by Amy Robyn
“I thought we were meeting in the lounge?” I ask him as I step back so that I can see him clearly.
“I got bored and a woman in there was not wanting to take no for an answer. I thought I would just come meet you rather than offending her.” I roll my eyes. Trevor is pretty compared to me. I am six foot and two inches tall. I weigh in at about two hundred and twenty five. I am built like I could knock down a building with my bare hands. I have brown hair that is military short. My eyes are hazel green and what some women have told me are bedroom eyes. Like I know what that means. I just know I am more handsome than pretty.
“Shocking.” I tell him. He could have any woman he wanted in high school yet he only wanted one. The woman we both love. He rolls his eyes back at me like he always does. He never liked the attention. I hope he has gotten more used to it. I doubt it stopped since I left. I look him over. He still looks the same only older. His black hair is combed back and his blue eyes are pale and large. His suit is tailored and that is the major difference.
His first year in college he discovered a way to make some extra money. He created an app for android and apple phones, for gamblers. He made sure it was legal and launched it last year. It made two point five million in one year. They project that it will triple that this year. Trevor switched his major to computer engineering and is currently working on another app.
This is on top of what his parents left him. His father killed his mother and then turned the gun on himself, last year. They were selfish even in the way they took their last breaths. Trevor will never have to worry about money. I am comfortable but I am no rich man. I am happy with what I have. The only thing missing from both of our lives is the wife and kids. I am hoping to change that.
“What did you want to talk about?” I ask as though I do not already know. I start walking and he stays by my side. He sighs and I look over at him.
“You know what I want to talk about.” He shrugs his shoulders before continuing.
“I want Sammy and I want your friendship. We need to decide how we are going to handle this.” I can tell that he is nervous about talking about this.
“I want Sammy too. That never changed and will never change.” I let him know where I stand.
“So we have two options. The first is unpalatable to me. We see who she wants and the other walks away or we learn to share.” He says and then swallows hard. I do the same. I will admit that I have fantasized about watching them together but that doesn’t mean that I will be able to handle it when it happens in front of me.
“I will try to share her with you if she agrees. I do not know how I will react seeing you touching her but I will try to remain calm and keep an open mind.” I tell him. He sighs with relief. He must have been worried about my response. I clap him on the back.
“We will work this out. I promise. I can’t lose either of you.” I tell him honestly.
“Yes me too.” He tells me honestly. I walk with him toward the luggage carrousel even though I do not have anything but my carry on.
“Do you have luggage?” He asks me. I shake my head.
“No, army issue.” I point at my bag.
“I only have one.” He points to the far left corner where the carrousel has already stopped and only a few items remain on it. I walk with him over to it. He lifts the largest of the suitcases out and pulls up the handle to roll it behind him. It is awfully effeminate to me but again this is Trevor and he has always been a bit metro sexual. He dresses nice and likes to keep up with fads where I never gave a damn.
“I rented a vehicle that way we don’t have to rely on cab service.” He tells me as he leads me over to one of the car rental companies. We may be in the city now but in an hour of driving will be in the middle of nowhere and taxi services are very expensive. We lived in a small town called, Rutherford, in the western slopes of Colorado. I love that town. I even loved it when my father was drunk and hitting me because it brought me the two people I love most in the world.
He signs papers and it only takes a moment before they hand him keys and we are walking out into the crisp Colorado air. I heard that we will be getting a foot of snow in the night tonight. I have missed snow. I have missed our stream and the seclusion the small town offered. Rutherford only has a population of seventy eight. Trevor and I graduated with only two other people. Two girls who of course wanted Trevor. Sammy’s class was six.
We climb into a silver SUV that I am sure has four wheel drive. A much needed necessity when traveling into the mountains as we will be. The traffic of Denver should be behind us in no time. We are beating rush hour traffic thankfully. If not then we would be adding another hour on to our travel time. As it is we should be pulling up at Grandma’s house at a little after six. I wonder if Sammy will be there.
“So, how is college life treating you?” I ask Trevor as we speed down I70 heading west.
“I graduated last week.” That stuns me. I had no idea he could graduate so soon.
“Seriously? In only two and a half years?” I ask in amazement. He shrugs his shoulders.
“It was a good distraction. I took all the classes I could to keep me busy. I didn’t want to socialize and I wanted to get it done.” He acts like it is no big deal. To him it probably isn’t. He has more money now than he probably knows what to do with. I am sure he knows exactly what he is doing. He always mapped out everything he wanted to do and planned on how to get there.
“How are things going in the Army?” He asks me. I look over at him.
“I have a decision to make by the end of the holiday on whether or not to reenlist.” It depends on how things go with a certain red head. He darts a glance at me.
“I think that is a good plan.” He knows exactly why I didn’t make that decision yet.
“I am hoping that you will stick around anyway. I don’t plan on giving up easily. I own the house that I grew up in, now that my parents are gone. I plan to move in there and continue to pursue her if things don’t go the way I hope they will.” Always the planner. I am more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. I try not to plan too much so that I’m not disappointed.
