slaps my shoulder as he says, “I get it. You’re fucked and you’re pissed.”
“Caden, can you not make shit worse? Sometimes I really don’t know how you’re my twin.”
“Hey! That really hurts my feelings.”
Cason rolls his eyes as I but in. “Can you two not fight? Major issues going on, and I need help.”
“You’re right, tell us what happened with Bethany,” Cason says and Caden nods in agreement.
“Y’all are not going to believe this, but she told me she’s in love with me.”
Cason frowns, and Caden all but yells, “What the fuck!”
“Wait, she really said that?” Cason asks.
“Yeah. She shocked the hell out of me too, but the more I thought about it the more it makes sense. She was all over me last night, and it was to make Shelby jealous.” Cason starts to pace and Caden I think is stunned into silence. “There’s one more thing too.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. What more could happen to you in such a short amount of time?”
“You read my mind, Caden.” I rub the back of my neck as I say, “Shelby was married.”
Cason stops pacing and stares at me with wide eyes. Caden lets out a deep breath before saying, “How are you not drunk right now? I mean I’m glad you’re here instead of drowning in a bottle, but fuck. This is a lot to let sink in.”
“Believe me, I’ve thought about it. You have no idea how much today fucking sucks.”
�
��What do you need us to do?” Cason asks.
“Tell me what I need to do because right now, I’m fucking clueless.”
Cason nods as Caden tells me, “I think the best thing you can do is give her some space. She’s going to need some time to let off some steam, and I don’t think it’s going to do any good to try and talk to her while it’s fresh on her mind.”
“You probably shouldn’t call or text her either,” Cason adds. I nod, not really liking that I won’t be able to try and explain, but they both have a point. Shelby isn’t the type to let go of her anger easily. Her running away for thirteen years reminds me of that. “Caden and I will still talk to her, and hopefully between the two of us, we can get through to her and she’ll actually listen when the time is right.”
“Yeah, we’ll double team her.” I frown, and Cason shakes his head. “Wait that didn’t come out right.”
“No shit. I know what you meant, but you need to think before you speak.” Caden shrugs his shoulders, but he knows I’m right.
“Don’t worry, Carter. We’ll help you get her back.” I nod at Cason’s words knowing he’s telling me the truth. My brothers will do anything to help me and for that I’m grateful. Caden might say a lot of inappropriate things and Cason doesn’t say much, but I know no matter what, they’ll have my back.
I know I can always count on any of my brothers. Because we’re family and family doesn’t turn their back on a brother in need.
“Thank you both for this. I know I won’t be able to fix this on my own.” It’s the truth. It’s one thing that Shelby let me get close to her after everything I said to her years ago, but it’s another for her to think I was with someone else. Damn, this feels like déjà vu. “Anyway, now that we have a game plan anyone want to tell me what happened to Blondie last night?”
“Who? What blonde?”
Cason and I stare blankly at Caden, wondering if he really is that hungover. “Seriously? You don’t remember the skinny blonde that was hanging all over you last night?”
Cason shakes his head as Caden seems to think about my question. “The damn girl you met on Facebook,” Cason explains.
“Oh right! Wow I must have drank way more than I thought. I really don’t know. The last thing I remember is you,” he says to me. “Putting me to bed. The rest is a fucking blur.”
“Fucking hell. This better not come back to bite us in the ass.” I don’t say anything as Cason scolds his twin. Sometimes it’s best to let them banter back and forth. Cason’s the only one Caden really listens to when it counts. I sit back on the bench as they continue to argue, and I can’t help but smile watching them.
Even with all their faults, there’s no one I’d rather have in my corner than these two dipshits. They make life interesting, and just knowing they care enough to do whatever they can to help me, it makes me damn proud to call them brothers.
Two. Fucking. Weeks.
I can’t stand it any longer. Two weeks of utter silence from Shelby is killing me, and I feel as if I’m going insane. I’ve tried to stick with the plan and be patient. I’ve tried to listen to Cason and Caden’s advice but dammit, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s not enough just getting brief details of when my brothers see or talk to her. I need more. I need to see her, talk to her, or just text her. I’d settle for watching her at her workplace, or seeing her in passing. Anything at this point would do. Maybe it’s the reassurance that things are going the way we hope is what I need. Mostly I just need to talk to her and try to explain shit didn’t go down like she thought. I feel the guilt eating away at me, knowing she thinks I fucked someone else after kissing her. I’d never do that, have never done that, and I most certainly won’t give up on my chance to make things right.
Which is why I’m sitting at my usual booth at the Waffle House with Caden and Cason. I need to see her, and I can’t stand the distance any longer. “Are you sure this is such a good idea, Carter?” Caden asks. I rub the back of my neck hoping this wasn’t a mistake. “I mean she hasn’t even noticed we’re here yet and the last time I talked to her, she wasn’t keen on the idea of talking let alone seeing you.”
He has a valid point, but I’m willing to risk it. “I have to see her. I can’t wait any longer.”