“Let’s see how it goes.” I shrug and he starts laughing.
“I knew you would say that.” We have known each other long enough to be a bit predictable. If only I could predict what Sammy will do. I wonder if she ever felt what we did for her. Knowing my luck we will show up there and she will have a boyfriend. I can see myself staying with Trevor and fighting for her. I can’t go on the way I had been. I need to be with her. I know already that I can’t move on.
“Did you try dating?” I ask Trevor. He shakes his head.
“No. It wouldn’t have been fair to lead a woman on when I know there is only one for me.” He says and glances over at me.
“Did you?” He makes it sound like I was a dick to even try. Was I?
“Yes. It never went past the first date. None could compare.” He nods his head but doesn’t say anything. I would have been better off not even trying. It was a big waste of time. The guys in my unit were starting to think I was gay and I gave in to a couple of double dates. It did nothing to discourage their beliefs though when I turned the women down when they would throw themselves at me. I know it sounds a little crazy but I can’t imagine losing my virginity to anyone but her.
“We are probably the oldest virgins alive.” I tell him only half joking.
“Probably.” He laughs. I hope like hell Sammy is a virgin too. I am not sure I can handle her giving what belongs to me to someone else. To us. Shit I said to me. It has to be us. I have to get used to that or lose them both and I can’t do that.
“I was thinking that we should stay at my house so that she doesn’t have to make up beds for us or anything.” He says as he takes the highway that leads out to our old stomping grounds. It twist and turns as it climbs in elevation.
“That’s probably best.” I tell him honestly. It is for the best. Who knows what kind of reception we w
ill get from Sammy. I know Grandma will want us to stay but I refuse to be a burden to her. She needs help and that is why we are all here now. I only hope she will let us. She can be a very stubborn woman. It is something that Sammy got from her and one of the many things I love about her. I hope she never loses that fire inside of her.
I look over at Trevor and know that we will both make sure that Sammy and Grandma have all they will ever need, that includes a shoulder to lean on. I also want to make sure this is the most kick ass Christmas that either have ever seen. If it is to be the last Grandma sees then it should be memorable.
We turn off on the dirt road that leads into the back of our properties. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize how much time had passed. My stomach bottoms out as Trevor parks by Grandma’s old Chrysler she still has. It is amazing the thing hasn’t broken down yet. She used to cart us all over the place in that thing as children. Some of my fondest memories took place in that car.
I remember the first time I ate out at a restaurant and the first movie I ever saw. Grandma drove us and picked us up. I remember wanting to hold Sammy’s hand so badly during the movie. I wonder if Trevor felt the same way, even then. I no longer remember a time I didn’t love her. I will always love her. I look over at Trevor again. We will always love her.
He stops the car and sits there for a moment staring out the window. I know that this is just as scary for him as it is for me. The next few days could very well determine our future. I want so much to be able to fast forward and see how it turns out but life doesn’t work that way. I take a deep breath and open my door. Trevor follows suite and we walk around to the front door. I knock before I chicken out.
The door is pulled open and there is Grandma. The woman who was always kind to me. The woman who was more family to me than my own ever was. She looks the same only older and with dark circles around her eyes, giving her illness away. She pulls me into her arms and I feel like I am home. I feel as though my very own Grandma is welcoming me into my family home.
She pulls back and holds me at arm’s length as she stares at me as though she can see right through me. For all I know she can. She always seemed to know when something was bothering me. She would sit me down and have me tell her everything that is going on, even when talking about things was the last thing I wanted to be doing. She could always get me talking.
“It’s good to have you home.” She says and smiles up at me warmly. I can practically feel the warmth of her smile. It’s like drinking hot coco and eating warm cookies straight from the oven, which of course I only experienced here.
She turns to Trevor and gives him the same treatment. When she pulls back, I see tears in Trevor’s eyes. He was always easy at sharing his emotions. I wasn’t as easy to read. I never had anyone who taught me how to. I was ignored most of the time and when I wasn’t, I was wishing I was. Trevor was raised similar only he had a nanny that cared for him in his youth that was nurturing. Unfortunately she was caught sleeping with his father and fired by his mother.
“There, there sweet boy. You’re home now.” She pats his back and steps aside so that we can step inside her living room. It is just as it was last time we were here. The same day I kissed Sammy for the first time.
We had all been sitting around the table talking about our day. We had only started coming back over for a few months, when we had decided we couldn’t stay away any longer. I had never been happier than when I was sitting at that table, well maybe when I had Sammy in my arms. The table is definitely a close second though.
We had finished our meal and I asked Sammy to walk with me down to the stream. Trevor stayed behind to talk to Grandma. She was worried about him because we could all hear the yelling coming from his house the night before. I took her hand to help her over a fallen tree and couldn’t seem to let it go. It was as though it belonged there, like another appendage. I couldn’t lose the contact any more than I could cut off a hand.