Caden shrugs as Cason says, “I have to agree with dipshit on this one. I don’t think she’s ready yet, Carter.”
I clench my jaw not liking how both my brothers are against me seeing her. I look at both of them, seeing a worried expression written all over their faces. They have every right to be concerned, but dammit if I care. “One day, y’all will understand why I’m doing what I am. She slipped away from me once, and there’s not a chance I’m going to let it happen again.” They don’t comment, and I’m glad for it. I need their support even if this turns out to be a shit move.
As if I can feel her presence, I look up and see her at a table not far from ours taking an order. I gaze at her willing her to glance my way. She quickly finishes taking the older couples order, and when she starts to move away from their table, she looks directly at me. She frowns then drops her head. I can tell she’s not happy to see me, and as she walks towards our booth, I see her hand clenching at her side. She doesn’t even look at me as she takes Caden and Cason’s order. I start to tell her what I’d like, but she doesn’t give me the chance. “I know what you want.”
I sigh and drop my head as she storms off. I shake my head when Caden says, “I told you so.”
“Could you not be an asshole right now?” I look up and tell Caden.
“I’m sorry, man. We told you she wasn’t ready.”
“I know, Caden.” Cason backhands him on the shoulder, and they glare at each other. I search for Shelby as they start with their twin bond. I rest my hands under my chin as I watch her behind the counter filling drink orders, and bringing customers their food. She seems fine on the outside, but I know she’s anything but that. She smiles and talks to her customers, but I can tell it’s fake. Her entire body seems tense, and I watch her clench her jaw more than once. I have to admit, she’s got the pretending part down, and I wonder how she managed to hone that skill so well. Before I fucked up years ago, Shelby wore her emotions on her sleeve. They were visible to anyone paying attention, but I always knew when something was bothering her, or if something was wrong. Like now. I can just sense it. It’s as if my soul is connected to hers, and whenever she needs me, even if she doesn’t see it, I just … know. I might not know how to fix this between us, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to make it right again. I can’t go another day knowing she thinks I fucked Bethany. I haven’t even talked to Bethany since she admitted her feelings. She’s tried a few times, but I don’t know what to say to her just yet. I don’t know if we can even be friends again after all she’s done. All her texts and calls go unanswered from me. At least until I can figure out what to do.
A few moments pass before Shelby comes back to our booth with our drinks. It guts me she won’t even look at me. When she turns to walk away from me again, I get up from the booth and grab her wrist. She turns as she jerks her arm away from me, but it’s the fear in her voice that makes me regret touching her. “Don’t fucking touch me!” She stumbles backward as she clutches her arms to her chest with tears in her eyes.
“Shel, I’m sorry.” She slowly backs away and the frightened look in her eyes is what makes me stay where I am. She turns away from me, and darts to the back of the restaurant. I run my hands down my face wondering if I should go after her, or give her some time alone. I stand for a few minutes before sitting back in the booth, and notice every single person in the Waffle House staring at me. I look around, and realize it’s too quiet. I clench my jaw knowing I fucked up, and now everyone will probably think the worst. I close my eyes for a second trying to get a hold of myself. I can feel the immense regret and guilt trying to take over, but fight like hell to make it stop.
“Well that certainly didn’t go as planned,” Caden says.
; I open my eyes, and glare at him. Cason just rolls his eyes, knowing now isn’t the time to speak. I don’t even bother to say anything back to Caden. He’s right, and I should’ve listened to them. But I didn’t, and now I have to live with that image of Shelby’s face burned in my mind forever. I start to feel sick to my stomach the more I think about it, and decide I need to get the fuck out of here. I give my brothers one final glance before I get up and walk out of the restaurant. I don’t bother looking back, and quickly get into my truck slamming the door shut behind me.
Before starting the engine and driving off, I bang my hands on the steering wheel as I scream out loud. I hold onto the wheel as tight as I can willing this immense sense of dread to go away. I don’t care if anyone can see me. Half the town saw how Shelby ran away from me as if I hurt her. I don’t understand why she reacted the way she had, and knowing I’m responsible guts me. I clench my jaw willing the pain in my heart to dissipate.
I have to get this regret and guilt out.
I have to get Shelby’s terrified look out of my mind.
But damn if I know how or where to start.
I need air.
I need to escape.
I can feel the walls of the restaurant closing in on me, and I heave in a breath as I run out the back door. The humid air hits me, but I welcome it. I suck in a much needed breath, feeling my lungs burn, and pull at the collar of my shirt trying to clear my airway. My heart races rapidly in my chest, and it feels almost as if it’s ready to burst. I lean my head back as the tears begin to roll down my cheeks, and bite my bottom lip trying to hold in the agonizing scream wanting to come out. I clutch my hands to my chest trying to keep myself together. It wasn’t seeing Carter sitting with his brothers at their usual booth, or the fact Carter tried to talk to me that sent me into an emotional frenzy. It was the flashback of the past. It was the familiar pressure of Carter’s hand on my wrist that did it for me.