We stopped by the stream and she looked up at me through her lashes. The wind blew and she shivered. I pulled my jacket off and put it over her shoulders. I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers down her cheek. Her skin looked so soft and felt even better. Her lips had parted and all I could think about was pressing my lips against hers. I had not planned on kissing her but when she raised up on her toes, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. She gasped when I licked her lips to get more of her flavor and my tongue slid inside.
I had never been a religious man, nor had I ever experienced anything to make me think there was a higher power, but I swear I found divinity in her mouth that evening. I couldn’t stop kissing her. I have no idea how long we stayed like that, devouring each other’s mouths. It could have been minutes or hours. All I know is that I wanted more. More of her mouth and more of her body pressed against my throbbing hardness.
The sound of a twig breaking is what finally had me pulling away from her though I still couldn’t look away from her. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen and damp. I had never seen anything more beautiful. She licked her lips to get another taste of me and I nearly succumbed to the temptation but something about the quietness of the evening made me flinch. Trevor should have already been here. What am I going to tell him? I remember thinking.
I will admit it now that I was a chicken. I didn’t know that Trevor had seen us at the time and asked Sammy to meet me there the next day. I planned on telling Sammy first thing in the morning. I never dreamed that I would find him in a similar embrace. I wish I could go back to that day and handle things differently. My father had taught me to use my fists but obviously not my brain. It is one of the reasons I joined the military. I needed to learn discipline. I never would have hurt my best friend, as I had then.
We sit down and the couch with Grandma. We catch up on what is new with us. I look around hoping to see Sammy but am sadly disappointed. Grandma sees the look on my face and pats my arm.
“Sammy is working at the school right now. She will be home shortly.” Grandma tells me with a wink. Sammy graduated from high school a half a year ago but has put college on hold because of Grandma being sick. This is her last remaining family member and I am sure she has to be taking all of this particularly hard. I wish I could wrap her in cotton and take away any suffering she might have. She has already been through so much. When you love someone so completely, it is all consuming and you only want their happiness.
Chapter 5. Sammy
I have never been more frustrated in my life. The kid I am tutoring, so he can graduate this year, keeps hitting on me. I wish I could tell him to shove it but I need the money right now. Grandma’s treatments are dwindling away what savings her and I both had. I worked hard to save money from part time jobs I have had since my sophomore year. I hate spending it, though I know that it is going to the one person who means anything to me, well since I lost my best friends anyway. I miss them every day but I still have Grandma.
Grandma doesn’t tell me, but I know she has stayed in touch with them. I can’t let myself think about them often because my heart still hurts. I wish things had been different. I love them both and I know that I would have been asked to choose between them. There is no way I could choose one over the other. They are both wonderful men. They both kissed me and set my body on fire with their own brand of intensity.
With Step it was as though he was stamping me as his. His possession was in every brush of his lips, in his firmness and disciplined way. I wanted to do whatever he asked me to do to earn his approval and love. I felt his love in that kiss, do not get me wrong but it was more than that. It was pure unadulterated ownership that he wanted from me. I had already belonged to him. To them.
With Trevor, it was a passionate kiss. He kissed me with so much love and desire. He kissed as though he could consume me. I wanted to be consumed. He made me feel sexy and desirable. His every touch and taste was designed to ignite a fire that would burn for years and still want more. His lips were soft and guidi
ng instead of possessive but equally enticing.
I shake my head to get myself back to the present. I pack up my belongings as the kid in front of me continues to talk about himself. He thinks that he has my attention when I am really remembering how it felt to be kissed by the only two guys I will ever love. I love them. I have since the day we met and they gave me comfort in my time of need. They showed me repeatedly that you didn’t have to share blood to love so deeply, so profoundly.
I know now that it is a very different kind of love. It is a love that makes a thousand butterflies take flight from one thought of them. It is the kind of love that every woman dreams of finding and very few will ever know.
“So, will you?” He asks, pulling me from my thoughts. He must not have noticed that I was no longer listening to him.
“Will what?” I ask as I pull my bag over my shoulder so that I can leave.
“Come out with me tonight.” He gives a cocky smirk as though I would fall at his feet for a chance at a date. That may be the case for the girls in his grade. Me, I would rather swallow razor blades soaking in a glass of lemon juice.
“No, thank you.” I say and watch as the smile slowly slides from his face. He is good looking guy. He is the star athlete for our football team but to me he is just a bratty, spoiled boy who expects girls to fall at his feet. I am not like other girls. I have only ever had eyes for the two guys who showed me more love and compassion than I would have ever known in a lifetime without having met them.
“Whatever, I was doing it for charity anyway. Everyone knows you’re a stuck up prude, who doesn’t date. Hell, you’re probably still a virgin.” He sneers and then walks away. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. He is just saving face but what he says is true. I do not date and I am still a virgin. Maybe it is time to start dating. I may never have the men I want but I can at least find a companion.